Google-ing
I hate verbing. I do it, I understand it – I’ve watched Joss Wheadon shows, I feel verbing. I still don’t like it. I don’t care for made up words.
You would think with our great huge brains and every language on the planet at our fingertips, we invent “google-ing. Not only is it lazy its giving free advertising to a business.
I mean, I “get” Kleenex becoming a term for just about all tissue that we don’t flush. I “get” Coke as all carbonated beverage. Fine.
But who invented this word? What brain trust came up with this? I don’t remember Yahooing a person or thing. I just typed in Blah Blah and I got 23,457,896 hits that had Blah, Blah. I didn’t Yahoo it.
Whatever.
Anyway back to Googling. Ack. I wanted to not work this morning and I tried to look up this sing songy thing we used to sing to each other on the playground. I think it involved rhythmic clapping. I knew two versions.
One was Playmate and the other was Enemy. I looked these up online and the words were about the same. How did that happen? We didn’t google stuff, we knew stuff. We all knew the same stuff. We didn’t have the Internet. We did have computers, I got my picture in the paper in local paper playing Hang Man on the new fangled computer machine we had in our classroom. That machine probably didn’t have the power my solar calculator has.
But. How did we know all these rhymes, we all sang the same little songs. My school had one we used to lock games so I looked it up, and much to my shock; other people used it too! the hell? What is this “We made the world a smaller, closer place” bull shite that the Internet babbles on about? Oddly, we had universal knowledge before we all went online. My version was a little different then the version I found online, but it was close. We, being mean children referenced beating people who wanted to join our locked game with our shoes while the other one only talked about taking the persons shoe for a period of time. Wussy children.
Play, Play my Playmate, Say, Say my Enemy, Tick Tock The Game Is Locked… Dayum.
What else?
Dogger got into some hydrogen peroxide. I called the emergency number for my vet and they assured me that a dog has huge as Dogger is, should have no problem with the little bit that she got. It scared me though. Little known fact, hydrogen peroxide can be used, in small amounts, under controlled circumstances, with supervison from a doctor - to make your dog throw up if your dog needs to throw up. Dogger did not throw up, but it was an option. My carpet, however threw up all over. Yuck. That cheap Wal-Mart stuff doesn’t hold up like that cheap IKEA stuff.
I just woke Dogger up again (italics hers). She usually naps around this time, but this time she sipped on some poison and napping looks less nappy and more deady. I always look for the silver lining to fall on my head.
I have also noticed that my links are gone. They left with out telling me where they went. Tech support has been notified. Sigh.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Pozzanghera has never been in my backyard.
According to that pussy (willow) Pozzanghera the following Wetland Tree and Shrub Species very important for wildlife food.
Tag Alder, downey service berry, hickory, hackberry, sugar berry, button bush, Atlantic white cedar, hawthorn, persimmon, Carolina ash, green ash, deciduous holly, myrtle holly, American holly, swamp tupelo, black gum, long leaf pine, pond pine, oak, weeping willow, black willow, arrow wood, nannyberry.
It’s actually not as bad as it sounds. I think the gigantic tree is an Oak, I have a Crape Myrtle which sounds like a cousin to the myrtle holly and the drug dealers shade my yard with their hateful, drippy, hackberry. I kill cedar on sight.
I looked and looked for what constitutes “wildlife” and was shocked how wild my backyard is.
Bugs gone wild
Dragonflies. I have dragonflies. I have seen them. They count. Damselflies, again, I have actually seen these. Score. May Flies, ditto, stone flies? Not so much. A Dobsonfly, according to the literature, these bite. No. Not in my backyard. Crane flies, yup. Waterbugs. Lets just say, not yet.
Then we move on to beetles. I saw one beetle. Big guy. So big, he was in the front yard and the back yard simultaneously. It scared the Dog.
We move on the crawfish. No Joy. Sadly. I know! I’ll go buy some for the cause. They can live in a nice pot in the kitchen. In nice warm water. Then, um, after, I’ll pitch the left overs in the back yard and say something killed my little crawfish babies and I think I should be a super fund site.
Scuds are more then just a weapon. Scuds are also a type of wetland creature, specifically crusaceum of the amphipod group. We move on to snails. There are snails slugs no leeches though. I draw the line at leeches.
Fish are a major player in the wetlands game. Too bad. No fish for me.
After the fish family, we have snakes. The less I know about whether or not I have snakes, the better. Yuck. Lets move on.
Turtles. I like turtles. I think turtles would do well here. I saw a huge turtle out in the world, going to the mall. It was dead but it wanted to go the mall. I feel the turtle going to the mall. I think I would make an excellent turtle mummy.
Frogs. I have no issues with frogs. Frogs are nice.
Okay. So far no leeches, no Dobsonflies, no cedar, no fish – what if I put a couple of feeder fish in Doggers bowl. Hmmm.
More fancy Wetlands Knowledge.
A Wetland has:
surface water - water above the surface of the ground that is in channels, diffuse flow or standing. Not necessarily permanent
temporarily flooded - surface water that is present during brief periods during the growing season, but the water table lies well under the soil surface for most of the season.
travel corridor - an area that is used by wildlife to move from one place of suitable habitat to another! God bless Daisy and her huge feet!
Water supplies – sources of water supply for drinking, culinary or food processing purposes as designative by Environmental Management Commission. I have a water faucet out there!
wrack lines debris such as sticks and leaves that get washed into small piles or lines as a result of surface flow or scour. Oh. My. God.
scub shrub - A wetlands class dominated by woody vegetation less then 20 feet tall. Gawd, this is like, all about my yard!
seasonal flooding - I’m feeling damp now!
snag - a standing dead tree with a DBH (the hell? ) of at least 10 inches. Daisy has killed everything out there smaller then she is.
Okay. It’s settled. I want my grant money, my gift shop and my Park Ranger.
What else makes a muddy mess into a prospective wetland? A threatened newt? , night fishin’ rednecks? , those rednecks using that threatened newt for fishing?
According to that pussy (willow) Pozzanghera the following Wetland Tree and Shrub Species very important for wildlife food.
Tag Alder, downey service berry, hickory, hackberry, sugar berry, button bush, Atlantic white cedar, hawthorn, persimmon, Carolina ash, green ash, deciduous holly, myrtle holly, American holly, swamp tupelo, black gum, long leaf pine, pond pine, oak, weeping willow, black willow, arrow wood, nannyberry.
It’s actually not as bad as it sounds. I think the gigantic tree is an Oak, I have a Crape Myrtle which sounds like a cousin to the myrtle holly and the drug dealers shade my yard with their hateful, drippy, hackberry. I kill cedar on sight.
I looked and looked for what constitutes “wildlife” and was shocked how wild my backyard is.
Bugs gone wild
Dragonflies. I have dragonflies. I have seen them. They count. Damselflies, again, I have actually seen these. Score. May Flies, ditto, stone flies? Not so much. A Dobsonfly, according to the literature, these bite. No. Not in my backyard. Crane flies, yup. Waterbugs. Lets just say, not yet.
Then we move on to beetles. I saw one beetle. Big guy. So big, he was in the front yard and the back yard simultaneously. It scared the Dog.
We move on the crawfish. No Joy. Sadly. I know! I’ll go buy some for the cause. They can live in a nice pot in the kitchen. In nice warm water. Then, um, after, I’ll pitch the left overs in the back yard and say something killed my little crawfish babies and I think I should be a super fund site.
Scuds are more then just a weapon. Scuds are also a type of wetland creature, specifically crusaceum of the amphipod group. We move on to snails. There are snails slugs no leeches though. I draw the line at leeches.
Fish are a major player in the wetlands game. Too bad. No fish for me.
After the fish family, we have snakes. The less I know about whether or not I have snakes, the better. Yuck. Lets move on.
Turtles. I like turtles. I think turtles would do well here. I saw a huge turtle out in the world, going to the mall. It was dead but it wanted to go the mall. I feel the turtle going to the mall. I think I would make an excellent turtle mummy.
Frogs. I have no issues with frogs. Frogs are nice.
Okay. So far no leeches, no Dobsonflies, no cedar, no fish – what if I put a couple of feeder fish in Doggers bowl. Hmmm.
More fancy Wetlands Knowledge.
A Wetland has:
surface water - water above the surface of the ground that is in channels, diffuse flow or standing. Not necessarily permanent
temporarily flooded - surface water that is present during brief periods during the growing season, but the water table lies well under the soil surface for most of the season.
travel corridor - an area that is used by wildlife to move from one place of suitable habitat to another! God bless Daisy and her huge feet!
Water supplies – sources of water supply for drinking, culinary or food processing purposes as designative by Environmental Management Commission. I have a water faucet out there!
wrack lines debris such as sticks and leaves that get washed into small piles or lines as a result of surface flow or scour. Oh. My. God.
scub shrub - A wetlands class dominated by woody vegetation less then 20 feet tall. Gawd, this is like, all about my yard!
seasonal flooding - I’m feeling damp now!
snag - a standing dead tree with a DBH (the hell? ) of at least 10 inches. Daisy has killed everything out there smaller then she is.
Okay. It’s settled. I want my grant money, my gift shop and my Park Ranger.
What else makes a muddy mess into a prospective wetland? A threatened newt? , night fishin’ rednecks? , those rednecks using that threatened newt for fishing?
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Wetworks
I went into my backyard. It’s been awhile. I avoid it. It’s not pretty. It has a flowering tree and some iris plants that grudgingly bloom. But it’s not pretty. I haven’t mowed back there since I broke the lawn mower so now it’s both muddy and over grown. Not Pretty. Very Natural.
So. I went back there. I got a dollar store spa mud treatment and I wasn’t past the gate. I also got West Nile Virus.
It’s wet. All the Time. And not in a good “its good for the grass” way either. It’s just gross.
But I had a plan.
WETLAND RATING WORKSHEET
Wetland Location
On pond or lake _____
On perennial stream____
On Intermittent stream_____
With Interstream divide_____
Other __________________
Hmm. On pond or lake? No can’t say that. I have pretty good drainage and this isn’t about the basement. Although, I may have to go with the flooded basement as pond and the back yard does lay ajasant to the basement. It’s an idea worth keeping in mind.
Perennial Stream Well. The water does stream down the basement steps perennially and been raining for freakin’ months, so yes there is a perennial stream. Damn it. And, with the A/C running all the damn time, I have all kinds of streams in the yard. Check.
Intermittent Stream - Aha! During a good rain, and it has to be a good rain (as opposed to a bad rain, we have streamage! Wetlands aren’t always wet; they are really Damplands most of the time anyway. So yeah. And, when I think about, Dogger leaves little streams there as well. So. Check.
Soil Series
Predominantly organic (humus, muck or peat) ________
Predominantly mineral ( non-sandy)______
Predominantly sandy________________
I don’t know what humus is. I thought it was a kind of food. Not a kind of food I eat, but I thought it was a food item. Live and learn.
Muck. I know from Muck! Check, check, check!
Peat. No. If I had peat I would burn it in the winter and save money. No peat for me. Damn it.
Sand, sandiness no. No sand. I did have a lot of sand left in my shoes after vacation but I think most of it ended up in my bed. Because I love grit.
Hydraulic Factors
Steep topography __________
Ditched or Channeled_________
Total riparian wetland width >100 feet ______
Okay. The hell? Riparian? Again I think I could use the stairs for the steepness factor. I have been advised to make a channel to help with the A/C water feature I have going on. But I haven’t yet. It’s been raining for weeks. I’m going to have to go with door number three, Total Riparian Wetland. I don’t know what it is and I bet that they don’t either. It’s not even a real word.
Adjacent land use (with in one half mile upstream, upslope or radius)
Forested, natural vegetation________
Agriculture, urban/suburban________
Impervious surface______________
I have the one tree. My neighbor in back of me has a Huge Tree. Gigantic. It’s not mine but someday it’s going to fall on my house. So, yes forested. The nice neighbors grow vegetables, so agriculture use and I have weeds and it’s urban. I’m seeing all kinds of positives. Impervious surface! I could just pave the son of a bitch and still score Wetlands! The hell?
Dominant Vegetation
1._____________
2.______________
3.______________
Patchy Grass. Seedlings, dead limbs from Gigantic Tree. Maybe some fungus. Ivy! There is Ivy. I don’t think it’s poisonous. Dog did get a rash, but. Hmm, are there any protected, endangered poison ivy?
Flooding and Wetness
Semi-Permanently to permanently flooded? _______
Seasonally flooded or inundated?______________
Intermittently flooded or temporary surface water?_______
No Evidence of flooding or surface water?_____________
Give me a freaking break.
Tomorrow – things that according to the State of North Carolina, live in real live grant producing wetlands v. things that live in my sodden back yard. If I put poison out for it, does that make it endangered?
Watching – The Ref
Watched – the Denis Leary Roast
Loving – Denis Leary.
I went into my backyard. It’s been awhile. I avoid it. It’s not pretty. It has a flowering tree and some iris plants that grudgingly bloom. But it’s not pretty. I haven’t mowed back there since I broke the lawn mower so now it’s both muddy and over grown. Not Pretty. Very Natural.
So. I went back there. I got a dollar store spa mud treatment and I wasn’t past the gate. I also got West Nile Virus.
It’s wet. All the Time. And not in a good “its good for the grass” way either. It’s just gross.
But I had a plan.
WETLAND RATING WORKSHEET
Wetland Location
On pond or lake _____
On perennial stream____
On Intermittent stream_____
With Interstream divide_____
Other __________________
Hmm. On pond or lake? No can’t say that. I have pretty good drainage and this isn’t about the basement. Although, I may have to go with the flooded basement as pond and the back yard does lay ajasant to the basement. It’s an idea worth keeping in mind.
Perennial Stream Well. The water does stream down the basement steps perennially and been raining for freakin’ months, so yes there is a perennial stream. Damn it. And, with the A/C running all the damn time, I have all kinds of streams in the yard. Check.
Intermittent Stream - Aha! During a good rain, and it has to be a good rain (as opposed to a bad rain, we have streamage! Wetlands aren’t always wet; they are really Damplands most of the time anyway. So yeah. And, when I think about, Dogger leaves little streams there as well. So. Check.
Soil Series
Predominantly organic (humus, muck or peat) ________
Predominantly mineral ( non-sandy)______
Predominantly sandy________________
I don’t know what humus is. I thought it was a kind of food. Not a kind of food I eat, but I thought it was a food item. Live and learn.
Muck. I know from Muck! Check, check, check!
Peat. No. If I had peat I would burn it in the winter and save money. No peat for me. Damn it.
Sand, sandiness no. No sand. I did have a lot of sand left in my shoes after vacation but I think most of it ended up in my bed. Because I love grit.
Hydraulic Factors
Steep topography __________
Ditched or Channeled_________
Total riparian wetland width >100 feet ______
Okay. The hell? Riparian? Again I think I could use the stairs for the steepness factor. I have been advised to make a channel to help with the A/C water feature I have going on. But I haven’t yet. It’s been raining for weeks. I’m going to have to go with door number three, Total Riparian Wetland. I don’t know what it is and I bet that they don’t either. It’s not even a real word.
Adjacent land use (with in one half mile upstream, upslope or radius)
Forested, natural vegetation________
Agriculture, urban/suburban________
Impervious surface______________
I have the one tree. My neighbor in back of me has a Huge Tree. Gigantic. It’s not mine but someday it’s going to fall on my house. So, yes forested. The nice neighbors grow vegetables, so agriculture use and I have weeds and it’s urban. I’m seeing all kinds of positives. Impervious surface! I could just pave the son of a bitch and still score Wetlands! The hell?
Dominant Vegetation
1._____________
2.______________
3.______________
Patchy Grass. Seedlings, dead limbs from Gigantic Tree. Maybe some fungus. Ivy! There is Ivy. I don’t think it’s poisonous. Dog did get a rash, but. Hmm, are there any protected, endangered poison ivy?
Flooding and Wetness
Semi-Permanently to permanently flooded? _______
Seasonally flooded or inundated?______________
Intermittently flooded or temporary surface water?_______
No Evidence of flooding or surface water?_____________
Give me a freaking break.
Tomorrow – things that according to the State of North Carolina, live in real live grant producing wetlands v. things that live in my sodden back yard. If I put poison out for it, does that make it endangered?
Watching – The Ref
Watched – the Denis Leary Roast
Loving – Denis Leary.
Monday, August 11, 2003
Stuffing
Dear Feeder,
No!getawayfromthat eats my toys. No!getawayfromthat smells funny and leaves its fur on my things. No!getawayfromthat leaves dirt wherever it goes and No!getawayfromthat has tried to touch me. I think you know by know how I feel about No!getawayfromthat. You took No!getawayfromthat with you when you left me and then you came back with out No!getawayfromthat and then No!getawayfromthat came back. No!getawayfromthat smelled like not here. I remember not here. I liked not here and you took No!getawayfromthat to not here. No!getawayfromthat makes too much noise. No!getawayfromthat makes the house smell. No!getawayfromthat has used the floor like a litter box.. I do not use the floor. I have standards. I love you.
Sincerely,
Tex
P.S. – No!getawayfromthat chews on your putthatdownnow! and then hides them it was No!getawayfromthat not me who put your Thatisnotyours! behind the nonogetdownoffoff.
Dear Superduperbestpersonever,
The Not Dog was mean to me. The Not Dog has made scary sounds and moved in an unnaturally fast, way too quite way. I was sad. Not Dog can do things that are not Doggy at all. Not Dog can fly. Not Dog can make itself bigger and with more fur. I don’t know where Not Dog gets biggerness or the extra fur. Not Dog is a very sneaky Not Dog. Not Dog makes me sad. When I get sad I want to be close to you. You are not always here. Your Putthatdownnow! are always here. I am not hurting the Putthatdownnow, they smell like being close to you. And I want to be close to you. I love you. The Not Dog says it Loves you. Not Dog lies.
P.S. – Not Dog put the No!thatisnotyours behind the No!Nogetdownoffoff, not me. I love you.
Whatever. You know? Somebody chewed up my electric bill. Someone left material in my basement. If Somebody and Someone weren’t so damn cute – I would live alone.
You may ask yourself? I wonder what the weather is like in The Dianaverse? It’s raining. It’s raining. Pick any day and I would bet that it was raining, had rained or was just about to rain. I think my kitchen floor was a whitish shade . Now its s grayish,redishy dirt color. Dog had white socks. Dog now plays for the Red Socks. She is filthy. If I don’t put her outside she goes bananas and makes me crazy. She ends up in her box for her own protection. If I let her go outside she gets filthy and ends up in the box for my houses protection. Poor dirty baby.
Since having both dog and kitty I have noticed something. If I have to tell the dog to stop doing somehting, dog will usually at least look up before going back to whatever it is she's destroying , then if I persist in wanting her to stop, she runs with the thing and wants to play chase. I will eventully, get it back. Kitty will not stop whatever he's doing. No amount of starteling, shouting or rubber coasters pitched in his direction will stop him from his project. Kitty doesn't play chase and once he's had something, I don't get it back.
God wanted me to go to church earlier yesturday. I went later and got caught in a downpour. The pockets of my Rain Coat were full of water. I stood so I would have to sit in my soaking jeans for an hour. Much Joy.
I just finished watching High Fidelity. I didn’t remember it being a 90-minute John Cusack monologue, but it kind of was. And why does he want to work with Lily Taylor from I Shot Andy Warhol I mean she’s okay, but I want more warning that she’s going to pop up. She bugs. She bugged me in Say Anything too. I do not need to be bugged when I’m trying to watch John Cusack be all John Cusack-y! She gets in the way of the greater Cusackness and that’s just wrong.
Anyway. It’s raining. Again.
Dear Feeder,
No!getawayfromthat eats my toys. No!getawayfromthat smells funny and leaves its fur on my things. No!getawayfromthat leaves dirt wherever it goes and No!getawayfromthat has tried to touch me. I think you know by know how I feel about No!getawayfromthat. You took No!getawayfromthat with you when you left me and then you came back with out No!getawayfromthat and then No!getawayfromthat came back. No!getawayfromthat smelled like not here. I remember not here. I liked not here and you took No!getawayfromthat to not here. No!getawayfromthat makes too much noise. No!getawayfromthat makes the house smell. No!getawayfromthat has used the floor like a litter box.. I do not use the floor. I have standards. I love you.
Sincerely,
Tex
P.S. – No!getawayfromthat chews on your putthatdownnow! and then hides them it was No!getawayfromthat not me who put your Thatisnotyours! behind the nonogetdownoffoff.
Dear Superduperbestpersonever,
The Not Dog was mean to me. The Not Dog has made scary sounds and moved in an unnaturally fast, way too quite way. I was sad. Not Dog can do things that are not Doggy at all. Not Dog can fly. Not Dog can make itself bigger and with more fur. I don’t know where Not Dog gets biggerness or the extra fur. Not Dog is a very sneaky Not Dog. Not Dog makes me sad. When I get sad I want to be close to you. You are not always here. Your Putthatdownnow! are always here. I am not hurting the Putthatdownnow, they smell like being close to you. And I want to be close to you. I love you. The Not Dog says it Loves you. Not Dog lies.
P.S. – Not Dog put the No!thatisnotyours behind the No!Nogetdownoffoff, not me. I love you.
Whatever. You know? Somebody chewed up my electric bill. Someone left material in my basement. If Somebody and Someone weren’t so damn cute – I would live alone.
You may ask yourself? I wonder what the weather is like in The Dianaverse? It’s raining. It’s raining. Pick any day and I would bet that it was raining, had rained or was just about to rain. I think my kitchen floor was a whitish shade . Now its s grayish,redishy dirt color. Dog had white socks. Dog now plays for the Red Socks. She is filthy. If I don’t put her outside she goes bananas and makes me crazy. She ends up in her box for her own protection. If I let her go outside she gets filthy and ends up in the box for my houses protection. Poor dirty baby.
Since having both dog and kitty I have noticed something. If I have to tell the dog to stop doing somehting, dog will usually at least look up before going back to whatever it is she's destroying , then if I persist in wanting her to stop, she runs with the thing and wants to play chase. I will eventully, get it back. Kitty will not stop whatever he's doing. No amount of starteling, shouting or rubber coasters pitched in his direction will stop him from his project. Kitty doesn't play chase and once he's had something, I don't get it back.
God wanted me to go to church earlier yesturday. I went later and got caught in a downpour. The pockets of my Rain Coat were full of water. I stood so I would have to sit in my soaking jeans for an hour. Much Joy.
I just finished watching High Fidelity. I didn’t remember it being a 90-minute John Cusack monologue, but it kind of was. And why does he want to work with Lily Taylor from I Shot Andy Warhol I mean she’s okay, but I want more warning that she’s going to pop up. She bugs. She bugged me in Say Anything too. I do not need to be bugged when I’m trying to watch John Cusack be all John Cusack-y! She gets in the way of the greater Cusackness and that’s just wrong.
Anyway. It’s raining. Again.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Saturday, August 9, 2003
Friday, August 8, 2003
Male Hygiene Products
I was surfing around yesterday on Fark.com (see link at right) and saw a story about one of the many penile enlargement or Dick Stretchers that the spammers are so wild about.
The site was hacked or other wise left with the doors wide open and the names of the customers were left lying around; not only names but job titles and locations. And there were a lot of them - 6000 of them!
And these 6000 pinky dicked guys ordered two bottles of this miracle Penis Projector at a cost of $50 a bottle. I could see a handful of Bachelor Party gag gifts or a couple of kids with daddies credit card, but 6000 people?
We are all good on the ain't no way to make Little Johnny into Big John by taking pills? Thing right? Right? The only way to make it bigger is to put it to work. 6000 people? I could market a fake product and make money too.
"Don't get fooled by imitation penile enlargement pills! They don't work and pills are girly anyway! After we cash your (your non refundable) $19.99 (+ $250.00s&h) you will receive (in 12-16 weeks) your very own Dick Stretcher™ free weights and the scientifically balanced stretch cable and Shlong Longer™ you can get start your metamorphous into the Stud you have always wanted to be!
Getting Started!
The Shlong Longer ™ weights may cause some discomfort initially, but it’s a guy thing, shake it off! When you are using your Johnson to rake the yard that will make any minor discomfort fade from your memory! The extra passenger in your shorts will sure to get you the right kind of attention all by itself, some men carry around the weight just for the chick magnet side affect, even if they don't need the extra inches!
The secret of the Shlong Longer is our patented lengthing process. A tiny surgical steel tip can be easly placed in the tip of your not long enough shlong organ. This is where you separate yourself from the boys with short johnsons and the Men with Dick Stretcher ™ longer shlongs. (if you want to the long, flowing Dick of you and your lady's dreams, you'll suck it up and get to it) A metal ring will be inserted into the tip of your penis, to this you tie the specially balance cable and weight combo, then you just go about your daily business.
Your Action In Traction!
After you get home in the evening sit back and let the Dick Stretcher ™ really get to work! After attaching the cable to the guaranteed Dick Stretcher ™ Shlong Longer™. This top secret, pentagon developed tool will lengthen and strengthen your action like no pill on the market! Attach to the SL™ and just reel the Cable until you reach the desired tension. That’s All! Sit back and watch TV, read your paper or catch a NASCAR race. Your pocket weasel will lengthen almost before your eyes! And all for $19.99! (+ $250.00 s&h)
Not For Porn Stars
This isn't mere water gain or vascular swelling - this is the real deal! You can add feet to your length! Your action will be longer, stronger and better conditioned then ever before. This is not for guys with an average dick; this is for men with real problems, borderline medical problems with their extra teeny peinnys. This will absolutely work or (none) of your money back!
We Understand
Ladies, does your mans action need some extra attention? Have you had to ask if he was done yet? Have you used his member to pin up the drapes or used it as a bookmark? We can help!"
Yeah. Help empty wallets. How dumb do you have to be for these things to work on you? How insecure? And if you are that insecure, why bother, you aren't going to show it around anyway.
Maybe I'll bypass the spamming and work on creating a Miracle™ Jock.
I was surfing around yesterday on Fark.com (see link at right) and saw a story about one of the many penile enlargement or Dick Stretchers that the spammers are so wild about.
The site was hacked or other wise left with the doors wide open and the names of the customers were left lying around; not only names but job titles and locations. And there were a lot of them - 6000 of them!
And these 6000 pinky dicked guys ordered two bottles of this miracle Penis Projector at a cost of $50 a bottle. I could see a handful of Bachelor Party gag gifts or a couple of kids with daddies credit card, but 6000 people?
We are all good on the ain't no way to make Little Johnny into Big John by taking pills? Thing right? Right? The only way to make it bigger is to put it to work. 6000 people? I could market a fake product and make money too.
"Don't get fooled by imitation penile enlargement pills! They don't work and pills are girly anyway! After we cash your (your non refundable) $19.99 (+ $250.00s&h) you will receive (in 12-16 weeks) your very own Dick Stretcher™ free weights and the scientifically balanced stretch cable and Shlong Longer™ you can get start your metamorphous into the Stud you have always wanted to be!
Getting Started!
The Shlong Longer ™ weights may cause some discomfort initially, but it’s a guy thing, shake it off! When you are using your Johnson to rake the yard that will make any minor discomfort fade from your memory! The extra passenger in your shorts will sure to get you the right kind of attention all by itself, some men carry around the weight just for the chick magnet side affect, even if they don't need the extra inches!
The secret of the Shlong Longer is our patented lengthing process. A tiny surgical steel tip can be easly placed in the tip of your not long enough shlong organ. This is where you separate yourself from the boys with short johnsons and the Men with Dick Stretcher ™ longer shlongs. (if you want to the long, flowing Dick of you and your lady's dreams, you'll suck it up and get to it) A metal ring will be inserted into the tip of your penis, to this you tie the specially balance cable and weight combo, then you just go about your daily business.
Your Action In Traction!
After you get home in the evening sit back and let the Dick Stretcher ™ really get to work! After attaching the cable to the guaranteed Dick Stretcher ™ Shlong Longer™. This top secret, pentagon developed tool will lengthen and strengthen your action like no pill on the market! Attach to the SL™ and just reel the Cable until you reach the desired tension. That’s All! Sit back and watch TV, read your paper or catch a NASCAR race. Your pocket weasel will lengthen almost before your eyes! And all for $19.99! (+ $250.00 s&h)
Not For Porn Stars
This isn't mere water gain or vascular swelling - this is the real deal! You can add feet to your length! Your action will be longer, stronger and better conditioned then ever before. This is not for guys with an average dick; this is for men with real problems, borderline medical problems with their extra teeny peinnys. This will absolutely work or (none) of your money back!
We Understand
Ladies, does your mans action need some extra attention? Have you had to ask if he was done yet? Have you used his member to pin up the drapes or used it as a bookmark? We can help!"
Yeah. Help empty wallets. How dumb do you have to be for these things to work on you? How insecure? And if you are that insecure, why bother, you aren't going to show it around anyway.
Maybe I'll bypass the spamming and work on creating a Miracle™ Jock.
Thursday, August 7, 2003
Self Monitoring
Self pity rant
My old monitor hated me. My new monitor hates me. There is a lot of hate in my office room. Since I can't make the monitor work with the machine part of the computer, I can't do anything. I know nothing about computers and every time something like this happens it tilts my world on edge.
There is nothing wrong with my computer at all. It works; the guys at Best Buy said so. First they asked how much power it had and I when I said "I turn it on, it works", they laughed at me. They didn't actually do anything more advanced then hook my hard drive up to one of their monitors at the service desk, but it worked! I 'm feeling all thwarted by my technology. It was supposed to set us free damn it and here I am all chained up.
Things I can not do because my monitor is being difficult:
Down Load My email - I want to get it off the server and into my mailbox. I need to separate it into files so that I can never look at it again, but still get to it on the off chance I may need it. Now it's all jumbled up and I can't find anything. Not that I've looked, but the idea…
Update My picture Site - Also, not helping my frame of mind. I hardly ever update the picture site and now that I really want to I can't. I'm going to lose interest and never get the damn thing done. I found a groovy new version of my ISPs freebee home page builder thingy and it is much cooler then the current version that I'm using. Again, thwarted.
Write Blog entries from home - Now I have to either waste state time and do it from work, which as big a turn on as that is, still I would rather use my computer. I could also drive across town and use my brother's machine. Still, I want my computer back.
Solitaire - I need to play computer solitaire. Really.
I want my Bookmarks back - it's really getting to me that I can't access the sites I want. I have some saved at work, but I can't spend hours gazing at Oar Boats at work. I could, but it wouldn't look right. I have sites marked that I haven't been to in months, they might not even be there anymore. In fact I know some aren't there anymore. I periodically go through and delete the bad links - something else I can not do with a striking monitor.
My ability to check my email whenever I want. - I can only check it at work now. This wastes state time. I end up with dozens of messages to go through every morning and it could be far fewer.
Solve World Hunger - if the monitor would co-operate, I could single handedly solve world hunger.
See, right now, you're saying "Gee, Diana, obsess much? Don't you have anything else going on? You know there are wars on? Our civil liberties are under attack? Gawd. Get a grip and worry about what is important. Shit. What a lame-o."
Ha!
/self pity rant
I may have figured out what is wrong with the monitor. I took the computer apart, first time ever (shut up, I know the rest of you have been performing transplants on your machines since you decided to upgrade your Playskool "My First Computer", when you were like 2 and a half. but I am not like that). So. One of the widgets on the plug thing into the computer seems to have broken off in the widget holder on the computer. I need to dislodge the widget and put a new widget in, I have a new widget I just have to figure out how to dislodge the old one.
Self pity rant
My old monitor hated me. My new monitor hates me. There is a lot of hate in my office room. Since I can't make the monitor work with the machine part of the computer, I can't do anything. I know nothing about computers and every time something like this happens it tilts my world on edge.
There is nothing wrong with my computer at all. It works; the guys at Best Buy said so. First they asked how much power it had and I when I said "I turn it on, it works", they laughed at me. They didn't actually do anything more advanced then hook my hard drive up to one of their monitors at the service desk, but it worked! I 'm feeling all thwarted by my technology. It was supposed to set us free damn it and here I am all chained up.
Things I can not do because my monitor is being difficult:
Down Load My email - I want to get it off the server and into my mailbox. I need to separate it into files so that I can never look at it again, but still get to it on the off chance I may need it. Now it's all jumbled up and I can't find anything. Not that I've looked, but the idea…
Update My picture Site - Also, not helping my frame of mind. I hardly ever update the picture site and now that I really want to I can't. I'm going to lose interest and never get the damn thing done. I found a groovy new version of my ISPs freebee home page builder thingy and it is much cooler then the current version that I'm using. Again, thwarted.
Write Blog entries from home - Now I have to either waste state time and do it from work, which as big a turn on as that is, still I would rather use my computer. I could also drive across town and use my brother's machine. Still, I want my computer back.
Solitaire - I need to play computer solitaire. Really.
I want my Bookmarks back - it's really getting to me that I can't access the sites I want. I have some saved at work, but I can't spend hours gazing at Oar Boats at work. I could, but it wouldn't look right. I have sites marked that I haven't been to in months, they might not even be there anymore. In fact I know some aren't there anymore. I periodically go through and delete the bad links - something else I can not do with a striking monitor.
My ability to check my email whenever I want. - I can only check it at work now. This wastes state time. I end up with dozens of messages to go through every morning and it could be far fewer.
Solve World Hunger - if the monitor would co-operate, I could single handedly solve world hunger.
See, right now, you're saying "Gee, Diana, obsess much? Don't you have anything else going on? You know there are wars on? Our civil liberties are under attack? Gawd. Get a grip and worry about what is important. Shit. What a lame-o."
Ha!
/self pity rant
I may have figured out what is wrong with the monitor. I took the computer apart, first time ever (shut up, I know the rest of you have been performing transplants on your machines since you decided to upgrade your Playskool "My First Computer", when you were like 2 and a half. but I am not like that). So. One of the widgets on the plug thing into the computer seems to have broken off in the widget holder on the computer. I need to dislodge the widget and put a new widget in, I have a new widget I just have to figure out how to dislodge the old one.
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
Another Day in Paradise
I am learning to not make plans about what I am going to get accomplished on a given day. It never works out.
I decide a head of time, before I even get to work, on the drive over while the morning DJs try to out Morning Zoo Crew each other, I decide, okay, today I' going to get that bin finished that I started yesterday and then I'll start on the last one. I should get that one done too. Then I can start on cleaning the office up. It's a mess.
Man Plans, God Laughs. I get about a quarter of the remaining bin taken care of. The phone rings, "did I get this request?" No, you got the request; it didn't come to me. "It's due now". So. I'm all ready off my schedule and it's only twenty after nine.
So I make the copies. This requires standing at the copy machine for hours. I think I have developed heel spurs. Standing hurts. Standing for hours is crippling. So I find a solution. I hobble over to an office chair and drag it back to the machine with me. Now I can sit. Sitting is good but the machine is too tall and I look like a child who needs a high chair and having to reach up every time to hold up the lid of the copier is uncomfortable. Okay. Change of plans. I kneel on the chair. This is much better. I am the right height and I am off my sore feet. It works quite well. I imagine that I look like some sort of chair/human hybrid . I look silly.
I am okay with the silly. I am not okay with the sore feet because I need those feet and if they are too sore I can't work. I can’t work I would have to spend my time playing with the computer at home. Unemployed . And thus homeless and they don't make extension cords long enough for me to be on the streets playing with my computer.
So.
I tell my boss that my feet hurt. She responds with sarcasm. She does however feel pity for me. Actually she says I am pitiful. I take pity where I can get it.
I am also thinking about workers comp. I am dreaming, but it's a nice dream. I told my boss when I had filers thumb that I was going to call workers comp. She responded with sarcasm.
I'm always glad that my pain can bring her joy. And sarcastic joy at that too.
If my boss wasn't laughing at my pain, I would then really have to go to Workers Comp and since I have been there in the past, I really do not want to have to go back there now. I bled on their floor and they still wanted to know why I didn't have an appointment. I explained I wasn't bleeding prior to now and I didn't need an appointment before now and now I was bleeding and I needed help. Or a Tetanus Shot or stitches or they could just give me a damn band aid and I could go back to work and have the nurses there treat me! Oh, that's right! We work in an office! We aren’t set up for critical care; the newest Band-Aids in our first aid box had solidified the other box held a fossilized ace bandage.
So.
My knees hurt from all the kneeling.
I am learning to not make plans about what I am going to get accomplished on a given day. It never works out.
I decide a head of time, before I even get to work, on the drive over while the morning DJs try to out Morning Zoo Crew each other, I decide, okay, today I' going to get that bin finished that I started yesterday and then I'll start on the last one. I should get that one done too. Then I can start on cleaning the office up. It's a mess.
Man Plans, God Laughs. I get about a quarter of the remaining bin taken care of. The phone rings, "did I get this request?" No, you got the request; it didn't come to me. "It's due now". So. I'm all ready off my schedule and it's only twenty after nine.
So I make the copies. This requires standing at the copy machine for hours. I think I have developed heel spurs. Standing hurts. Standing for hours is crippling. So I find a solution. I hobble over to an office chair and drag it back to the machine with me. Now I can sit. Sitting is good but the machine is too tall and I look like a child who needs a high chair and having to reach up every time to hold up the lid of the copier is uncomfortable. Okay. Change of plans. I kneel on the chair. This is much better. I am the right height and I am off my sore feet. It works quite well. I imagine that I look like some sort of chair/human hybrid . I look silly.
I am okay with the silly. I am not okay with the sore feet because I need those feet and if they are too sore I can't work. I can’t work I would have to spend my time playing with the computer at home. Unemployed . And thus homeless and they don't make extension cords long enough for me to be on the streets playing with my computer.
So.
I tell my boss that my feet hurt. She responds with sarcasm. She does however feel pity for me. Actually she says I am pitiful. I take pity where I can get it.
I am also thinking about workers comp. I am dreaming, but it's a nice dream. I told my boss when I had filers thumb that I was going to call workers comp. She responded with sarcasm.
I'm always glad that my pain can bring her joy. And sarcastic joy at that too.
If my boss wasn't laughing at my pain, I would then really have to go to Workers Comp and since I have been there in the past, I really do not want to have to go back there now. I bled on their floor and they still wanted to know why I didn't have an appointment. I explained I wasn't bleeding prior to now and I didn't need an appointment before now and now I was bleeding and I needed help. Or a Tetanus Shot or stitches or they could just give me a damn band aid and I could go back to work and have the nurses there treat me! Oh, that's right! We work in an office! We aren’t set up for critical care; the newest Band-Aids in our first aid box had solidified the other box held a fossilized ace bandage.
So.
My knees hurt from all the kneeling.
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
More About Me
Another Tuesday another Friday Five, brought to you by our friends at Friday Five.
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
6:05 am. Really it’s about ten minutes earlier then that, and I’m pretty sure that it is even further off then that. When the power goes off the back up battery keeps the clock going but it lets the time get a little spastic, but if I had to look at the alarm and see 5 anything I wouldn’t get out of bed. Sometimes the cat lets me sleep to my alarm goes off, sometimes he doesn’t. It’s a game. He could wait until my alarm wakes me up or he could start dropping books at three minutes till. He does it out of meanness. When he is going to play like that he starts at about twenty to six and goes on every 5 minutes until I get out of bed. This morning I got mad and put him in his travel box. Showed Him.
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Really depends on what the animals want. Daisy sleeps later then Kitty but makes more noise, which is a shock, Kitty used to make a huge amount of noise. My baby is growing up. With Daisy, I can’t tell if she is seeing or hearing something that she doesn’t like or she just wants to get my attention. This Saturday, I slept until 10:30am. Sunday the cat woke me up at 8. I have learned how to feed, put out, and put up the dog and feed kitty and still go back to sleep. I usually end up sleeping longer then I would like when this happens.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Turn off my alarm. If I’m lucky the pre-alarm sounding click will wake me.
It took me a long time to find an alarm that wasn’t too loud. Then I go down the hall, I stand in the hall way and close my eyes, then I turn on the light. Getting blinded first thing in the morning does not make the day start well. I curse that light then, but for the rest of the day, it’s really not bright enough in there. The light in the john at work is better.
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
I stopped showering in the morning when I realized I could do it at night and sleep an extra 10 minutes. It’s also better for my hair. Needless Make up-ing, brushing of the shrubbery, picking out the squishy of the day - twenty minutes if I’m not moving fast.
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
I don’t eat breakfast. If I get hungry at work I get a candy bar. My breakfast is hot tea. I can’t eat early in the morning because it makes me nauseous. If I could be out and about later in the morning I would get a sausage bisquet, I have also learned to drink coffee, cream no sugar.
Another Tuesday another Friday Five, brought to you by our friends at Friday Five.
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
6:05 am. Really it’s about ten minutes earlier then that, and I’m pretty sure that it is even further off then that. When the power goes off the back up battery keeps the clock going but it lets the time get a little spastic, but if I had to look at the alarm and see 5 anything I wouldn’t get out of bed. Sometimes the cat lets me sleep to my alarm goes off, sometimes he doesn’t. It’s a game. He could wait until my alarm wakes me up or he could start dropping books at three minutes till. He does it out of meanness. When he is going to play like that he starts at about twenty to six and goes on every 5 minutes until I get out of bed. This morning I got mad and put him in his travel box. Showed Him.
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Really depends on what the animals want. Daisy sleeps later then Kitty but makes more noise, which is a shock, Kitty used to make a huge amount of noise. My baby is growing up. With Daisy, I can’t tell if she is seeing or hearing something that she doesn’t like or she just wants to get my attention. This Saturday, I slept until 10:30am. Sunday the cat woke me up at 8. I have learned how to feed, put out, and put up the dog and feed kitty and still go back to sleep. I usually end up sleeping longer then I would like when this happens.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Turn off my alarm. If I’m lucky the pre-alarm sounding click will wake me.
It took me a long time to find an alarm that wasn’t too loud. Then I go down the hall, I stand in the hall way and close my eyes, then I turn on the light. Getting blinded first thing in the morning does not make the day start well. I curse that light then, but for the rest of the day, it’s really not bright enough in there. The light in the john at work is better.
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
I stopped showering in the morning when I realized I could do it at night and sleep an extra 10 minutes. It’s also better for my hair. Needless Make up-ing, brushing of the shrubbery, picking out the squishy of the day - twenty minutes if I’m not moving fast.
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
I don’t eat breakfast. If I get hungry at work I get a candy bar. My breakfast is hot tea. I can’t eat early in the morning because it makes me nauseous. If I could be out and about later in the morning I would get a sausage bisquet, I have also learned to drink coffee, cream no sugar.
Monday, August 4, 2003
Home Sweet Home Away from Home
I’m watching Brosky and Alpha Gals house and looking after their dogs. That sounds better then mooching their air conditioning, digital cable and high speed internet access House-sitting sounds like I’m vacuuming and cleaning up after myself and my dog and cat, watering plants, picking up the mail and generally making sure the house isn’t being left to the elements. Like my house is. As I was pulling out with dog and cat in the front seat, the elements were all hanging out in the drug dealers front yard, salivating.
Dog is having the second best time of her life while kitty is doing time in solitary. In his mind it’s a cell- it doubles as my bedroom - but he can’t wander the house and knock the breakables off the shelves at will, like he does at home. He is stuck in a lovely second story room with beautiful windows with views into the trees. He doesn’t want to look out the windows, he wants to come downstairs. Really, really, badly. The dogs would be thrilled. It’s not often that they get a treat like that. All the designer dog cookies on the market cannot hold a candle to kitty flavored Kitty.
Dog almost got dead baby squirrel flavored dead baby squirrel but since it wasn’t a hair squishy or one of my shoes she didn’t know what to do with it, she was so confused by this new thing in her mouth - that she gave it to me when I told her to a first. It made me think, briefly about rubbing dead baby squirrel on my shoes as a deterrent to shoe eating but then I thought it may be a deterrent to shoe wearing or even worse, shoe being in the same house with, so I scrapped the idea.
In the midst of all the dog letting out and putting in, I finally went and bought a new monitor. If Old Monitor was going to die it picked a good time to do it, ye olde Tax Holiday time. I trucked it back to my house, lugged the box inside, unpacked the box plugged that bad boy in and nothing. It turns on, I get some message that the monitor works it’s the machine that has the problem. I don’t know anything about the machine. The guys at the store popped open the front and looked inside and said everything was fine. So. Now I wait for Brosky and Alpha Gal to come back from vacation and come back over to my house and make the damn thing work. So close and yet so damn far.
Since I was feeling bad about the computerous interupptus – I bought another shower curtain. I had finally put up the kewl IKEA shower curtain and after looking after it for a few day, it decided that it really wanted to be upstairs and when it’s up there that part of it wants to be a curtain around the sink and part of it wants to hang in the window and a little bit wants to be used a decoration on the toilet bowl cover. God Forbid I stand in its way.
While I was bonding with the shower curtain, I also listened to the new curtains in the office room and they wanted sheers. I said that sheers are dated and they responded that the whole damn house is dated and that sheers in the windows are not going to date the house in the way that the phone cubby dates the house and not to talk to them about dating the house. I took a deep breath and explained that I all ready have sheers for the windows and that I while I don’t know where they are right now that I will add Find Sheers to my list of things to do and the blinds chimed in and said that they hadn’t seen that list in a while and did I have any idea where it was right now? And I said that I knew where it was and I could go get it when ever I wanted to and they said yeah, if you knew where it was … and it got ugly and words were exchanged and one thing led to another and I went out to a discount place and bought sheers. Next on the list Buy New Blinds.
I’m watching Brosky and Alpha Gals house and looking after their dogs. That sounds better then mooching their air conditioning, digital cable and high speed internet access House-sitting sounds like I’m vacuuming and cleaning up after myself and my dog and cat, watering plants, picking up the mail and generally making sure the house isn’t being left to the elements. Like my house is. As I was pulling out with dog and cat in the front seat, the elements were all hanging out in the drug dealers front yard, salivating.
Dog is having the second best time of her life while kitty is doing time in solitary. In his mind it’s a cell- it doubles as my bedroom - but he can’t wander the house and knock the breakables off the shelves at will, like he does at home. He is stuck in a lovely second story room with beautiful windows with views into the trees. He doesn’t want to look out the windows, he wants to come downstairs. Really, really, badly. The dogs would be thrilled. It’s not often that they get a treat like that. All the designer dog cookies on the market cannot hold a candle to kitty flavored Kitty.
Dog almost got dead baby squirrel flavored dead baby squirrel but since it wasn’t a hair squishy or one of my shoes she didn’t know what to do with it, she was so confused by this new thing in her mouth - that she gave it to me when I told her to a first. It made me think, briefly about rubbing dead baby squirrel on my shoes as a deterrent to shoe eating but then I thought it may be a deterrent to shoe wearing or even worse, shoe being in the same house with, so I scrapped the idea.
In the midst of all the dog letting out and putting in, I finally went and bought a new monitor. If Old Monitor was going to die it picked a good time to do it, ye olde Tax Holiday time. I trucked it back to my house, lugged the box inside, unpacked the box plugged that bad boy in and nothing. It turns on, I get some message that the monitor works it’s the machine that has the problem. I don’t know anything about the machine. The guys at the store popped open the front and looked inside and said everything was fine. So. Now I wait for Brosky and Alpha Gal to come back from vacation and come back over to my house and make the damn thing work. So close and yet so damn far.
Since I was feeling bad about the computerous interupptus – I bought another shower curtain. I had finally put up the kewl IKEA shower curtain and after looking after it for a few day, it decided that it really wanted to be upstairs and when it’s up there that part of it wants to be a curtain around the sink and part of it wants to hang in the window and a little bit wants to be used a decoration on the toilet bowl cover. God Forbid I stand in its way.
While I was bonding with the shower curtain, I also listened to the new curtains in the office room and they wanted sheers. I said that sheers are dated and they responded that the whole damn house is dated and that sheers in the windows are not going to date the house in the way that the phone cubby dates the house and not to talk to them about dating the house. I took a deep breath and explained that I all ready have sheers for the windows and that I while I don’t know where they are right now that I will add Find Sheers to my list of things to do and the blinds chimed in and said that they hadn’t seen that list in a while and did I have any idea where it was right now? And I said that I knew where it was and I could go get it when ever I wanted to and they said yeah, if you knew where it was … and it got ugly and words were exchanged and one thing led to another and I went out to a discount place and bought sheers. Next on the list Buy New Blinds.
Sunday, August 3, 2003
Saturday, August 2, 2003
Friday, August 1, 2003
Guilty Pleasures
I’m watching 1001 Gross Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts or something. It has computer animation. Technology is a wonderful thing.
It just started, but I think they're working from the top down. So far its 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Heads. They just listed a bunch of stuff that must have been stuck in people. It was just a list of random things. I was still on the boat ancher in the guys’ head and now we’re talking about Emu eggs. In heads? Bad editing. I should be asking questions like that. I should be totally entranced by the 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. If you’re going to have computer animation of a fence post through some chicks head, you must stay on topic.
Now we’re going to talk about a javelin through a guys face. This was not actually propelled into him, he ran into it. So it’s different from the other stuff stuck in people’s heads. And it’s in his neck, so we are moving down.
Potentially Exsaunguate to think FOX taught me that word. I learned it from The X-Files but still FOX.
So far we have learned that stupid people are just like puppies. They just want to taste everything. Puppies grow out of it.
FOX is showing us all the little people who get screwed if you try to pirate movies. It took them a long time to figure out that we don’t feel sorry for Ben Afflick. I don’t feel very sorry for the Little People either. They still get paid more then I do, and now they are FOX toadies and I think I’ll figure out a way to pirate something out of spite.
Speaking of Pirates, RIAA or whatever? They suck too and my computer is way to old and lame to down load music.
Okay. We’ve moved on to Rebar. Always a problem. Don’t fall on it. It’s not pretty. The computer animation shows us what the rebar looked like in the person’s skeleton. Their eyes are there, and wouldn’t your eyes not be there if you were skeletal? FOX doesn’t care.That computer animated skeleton is going to have its own show as a midseason replacement.
The biggest side effect of getting a thing in your head is you end up with facial paralysis.
The Colon! Bike Pumps! Jelly Jars! Gerbils? Gerbils! Gerblis! Gerblis! Come on Gerbils!
Damn. Jewelry phht. Who cares! This is 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. Come On! Necklaces? Bah.
They keep showing a pregnant guy and then they go back to swallowed sticks. Who cares! We’re not all here to watch spoons and sticks! We want pregnant guy stuff!
Anti – Drug ads. Thank you FOX, I’ll stay clean for you. I think heavy drug use explained about 2/3s of their programming so I don’t under stand the Anti-Drug stance.
Why is David Spade hosting the Teenager Awards? Because he’s short? I would think he wouldn’t like kids. He doesn’t seem like a teenager magnet. Teenagers must be losing their allure for advertisers. Hey Kids! It’s David Spade. David Spade he was on SNL when you were little? He was on Just Shoot Me? that show you never watched because it was lame? the one your parents stopped watching three years ago? he’s friends with Chris Rock? He has great hair! He’s really cutting edge, Yeah, Yeah, he is! Very X-treme! Tommy Boy! That movie with Chris Farley? He made a lot of movies with Chris Farley. No were not all the same movie. No, I’m sure!
I’m Sure.
Oh anther lesson. Don’t run with a frog gigger. I say, don’t gig frogs skip the whole no running warning. No gigigng.
Man. 15 minutes to go and yet no pregnant man.
What is an O.C?
Dude! Pregnant Guy Teases!
Ice Axe in leg. Wow. Pretty nasty. Don’t ski with your ice axe. Now they are talking about Turnips? Aren’t turnips supposed to be in our bodies? Why aren’t they talking about the turnip? What was it used for? Where was it? So far we’ve spent a lot of time on the head, we flirted with the face, moved to the neck, visited the gut and spent time with the leg. I want the pregnant guy!
What is an O.C?
Tell me Temptation Island 3 is not drug indused?
Pregant Guy. Ewww. 44 pounds of fluid and a 9 pound fetal twin with two pounds of it's own hair!
I feel so dirty now. Temptation Island 3 was on and I was in the same room with it!!!
I’m watching 1001 Gross Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts or something. It has computer animation. Technology is a wonderful thing.
It just started, but I think they're working from the top down. So far its 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Heads. They just listed a bunch of stuff that must have been stuck in people. It was just a list of random things. I was still on the boat ancher in the guys’ head and now we’re talking about Emu eggs. In heads? Bad editing. I should be asking questions like that. I should be totally entranced by the 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. If you’re going to have computer animation of a fence post through some chicks head, you must stay on topic.
Now we’re going to talk about a javelin through a guys face. This was not actually propelled into him, he ran into it. So it’s different from the other stuff stuck in people’s heads. And it’s in his neck, so we are moving down.
Potentially Exsaunguate to think FOX taught me that word. I learned it from The X-Files but still FOX.
So far we have learned that stupid people are just like puppies. They just want to taste everything. Puppies grow out of it.
FOX is showing us all the little people who get screwed if you try to pirate movies. It took them a long time to figure out that we don’t feel sorry for Ben Afflick. I don’t feel very sorry for the Little People either. They still get paid more then I do, and now they are FOX toadies and I think I’ll figure out a way to pirate something out of spite.
Speaking of Pirates, RIAA or whatever? They suck too and my computer is way to old and lame to down load music.
Okay. We’ve moved on to Rebar. Always a problem. Don’t fall on it. It’s not pretty. The computer animation shows us what the rebar looked like in the person’s skeleton. Their eyes are there, and wouldn’t your eyes not be there if you were skeletal? FOX doesn’t care.That computer animated skeleton is going to have its own show as a midseason replacement.
The biggest side effect of getting a thing in your head is you end up with facial paralysis.
The Colon! Bike Pumps! Jelly Jars! Gerbils? Gerbils! Gerblis! Gerblis! Come on Gerbils!
Damn. Jewelry phht. Who cares! This is 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. Come On! Necklaces? Bah.
They keep showing a pregnant guy and then they go back to swallowed sticks. Who cares! We’re not all here to watch spoons and sticks! We want pregnant guy stuff!
Anti – Drug ads. Thank you FOX, I’ll stay clean for you. I think heavy drug use explained about 2/3s of their programming so I don’t under stand the Anti-Drug stance.
Why is David Spade hosting the Teenager Awards? Because he’s short? I would think he wouldn’t like kids. He doesn’t seem like a teenager magnet. Teenagers must be losing their allure for advertisers. Hey Kids! It’s David Spade. David Spade he was on SNL when you were little? He was on Just Shoot Me? that show you never watched because it was lame? the one your parents stopped watching three years ago? he’s friends with Chris Rock? He has great hair! He’s really cutting edge, Yeah, Yeah, he is! Very X-treme! Tommy Boy! That movie with Chris Farley? He made a lot of movies with Chris Farley. No were not all the same movie. No, I’m sure!
I’m Sure.
Oh anther lesson. Don’t run with a frog gigger. I say, don’t gig frogs skip the whole no running warning. No gigigng.
Man. 15 minutes to go and yet no pregnant man.
What is an O.C?
Dude! Pregnant Guy Teases!
Ice Axe in leg. Wow. Pretty nasty. Don’t ski with your ice axe. Now they are talking about Turnips? Aren’t turnips supposed to be in our bodies? Why aren’t they talking about the turnip? What was it used for? Where was it? So far we’ve spent a lot of time on the head, we flirted with the face, moved to the neck, visited the gut and spent time with the leg. I want the pregnant guy!
What is an O.C?
Tell me Temptation Island 3 is not drug indused?
Pregant Guy. Ewww. 44 pounds of fluid and a 9 pound fetal twin with two pounds of it's own hair!
I feel so dirty now. Temptation Island 3 was on and I was in the same room with it!!!
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