Reading can be Fundamental
In an attempt to force change to my ads, here are some choices of reading material now that all the TV has gone in hiatus for the holidays. I know, I know I should reading heavy tomes about how evil the administration is, I know! But dayum. I read most the comments on Atrios, I get my daily dose of reality. These are some lighter fair to help you through the rerun season.
Always a good read,David Sedaris. His Holidays on Ice will provide a little Seasonal Fun and make you remember why you love your job.
From a Wild and Crazy Guy to a Renaissance Man. He did stand up, he did movies, then he wrote movies, then he turned legit, and to The Theatre. Steve Martin. If you think you're pretty good at what you're doing, he's probably better at it, If he wanted to dig ditches, he would be good at that too. So hardcore and such a total talent he has an anthology of his plays.
Sunday, December 5, 2004
Saturday, December 4, 2004
Friday, December 3, 2004
Those Wacky Red Staters must love this
Kerik picked to replace Ridge; advisor says he "brings 9/11 symbolism into the Cabinet." .
We pick cabinet members for their symbolic value? greeeeeaaaaaaaattttt. That explains everything. Who is next to be appointed to the Symbolic Cabinet? a Precious Moments(tm) figurine of some blond, big eyed firefighters? or maybe a Cleveland Mint(tm) Red, White and Blue Eagle statuette? If I was Rice or some of the other new hires I would be wondering what I was supposed to be symbolic of .
Wonkette.Com
Kerik picked to replace Ridge; advisor says he "brings 9/11 symbolism into the Cabinet." .
We pick cabinet members for their symbolic value? greeeeeaaaaaaaattttt. That explains everything. Who is next to be appointed to the Symbolic Cabinet? a Precious Moments(tm) figurine of some blond, big eyed firefighters? or maybe a Cleveland Mint(tm) Red, White and Blue Eagle statuette? If I was Rice or some of the other new hires I would be wondering what I was supposed to be symbolic of .
Wonkette.Com
Grrrrrrr!
Hey,
Feel free to get the key off my desk and get the tree out. It's on the floor of my closet.
No, no it wasn't unless we have two Christmas trees, it was on the top shelf. I am not 10 feet tall and getting it down, did I mention we aren't issued ladders? Was a thrill.
Unless something drastically changes there is no way I'm going to have time to decorate a tree tomorrow. You see what time it is on this email and I'm still going strong here.
It was sent at 6:15 pm. She came in at 11am. My sympathies lie elsewhere. I don't know where I'm going to find the time to take her to Sams today, what with my actual job and dragging out, putting up, arranging lights, and putting decorations on the tree all by myself!
Sorry!
Yeah. Sure.
Hey,
Feel free to get the key off my desk and get the tree out. It's on the floor of my closet.
No, no it wasn't unless we have two Christmas trees, it was on the top shelf. I am not 10 feet tall and getting it down, did I mention we aren't issued ladders? Was a thrill.
Unless something drastically changes there is no way I'm going to have time to decorate a tree tomorrow. You see what time it is on this email and I'm still going strong here.
It was sent at 6:15 pm. She came in at 11am. My sympathies lie elsewhere. I don't know where I'm going to find the time to take her to Sams today, what with my actual job and dragging out, putting up, arranging lights, and putting decorations on the tree all by myself!
Sorry!
Yeah. Sure.
Giving Tree
Every year at Christmas they put a couple of trees up in the entry way of the church and decorate them with construction paper decorations with Christmas list requests from the needy. I saw them the week they put them up this year and I said “Oh, I should do that” and I forgot to go look at them when I left.
Okay. I went out of town and missed a week, I came back and the trees were still there but not as heavily decorated. I managed to hold on to the thought that I wanted to go get something off it and I finally did.
There were more left then I had thought. I had a choice. Some of them I had to turn down out of hand, A kidney, size M, too expensive, Bed Spread for 14 year old girl, too many variations! What kind of 14 year old girl? Hello Kitty or tie die? flowers or funky? retro or metallic? fake fur or Egyptian cotton? It would just lead to a long drawn out anxiety attack and I’m too selfish to go there and if they do want this back this weekend there is no way I could get it shopped for, angsted over, returned, reshopped for and finally settled on that fast. An Extra Large Mens shirt finally! Affordable and easy! Okay. Now all I have to do is actually remember to buy it and have it back by the deadline, this weekend.
Dear Mr. XL,
What are you going to use this shirt for? Are you cold and need flannel or do you need a dressier style to wear for job interviews? Did you mean a button up the front shirt or would you rather go for a slip on style? Do you like turtle necks? Are you going to be wearing it over other layers? Like a jacket or should it tuck in? Are you a solid color or plaid kind of guy? How do you feel about stripes? If the shirt is for the warmth do you want a very heavy flannel shirt or are you going to be wearing under an existing sweater? Or do you prefer a thinner flannel shirt because you are warm natured? Do you need a sweater? Do you need a sweater more then you need a shirt? Do you like rugby shirts? Should I be looking for husky XL or tall XL? Are you even male? Or are you a large woman who prefers men’s clothing because they are made better?
Are labels important to you?, does it matter where I buy it or are you tired of the clothes you buy for yourself at Sams and want nicer stuff from a different store? Do you have a home? Would you scare me if I saw you on the street? Are you one of my neighbors? Would I know you?...
After stressing over it and circling the men’s shirts for way too long, I finally decided on a nice blue plaid flannel. It seems nice. It was also cheap, so I started to think maybe I could a 3 pack package of undershirts for him too.
This is Sams. There are no 3 packs of anything there. The only undershirts I found came about 12 to a package and cost more then the shirt. So, no undershirts for Mr. XL. I’m going with that he all ready as adequate under shirts or he would have asked for them, or he did ask for them and they were on another paper ornament and someone else has all ready taken care of it, or not and he can just recycle old tee shirts, if he has any.
Will. Resist. Urge. To. Make. This. More .Complicated.
I also got a roll of film developed while I was there; much to my surprise it did not have on it the series of shots of The Kitty wearing antlers for his Holiday Page at Catster. I was bummed. I was looking at the other cats with holiday pages and there were very few awake cats wearing head gear and most of them appeared to be photo shopped. Mr. Kitty was awake, alert and wearing a hat! This needs to be put where people can see it!
Every year at Christmas they put a couple of trees up in the entry way of the church and decorate them with construction paper decorations with Christmas list requests from the needy. I saw them the week they put them up this year and I said “Oh, I should do that” and I forgot to go look at them when I left.
Okay. I went out of town and missed a week, I came back and the trees were still there but not as heavily decorated. I managed to hold on to the thought that I wanted to go get something off it and I finally did.
There were more left then I had thought. I had a choice. Some of them I had to turn down out of hand, A kidney, size M, too expensive, Bed Spread for 14 year old girl, too many variations! What kind of 14 year old girl? Hello Kitty or tie die? flowers or funky? retro or metallic? fake fur or Egyptian cotton? It would just lead to a long drawn out anxiety attack and I’m too selfish to go there and if they do want this back this weekend there is no way I could get it shopped for, angsted over, returned, reshopped for and finally settled on that fast. An Extra Large Mens shirt finally! Affordable and easy! Okay. Now all I have to do is actually remember to buy it and have it back by the deadline, this weekend.
Dear Mr. XL,
What are you going to use this shirt for? Are you cold and need flannel or do you need a dressier style to wear for job interviews? Did you mean a button up the front shirt or would you rather go for a slip on style? Do you like turtle necks? Are you going to be wearing it over other layers? Like a jacket or should it tuck in? Are you a solid color or plaid kind of guy? How do you feel about stripes? If the shirt is for the warmth do you want a very heavy flannel shirt or are you going to be wearing under an existing sweater? Or do you prefer a thinner flannel shirt because you are warm natured? Do you need a sweater? Do you need a sweater more then you need a shirt? Do you like rugby shirts? Should I be looking for husky XL or tall XL? Are you even male? Or are you a large woman who prefers men’s clothing because they are made better?
Are labels important to you?, does it matter where I buy it or are you tired of the clothes you buy for yourself at Sams and want nicer stuff from a different store? Do you have a home? Would you scare me if I saw you on the street? Are you one of my neighbors? Would I know you?...
After stressing over it and circling the men’s shirts for way too long, I finally decided on a nice blue plaid flannel. It seems nice. It was also cheap, so I started to think maybe I could a 3 pack package of undershirts for him too.
This is Sams. There are no 3 packs of anything there. The only undershirts I found came about 12 to a package and cost more then the shirt. So, no undershirts for Mr. XL. I’m going with that he all ready as adequate under shirts or he would have asked for them, or he did ask for them and they were on another paper ornament and someone else has all ready taken care of it, or not and he can just recycle old tee shirts, if he has any.
Will. Resist. Urge. To. Make. This. More .Complicated.
I also got a roll of film developed while I was there; much to my surprise it did not have on it the series of shots of The Kitty wearing antlers for his Holiday Page at Catster. I was bummed. I was looking at the other cats with holiday pages and there were very few awake cats wearing head gear and most of them appeared to be photo shopped. Mr. Kitty was awake, alert and wearing a hat! This needs to be put where people can see it!
Thursday, December 2, 2004
When Shrubs handlers clean house they really clean house!
Christ Resigns as National Salvation Adviser
from Thesaurusrex
Christ Resigns as National Salvation Adviser
from Thesaurusrex
A Good day to stay in bed, ruined!
It started off such an ugly day. Cold, drizzle and with a strong wind. The kind of day that just begs you to stay in bed. Not that there was any chance I was going to do so, but it was a nice idea. Its so much easier to sit at work and work when its ugly outside.
Now it’s all pretty and sunny and damn near shiny. I had to take my rubber boots out to the car at lunch. I like weather with some consistency, if you start out cold and ugly I would rather that instead of going from gray and nasty immediately to bright and shiny that there would at least be a time out in between. Maybe featuring a slowly receding over cast sky and mist. This bouncing from one extreme to another is not right.
If it could have stayed ugly I could have not walked Dogger this evening guilt free. As it is, I’m still not going to walk her but now I’m going to have to feel guilty about it. I hate that. I’m going to another “Thank You Volunteer” thing the Dems are throwing, again.
They can’t get enough of these things. “Hey Kids! Lets all go and hang around and talk about how we snatched defeat from the mouth of victory!” or maybe they really part of some study to plot the trajectory of our depression.
At the earlier events people seemed to range from blind rage at the high end to myopic range at the low end. There was a lot of visually impaired rage. The last one I went to was going fairly well until some idiot said “Okay, show of hands, how many people think the election was stolen?” After that there was a lot of recovery speak about what stage of grief we were in and how we were handling our fury. Lots of fun, that. It was so pleasant before that. No one was crying, conversation was flowing and many people seemed to be discussing things like pets and yard work, learning things about one another and our pets. Happy, normal, non-political topics. We almost seemed like real people at a normal gathering. It was nice.
This event this evening is being held at an actual Hall and might have food that doesn’t come from bags. I’m going, of course because I go to the opening of an envelope if I think the opening might also be a fundraiser for the Democrats. I don’t actually donate, but I like watching other people do so.
Other Things
I went to the post office today to buy stamps so I could maybe start on getting my cards addressed, not mailed yet its too early for me to do that. I like to wait until at least the second week of December, but as it was pointed out to me, I can still get them all taking care of and just not mail them yet. When I went to the post office, instead of standing in line, I went to a machine. I got almost all the way through the transaction when I started to worry about what kind of stamps I was getting a book of. I wanted holiday stamps, not flag stamps. So I stopped the transaction and headed for the lines. Before I made it to the lines I was stopped by a postal worker who explained the machine to me and let me know that all the books of stamps in the machine were holiday. They were of course holiday in a Christmas way, because that is the only card worthy holiday… but, I let it go… but still. I got my stamps and didn’t stand in line and I got the kind I wanted.
It started off such an ugly day. Cold, drizzle and with a strong wind. The kind of day that just begs you to stay in bed. Not that there was any chance I was going to do so, but it was a nice idea. Its so much easier to sit at work and work when its ugly outside.
Now it’s all pretty and sunny and damn near shiny. I had to take my rubber boots out to the car at lunch. I like weather with some consistency, if you start out cold and ugly I would rather that instead of going from gray and nasty immediately to bright and shiny that there would at least be a time out in between. Maybe featuring a slowly receding over cast sky and mist. This bouncing from one extreme to another is not right.
If it could have stayed ugly I could have not walked Dogger this evening guilt free. As it is, I’m still not going to walk her but now I’m going to have to feel guilty about it. I hate that. I’m going to another “Thank You Volunteer” thing the Dems are throwing, again.
They can’t get enough of these things. “Hey Kids! Lets all go and hang around and talk about how we snatched defeat from the mouth of victory!” or maybe they really part of some study to plot the trajectory of our depression.
At the earlier events people seemed to range from blind rage at the high end to myopic range at the low end. There was a lot of visually impaired rage. The last one I went to was going fairly well until some idiot said “Okay, show of hands, how many people think the election was stolen?” After that there was a lot of recovery speak about what stage of grief we were in and how we were handling our fury. Lots of fun, that. It was so pleasant before that. No one was crying, conversation was flowing and many people seemed to be discussing things like pets and yard work, learning things about one another and our pets. Happy, normal, non-political topics. We almost seemed like real people at a normal gathering. It was nice.
This event this evening is being held at an actual Hall and might have food that doesn’t come from bags. I’m going, of course because I go to the opening of an envelope if I think the opening might also be a fundraiser for the Democrats. I don’t actually donate, but I like watching other people do so.
Other Things
I went to the post office today to buy stamps so I could maybe start on getting my cards addressed, not mailed yet its too early for me to do that. I like to wait until at least the second week of December, but as it was pointed out to me, I can still get them all taking care of and just not mail them yet. When I went to the post office, instead of standing in line, I went to a machine. I got almost all the way through the transaction when I started to worry about what kind of stamps I was getting a book of. I wanted holiday stamps, not flag stamps. So I stopped the transaction and headed for the lines. Before I made it to the lines I was stopped by a postal worker who explained the machine to me and let me know that all the books of stamps in the machine were holiday. They were of course holiday in a Christmas way, because that is the only card worthy holiday… but, I let it go… but still. I got my stamps and didn’t stand in line and I got the kind I wanted.
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
Advise, please
For Christmas this year I got a couple of little things for Lunch Buddy. She'll like them, she doesn't need them, but she'll groove on them. What she needs is to bath her dogs more frequently. She brought one up to work a couple of times over the last month and it was awful, Not in a "what the hell are you feeding that Dog?!", lower GI stank issues, more like "I think we found our missing vic" kind of eye watering stink issues. Gawd awful bad. Clothing permeating bad, So bad I don't want to touch the fuzzy wuzzy and if I do accidentally touch it then touch my clothing, I have to go home and quickly launder whatever it is before it smells up my house.
How do I politely tell LB that I will wash her dogs for her? She doesn't think that they smell, and if I say "Hey, Merry Christmas! LB, I'm gonna launder those dawgs for you!" she might take it as a dig to her mad dog mothering skilz.
So, to the person who can best tell me how to tell her that for Christmas this year Santa is putting clean dogs under her tree - there will be a lovely holiday tin of all natural, preservative free, home made Aunt Cookie's Dog Cookies for the best answer.
For Christmas this year I got a couple of little things for Lunch Buddy. She'll like them, she doesn't need them, but she'll groove on them. What she needs is to bath her dogs more frequently. She brought one up to work a couple of times over the last month and it was awful, Not in a "what the hell are you feeding that Dog?!", lower GI stank issues, more like "I think we found our missing vic" kind of eye watering stink issues. Gawd awful bad. Clothing permeating bad, So bad I don't want to touch the fuzzy wuzzy and if I do accidentally touch it then touch my clothing, I have to go home and quickly launder whatever it is before it smells up my house.
How do I politely tell LB that I will wash her dogs for her? She doesn't think that they smell, and if I say "Hey, Merry Christmas! LB, I'm gonna launder those dawgs for you!" she might take it as a dig to her mad dog mothering skilz.
So, to the person who can best tell me how to tell her that for Christmas this year Santa is putting clean dogs under her tree - there will be a lovely holiday tin of all natural, preservative free, home made Aunt Cookie's Dog Cookies for the best answer.
Not even Kidding
Go here , I saw this on Atrios also but Jesus' General provided helpful links to useful people. CBS and NBC turned down ads by a church because the ads had the nerve to say that Gay people are welcome at their Church. I swear to God. The networks, specifaclly that old defender of GOP values CBS said:
“Because this commercial touches on the exclusion of gay couples and other minority groups by other individuals and organizations,” the group states an explanation from CBS reads, “and the fact the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, this spot is unacceptable for broadcast on the [CBS and UPN networks]"
The ad has been accepted and will air on a number of networks, including ABC Family, AMC, BET, Discovery, Fox, Hallmark, History, Nick@Nite, TBS, TNT, Travel and TV Land, among others, the church said
The 30-second commercial features two muscle-bound “bouncers” standing guard outside a picturesque church and selecting which persons are permitted to attend Sunday services, and turning away apparent gays and persons of color.
Written text interrupts the scene, announcing, “Jesus didn’t turn people away. Neither do we.” A narrator then states, “No matter who you are, or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.”
Send emails, write letters, call the bastards. This is unaccaptable and demeaning to all of us. Straight, Gay, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, whatever. We can not let them think that this is how you do business and by not running this ad they are loseing business. Yours, Mine and Ours. NBC and CBS live and die by ad revenue - our money to their sponsers. The magic word is BOYCOTT.
from Jesus General, Atrios, The Raw Story
Go here , I saw this on Atrios also but Jesus' General provided helpful links to useful people. CBS and NBC turned down ads by a church because the ads had the nerve to say that Gay people are welcome at their Church. I swear to God. The networks, specifaclly that old defender of GOP values CBS said:
“Because this commercial touches on the exclusion of gay couples and other minority groups by other individuals and organizations,” the group states an explanation from CBS reads, “and the fact the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, this spot is unacceptable for broadcast on the [CBS and UPN networks]"
The ad has been accepted and will air on a number of networks, including ABC Family, AMC, BET, Discovery, Fox, Hallmark, History, Nick@Nite, TBS, TNT, Travel and TV Land, among others, the church said
The 30-second commercial features two muscle-bound “bouncers” standing guard outside a picturesque church and selecting which persons are permitted to attend Sunday services, and turning away apparent gays and persons of color.
Written text interrupts the scene, announcing, “Jesus didn’t turn people away. Neither do we.” A narrator then states, “No matter who you are, or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.”
Send emails, write letters, call the bastards. This is unaccaptable and demeaning to all of us. Straight, Gay, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, whatever. We can not let them think that this is how you do business and by not running this ad they are loseing business. Yours, Mine and Ours. NBC and CBS live and die by ad revenue - our money to their sponsers. The magic word is BOYCOTT.
from Jesus General, Atrios, The Raw Story
Winter is just cold
I woke up this morning with a cat on my face. The rest of the world has Cold and Flu season; I have Cat in Face Season. The minute its gets cold Mr. Kitty gets over his intimacy issues and I spend the winter slogging away in the Fur Mines giving myself Fur Lung Disease. He is not in the least sympathetic to my illness and refuses to be clipped, shorn, shaved or to wear a body suit. Selfish bastard. The only saving grace of working in the fur mines over the winter is that the fur mines are soft and warm and some mornings I am awoken by a gentle purring instead of a shrill binging of my real alarm clock – the downside of the purr alarm is that it keeps such bad time, the real alarm clock knows the difference between 6:05am and 3:45am.
The alarm clock goes off this morning and I struggle against the fur wall the cat has thrown up around my head and make my way to the bathroom. I get dressed and take Dogger out. I come back in side, feed Dogger and find something warmer to put on.
First contestant. I pull it out of the closet and find that I need to wear something underneath it, but hey, I have tomorrows outfit picked out. Score! super and while I’m standing there half naked and freezing I’m taking a census of my available turtlenecks and deciding that the day after tomorrow I can wear X sweater and X shirt! But this is not getting clothing on my back today and I’m standing there freezing! another contestant is called from the closet No! I don’t want to wear a blazer! Waaahhhh! suddenly I am a two year old. This is why I do this the evening before while I am still able to make the long drawn out choices with out making myself late for work or standing around my bedroom in the dark freezing to death at 6:30 in the morning channeling my inner two year old.
I’m supposed to be reading my paper right now instead of fashion crisis-ing!, if the paper had bothered to show up on time verses today when it was late, again thus, allowing me to spend this time standing around half naked and freezing in the dark! Stupid paper! It’s all its fault. If it had gotten here when it was supposed to I wouldn’t have time to stand around having a fashion crisis.
Finally, I find the right thing. Okay, its warm enough, no need to find something else to wear underneath it and it goes all right enough with the existing pants. I am so going to have to do the big seasonal clothing turn over this weekend. If I need a tee shirt to wear there are literally thousands standing by, but now that its December, my tee shirt needs are at a minimum and I really need my literally five or six sweaters to be standing by instead. It would also be nice for my turtle necks to be at the forefront too, but they insist on hiding inside sweaters, under sweatshirts and beneath piles of clean sheets.
The paper arrives and I am able to spend a luxurious and relaxing five minutes speed reading the funnies and glancing at the celebrity gossip before checking to make sure the doors are locked and telling the animals goodbye before I have to leave for work.
I woke up this morning with a cat on my face. The rest of the world has Cold and Flu season; I have Cat in Face Season. The minute its gets cold Mr. Kitty gets over his intimacy issues and I spend the winter slogging away in the Fur Mines giving myself Fur Lung Disease. He is not in the least sympathetic to my illness and refuses to be clipped, shorn, shaved or to wear a body suit. Selfish bastard. The only saving grace of working in the fur mines over the winter is that the fur mines are soft and warm and some mornings I am awoken by a gentle purring instead of a shrill binging of my real alarm clock – the downside of the purr alarm is that it keeps such bad time, the real alarm clock knows the difference between 6:05am and 3:45am.
The alarm clock goes off this morning and I struggle against the fur wall the cat has thrown up around my head and make my way to the bathroom. I get dressed and take Dogger out. I come back in side, feed Dogger and find something warmer to put on.
First contestant. I pull it out of the closet and find that I need to wear something underneath it, but hey, I have tomorrows outfit picked out. Score! super and while I’m standing there half naked and freezing I’m taking a census of my available turtlenecks and deciding that the day after tomorrow I can wear X sweater and X shirt! But this is not getting clothing on my back today and I’m standing there freezing! another contestant is called from the closet No! I don’t want to wear a blazer! Waaahhhh! suddenly I am a two year old. This is why I do this the evening before while I am still able to make the long drawn out choices with out making myself late for work or standing around my bedroom in the dark freezing to death at 6:30 in the morning channeling my inner two year old.
I’m supposed to be reading my paper right now instead of fashion crisis-ing!, if the paper had bothered to show up on time verses today when it was late, again thus, allowing me to spend this time standing around half naked and freezing in the dark! Stupid paper! It’s all its fault. If it had gotten here when it was supposed to I wouldn’t have time to stand around having a fashion crisis.
Finally, I find the right thing. Okay, its warm enough, no need to find something else to wear underneath it and it goes all right enough with the existing pants. I am so going to have to do the big seasonal clothing turn over this weekend. If I need a tee shirt to wear there are literally thousands standing by, but now that its December, my tee shirt needs are at a minimum and I really need my literally five or six sweaters to be standing by instead. It would also be nice for my turtle necks to be at the forefront too, but they insist on hiding inside sweaters, under sweatshirts and beneath piles of clean sheets.
The paper arrives and I am able to spend a luxurious and relaxing five minutes speed reading the funnies and glancing at the celebrity gossip before checking to make sure the doors are locked and telling the animals goodbye before I have to leave for work.
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