Diary of a mad housecat

Dear Diary

The feeder let that other cat back into my house. Again! I advised her about this, I told her it would not be a good idea, that she should examine her options, but No, no; she had to let that creature back into my house.

My house. Thank you very much.

Other Cat is just not welcome here! I am the cat here, just me! I am the cat, the dog is the dog and I am the cat. The single cat, the only cat the alpha and the omega of cats in this household and now all I hear is “She’s soooo cute! She’s so Fluffy! What a pwetty kitty!”. Whatever.

I am not feeling this! Not at all! The other cat is so demanding and whiny and mean. Yes, mean. She’s the meanest cat in the whole world! She jumps on me and curses me and insults my fur! I have the most beautiful coat in all of catdom! The feeder knows this! Even that dopey dog knows this. It is a known fact. I am the prettiest, the most fluffy and while I am not cute, I am the most handsome cat ever in the entire world. Damn it.

I can hear her! She’s sneaking about... Oh! She just pounced on a bug! Which one, which one! Oh not Steve! Steve was mine!! I had invested a lot of time in Steve! I knew that bug! I was all over Steve before, but Steve went under the table and I knew Steve would stay there for a while and by the time Steve got ready to come out I would be there. Damn! That bug and I had an agreement, Steve would hide under the table and I wouldn’t mess with him and then when Steve was ready to die, he would come out from under the table and then I would torment and kill him. Steve was a bit of a masochist. Steve went to his death thinking I lied to him! Damn You Other Cat!!

And you know Other Cat is going to spend all her time under the bed! The good bed! That is my place! I go under the bed – sometimes, I have other places to go, places I prefer to spend time, but when I really want to go there, I do. And not the lame downstairs bed either. I want the upstairs bed – that is where the action is! And now Other Cat is hogging up the underneath of both beds! It’s not fair!

And there she goes, hissing at the Dog! The nerve! That is my dog! My dog to hiss at or not hiss at! Other Cat is totally messing up every relationship I have! All the work I’ve done to make sure that everyone is on the same page, that everyone is aware of the rules and now, it’s all finished! The dog is going to be pissed; the bug population is going to think I lied to them. You break your word to one bug and you lied to all of them. I had a good thing going with the bugs too! I got all the sick ones, the stupid and an occasional hunter one who stepped out of line, I was their enforcer! Oh Steve!!!

What am I supposed to do now? Go back to playing with my toys? Feline please. Once you’ve gone bug you can’t ever go ball plus I can’t get under the stove without help anyway. I hate other cat.