The Fifteen Minute Society

The Fifteen minute Society is a highly secretive group that officially decided who gets each Fifteen minute allotment of Fame time. I spoke to Society President Fred Faddish


Q. How do you decide who has the next 15 minutes of Fame?

A. Well, it was once a very complicated process. We once used resumes, letters of recommendation from agents, publicist and studios, interviews with past partners, an equation for figuring paparazzi interest, appearances on talk shows, game show panels and length of involvement with certain well known serial daters. It was very time consuming and some people entirely missed their Fifteen Minutes while others ended up with thirty minutes! It was scandalous

We had to do something. Game show panelists were piling up and no one could remember why they were famous in the first place! If you’re sitting next to Jamie Farr and no one can remember why? What’s the point? It was getting out of hand.

Q. Could you give me an example of someone who was short changed of his or her Fifteen Minutes?

A. God. There were a lot. I can’t remember their names now because they never got famous enough to become a name, but trust me, there are a lot of no name folks out there that should be a lot less no name then they are. I know one in particular that should not be running a B and B in Quebec today. She should be living in Studio City and getting work on PAX. It’s a shame. Her Fifteen is way over, but she never even had a chance on Match Game, she would have been brilliant.

Q. I’ve noticed that there seem to be a lot of celebs that really haven’t done anything to be a celeb. Talk to me about the Hilton Sisters?

A. CoughBeachHouseCough

Q. You can payfor Fifteen Minutes?!

A. The first Fifteen are free, after that there is a sliding scale.

Q. I’m shocked frankly.

A. Hey, it’s a big operation we run here. Focus Groups, Questionnaires, we have to monitor a lot of variables.

Q. Like?

A. Box Office, Q ratings, fan club activity, internet chatter, Nelson numbers, TV scheduling, what day a show is scheduled on is very important.

Q. The Hilton Sisters are socialites they aren’t on TV. There is a difference between Celebrity and merely being a rich partygoer.

A. Socialites have always been B or C level Celebrity. Whichever one it is, is just trying to be known for something other then her alcohol tolerance.

Q. Dear God.

A. One of them, the less horse faced one, is doing a reality show.

Q. Shit.

A. So now not she won’t just be a scantly clad wildly publicity seeking attention whore, she’ll also be a scantly clad wildly publicity seeking Reality TV Personality. She is going to be Hot, Hot, Hot.

Q. Does she have a personality?

A. We’re working on that right now. She is going to be huge. By the time we’re done with her she have the same fame as a minor Danish Royal.

Q. A minor Danish Royal? Like Ophelia?

A. Okay, would you rather have a boorish European Sports stars?

Q. There are European Sports Stars other then that soccer player?

A. Loads

Q. More Boorish then that one? How?

A. Washed up former British Pop Star Boorish.

Q. God.

A. We are currently watching a very hot, almost verbal professional Wrestler.

Q. God.

A. Wrestling is very big.

Q. Where?

A. UPN and with 15 year old male virgins, who lie about it, have skin conditions and don’t drive.

Q. So who are the people who do all this assigning of Fame?

A. I have a lot of associates in the field these days. Things move so fast now. Sitting around a table is just not able to keep up with the pace. It is all about speed. Speed and Picture Phones.

Q. Who is out there?

A. Mostly?

Q. Yes.

A. 11 year old girls are gold.

Q. How does a Hilton Sister show up on 11-year-old girls radar?

A. They are shiny and they have partied with Leo.

Q. Leo? The 11-year-old girl market still big with Leo?

A. The 11 year old girl DVD market is huge

Q. Okay, we established who is on their 15 minutes, who isn’t?

A. The real job here is building, building, building these people up so we can bring them, Down, down, down. Everyone wants the next best thing, not the last big thing. The sooner one is brought down another can come up. It’s the circle of lies!

Q. Wow. Who is going to be brought down next?

A. Come to our next get together.



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