Monday, April 30, 2007

On person's trash is another person's new kitchen rug

I was walking Dogger and there it was rolled up on the curb. I picked it up and carried it home, no rips, stains or dead bodies were hidden within.
The Real Bush Surge

U.S. April Death Toll in Iraq Passes 100 - U.S. Military Deaths Toll Rises Above 100 for Month, Making April Deadliest of 2007 So Far.
Can't remember a thing about her, but gee, she's got great hair.

Alphagal introduced me to Ulta . Think of it as a feminine Pep Boys, a Toys-R-Us for grown women - Sallow skin? Bags under your eyes? break outs and crows feet? Isle 11-15, Listless hair? Isles 1-9, does your grocery store lipstick wear off before you even make it to the office? Isle 10 - Can all of your self esteem issues be traced back to your hair dryer? Back wall.

I can’t believe what I did. I should have to go pick my own switch and then go wait behind the woodshed for judgement.

I can’t believe I spent $31 on shampoo and conditioner! Do you have any idea how much I spend under normal circumstances? $4.29! Combined! . Under normal circumstances, $31 could keep me in clean and manageable hair for - Well, I use more conditioner then shampoo so I buy it twice as often... But still $31! I am so ashamed. Under normal circumstances, who needs hair that manageable? And I didn’t even buy the most expensive shampoo and conditioner on the lot, there were conditioners made of goat placenta blessed by the Dali Lama and holy water from St. Peters! This is all Alphagals and her lovely, healthy, managable hair's fault - They introduced me to the follicular crack industry! “Oh, just try the tester size, you can see if you like it..." If I like it? She was comfortable with "If"! Of course I was going to like it! Everyone likes crack the first time they use it! No one has ever said "Hmm. Crack is a monestrous high, but I think I’ll stick with Mountain Dew for now". "If" I was going to like having sleek, shiny, manageable, healthy hair of my very own?

For $150 they could help Ugly Betty turn herself into Eva Longoria.

Under normal circumstances I would take care of all my beauty needs at Kerr Drugs, home of the $1.99 lipstick and the $7 hair color and NC State themed bird houses but these are not normal circumstances.

I have my 20th High School Reunion in June. June is very, very soon. I don't have time to lose weight, improve my skin tone, get lasiks, land a sexy job, grow a husband and a couple of kids or become interesting before then. But I can do something about my split and brittle ends, and puffy eyes... and dull complexion, and my giant pores... I could probably solve the split and brittle ends issue if I stopped dyeing my hair, but I’m not going to my reunion with white hair - we aren’t all blessed with Merle Streeps' in the Devil Wears Prada white hair, most of us at my age look like Grandma Moses when we let our hair go white. And I’m not going to let my hair go white! I am not ready to capitulate to the inevitable. I’ve discovered Ulta damn it! If I write the enough checks, I can buy my way back to 28 years old - Forever.

I’m not going to go on a diet. I know me and I am not going to stop eating. I may have, but they scheduled the reunion for now instead of “Later”. When polled on the subject I suggested Spring of ‘08, but I guess nobody else wanted to celebrate their 21st High School Reunion. Selfish bastards.

Sunday, April 29, 2007


Saturday, April 28, 2007


Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging

I’m getting to hot for this !@#$

Sitting here in this heat is giving me cankles! I have the feet and ankles of a different woman and I wish she would hurry up and claim them. I’m tired of taking care of them for her.

I’ve noticed this situation because lately I’ve been wearing sandals instead of stockings and shoes, and I would put my feet up, but in addition to sandals I’ve been wearing skirts and it is not easy to both put your feet up and still maintain some decorum.

So I hobble around like an aged hobbit.

It’s so warm my very pretty Administrative Professionals Day bouquet is drooping – which I find odd, because don’t flowers like hot houses? Shouldn’t the flowers be the only things happy in the office? Perhaps it’s the “office” thing, they would be happy but they would prefer to work from home, say their own ”house”, hot or otherwise.

It’s not like I’m abusing them, they have plenty of lovely indirect sunlight and I mean they are sitting in water. I don’t understand. To remedy the drooping situation, I’ve been advised by a horticulturalist slash Social Worker that I should cut the ends of the stalks off while I am holding them underwater, I would get right on this but, I’m not sure what the policy is regarding plant life in the sinks. I know we have been forbidden to pour our sodas out in the water fountains but they have been remiss in issuing a policy for dealing with floral arrangements. Would it be all right to perform surgery my dropping flowers with state issued scissors?

In the heat, I have of course started my book on the Chicago Heat Wave of 1995. I was going to read it at lunch today but it was too hot and sitting there in the heat reading about people sitting in the heat was just too meta for me.

It’s too hot for me to deal with the Byzantine office supply ordering practices -White paper from these people, colored paper from another group, toner for the fax from this firm, but for the printer toner can only be purchased through that firm. "Oh you can only order blue pens from the main office supply” black pens should be ordered through XYZ, but you can order all tape types with the exception of masking tape from central - we can order approximately 49 different color combinations of half inch labels – but, if I want plastic page protectors? No joy. I get requests all the time for this and you would think we would stock them because my group can not be the only people who want them, they aren’t that original - but no. If I want to add insult to injury I’ll go really crazy and use the sacred state credit card – but only if I absolutely have to. Using the card is another whole raft of issues and permissions and web sites and ordering protocols.

If I want real excitement I’ll order something that requires printing – from yet another source – the prison system and that’s another set of rules and regs and web sites and forms. Everything thing is three web sites and a half a dozen forms.

Because of the heat I went to Sam’s and bought a pack of page protectors. I donated to the state $8.62. I expect to see an off ramp named after me in the near future.

There is a new sign on the refrigeratorWATER WITHOUT INTITALS IS FOR EVERYBODY , as opposed to the water I was handed yesterday that did have initials! my cold water was HOT!! Oh No! I’ve turned into that guy whole stole the bread and got chased around by Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Ga$ Prices

Watch out: Here comes $4 gasoline

No Shit.


OSLO, Norway (AP) -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Thursday she has already answered the questions she has been subpoenaed to answer before a congressional committee and suggested she is not inclined to comply with the order. (Bolding mine)

Full story here

Now. I have limited subpoena experience. I thought that when one is issued to you - "JUMP" you have two choices, you can: 1) ask "How High?" or 2) "From What?". Which as it turns out, are correct responses, because according to Wikipedia:

"A subpoena is "a command to appear at a certain time and place to give testimony upon a certain matter."[1] The term is from the Middle English subpoena and the Latin phrase sub poena meaning "under penalty."

"No" is not an option, "I all ready answered this questions" is not an option. because there is a little thing called Contempt of Court, which would be the "penalty" mentioned. But as we have also learned over the past few years she can because: IOIYAR .

IOIYAR - acronym for "It's Okay If You're A Republican," shorthand for discussing hypocrisy.
The bigger they are the bigger the windmills they have to tilt at

The U.S. Senate has voted to approve a war funding bill that includes an Iraq troop withdrawal timetable. The measure now goes to President Bush, who has vowed to veto it.


I looked at the TV guild in the paper this morning and said to myself “Dayum. There isn’t anything on tonight. What am I going to do to fill the time?”.

Well. I found stuff.

It had been mentioned to me by a recent visitor that my house smelled “doggy”. I was a little insulted. My house does not smell “doggy”, my car smells like an unairconditioned pet store. But my house? right now, my house smells like dueling cat boxes, but most of the time my house smells like last nights dinner, or if I know you’re coming, air fresheriner and last nights dinner. My house does not smell “doggy”.

I came home from work, walked in the door and my house smelled like frozen pizza and dog. I tried to ignore it and changed out the cat boxes. Dogger and I went to the park.

Dogger and I had a great time at the park, read: Mostly big dogs, no Drama Dog and pleasant company. It was swell. It was so swell that Dogger was a bitch about leaving, again, last night, another really good park night, she did the same thing. I think somewhere along the way she picked up I go to protests and now when it’s time to leave she grabbing trees and chanting.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to drag your dog out of the park? And of course it turns into an audience participation thing and I just wanted to die and that was the first time she pulled that shite.. The second night in a row, I was ready to leave her there.

I left her one time alone with the TV and the remote in reach and all of a sudden she’s chaining herself to doors. She wouldn’t leave the park today until she gave everyone badly copied hand outs about her next "action". I about choked her with her love beads.

It took one of the other dog people had to get out her lighter and make dogger think it was a cookie to make Dogger leave the park under her own power, I was set to drag her 95 pound bulk out of there, and got a few feet before she slithered out of her harness . She then lay there on her back and went limp. I had no idea she actually knew the words to We Shall Overcome.

So. post faux cookie, I made like the DC park police and forced her to her feet and out of the park. The car smelled really Doggy. I decided it would be a good night for a bath in the yard. My new plantings need water and I didn’t want to mess up my bathroom.

After her last bath, I ran out of the dregs of conditioner I had been using on her and I went out and bought her her very own bottle of conditioner. My conditioner is nice, I don’t spend much on it but I have learned how to shop dollar stores, I can get my good quality stuff for cheap. There is a major difference between not spending much on good stuff and not spending much on bad stuff. I put her new conditioner on and her fur wasn’t at all as nice as it was with my stuff. I didn’t think it would matter with dog fur. It does, her coat isn't as bouncy and managable now. One application of cheap conditioner and Doggers fur has the same consistency as Barbie hair and, oddly, now my house smells like patchouli.

you know it's going to be a hot time in ol' office today when every light in the building is all ready off and the industrial fans are all ready on and it's only 8:05am

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


WASHINGTON - In rapid succession, congressional committees Wednesday ramped up their investigations of the Bush administration by approving a subpoena for Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and granting immunity to a former key aide (Monica Goodling) to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

Full story here
Diary of a mad housecat

Dear Diary

The feeder let that other cat back into my house. Again! I advised her about this, I told her it would not be a good idea, that she should examine her options, but No, no; she had to let that creature back into my house.

My house. Thank you very much.

Other Cat is just not welcome here! I am the cat here, just me! I am the cat, the dog is the dog and I am the cat. The single cat, the only cat the alpha and the omega of cats in this household and now all I hear is “She’s soooo cute! She’s so Fluffy! What a pwetty kitty!”. Whatever.

I am not feeling this! Not at all! The other cat is so demanding and whiny and mean. Yes, mean. She’s the meanest cat in the whole world! She jumps on me and curses me and insults my fur! I have the most beautiful coat in all of catdom! The feeder knows this! Even that dopey dog knows this. It is a known fact. I am the prettiest, the most fluffy and while I am not cute, I am the most handsome cat ever in the entire world. Damn it.

I can hear her! She’s sneaking about... Oh! She just pounced on a bug! Which one, which one! Oh not Steve! Steve was mine!! I had invested a lot of time in Steve! I knew that bug! I was all over Steve before, but Steve went under the table and I knew Steve would stay there for a while and by the time Steve got ready to come out I would be there. Damn! That bug and I had an agreement, Steve would hide under the table and I wouldn’t mess with him and then when Steve was ready to die, he would come out from under the table and then I would torment and kill him. Steve was a bit of a masochist. Steve went to his death thinking I lied to him! Damn You Other Cat!!

And you know Other Cat is going to spend all her time under the bed! The good bed! That is my place! I go under the bed – sometimes, I have other places to go, places I prefer to spend time, but when I really want to go there, I do. And not the lame downstairs bed either. I want the upstairs bed – that is where the action is! And now Other Cat is hogging up the underneath of both beds! It’s not fair!

And there she goes, hissing at the Dog! The nerve! That is my dog! My dog to hiss at or not hiss at! Other Cat is totally messing up every relationship I have! All the work I’ve done to make sure that everyone is on the same page, that everyone is aware of the rules and now, it’s all finished! The dog is going to be pissed; the bug population is going to think I lied to them. You break your word to one bug and you lied to all of them. I had a good thing going with the bugs too! I got all the sick ones, the stupid and an occasional hunter one who stepped out of line, I was their enforcer! Oh Steve!!!

What am I supposed to do now? Go back to playing with my toys? Feline please. Once you’ve gone bug you can’t ever go ball plus I can’t get under the stove without help anyway. I hate other cat.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Lynch, Tillman's brother: U.S. military lied

All those Evangelicals in the admin, all those bible college graduates and over and over they lie and they practice deceit and they spread their untruths. I'm not even all that familiar with the bible but I read Tillman and Lynch's' statements about what really happened and that was the first thing that came to my mind. John 8:32, look it up.
Rain Boots

We got a chirpy email today volunteering the use of half role of masking tape and the reminder that we move in 9 days and we should start packing up.


I kind of see me starting to pack up in 9 days. I think kind of prefer to watch everyone else pack up their things while I wallow and then do the back stroke in my deepening anxiety pond. I really kind of see me sitting at my desk and looking up to see two brawny prisoners standing there waiting to take my desk away. Then, I’ll be all about packing up, but first I’ll be all Do ya’ll need anything? and they’ll be all “We here for your stuff” and I’ll be all Wait, is that today?! Shit!! Hold on a second. and then I’ll be rushing around trying to borrow boxes and tape and shite and everyone will be go “We did that weeks ago! We don’t got no boxes!”, because in my imagination we all speak like rednecks and I will be the only one unprepared.

So to ward this very real eventuality off, I stole a few pieces of an unsupervised role of masking tape - and wrote my name and office number on my tiny, three drawer filing cabinet and part of my cube. I understand that my entire cube isn't coming with me – which is fine, I won’t be in a cube any longer. I will be in an office. There will be a cube farm but I will not be planted in it. I will instead be crammed into a tiny little office, like veal.

But I’m okay with that.

After I IDed my desk, I boxed up the framed pictures of the animals and Tiny E and moved my ceramic snowman. It now looks like I am putting some effort in. I can now do nothing else for another 8 days and not feel all that bad. My anxiety pond has receded into a puddle. If I wanted my puddle to evaporate completely, I would take home my assorted boxes of office decoration and ceramic snowman and magic frame, and I would also put little pieces of tape on my phone and computer and mouse and screen and label maker thingy, and I would find out what if any parts of my cube are going to be transplanted and I would take down all the pictures I have up...But. I kind of like the little gallery I have going on and I think if I had to spend the next 9 days staring at a padded gray wall, I may end up with four padded walls instead of just the one.

And I don’t really want to take all my assorted stuff home. Where would I put it? And I know for damn sure that if it goes too far, it won’t come back or it won’t go far enough and it will take up residence in the car and get beat up. If I leave it here, it’ll be in the way, if I take it home it will be in the way. Sigh. My anxiety puddle is getting my socks wet.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Freedom ain’t free

And citizenship comes with a price and good citizenship requires involvement and this weekend I paid for my citizenship at the cost of a perfectly good Saturday morning.

I again cursed the Democrats for not having the County Convention in Raleigh again. I know the convention center is a work in progress but there isn’t anywhere inside the city limits for them to hold these events? Do we always have to go to the back beyond - Lillington, I am looking at you, Clayton don’t get cocky, I ‘m looking at you too! I don’t know who they are kidding, no one wants to go to Knightdale! There isn’t any reason to be there, no one said Hm-mm. The meeting is over, lets all go spend the day wandering around Walmart! . I’m sure the town has many, many fascinating, no doubt historical places to go and things to see Hey Kids! It’s a Tobacco field!! And over there? A real life Tobacco Barn!! Woo-Hoo but really, the only things that stood out was a Walmart and a newish Lowes. The high school though, was gigantic and probably visible from space. People who live in Knightdale go to Raleigh on purpose, no one in Raleigh get s a wild hair and decides just to go check out Knightdale. They could have these events in Raleigh and let the folks in from the sticks spend the rest of the day at the mall or the museum or going to the movies or to Target, whatever.

Back to the 2007 County Convention.

Lord, or whatever you prefer to be called, please deliver us from the Trivial and protect us from our own territoriality..., thus started to 2007 County Convention of the Wake County Democratic Party. We then said the pledge of allegiance to a red, white and blue bunting, again.

There was a significantly larger group than the 2006 County Convention in Lillington and yay for the 83 percent of the precincts in Wake county that were represented. My precinct was represented, for the first time in years, by more than just me. I still don’t know for sure that I am the vice chair of the precinct or not and there is a very real possibility that I may be a member of state executive committee - as one of the 34 woman, there are also 34 men - including one guy that actually printed out a flyer asking us to vote for him! it’s not that big a deal. I didn’t even know I was on the list until I was casually looking at it to see if I knew anyone on I and found myself. I said “How the hell did this happen?” and one of my other precinct members said I had signed up to be on the list. Imagine my surprise. There is a better than average chance I won’t be because there were several nominations to the list that took the list to over 34 names.

We also elected a new chair, vice chair, second vice chair, third vice chair, secretary, Raleigh Vice Chair, Cary vice chair and a Wake County vice chair for all of those who live in neither Cary or Raleigh, we held election of members to district executive committees, heard a reading of a report by the treasurer, applauded the handing out of awards and two keynote speakers.

Due to time constraints we didn’t THANK YOU GAWD get to "considerations of resolutions from precincts" segemnt of the meeting and its endless hours of bitching and whining and garment rending. We had to be out of there by 1:30 pm, Damn it and the mood of the room said we wanted to be out of there earlier. We weren’t feeling a lot of extra crap; We had been there since 10am and the call for adjourned was greeted by raucous cries of Second!!! , we were out the door my 1:15.

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Saturday, April 21, 2007


Friday, April 20, 2007

Friday Sweetie Kitty Cat Blogging

Bath Day

Yesterday was the official Support Staff Appreciation Luncheon. The real date for this falls next week but a couple of the big chiefs will be out of town on the officially recognized day, so we had it now instead of then. I kind of like going in there on the real day though because they have a buffet and the place is full of other Employee Appreciation Day groups so we look less like the help in from the fields for the day. Even so, I felt feel very appreciated and full. Very full. I needed a nap. I don’t know what the rest of the world eats for lunch everyday, but in my world they don't make prime rib happy meals, so this was a big day for me.

I also learned that there are ladies of a certain age who eat so regularly at the country club that their meals are prepared a head of time for them and left ready for them at their table. Our "Once a Year OMG Very Big Deal" is their “Thursday”. They were very old though.

It took a while for our food to be brought out and while we were sitting there making small talk about you know nothing because frankly, the chiefs and the Indians don’t really have a lot to talk about, our conversations every other day of the year being limited to “Do This” and “Yes Ma'am” . We use Ma'am a lot around this office. Everyone is Ma'am, except for the rotating group of no more then, but no fewer than, three men who are on the pay role at any one time, who are referred to as “Yes Ma’, um Sir” . We don’t see then often, and at any one time only one at a time is allowed in the building – to kill bugs and left heavy boxes. Yes, sexism does cut both ways… and all the men must be willing to be seen walking into a bathroom marked “Ladies”. It’s a rule.

We also refer to each other as “Miss Firstname”. It makes “Miss Diana” feel like a daycare lady. We used “Miss” at The Home too, but when we used “Miss” it was “Miss Lastname”, regardless of marital status. The men in the building are only referred to by their first names. We don’t call them Mr. anything. This is odd.

and my train of thought goes off the tracks….

Dogger had a bath Wednesday. Her first out doors bath of the season. It was a little cool, it was probably a little early in the season for the first outdoors bath but I also needed to water my new plants and I knew that if I didn’t wash the dog I was not going to take the time to water the plants. I’m lazy and I couldn’t find last years hose attachment – which could have seriously imperiled everything! Because if I didn’t find it, everything with the water would have to be done manually! As it ended up, I had to manually make the water spritzy!

If I didn’t wash the dog immediately, my plants would die! I mean, there was a lot riding on this bath and since I never did find the spray attachment and so the water was on all the time and it was wet all the time and all over the place and my DIY spritiness was not tidy - and if it were slightly later in the season it would have been fine but as it was a little early in the season, I was still wearing long sleeves and since it is now late in the long sleeves season, they would not stay pushed up! They kept getting in the way and falling down and getting wet and seriously impeding my DIY spritz finger on the hose… This would not have happened early in the long sleeves season…, but I would not have been giving Dogger a bath in the yard in October. The sleeves of the top in question may have never been good at staying up when pushed and perhaps, were not even designed to be worn pushed up and that was why they kept falling down and getting wet – I don’t know! We did not enjoy ourselves – Dogger and I, the sleeves have no votes, and suffrage for the sleeves is not yet on the table – even if they are.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Misson Accomplished

Thanks to everyone at DFS who participated in the Bunny Drive. We collected over 250 furry friends this year....a record for us as well! A special thanks to our regional offices, who made a special effort to bring bunnies to Raleigh!! I'm sure our bunnies brought lots of smiles for the patients, residents, etc. at the below facilities. As always, DFS is always at the top of the ladder when it comes to helping out a cause....
Thanks again!!!

Message from the Bunny Chick........
It was a record breaking year for the bunny drive. We collected 1,302 bunnies, chicks and other furry critters. Our furry friends were distributed to the following facilities:

Wake Children's ER
Wake Pediatric Unit
Wake Rehab
Wake Children's Same Day Surgery
Tammy Lynn Center
Dix Hospital
Rex Rehab
Rex Pediatric Unit
Johnston Memorial Hospital
Johnston Memorial Hospital Same Day Surgery
Western Wake Hospital
Magnolia Living Center
Liberty Commons Nursing and Rehab Center

Thank you for your contribution. Our fourteenth year was a hugh success!
Thousands for free pens, not one pfennig for free tee-shirts

The one downside about going from the old job to the new job is that I had to leave my personal office for a bull pen office. If I get tried of the oppressive glare from the over head florescent lights I can’t just say “Boy, those fluorescents lights sure are oppressive, I think I’ll just turn them off”. I have to go with the flow, the seemingly immune from oppressive florescent glare, flow – which I don’t get, how can they not mind? The oppressive glare is all around them, oppressing them.

I wish I could. I don’t understand how everyone else doesn’t feel the same way. The over head florescent lights are really glary and very oppressive. I’m sitting here squinting from florescent glare and I am feeling oppressed, I can’t be the only one who wants to crawl under their desk. I mean, in this room, we have windows, lots and lots of windows, as many windows as I had down in my old office and in my old office I turned the over head lights off after lunch and it was no problem. In a perfect world, on a sunny day, the over head lights should be turned off as a matter of course. We all ready take turns going form door to door to door all over the building making sure they are all locked, we could take turns walking to the wall and flicking the lights off. I would volunteer to do it everyday, no problem.

In my new office, I’m going to turn the over head light off as soon as it gets light enough outside to light the space. I may not even turn the light on at all! How about those apples? If the florescent light offends thee, pluck it out.

It’s really, really bright in here.

Also, I’m hungry and I think they should be handing our ice cream sandwiches like they do when we have no A/C – Oh, wait right now, we have no A/C!, where are the ice cream sandwiches? It’s borderline warm outside. I want my ice cream.

Today was our annual “Wellness Fair”. I got some good stuff, mostly pens – in years past I think there was more stuff to be had, other than a single mouse pad, which I thought was one of those things that you use to open jars and a bunch of pens and a couple of key chains, and a 10% off coupon for Foot Locker I really don’t think I ended up with many goodies this time around. In other years I’ve made out like a bandit the combined campaign is a much better place to score good free stuff.

Health Fair Haul

Tuesday, after the vet fiasco, I took Dogger to the park. The aggressive collies were there and so were the dogs-that-hang-out-at-the-gate-and-bark-the-whole-time and they all got up in Doggers face and behaved badly and it made Dogger stressed and by the time she was calming down Drama Dog arrived and it was just not the most satisfying dog park experience. Last Friday we were there for hours and had a great time.

Dogger came home Tuesday night and was just depressed. We sat there and watched House and she was just not her usual self. I got up a few times and she didn’t even bother getting up she just stayed there sprawled on the chair and looked sad.

Looking Sad

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

It’s a nice day for a vet visit

The Kitty had a vet’s appointment yesterday. I did not, of course share this with him. I made the appointment from work, and thought about it only on the states time. In keeping with the whole “don’t let The Kitty Know campaign” I stifled my urge to parade around the house singing Some one is going to the vet on Tuuuueeeessssdayyyyy and it is not Dooooogggggeeerrr. . It was really hard though, and The Kitty has ways of making me talk.

I also stayed as far away from his crate as I could. Kitty is very suspicious and if he see’s me spending time with the crate he knows he’s going for a ride. The gig was up when he saw me rush in the door with some urgency and I did not head directly for the bathroom. He knew something is up. He got even more suspicious when I hauled him head first into his crate and then ran out the door, and he really suspected something’s up when we walked in the door of the vets office, but I think it was getting his temp taken that really going clued him in.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I knew he was going to fight me on it because I stupidly made the appointment for 5pm instead of later. I tried to explain to the schedule person that it might be cutting it a little close and how smart The Kitty is, and how iof he were a person he would have a diagnosis of paranoid psychosis - but they never listen. I suppose that they have their pets trained to hop into their crates as soon as they hear the appointment being made. I would also bet that they sit down with their pets and take a team approach to the scheduling of doctors visits. I bet their cats don’t need to be sat on either.

And I am totally taking for granted that they have never had to figure out how to put a muzzle on their cats either. Cats don’t like wearing anything much less something that renders them blind and keeps them from biting. Cats are four square against bondage in any guise and nothing looks like “bondage” to a cat more than a muzzle. Damn it! it turned out the muzzle isn't enough, Friday I take him in in the morning so they can sedate him for his blood draw. @#$%^*!@#$&*)(!!!!!

We had a fire drill yesterday. Oops. Not a Drill. Very interesting. I am a hallway captain and my hallway people actually left their offices without being ordered to. This is a first. They are notorious for ignoring drills and winding up theoretically burned to death or crushed under the the walls and ceiling of their offices. I still had to go check all the offices to make sure everyone was gone, in the case of a real emergency, or had I known it was a real emergency, I would not go across the building and through the smoke and fire and leave by The Official Exit of Fire front door, not with a perfectly good door at the end of “my” hall. I really hope the building waits until after we leave to burn down because after I finished checking “my” hall, I noticed how really long my hallway is.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

the More You Know...

Natural Balance recalls venison dog, cat foods, you know, that really expensive shite the vet tells you to feed your animal when they seem to have allergies. I swear, Dogger and the The Kitty are one recall away from eating table scraps.

Well, Monday kind of sucked.

You can’t spend time trying to figure out why things like that happen. You can not apply reason to such acts because by their very nature they are unreasonable. All we can do is pray for the dead, their families and the survivors. We could also say a prayer that hand guns might not be as easy to come by.

Here It was also very windy.

I came home at lunch to check up on the crock pot to make sure it was crocking but not also burning the house down. I’ve never crocked, I didn’t know. Just to be safe though, after I plugged it in, I put it in the oven. Happily, the crock pot was happily crocking away, I could smell it when I walked in, so that eased my mind a lot. I was afraid I was going to walk in the door to the smell of scorched food or no smell at all because there was a switch somewhere I had over looked and I had really never turned it on in the first place . I was also pleased that The Kitty had not managed to open the oven door the rest of the way, pull out the pot and dump it all over the floor. It is not beyond him.

I also wanted to go home to put Dogger out. It had been windy when I took her out first thing in the morning . When I came home it was still windy and she still didn’t want to go outside:

Me - Hey! Lets go outside!

Dogger - (looking up from her sudoko game) Oh, um, really? I’m good. You have other things to take care of. Carry on.

Me - No, I don’t. You need to go outside.

Dogger - I don’t need to. Do you need to? You should go if you have to. Holding it in can give you bladder infections or kidney problems or something. I’m fine.

Me - If you hold it in it can lead to stains on my carpet and a house that smells like dog pee.

Dogger - Right now, I smell cooking, Is that something in the kitchen? Shouldn’t you go be with it?

Me - (Jangling the leash) Lets go outside.

Dogger - The leash! Oh my leash how it jingle, jangle, jingles! The music of the leash! Where are we going? Are we going there in the car! Oh Joy! Oh Rapture! Where are we going in the car!?

Me - I’m going in the car back to work. You and I are going to wander around the yard until you relieve yourself.

Dogger - I didn’t want you to know this. ... I’m... I’m... I am a camel! I’m not a dog after all! I’ve been deceiving you for years! I can hold it for days! I am so sorry I lied to you about who and what I am! I’ll go to my box now while you process this.

Me - You are not a camel.

Dogger - I am a dwarf camel I am so sorry! I made you think I was a dog! For my punishment I will stay in my room until I have learned my lesson!

Me - Do you even know what a camel is?

Dogger - My camel brothers and sisters are at one with the fluid in our bodies. We are a mysterious race.

Me - How often do I fill your water dish?

Dogger - Every thirteen minutes.

Me - Do you know how often they fill the camels water dishes at the zoo?

Dogger - I am sure they are much larger. I don’t see how a comparison would be useful.

Me - About every two weeks.

Dogger - Fine. It’s windy!, you know I hate the wind. I know it, you know it. The wind is evil . I’ll die! The wind hates me! It is the very breath of Satan! Listen to how it howls! It is a hateful wind that blows no good! Can’t you hear it? Whush Wush Death To Dogger! Whush Wush! Hate!Hate!Death To DoggerWhushWhush!!

Me - You know what? I have to go back to work now. Don’t stain my carpet.

Dogger - I love you.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Pray for them

Chief: At least 20 dead in campus shootings

(CNN) -- The Virginia Tech police chief said at least 20 people were killed in twin shootings on the Blacksburg campus Monday morning.

Edited to add:

The death toll in the Virgina Tech campus shooting rises to 31, including the
gunman, The Associated Press reports quoting government officials.
Ask and ye shall receive

After my little run in with the Wicked Witch of Circulation I took it upon myself to see exactly how dangerous my neighborhood is and what kind of threats face a full grown man throwing papers from his car in the predawn hours of the day.

My first conversation with the police was specific and limited to my street and that request reveled that people on my street have no patients for loud stereos - loud music does not constitute a threat and should not scare my delivery guy. I should also point out that the loud music is finished long before the delivery guys predawn visits. Although, it should be noted that his playing of loud music could have resulted in calls to the police.

A few days later, I took Dogger for a walk and brought some paper and a pen with me and wrote down the street names and block numbers of the streets around me that could conceivably be “hooked” to mine - to see how scary my neighborhood as a whole actually is. I called the police the next day with my little list and sadly did not get the helpful woman I got the first time. The woman who answered the phone this time was not as interested in my problem or my list as the woman I spoke with before. The new lady said she would send me a list of the surrounding area - a very broad definition of “my neighborhood”.

It arrived a few days later.

I’m no fool. The “surrounding area" includes streets I avoid completely - for example, the 1000 block of Martin Street - 45 calls to police bear that out, thrirteen of those to a single address. Most if not all the calls however come from a Martin Street far, far away from me. The blocks of Martin Street that could conceivably be “hooked” to my neighborhood? Not a single call.

Not one of other the streets and block numbers on my list show any police activity. On my street there were a few calls, a “special assignment” (one of two such on the area) one call for a repo ( one of two in the area), one traffic stop, and one report of a suspicious vehicle. Hardly terrifying.

Over all, there were some real issues in the report, I counted four assaults - three on females, one armed robbery, two stabbings, three drug law violations, one indecent exposure, nine “disturbances”, two warrants served, one concealed weapon, three break in’s of residences, two breaks in’s of a non-residential, two stolen cars, five reports of begging, ten reports of suspicious vehicle or persons, and that twice people called the police to have them slim jim open their running cars. And the rest boiled down to various other nuisance calls and burglar alarm checks. And most did not happen in the predawn hours.

Out of 312 calls over a three month period - 112 were traffic stops. From my reading of the list I discovered the biggest threat to a male newspaper delivery person while in my immediate area in the predawn hours of the day would be the threat of being stopped by the cops for driving while black - Insulting, yes, enough to keep me from receiving my paper on time? No.

My next move? I’m writing to the biggest chiefest big wigs at the News and Observer and I’m going to tell them why I had to call in the first place and then why I had to keep calling and ultimately who I spoke to and what she said to me; and I’m going to include a copy of the police report and the name of the biatch who told me that I live in a dangerous neighborhood and that I shouldn’t expect to receive my morning paper in the morning. After looking over 7 and a half pages of police activity, if I'm not afraid to live here then my newspaper guy shouldn't be afraid to work here.

If you want to request a report like this for your area, and I do suggest it - I called the normal, non- emergency number of the police department and asked for a list of the police reports for my neighborhood. They sent or I could have picked up - they would not fax - a print out that listed the report numbers, the responding officers, the dates, the times, and the call classes, i.e “traffic stop” Mine ran for seven and a half pages and covered four months of calls.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


Saturday, April 14, 2007


Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


Well, that was disheartening. Tonight was Dogger and my first day back at the park since the squishing incident, first we went out of town and then it was ugly so we haven’t been back in about a week. More than a week.

I had been hoping for two things to happen 1) Dogger would have forgotten about the run in with Drama Dog and 2) That Drama Dog wouldn’t be there.

I didn’t get anything I wanted. I thought if maybe we went a little earlier then we have been, in hopes that maybe Drama Dog’s people would show up later - They were there when we got there. I let Dogger go when we walked in the gate and she ran straight for Drama Dog - (it is important to note that Dogger was trying to play with Drama Dog, not actually do any doggy violence to her. Drama Dog is just really high strung)

I heard someone snarl, I’m not pointing fingers, but it was a high pitched snarl and Dogger has a very deep snarl . If anyone was at fault here, it was not Dogger- but Dogger does have very little patients for other dogs talking smack to her - Drama’s doggy daddy pulled Dogger away and Dogger and ran back to me. As a result, Dogger and I spent more time sitting together at the park then we do normally, or at least then we have in months. It took me forever to get her to leave my side at the park and tonight, I wouldn’t let her leave. It was very sad.

All the dogs looked like they were having the night of their lives. It was like dog park nirvana, it was like a montage, except there was no music or camera’s or the cast from House. Drama Dog had a great night running and playing with the smaller dogs, cavorting, climbing the wood chip mountain. Dogger and I sat there and silently hated on Drama Dog.

Other dog people would occasionally sidle up and ask if Dogger was in “time out”. I would mention that Dogger had tried to eat Drama Dog and now she needed to chill a little. I didn’t mention she tried to eat Drama Dog last week.

I kept hanging on hoping that Drama Dogs people would decide they had been there for a really long time and that they would go home. Nah. It was a beautiful outside and they like everyone else was enjoying the lovely weather and light breeze. Dogger wasn’t enjoying the breeze at all, she hates the wind, but she was happy to be at the park - if dogs find happiness watching the other dogs have fun!

But I kept hoping. I would look over where they were every once in a while because it looked like they were getting ready to leave , but nah. They were just getting up to throw a ball for Drama or Drama’s sister dog, Sensible Dog. Sigh.

I finally decided I had enough of the pain and we left. Drama Dog’s Mom came over and said seeing Dogger sitting there was “breaking her heart”. I told her it broke mine too.

Dogger and I went home and watched TV in the dark and felt sorry for ourselves.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Learning is good

I learned something today. I learned that even if the redneck at the lawn mower repair place hefts your lawn mower around like so much laundry - ion real life, there ain’t that much laundry in the world. Just because it looks light weight when he’s dealing with it, it does not mean it is going to be light weight when you are dealing with it. He hefts lawn mowers for a living while I heft sometimes, three or four faxes at a time.

I also learned that if drop only part of a lawn mower on your foot, that it s hurts, A lot. But before that, I learned that if you leave your lawn mower in the back of your car for a few hours with all your windows closed , you end up with a car that smells like the inside of a gas tank. It’s not nice.

I did come away from the experience knowing that the lawn mower isn’t so heavy that I can not move it from point A to point B and that in the future if should I drop part of a lawn mower on my foot again, that I can be trusted not to scream obscenities when I do so. When I dropped part of the lawn mower on my foot this time I hopped around a little but I didn’t say a word. I was very proud of me. I am also very proud of my foot. It’s bruised but not broken. Go me. I also learned that both my lawn mowers fit quite nicely into the shed and that if need be, a full sized lawn mower folds up like a paper bag - should the lawn mower ever need to evacuate or something. I hadn’t thought about that before, if I did have to leave, would Mr. Lawn Mower go with me? I think if it was between Mr. Lawn Mower or Ms. TV set, that Mr. Lawn Mower would get fitted with water wings. I should think about these things, hurricane season is nie and they are threatening us with a bad one. But, they threatened us with a bad one last year and we ended up with a drought.

Dogger is laying at my feet looking very sad. It was gray and over cast and nasty all day and I don’t think she ever really woke up and so now it;’s dark again and she’s just flomped there. She’s depressed because it was warm and pretty and sunny and she was at the park every day and now its all cold and nasty and she had to go for a walk in the drizzle and she hates drizzle. I think for Dogger the perfect world would be located in Arizona.

Another thing I learned, it is not a good idea to put a post-Easter box of chocolates in the refrigerator. Nougat does not really need to be chilled. I should have found somewhere else to hid the box from The Kitty.

A box I do not need to hide from the Kitty is my brand new Hamilton Beach 5 qt. Slow Cooker! It is most awesome and even better it was free and all I had to do was spend years answering dozens of polls for Harris Poll Online! It was 4000 points, but I think it was worth it and I still have about 5000 points to play with. I haven’t “spent” any of my points in years and they were really burning a hole in my cyber pocket. I almost bought a slow cooker at the store one day, but that would have cost me real money and it wasn’t as nice as this one either. It has a “removable stone wear insert and glass lid”! And it came with a plastic thingy to keep the lid from slipping off in transit. Its very fancy. I went right out and got a couple of bag-o-slow cooker-food things too. I haven’t made anything in it yet, because I’m waiting to be able to watch it cook for eight hours before I leave it on it’s own.

Yay! I just checked my foot again and its not hardly as purple as I thought it would be!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I got a phone call from the Red Cross.

RC - We need you to donate blood.

Me - We all have needs.

I was still mad at them! Them and their bull shit sexist blood count levels. They pissed me off and I wasn't speaking to them

RC- ... free t-shirts!

Me - When do you need me to come in?

I'm easy, what can I say. Dangle a tee shirt in front of me and I'll go to war for you.

So, we made a date. Not too soon, so that I could pump some iron, and not so far in the future that I could psych myself out about failing before I had a chance to fail.

I came home from work and scarfed down a TV fish dinner, sucked down a bit more than the RDA of my iron pills - which I had been planning on starting to take since I got off the phone with the scheduler, but hadn't. Oops. Better late then never.

Dogger was very annoyed when I left. She knows a not-going-to-the-park-day when she sees one and she was pissed. Yesterday, we had-a-go-to-the-park-day, but she got in to a scuffle with another dog and we had to leave early. Nobody was hurt but the other dog indulged in some crocodile yelping when all Dogger did to her was sit on her - the other dog carried on like Dogger was eating her liver with a nice Chianti! I think (Sotto voice) someone isn't getting enough attention at home -total drama queen! I mean, I hope the other dog was all right but really, don't play in the big dog park if you aren't ready to play with the big dogs.


I rushed home from work and changed into something with easily rolled up sleeves. I always wear sleeves to the blood donation place because they keep it like a walk in the freezer. I'm sure the Red Cross has some very good, well thought out reasons why it has to be cold in there but it just sucks for the rest of us. I do imagine though it has something to do about keeping us conscience, maybe people who are giving to fainting faint more frequently more at higher temperatures? Who knows. I'm always uncomfortable when I'm there and blood donating makes me chilly anyway.

Anyway. I got there, rad the fourteen pages of rules and regulations and lists of drugs I can't be on and give blood, the countries I can and can not have even read about over the past few years and the kind of people I should have been avoiding if I had any thought of giving blood in the future. Short version, If you date Haitians, dated Haitians, have even heard about Haiti you hate your fellow man.

I wasn't there five minutes before they all but tackled a woman who had the bad manors to walk out of the office after the finished giving blood! The Whore! They take that 15 minute post blood letting soft drink and cookie business very seriously. They chased the woman into the parking lot! I think who ever is training the volunteers to shriek like harpies while they chase non-compliant adults into parking lots needs to 1) take a vacation and 2)a valium.

Moving on.

Blood test time! Where they separate the blood donors from the women.

Drum roll please
39!! Today I am a donor!!

The tee shirt rocks too.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Breaking News

The House Judiciary Committee has served a subpoena to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales seeking documents related to the firings of U.S. attorneys.

I’m sitting here running one of my fingers over one of my teeth. The tooth in question is chipped and I occasionally notice it. I think it, the tooth, has chipped again or maybe shifted because suddenly it is different and more sharp than it was. I could almost but not quite cut myself on it – actually, if I really put some elbow grease into it, I think I could conceivably tear my finger on it, but I can not imagine of any reason why I would want do that or how I would explain the resultant wound if I were to do it.

A -“How did you cut your finger?”
B -“ Oh, I cut my finger chopping tomatoes”,

end of conversation.

A- “How did you cut your finger?”
B -“Oh, I sawed back and forth against a chipped tooth for forty minutes or so until it broke the skin”

The next thing you know “A” is looking up judges to start a conversation with.

I’m still playing with it.

After more play and reconsidering how much I want to experiment on my own hand, I think that I may be able to exploit my sharp new tooth as a can opener. It seems sharp enough and it’s located in such a position that I think it would be possible for me to gnaw around the edge of a can and get it open – I also can not imagine a reason I would want to do this. I think there is a reason that can openers are not sentient beings. Did you know we invented canned food before we invented the can opener?

Moving on.

1200 people attended the 10am Easter Mass at my parents newly built church. That is approximately 4 times the number that my historic church can serve at a single given Mass. An alternative, but not well known, definition of “historic” is “cramped”.

Another definition of “historic” is “grossly over priced” as seen here. I know that house. I know that street. I bet they can't get their papers delivered either.

I don’t feel at all comfortable walking down that street or any of the others on that side of Tarboro either, but I'm not paid to be there either – my first reaction walking near there right after I moved into the neighborhood was “OMG! What have I gotten myself into? I can feel them watching me! Where are they?!If I run will they chase? Is it better just to freeze? Will it confuse them or turn me into a sitting duck?”. My reaction on a later experimental trip on foot in that neighborhood ended up with me thinking “Gosh, they are really good at getting those abandoned places boarded up, and so many of them. Does anyone live here any more? Wow.” Now, the creepy crawlies drug dealers gang bangers citizens who hid in the shadows did business inside the derelict structures, now do their business at the corners.

I don't think the neighbor quoted in the story needs to worry about the Social Service building across the street. The former PS 22 is huge and has some extraordinary architectural details - it will make fabulous condos. I worry about where the neighbor will end up.

I also think another alternative definition of “historic” is “self-deluded”. I hope whom ever forks over the $495 thou for the house have no expectations that the N&O will deliver their paper in the morning. The seller can add to the homes value by telling prospective buyers that the house is conveniently located “minutes from where newspapers are sold”. I haven't forgotten about the N&O, I'm not through with them yet.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Back to life, back to reality

Have you ever wondered what would happen if they through a three day weekend and nobody showed up?

This guy does

There was no one at the beach to fill the trash cans with yummy sandwiches and fried chicken so this poor, physically challenged bird had to fly all the way down the street to scavenge out of a Hardy's dumpster. For shame, people, for shame.

For those who couldn't come to the beach because the snow plow guy didn't get to your street until Sunday night?

Spring at the OakWood Historical District

Spring at the Tryon Palace Gardens

Sunday, April 8, 2007


Saturday, April 7, 2007


Friday, April 6, 2007


Thursday, April 5, 2007

No News is Old News

This morning my paper was late again. I called again. This happens so frequently that I’ve kind of built mit into my morning schedule, you know, take Dogger out, feed Dogger, call the paper to complain that my paper isn’t in my hands again, fix my tea, pill The Kitty...

Well, this morning when I called, the operator connected me to a mid-level muckity-muck. Okay. I was expecting an apology, vague sounds about replaceing the carrier and a promise to do better in the future. I’ve heard it before but I'd like to hear it again. Sometimes you provide customer service sometimes it is provided to you.

I didn’t get an apology. Not even close. I was blamed for my bad service, I should feel bad about putting her delivery guy at risk! That there are neighborhoods “attached” to my street that are not safe. I told her my street is a dead end, there isn’t anything “attached” to my street and that if her delivery thug is afraid of running in to old friends, then he should flip his route and do my street first, if only to shut me up. No dice .

I told her that if he is so afraid why is my paper not late every day, why has he and all the past delivery guys had been good and on time and then gradually slacked off? When I went through this the last time, the delivery guy got fired for this same crap. He stopped doing his job and he got fired. She told me I live in a crappy neighborhood and that was why my paper is always late. The direct quote was “You live in a Dangerous Neighborhood and you shouldn’t have any expectations of early morning delivery”. She said there were neighborhoods where they couldn’t deliver until after it is daylight. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. I reminded her that redlining is illigal. I told her I’ve met my paper delivery guy in the dark and I found him threatening and that he obviously learned his customer service skills from her.

It would be one thing if my paper was delivered by some kid on a bike, but that kid hasn’t delivered a paper since 1978. My delivery guy is 34 year old guy with a big stereo in his car and an attitude problem. I told her that while I don’t live in lillywhite North Raleigh, I hardly live in the ghetto. The N and O is a morning paper and that is when it is designed to be read. They wonder why readership is down? I know why, I know her name.

She told me she was driving “near here” one time and somebody tried to open her car door. I told her she should keep her doors locked and that I hoped she had called the cops. By the end of the conversation I was so mad I was spitting nails. This was at twenty after six in the morning. I’m not used to experiencing “mad” at that hour of the day. I don’t like it.

Later, I called The Raleigh police to see what the crime in my neighborhood was, how scary is it? Around here? Nuisance calls, just assholes being assholes. Bad scarey guys doing bad things to good people? no reports. Today, I'm going to have them do a wider search and then I'm going to call that bitch back.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he has pardoned the 15 British sailors and marines detained last month and will set them free.

Full story here

US Postage will increase May 14, 2007 from .39 to .41.

And they wonder why people dpon't write letters anymore.
Dress Code

Dear Staff,

Spring has brought out visitors to our Unit. We had 1 walk-in complainant yesterday and 2 walk-in complainants so far today. The Nursing Home Section also has visitors including administrators, lawyers and other agency personnel. When we move to The New Building, there will more visitors associated with Others In The New Building. I thought this would be a good time to remind everyone that a business casual dress code is expected. Historically, Fridays have been a little more casual so that jeans can be worn.
One's appearance often times is the first impression that is made when meeting someone for the first time. We usually only have that one opportunity to present ourselves in a professional manner to our customers. A previous supervisor of mine used to tell us that if the clothing item was something you would 'throw on' to run to the grocery store or work in the yard, it is probably not something you need to wear to work.

One of my friends printed this out just so she could angrily wad it up and throw it away. Twice. Hitting the delete key isn't anywhere near as satisfying.

We were standing around the cubicles grumbling about this. We are chained to our desks, we don't wander the halls. If the occasional complainant breaks through the fourth wall and comes to see us, well, that's fine. If they want to come to see the wizard they are going to risk having to see behind the curtain. It's up to them. I think if you enter an office building and find no A/C or over head lights, you may be aware that it isn't like other work places. And if you want to shout your complaint over the sound of the jet engine/ massive, useless, floor fans, then more power to you.

We decided that the whole dress for success email was prompted by one of the surveyors who came to work dressed as if to change the oil in her car. For me it's not her wardrobe it's her jail-house quality tats. And her $1.98 gas station flip flops.

The woman looks like she's running for the title of Ms. Trailer Trash 2007. I'm pretty sure she keeps a couple of pit mixes chained up outside her office too - but that's fine. I'm pretty sure when she's the face of The State, she doesn't wear the sleeveless undershirt she wears around the office and I'm pretty sure she forgoes the coo-lots. I know she isn't allowed to wear flip flops on survey.

But we all had to get the email? They couldn't take her aside and give her a copy of the dress code? or failing that, they couldn't just put a copy in her box? Whatev. So. I know the email wasn't directed at me, but it doesn't matter. I still printed it out just so I could throw it away.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Change is Good

I briefly experimented with a smaller purse this weekend.

The over night bag that I carry now is becoming in my mind like a heavy pleather jacket, fine when its cold out but now that it’s warmer I’m looking for a sun dress to carry. I have such a purse in my closet.

It’s cute, it’s springy and it’s the size of a change purse.

I had to downsize and I wasn’t happy about it.

Me - I can do this. I only really need my wallet and check book anyway. I do not need to carry around all this shite.

The Over Night Bag - You really don’t think you need this note pad? It’s damn useful and handy too.

Me - No, if I need to I can use the back of a receipt.

TONB - That you will store... Where?

Me - I do not need three pens.

TONB - Really? I don’t think any of those are going hungry.

Me - because they get lost, they get buried under all the crap I carry around. I need one pen and it can ride in the check book. It’s not the space, it’s how you use it.

TONB - Sure. Do you plan on accessing your sunglasses this summer?

Me - I wear clip on’s, they’re very narrow.

TONB - Yeah. You’ve gotten really used to just dropping them through the zipper. How does the other purse work?

Me - It has the cutest little hinges!

TONB - So. It’s open or it’s closed. Right?

Me - Like any purse.

TONB - So you can wander around with it on your arm and just drop things into it?

Me - Well, no, of course not. It’s not like that.

TONB - Sounds really convenient.

Me - It’s a safety issue.

TONB - Uh Ah. Well, what happens if its not closed all the way? What happens then?

Me - Then it only happens once. I should pay more attention.

TONB - Where are you going to keep your keys? You just going to carry those in your hand all the time?

Me - No, all I have to do is find a flat surface and ...

TONB - Sounds real convenient.

Me - I can downsize.

TONB - Hmmm. Can you fit that DVD in there? The one you’re going to return when you pass a mail box?

Me - I can mail them from home. Or they can ride shot gun.

TONB - In the summer? You want to leave a DVD in the car all day.

Me - DVDs not VCR tapes.

TONB - How about that book you take to lunch. Isn’t it more convenient to stash it away when you go to run errands or do you like having to make a special trip out to the car to get rid of it.

Me - I can’t take my soda into the stores either. It’s not a special trip to get rid of my book. Gah.

TONB - Have you thought about the lack of a zipper compartment?

Me - It has a pocket.

TONB - Yeah. Do you really want to share with the bag boy why you bought that tub of frosting?

Me - Do you mind!

TONB - How about that lip stick you carry just in case or the breath freshener, or that folding fan, those bills you want to mail, or the travel bottle of asprin or that rosary or your work ID or that travel umbrella or your cell phone?

Me - Simplify, simplify, simplify. It’s good for the soul. Discovering what you need and don’t need... Lightening your load is good for you, body and mind.

TONB - You know that cute little thing is older than you are?

Me - Age begats wisdom.

TONB - It’ll never last. You’ll be back.

I wisely came back after a day and a half. I'm not ready to downsize yet.

Monday, April 2, 2007

All Gawds creatures said What??

Top court rebukes administration on warming

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court ordered the federal government on Monday to take a fresh look at regulating carbon dioxide emissions from cars, a rebuke to Bush administration policy on global warming.

In a 5-4 decision, the court said the Clean Air Act gives the Environmental Protection Agency the authority to regulate the emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases from cars.
How I spent my weekend.

I watched Not Another Teen Movie, but only got about half the references since I haven’t seen a “teen movie” since the early nineties, so most of the references fell flat for me. I also fail to see how American Beauty could be classified as a “teen movie” , I mean true, it had some teenagers in the cast but it was really more about midlife ennui so I think it takes it out of the running. Teen angst from a 35 year old pretending to be 17 good, middle aged ennui from 50 year old actors pretending to be 44? Not good. and Also, most of the actors in NATMseem to have been young enough to remember their own teen years so they lost points for that. A real teen move is a move about teens for teens made by people in their mid to late thirties. It’s rule. James Spader and Jud Nelson were playing teenagers when they had their own teenagers. Everyone in Not Another Teen Movie looked about 12. Where is the veracity in that? I mean, if you are not prepared to cast the 43-year- old Courtney Cox as a 17-year-old high school junior -you don’t deserve to get your film green lit.

I was also really confused because I couldn’t tell if the lead male was supposed to an analogous to John Cusack characters or Andrew McCarthy characters.

While I was watching the movie I saw a lot of commercials. I used to really like those Master Card commercials where they give the price of each thing and then say “Blah, Blah, blah? priceless” - but then they started running one that goes “Blah, Blah Peep-toe shoes - Priceless” about some girl out shopping and they end up using the term “peep- toe” about 176 times. They are called Open Toed Pumps, the only people who call them “peep - toe” are foot fetishists. “Peep-toe” is right up there with “toe cleavage”. Yuck. And to add insult to injury, the shoes they put her in have ankle straps and they gave her cankles. And also, speaking of commercials - David Duchovney STOP SQUINTING! Stop it! I really kind of would go see your new movie but the squinting is really distracting. You are starting to look like the Mad Magazine version of Faux Dulder. If you can’t see the cue cards, they have made huge improvements in contact lens technology since the last time you had to read cue cards. Oh, and the beard idea doesn’t work for you. It makes you look like an ex-husband.

Another thing I did this weekend, along with all the watching TV, dog walking x2! Oh yeah! I walked her twice over the weekend. I rock so hard. I also had to go buy new clothes so that I can work for the next month in a convection oven. If I was smarter, I would have saved the receipt and counted it as a business expense on my taxes. Too bad I’m not smarter.

Oh, and :

Dear New Cross the Street Neighbors,

Hi, I’m Diana, but my street name is “the white girl”. I’m real glad your friend can afford a $40 thousand SUV. I’m glad she has her children's college educations all ready taken care of. It must be a weight off her mind.

You must tell your girl that she can not block my driveway with her $40 thousand SUV, ever. When I want to leave my house, I want to leave my house now. Because that is how I roll. If I back down my driveway and begin to back out and then change my mind and drive back into my driveway - this is your cue to move whatever it is that is in my way. If y'all want to talk, she can pull that big ass SUV into your driveway and come in your house. Parking outside and talking - well, that’s ghetto and we don’t live in the ghetto. We live in the 'hood. The ghetto starts one block down.

When I want to pull out of my drive way, you let me pull out of my driveway. I do not want to hit your car! When the I huff out of my car and go back inside the house, it’s a sign. This time I just went inside to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash. I have a phone and your landlords number. Don’t block my driveway.


Sunday, April 1, 2007