Ms. Green Jeans

I mowed my yard last week. I mowed my own lawn. With my own lawn mower. I even got it started on my own. I thought this would be easy. My brother had yanked the cord and it started, first try. I could do that. I tried. Nothing. I tried again. Nothing. Thrid times the charm. Nothing. By this time I can see one of my neighbors out of the corner of my eye. He's waiting for me to give up so he can start the mower for his sad little neighbor girl, "look at her out there trying to turn the mower on, poor thing, I'll just get it started for her".


I would as soon die. The yard will never get mowed and I would apply for some sort of Wild Life Preserve status. It seems that getting the mower started requires some sort of upper body strength. I had neglected working on this in favor memorizing the location of the buttons on my various remote controls and archiving my Buffy The Vampire Slayer tapes.


I finally got the mower started, Vroooom. I actually do a dance of joy . My neighbor went back inside his house and I mowed. I rocked at this. It isn't that hard and it is all about instant gratification. How can people complain about this, this is fun! .


The house across the street is "For Sale By Owner", or more accurately "Abandoned and Left To Rot". I am tired of looking at it. I am Mower Woman! I will mow the yard. I am an involved member of the community! So I take the mower across the street and after too many tries, got it started. I get a few feet and the mower stops. Damn. The cord won't pull, hmmm. How do you reboot a Lawn Mower. After watching it not work for a few moments I tipped it over and unjamed the grass that has stopped it up... Onward Mower Woman! .


Fast foreward four or five more tiping, unjamming and repetive cord yanking . I begin to look at this as not fun . Working this hard for myself would be one thing and I don't even know these house abandoners. But I am doing it - Involved Member of the community and all that. All the time muttering about "People Who Just Expect Others To Do Their Work For Them. Take No responsiblity for their own things. If I Was Trying To Sell This House I Would Have Hired A Real Estate Person And Damn It If They Would Let It Get Like This. If They Really Wanted To Sell This Place They Would Take Better Care Of It. Grrrrr" Lather Rinse Repeat.


I couldn't even finish it. Too much tall grass. The mower and I ran out of gas. I ended up paying a lawn guy down the street five bucks to finish the last bit.


After my less then total lawn mowing domination. I wanted to make myself feel better, take on a less mechanical foe. I will plant things, I will give back to nature. I will go to Lowes and buy dirt! . Because Nature does not supply really good dirt. Regular dirt is not really up to the needs of todays modern flowers. It has too much dirt in it . 21st Century flowers like aftermarket extras - very into the Bling, bling. Like J.Lo - Flo.Lo


I get lucky at Lowes. I find some designer dirt in a torn bags. Score! .75 a bag! for $7.00 dirt!


The flowers were less interesting. I ended up getting a flat of Marigolds and Salvia and then off the Kmart for hopefully a different selction and chaper flats. The same selection, cheaper flats.


And I plant. This is work. And it's dirty work. Martha Stewert doesn't end up with dirty hands. I still have green hands from the mowing and now I have black nails. Ick. But I get it done and I get the pots arranged on the stoop and the others artfully arranged in a pattern. I rock. I look out my front door and my pretty lawn and pretty flowers and the much improved, albeit still abandoned house across the street and think - I am So Cool.


The next day there is a note on my door from the people selling the house across the street "Thank You for mowing my Mothers lawn". I am pond scum.