Getting Real(ity)

I and everyone else on Dogster got this email.

CBS is looking for extraordinary teams of dogs and owners across the nation to compete for the title of "America's Top Dog." Contact us at topdogcast@arp.tv for more information. Be sure to include a description of you and your dog, your phone number and a recent photo! (Applications can also be downloaded.) Hurry, the deadline is February 15, 2008! Apply Now to Appear on the Show

My guess is this was green lit before the strike ended. They might hang onto it if the actors strike too.

I was curious. Dogger is very top dog. I think she would be a good candidate and she photographs well. As much as I hate reality television, and the fame whores on which it stands, could I deprive Dogger of this opportunity? She could be famous! I think she would be a shoe in, she’s a rescue - that would have to be worth points and she has a potentially fatal illness! Hard luck story and over coming illness! She could have her own show on Animal Planet on that alone. That guy from Tradeing Places would build Dogger her very own house. Oh yeah. We could do this. Where do I sign up?

On to the application!

Calling all talented dogs! CBS is looking for the most extraordinary teams of dogs and owners across the nation to compete for the title of "America's top dog." From purebreds to mutts, show dogs to stunt dogs, Pugs to Great Danes and agility dogs to dogs who dance the Tango - we want all types of talented canines. The winning team will walk away with bragging rights and a significant cash prize!

Dogger is pretty, she doesn't have to be talented, tricks are for ugly dogs. I like prizes. I am significantly more likely to enter this contest. And then I looked at the form: 18 pages!. Three pages of instructions. I have to swear I am not an employee now or have I been in the past an employee or agent of CBS, that no one in my immediate family is an employee or agent now or in the past of CBS, and that I do not know now or have I in the past known an employee or agent of CBS, and that I do not now or have I in the past even watched CBS. And it goes on to ask about Doggers friends and family and their ties to CBS.

54 questions over Eleven pages about Dogger and my relationship. Everything from her favorite outfits to what social networking sites Dogger is a member of to my mental health status. It assumes Dogger is online. She is, actually, but to assume I scammed Myspace so I could create a page for her is just sad . The fact is it sad but true is irrelevant. It also assumes I would tell them if I was crazy.

Do you have any non-canine children.
Does your dog have any favorite clothes? Tell us about his or her favorite outfits
What are your favorite topic of discussion at a party? What topics are off limits?
How do you deal with people that annoy or provoke you?
Are you currently on any medications? Please list meds and reasons for use.
How would your friends and family describe you and your dogs relationship?
Are you a risk taker? Tell us about some of your biggest gambles
Discribe your dogs daily schedule
If you and your dog won our contest, how would you spend the money?
Is your dog a good sport?

It is also important for them to know how often I go to church and how important church is to me. It wants to know how competitive I am and if I am a good sport or not. It does not ask if Dogger is a church goer.

Sadly, further reading revels that we would have to be available for approximately eight weeks ( who has time for this? That’s why Reality shows are populated by wanna be actors and models, and other assorted fame whores. If you have a real job and a real life, you can not be on reality TV) and that if we was chosen and come on! We would be chosen, that I would travel coach and that Dogger would fly in the baggage compartment!. My dog and I don’t travel in steerage. I hate Les Moonves anyway.