The contractually obligatory Oscar ™ prediction entry

Performance by an actor in a leading role
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

First up, I didn’t actually see any of them. The only nominated films I saw this year were Ratatouille and Sicko I have seen ads for the Michael Clayton DVD. The others, really I know about only because they were written about online because they were “important films” . In The Valley of Elah did play briefly at the Art House near me.

Everyone, including George Clooney says that Daniel Day Lewis is going to win. How is this character different from the very ambitious, crazy person he played in Gangs of New York? He always plays these very tightly wound, very “deep” characters and I can’t fault him for playing to his strengths, but what about comedy? And this is from the only person on the planet that owns a copy of Stars and Bars. Dieing/killing/losing your mind is easy, comedy is hard.

Should – Clooney, because I lurve him.
Could – Tommy Lee Jones
Will – Daniel Day Lewis

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook in Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson in Michael Clayton

I have no experience with any of these films, and they are films thank-you-very-much, sooo serious and "important". If you interviewed the scripts they would spend a lot of time talking about "it’s process" and sense memory and "going to that place" and its acting coach. Blah. How deep and unpleasant is TAOJJBTCRF that even of Brad Pitt couldn’t save it? I would love to see a Movie get critical attention.

Yawn. And the winner is … Javier Bardem and his hair!

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away from Her
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno

I want to see E:GA even though I have read that it kind of sucks, I bet everyone looks fabulous. Julie Christie plays a the prettiest Alzheimer's patient ever. And of course, again I am completely unfamiliar with the movie – I am however completely familiar with Alzheimer's patients. Is AFH maybe told in flashbacks? I refuse to see Juno or any film that says that teenage pregnancy is cute, okay, funny or that pregnant teenagers should act as substawombs for sterile forty-year-olds. It is not the responsibility of the too young to carry the burden of pregnancy for the too old.

And the winner is: Julie Christy for daring to be old.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Usually the province of the producers girlfriend or other women the voters want to have sex with. They catagorie is normally made up of the one hit wonder, the newbie, and the good lay. Tilda and Cate will cancel each other out because they are actually the same person, Ms Dee has been in the business for so long that the voters may have all ready sex with her, and Miss Ronan is too young voters to have sex with. Roman Polanski non-withstanding.

Winner – Amy Ryan as she is young and spends the film crying in a tube top.

Achievement in directing
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly Julian Schnabel
Juno, Jason Reitman
Michael Clayton, Tony Gilroy
No Country for Old Men, Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
There Will Be Blood, Paul Thomas Anderson

I know there is a Julian Schnabel in the world because he is mentioned in Six Degrees of Separation, where someone in the art world is referred to as a “Schnabel Ho!” . I think it’s going to be a toss up between No Country... and There will be blood, both are very well reviewed, sensitive portraits of testosterone poisoning . Jason Reitman is a fetus who made a movie about a fetus, staring fetus, no. The diving bel...? Depressing! Strong male lead! Smart, smart, smart! but maybe a little Television for Men?

Winner – Michael Clayton Tony Gilroy, for daring to make a procedural.

Best documentary feature
No End in Sight
Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience
Sicko Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara
"Taxi to the Dark Side"
"War/Dance"

Anti-War doc, Anti-War/Pro-Troop Doc, Anti-Health Industry (one of two nominated films I saw this year) and I’m pretty sure at least on Holocaust Doc.

Winner
Will - Holocaust Doc. Always and forever.
Should - Sicko.

Best motion picture of the year
"Atonement"
"Juno"
"Michael Clayton"
"No Country for Old Men"
"There Will Be Blood"

Winner : There Will Be Blood . Oil is important, George Bush was an oilman, failed, but he was in oil, he is evil, the lead is an oil man and he is ultimately evil. Everyone agrees that Shrub is evol. A vote for TWBB is a vote for saying Shrub is evil.

There are a 18 other categories, handicapping those, I leave up to you and The Academy.

Freedom

It’s official. Winter has now officially last too long. The zippers my coats have all failed at once. I have several winter coats; one for really, really cold, one older coat for cold but not that cold, a newer that does approximate the same job as the older jacket only in slightly nicer way, a heavy windbreaker and a fifty year old red wool coat. This is not counting two rain coats, one old, one new and a dress coat. I miss living in a warm climate.

Of the coats I wear, ask how many have functioning zippers? Of the coats I wear on a daily bases? The windbreaker will still zip. It’s February, it’s not really wind breaker season. The nice, heavy coats that actually provided protection from the cold? 2 for 2. The zipper on the new coat barely made it through the fall and now the zipper on the older version of it decided to break. I really like the fifty year old wool, but it’s fifty years old, it’s zipper, I should add, still works.

I was getting ready to leave work Tuesday and I was just about to leave my office and head outside when my coat wouldn’t zip and I was like Look, I am out the door. I do not want to stand around and play with this. Zip or else. And then it did zip and then unzipped, backwards.

This was not working for me. I needed to hurry so I could get to the park before Drama showed up. Drama is either there or she isn’t but if she is there, she never leaves. I’ve learned to leave when they arrive. The last time we were there at the same time, Drama did a drive by snarl at Dogger – who was on a leash at the time. It sucks being at the park with a leashed dog. I think it kind of defeats the whole “Off Leash Dog Park” idea, the good thing is that if there aren’t any small dogs in the small dog park, Dogger can go there and do her thing. By herself. Which is not fun.

When we started to go there it was only maybe, seven dogs total and I knew everyone and Dogger got along with everyone and it was really nice. Now? There are too many dogs, Dogger gets along with dogs who want to get along, I don’t know anyone anymore and it just isn’t like it was, a nice place with a handful of dogs. The park is a victim of its own success. Also, Dogger has gotten cranky over the years and she’s not as laid back as she used to be. Back when we started going, a dog could hump her over and over and she would be cool with it, now? A dog humps her one time and she throws down with it on the first go-round. She has really become a lot less submissive over time. I practically don’t even trust her around other dogs! We were at the park the other night and a dog wondered up to Dogger and everything was cool, but I still grabbed her none-the-less because I didn’t know the other dog.

Doggers temper started to get worse over the last year or so and I think it may have been a symptom of the Addison’s. I would think that too much adrenalin would make you testy, but apparently too little also gives you a short fuse – she does all fight no flight. I’m hoping that once she gets stabilized that she will be less aggressive and will go back to how she was, the park princess.

I want Dogger and I both enjoy the park. Dogger really likes being off leash and being free to do her thing but when she is, I’m not.

Red Crossed

I got a cold call from the Red Cross. They suggested I come in and I didn’t think to tell them they would see me when that saw fit to rethink their sexist policies. I wanted to donate blood.

It's hard, I'm a woman. for me eating fish and other high iron foods doesn't help, iron pills make me ill and the addition of daily vitamins only gives me very expensive urine. Despite this, I have a pin that says I have donated a gallon of blood, this took me three years and countless visits and many humiliations but I did it. I wanted to achieve more. I liked donating because it made me feel good, like I was helping other people I was part of something and it always made me amazed how well thought out we were, to have these nifty inter-changeable parts and now that I can’t, it makes me feel like something that needs to be recycled. But I still try, it’s humiliating when I can’t, but I still try because maybe this time I can.

Among their offensive policies? I mean other then penalizing me for not being a man. Asking me my gender, to my face. It’s a new question among the other pre-pre-screening questions .The woman went through my demographics, name, rank and serial number and then she said, looking right at me : Sex? I looked at her, I looked down to see if my tits were still there, and said Female, in a very girly voice, thank you very much. I know my sneakers do nothing for my girlish figure but my tits usually rat me out. Besides, would a cross dresser be seen in mom jeans?

The technician later told me that they have to ask now because when they test the blood they can tell if it is male or female and the blood in the bags wasn’t matching the blood under the scope - this is very upsetting to the technicians. It makes me wonder who they are hiring to do the pre-screening with the prospective donors. I can understand maybe, across a large room under poor lighting and with beer goggles, not being able to correctly guess the sex an individual, maybe, if you were stupid. But in a tiny room under unkind florescent lights? You would really have to be doing it on purpose and I can kind of understand why.

There are rules that preclude gay men from donating blood They ask very specific, very detailed, very personal questions about how, when, where and with whom prospective donors have had gay sex with. It doesn’t matter how dedicated to safe sex gay men are, how many tests they take and pass - They are gay men and they can not donate blood. Due to those questions, I can understand wanting to get around them. But, you may lie about your gender but your blood will out you.

Needless to say, while I passed my orals, I failed the road test. Since these failures always lead me directly to self loathing, and self loathing to self destructive behavior, on the way home I got a milk shake - because there is nothing I need less then four or five hundred empty calories. But I am a failure as a human being, I deserve to get fat.

I am a completely healthy specimen, I don’t even met the clinical definition of anemia! In the real world, I am in good health, but the Red Cross thinks it’s not good enough.

Captain Mebing

Sunday, I needed to go to the post office. Okay, need is an awfully strong word. The house did come with a mail slot. Sunday, I wanted to go to the post office. I had a bill that I had paid and my cousin’s baby took a spill and I wanted to send a card. I decided that Dogger and I would walk to the post office. I can unilaterally make decisions like that because I am the biped. Sucks for her.

So we walked. And it was a good walk , minimal chicken bones, and I noticed that They finally cleared the sidewalk that runs along New Bern Avenue of the dirt and vines and garbage that had taken over. Every few months They do a fairly good job of keeping the hobo jungles in the field from getting mythic - There must be a better more now term for that more, more today. More Failed Bush Admin than Failed Hoover Admin., “Hobo jungles” are so last century. How about Junkie Hide-a-Ways, Crack Whore Lounges? Whatever you would call them, they are now gone . They’ll be back because it doesn’t appear that They salted the earth or anything but They did clearly, utilize some Ms. Dash. I wasthrilled about the sidewalk. The historic big trees are still there, the historic barb wire is still there but the historic ivy the historic dirt and the historic condoms are gone...

And on Sunday, when Dogger decided she needed to go home now, we did, because, well, because it’s easier that way and later on she mentioned that she suddenly remembered that Monday was a federal holiday and thus there would be no mail service and so there was no reason to go the post office.

And so Monday, I still needed to go to the post office. Me Biped.

And we’re walking and everything is good. And a head of us, within site of our Postal goal, is a house, the house has a yard, in the yard is a dog and the dog has noticed us. In the front yard of the house is a woman with a rake. Dogger notices the woman and her rake. Dogger does a modified Hamill camel and we are now headed away from the house, the yard, the dog, the woman and her rake and the post office.

I’m not exactly sure that she didn’t actually turn herself inside out. This is the second time she has refused to go to the post office, but it took her longer to change her mind this time. We ended up walking around the neighborhood again -Which is fine, but it wasn’t my idea. As the biped, I am the one makes the decisions. I am the captain, the purser, the tour director, the ship doctor and the bartender! Dogger is one of the guest stars, she’s along for the ride, she isn’t supposed to be in charge of navigation.

And you’re saying, “Then don’t let her”. Easier said than done my friend. She is very strong and gets better traction than I do. She can also turn herself to stone when the mood strikes. I can no more move her when she doesn’t want to be moved than I could push Minnie if the emergency brake was set. She trumps in this case because she is the quadruped and I am the biped. If the going gets tough, four wheel drive trumps two wheel drive. Sucks for me.

I tried though.

I said Okay Dogger we’re going across the street!

and Dogger said - No

And I said - We’re going to the post office damn it!

And she said - You do whatever you want. I am not going to the post office. Between here and there is a big giant Thing with a big giant claw and it’s going to eat you and not me. You can go home with me or you can get eaten by the big giant thing with the big giant claw! My mama didn’t raise no dumb puppies.

And I said - Screw that! I raised you! Me! I’m your mama! And I raised you to go to the post office!

And then I remembered I was in public and that maybe, this was not the time or the place for this conversation and so we went home. Because I wanted to.

News

Fidel Castro has resigned as president of Cuba, according to a statement in state-run newspaper Granma., from CNN.com.

Gentrifchickenbones

I had one detective then I had a second detective now I have three detectives. Which means that I now have filled out three police reports. Two with Raleigh and one with Cary. Two reports for larceny and one for fraud - Fraud being more important than larceny. I’m pretty sure that I’m also going to have to do an identity Theft report as well - it hasn’t been suggested, but I see it on the horizon. The more reports the more cases the more detectives better the chance that something will happen and when that something does happen there will be more charges. Or nothing will happen and I’ll have three detectives not answering my calls. Is it fair that I even have three detectives?

I was reading in the paper on Saturday about a case back in the seventies where this man shot his wife in the face and then disappeared. And then nothing. No investigation, no follow up no nothing, not for three decades. This woman was shot in the face. And nothing. And it wasn’t as though it was a stranger who did this. They knew who he was and nothing. Thirty years later the woman’s friend at her retirement center made noise and got the investigation going and three decades later, they found him!, in the NYC apartment he had been living in since he shot her. He shot her, ran to New York and just stayed there. He had been waiting for the knock on the door for all those years. My question is, if they felt comfortable ignoring a guy they knew everything about except where he was, how long is it going to take them to decide my Thief is too hard to find? We don’t know anything about her and she didn’t shoot me in the face. Should I have faith that this is going to happen? If they can ignore a man who shot a woman, what about my thief? How much time do I get before they give up on her? Can I wait thirty years? Should I feel guilty if they do stick with my cases? All she hurt were my feelings.

And if they do find her, is it going to be because they want justice for me or for Target? And does it matter? Should it matter to me?

Speaking of laws and justice and all. I have a request. I want them to make a ordinance about properly disposing of your chicken bones. There are entirely too many chicken bones scattered around, and they are a real problem. Dogger and I have gone on three walks over the last five days and I’ve had my fingers stuck down her throat three times to pull chicken bones out of her maw. Abandoned chicken bones are both gross and dangerous, poor Dogger has enough stacked against her without having the world at large trying to kill her because they are too lazy to throw away their chicken bones. Dumb fucks. It is not necessary to throw your chicken bones out the window, they can be more safety disposed of.

From now on, when I see some one pulled over, I’m not going to assume are being hassled, I’m going to assume it’s because they improperly disposed of chicken waste.

Speaking of Dogger and my walks. There is a house we pass and it has been being renovated for some time, It’s nice enough, but it’s small and not in the nicest location and it’s too close to the road for my taste. It’s on the market now. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, kitchen, living room. Four rooms total with a back deck and bonus out building. The house has 923 square feet. Guess the price? The house is thisclose to two busy streets and the front of the house is littered with chicken bones!... $178,900. It’s tax value is only $63,000! My house is taxed at forty thousand more, has more square footage, is in a better location and I wouldn’t get $178,900 in my dreams.

HAPPY SUNDAY !!!!!!!

HAPPY SATURDAY !!!!!

Friday Cat Blogging

Getting Real(ity)

I and everyone else on Dogster got this email.

CBS is looking for extraordinary teams of dogs and owners across the nation to compete for the title of "America's Top Dog." Contact us at topdogcast@arp.tv for more information. Be sure to include a description of you and your dog, your phone number and a recent photo! (Applications can also be downloaded.) Hurry, the deadline is February 15, 2008! Apply Now to Appear on the Show

My guess is this was green lit before the strike ended. They might hang onto it if the actors strike too.

I was curious. Dogger is very top dog. I think she would be a good candidate and she photographs well. As much as I hate reality television, and the fame whores on which it stands, could I deprive Dogger of this opportunity? She could be famous! I think she would be a shoe in, she’s a rescue - that would have to be worth points and she has a potentially fatal illness! Hard luck story and over coming illness! She could have her own show on Animal Planet on that alone. That guy from Tradeing Places would build Dogger her very own house. Oh yeah. We could do this. Where do I sign up?

On to the application!

Calling all talented dogs! CBS is looking for the most extraordinary teams of dogs and owners across the nation to compete for the title of "America's top dog." From purebreds to mutts, show dogs to stunt dogs, Pugs to Great Danes and agility dogs to dogs who dance the Tango - we want all types of talented canines. The winning team will walk away with bragging rights and a significant cash prize!

Dogger is pretty, she doesn't have to be talented, tricks are for ugly dogs. I like prizes. I am significantly more likely to enter this contest. And then I looked at the form: 18 pages!. Three pages of instructions. I have to swear I am not an employee now or have I been in the past an employee or agent of CBS, that no one in my immediate family is an employee or agent now or in the past of CBS, and that I do not know now or have I in the past known an employee or agent of CBS, and that I do not now or have I in the past even watched CBS. And it goes on to ask about Doggers friends and family and their ties to CBS.

54 questions over Eleven pages about Dogger and my relationship. Everything from her favorite outfits to what social networking sites Dogger is a member of to my mental health status. It assumes Dogger is online. She is, actually, but to assume I scammed Myspace so I could create a page for her is just sad . The fact is it sad but true is irrelevant. It also assumes I would tell them if I was crazy.

Do you have any non-canine children.
Does your dog have any favorite clothes? Tell us about his or her favorite outfits
What are your favorite topic of discussion at a party? What topics are off limits?
How do you deal with people that annoy or provoke you?
Are you currently on any medications? Please list meds and reasons for use.
How would your friends and family describe you and your dogs relationship?
Are you a risk taker? Tell us about some of your biggest gambles
Discribe your dogs daily schedule
If you and your dog won our contest, how would you spend the money?
Is your dog a good sport?

It is also important for them to know how often I go to church and how important church is to me. It wants to know how competitive I am and if I am a good sport or not. It does not ask if Dogger is a church goer.

Sadly, further reading revels that we would have to be available for approximately eight weeks ( who has time for this? That’s why Reality shows are populated by wanna be actors and models, and other assorted fame whores. If you have a real job and a real life, you can not be on reality TV) and that if we was chosen and come on! We would be chosen, that I would travel coach and that Dogger would fly in the baggage compartment!. My dog and I don’t travel in steerage. I hate Les Moonves anyway.

All you do is bark, bark

Dogger is barking at me.

And I’m asking her questions,Are you hungry? Stupid question, Do you want to go out?, answer “Of Course!” and so we went outside and then we came back inside and she barked at me again. I asked her , Do you want to watch Law and Order?, What is it girl? Is House Hunters on? Ace of Cakes?, Do you want your toy? and she just looked at me. I went and found her buffalo pelt and she didn’t want it and I went to go get one of her bones but The Kitty was there and he was so cute and so I had to cuddle him for a while and Dogger was annoyed. She didn’t want her bone. She didn’t want to watch TV and she didn’t need to go outside again.. She was bored. Dogger had ennui.

So I broke into her toy closet and found a rope toy and a plush lion and she decided that the opportunity to disembowel the lion sounded less boring then the rope toy. I suspect she may have really wanted her King Fu hamster but I don’t know what she did with it and I can hardly expect a straight answer out of her.

She grew tired of the lion. Now she has turned her attention to the rope toy. The lion wasn’t as easy to disembowel as she would have liked. Also its mane got caught in her teeth. I think she would be more interested in the lion if it roared. Dogger likes toys that entertain as well as nourish. I think that is why the Kung Fu hamster has lasted as long as it has. She’s been chewing on it for a while and the mechanism that Hi-yas doesn’t Hi-ya as frequently as it was designed for. It makes her work for it and I think she appreciates the challenge.

She may be experiencing mixed feelings about disemboweling the lion out of respect for her trout. It's missing in the house somewhere and she wasn't finished with it and she really needs closure. She was doing a great job with it - giving me hope that if we were ever lost in Wyoming that she would be able to support us by fishing She tore right into it’s belly and did an excellent job of filleting the fluff. I think though she would be very disappointed in real fish as they lack fluff but perhaps she would enjoy roe. Hmm. Maybe she could just find a nice grizzly bear boy and sweet talk him into going out to hunt for us. I would be totally useless unless the Wyoming outback has been seeded with microwaves and coke machines.

On our walk today Dogger let me go to the post office. Last week I needed to go to the post office but she wasn’t having any part of it. I am assuming that whatever was bothering her has cleared up. Maybe she sensed a gas leak or her sources had turned her on to a drive by or something. I think she does things like that to keep me on my toes. She doesn’t want me to get complacent, she likes to mix things up. I think she would really like to go to the park, but it has been damp here for a couple of days and damp and the park don’t go together. The air quality at the park is not helped by rain. The park smells better when it’s had a chance to dry out a little. When its damp the park smells like herd of dogs that all needed baths three days ago.

Dogger has forgiven the lion toy for playing hard to get. She mixed it up this time, instead of going the conventional route - ripping out it’s throat, she snapped its spine!. Way to disable your prey! Dogger! The kids at Puppy School would be so proud! I think she’s really onto something here! I think for vacation this year Dogger and I are going to the Serengeti - Does Food Network have any shows on preparing wild game?

Soda/Coke/Pop Quiz

Yankee or Dixie? - What your language says about you.

I scored : 58% (Dixie). Barely into the Dixie category.

Wednesday photoblogging!

When I came home from work yesterday, it looked like the sky was going to open up and all hell was going to break loose. I didn't want to turn the computer on because I don't think violent storms and electronics mix. I took Dogger out to pee, just in case the storm started and while it was pretty scary, but it was light enough to take pictures of Dogger and Singer.

I didn't take Dogger to the park because it was going to rain very hard very soon and I didn't want to be a crowed dog park when some screams lighting. I can't imagine it would be something I would want to be a part of.

I had been home for a while and nothing had happened yet and I decided that Dogger and I needed to get some exercise, even if it was only to the end of the block and back. Well, it didn't start raining.

The sky was black and gray and ominious and nothing. We kept walking. And it got darker and uglier but it didn't rain so we walked on. We didn't go to the baseball park because they had just groomed it and I didn't want Dogger messing it up, so we went to the tennis courts instead. Dogger thought the courts were very cool and she did not get tangled in the nets even though she has no experience with netting and I was really afraid that she was going to plow right into them. But she didn't, she zagged . I was so proud. She is a total athlete.

We came home and it was really dark and scary and so I still a little leery about turning on the computer but I sucked it up and I bravely watched another Sex in The City DVD.

The sky never opened up so I bravely turned on the computer. After so much talk about poor, sad, sickly Dogger, I thought I would post some pictures of happy, healthy, flirtatious Dogger and her boyfriend, Singer the feral kitten.

Walking the Walk

I did something Saturday I don’t do very often. I took myself for a walk.

Friday I saw an insert in the paper about a YWCA rummage sale. I like rummage sales, I said Rummage sale! Woo! I wonder where it is? If it’s close maybe I’ll go. And I looked at it closer and it was the YWCA right down the street! And I said Cool! I’m so going.

I have wanted to see if they offer any classes or activities I might like ( answer: No they did not, unless I wanted to take wheel chair aerobics). I’ve gone by there a few times but always after hours - They aren’t open many hours (old people go to bed early - and always with Dogger. Dogger is a great conversation starter but she does not provided entree into tours. Most business have a strong anti-big glomping dog bias.

So I had never been in.

Saturday morning I got up, pilled everyone, fed everyone and then kissed everyone good bye. I went to the car, but then I started thinking: It’s really close and if there is a big crowd, for surely there will be, I may not be able to find a space and I might even end up parking far enough away that I might have just as easily walked. I should just walk.

And so I did. The YWCA is on a street that I haven’t walked Dogger on in a while because the last time I walked Dogger there, I got spooked and decided I would not walk Dogger there again. I also decided to not forget to lock my car doors when I drove there. One of the fist times Dogger and I walked there, we were just walking along and then next we were extras in New Jack City II - Jacked Up. There was a scary looking guy laying in await - Looking all the world like he was literally laying in wait, like a hyena in a do rag, like he had been directed how and where to stand and how to look. He was right out of central casting. If I hadn’t been so freaked outI would have said Dude! What’s with the cliche? Look at you! Can’t you do any better? God! You look like you belong in the opening credits of an Eddie Murphy movie circa 1984! Really! Did you piss off someone in wardrobe? Oh, and your director is a HACK!

But I wanted to keep moving. If these guys wanted to do a road show version of Colors I was not interested in playing Unfortunate Passer By and so I booked. I got passed the hack scariness only to be startled by a panicked looking Hispanic guy bursting out of some shrubberies. He was running from someone. It may have been an invisible someone, but he was fleeing and terrified. And I was standing there in the bright sun, in the middle of the day and I suddenly wanted to run for cover.

Dogger and I went home by another route and I didn’t walk there again for a long time - Only to be scared away many months later when we did go back, by what I am only assuming were two crack whores. They didn’t do anything particularly threatening but they knew I was there and I didn’t want them to go all crack whore on me. Also, they were not suitably afraid of Dogger - As defined by squealing, pleading and running away. I’m comfortable with that response, I am uncomfortable when people do not fear Dogger. It’s like walking down the street with a .45 in your hand and still getting mugged. Lessen being, even if you can't pull the trigger at least don't let anyone know it isn't loaded.

But. This time no crack whores or thugs from central casting. It was also ten in the morning on a lovely Saturday and it was nice. I strolled to the YWCA, discovered that they and I do not define rummage sale the same way and I walked home. What a difference a year or so makes. And I found out my local thugs and crack whores don’t work first shift.

Monday

Down in the basement The Kitty is doing his vocal warm ups. He is going to be singing a song about being locked in the basement without anything to eat and no toys and being forced curl up on a chair with only a towel draped over it for padding. It has about 127 verses. He asked to go down there, nay, he demanded that I stop what I was doing, get up, and let him go down there. He knows there is a little used door there and I think he goes down there in hopes that somehow the door will magically have sprung open. The Kitty does not understand about deadbolts.

But The Kitty persists. He believes that eventually he is going to go down there and the door will be open and he will be able to go outside and... there isn’t any grass for lolling around in, the dirt is hard packed and I can’t see him as being someone who wants to wade through piles of leaves. I do know however, that if he was given to opportunity to go out there, he would head right for the largest source of gluten. He would make a glutton of himself on the gluten. A gluten glutton.

The Kitty is always looking for an opportunity. He can sense an unlocked/unlatched door no matter where in the house he is or how fast asleep . If there is a door open he will find it. I have been very mean to him and his spidey senses. I took advantage of the nice weather and opened of the windows and took advantage of all the screen doors. It’s making The Kitty crazy. He is sensing all these opportunities and when he goes to take advantage? He still can’t get out. It’s so close and yet so far. You can feel his sadness. He’s doing everything to get out, sniffing under the doors, standing on his hind legs and pushing , hiding near but not too near the door laying in wait for me to unthinkingly go out the door while he disguises himself as my pant leg and escapes to freedom and the glorious piles gluten that awaits him in the Promised Yard.

I don’t think he would have liked it outside this weekend anyway. It’s been very windy. I didn’t realize how windy until I went to the store and I actually had to drive the car. I mean, there is driving and there is driving. I had to work to keep the car in my lane. Minnie is not a small car and girl friend is hefty, she is not easy to push around and we were being pushed around.

I went out because I got a wild hair and decided I wanted stir fry for dinner and so I went online and found a recipe and shockingly, didn’t have most of the ingredients but since most of the ingredients were foods I don’t eat anyway, it wasn’t a big deal. I had the main ingredients but the recipe called for ginger and I didn’t have any and while the mushrooms and onions were skippable, I decided the ginger was not.

So I went to Poverty Barn.

Don’t laugh. Poverty Barn is full of food items you wouldn’t expect to find. It’s a culinary treasure hunt in the food section. The Polish ramon noodles are right across the aisle from the Israeli fruit punch. And on the next aisle are Peruvian egg noodles. But sadly no ground ginger of any nationality. I ended up with a bag of French stir fry sauce, two family sized boxes of all-American Kraft Mac and Cheese and two cans of Australian canned crab. $8.13 isn’t bad for at least six meals.