Flashing Back

I called the dog "Daisy" twice today. I chalk this up to having to tell a record number of people a couple of days ago that Daisy died in June. It was cancer and it was fast. There are weeks that depended on where we go for our walk, this happens several times but it hasn't happened in a while and then it was three times in less than an hour.

Ouch.

I am assuming it was cancer because I turned down the vets offer of doing a necropsy. I didn't really need to know what officially did her in, well, officially it was a needle full of whatever they euthanize animals with but I knew what he meant. She was gone and I didn't want her body violated to satisfy anyone's morbid curiosity, all be-it professional curiosity. It was a natural death.

What led us there was a lethal combination of end stage liver cancer and an out of control infection that might have been another immune disorder like the Addison's.They wanted to treat the immune disorder with more prednisone in the short run until they figured out which immune disorder it was - their version of thinking positively... but it was going to have to be a short term fix because she was experiencing high speed liver failure  and she was dying too fast for the pred to fix anything.

After my uplifting conversation with the vet, I just knew she wasn't coming home with me, once there, I sat outside for an hour before I could bring myself to come inside to all her stuff. Her old stuff. Sometimes I miss her so much it like being slapped.

When I am asked about Daisy, I always tell her friends : It was over really fast for her and it was a blessing. She's happy and in a better place. It was awful for me but she didn't suffer, so its okay.. And now I can add to that,  She's happy, and now I'm happy because of Rocket.