Dear Lenscrafters, Its Over.

Dear Lenscrafters,

I'm going to break up with you. We've had a great run, we've been together for a very long time, but I think we've grown apart and want different things. For example I want these

And I can't have either of these because while they are featured on the Lenscrafters web site they are NOT available in the stores. They are not in the warehouse and the only way to get them through Lenscrafters is if the clerk who helps you is really up for a challenge. Last year they found my glasses - glasses I found on the website and went to the store to see, only to be told that they didn't have them and couldn't get them. I was as brokenhearted as you can be over a missed opportunity with glasses frames, but the guy promised to try to find them and he did! He called stores all over the state and rattled cages at  warehouses and low and behold my glasses surfaced. I am so glad he went the extra mile and did that for me. I am complimented on them all the time!  When was the last time some stranger told you they like your glasses? Yeah, its not something that happens. It happens to me because I have special order glasses and last year, I had the benefit of great customer service.

This year I went back to my Lenscrafters and told them I am not buying new frames but I am getting new lenses. I am paying more for this than if I had bought a complete pair. They punish you for not getting new glasses and then they won't let you use your frame allowance to buy sunglasses. Or maybe they would but my clerk was not up for a challenge or offering anything above the barest minimum of customer service. She was kind of a bitch actually.

When I told her I got my frames from them last year and the guy who helped me really helped me, she said "Yeah. That happens sometimes", in a tone that told me it was not going to happen this time. I decided that next year I go someplace else.

On my list is a  lovely  glasses store downtown that I had thought was "Dr. Chichis' Spectacle  Boutique" but is in real life is just a Eyecare Center! Not a fancy boutique at all. I see sexy frames in there in their windows all the time but I never looked too close because it looks expensive. It's not, its just good window dressing.

So. Next year? Maybe stripes.

No Love,
Diana

I still write letters.

Dear Walmart,

On 1.11.14 I shopped Store 5292 at 20:46 :38

 My order was rung up and my goods were put into bags, I took my bags home. I got home and noticed that AGAIN I did not make it home with all my purchases because your clerk didn't give me all my bags. This happens al the time across every Walmart I shop at and I shop at a lot of Walmarts.

I believe it’s a way for the staff to add to their meager pay. I also see it as theft. I bought the products and I want them back. I am tired of Walmart stealing from me.

 I called the office at the time and was told that "Talking to these people is like talking to air" and that "A lot of management is friends with the staff" and that is why complaints go unanswered. It was suggested I speak with corporate.

The next time I come home with less then I should, I'm going to the police, because it is theft: I paid for goods and those goods were not given to me, so, theft. This might get attention to the problem. I will call the police and send them to your store and I will charge the clerk and the the manger who failed to train the clerk as the thieves.  And I’ll call the papers and go on the internet - Fun Fact : a lot of people hate Walmart and will love to hear about my idea. It could become a “thing”, like flashmobs. You can look forward to flash mobs and police calls. How fun for you. There will be a lot of police calls to your stores.

It will work better than calling the store. The police the know how to communicate with “air”.

 Also, I bought 5 items, I took home four bags. I did not need this many bags, you must train your clerks for bagging, I am not asking to train them better I am asking you to train them AT ALL.  Grocery stores manage to train half wits to bag groceries and you can't manage the same with your staff? Walmart constantly disappoints, thank you for lowering the bar yet again.

 Get rid of the bag turn style and teach your clerks to bag properly and you might solve this very real issue for your stores.

Diana 

This was emailed to both Walmart customer service complaints and Walmart Global Ethics complaints.

Global Ethics got back to me. Still waiting for customer service. Will be calling Mr. Market Manager.

Hello Diana,

Thank you for contacting the Global Ethics Office. One of our objectives is to provide guidance for ethical dilemmas and to ensure formal review for behavior that may be inconsistent with the Walmart Statement of Ethics, which can be found at www.walmartethics.com. 

As described, your concerns do not require a review from our office; however, a review of your concern may still be necessary.  Please feel free to contact the Market Manager over this Market, NAME by calling 919-XXX-XXXX

Thank you and feel free to contact us in the future regarding the Statement of Ethics. 

Kindest Regards,

Tim

Global Ethics Office

I wrote back.

Dear Tim,

Thank you so much for getting back with me so quickly. I thought this was an ethical problem that could be address by your office. I am however very grateful for the contact you provided. Thank you for taking the time to address my complaint.

Sincerely,

Diana 

Travelers Canceled my Policy Because I Made A Claim.

I spoke with the Insurance Commission about what Travelers did to me  - AKA  Travelers Canceled My Policy Because I Made A Claim.

Apparently, because they sent a notice to tell me they Were Canceling My Policy Because I Made A Claim, its legal and my complaint would go on file but otherwise languish. I bet Travelers donates a lot of money to Mitt Romney, you can tell they are his kind of folks -  Rich Scum Bags.

Since the state wouldn't help me I went to Travelers,  to ask why They Canceled My Policy Because I Made A Claim.

I wrote them an email :

My Police was canceled after many years of coverage. It was canceled because I made a claim for $3400 in the wake of  a tornado on April 16, 2012. I have not made a claim since that occurred and I received a letter of renewal in July.

Today I received another letter informing me that my policy was canceled because I made a claim for the damage incurred during the April 16, 2011 storms in Raleigh NC.

I did not know that it was part of our "deal" together that I was to send you a lot of money for many years and then as soon as you are put into a position to give some of that money back, you cancel my policy. What you did according to the NC Department of Insurance, is not illegal, it is however, unethical and I am telling every one I know through word of mouth and social media what kind of company you are.

I thought Travelers was a good company and that is why I chose you in the first place, I was wrong and so is everyone else that places their trust and their money in you. Be ashamed.

They are supposed to get back to me but I really would doubt that this is going to happen. Because they are corporate scum bags. Don't do business with Travelers Insurance.

To make myself feel better I went at lunch and bought puppy food and puppy bowls. After work I bought a nice soft blankey for the puppy's' travel crate

Of course I had to over think this. There was another remnant in the pile that was clearly meant for babies and it was very cute and was covered with cute baby-centric messages. I almost got this, but the guy cutting the fabric had to go back to electronics and I had time to think about it. I settled on the still juvenile, but not as expressly baby-centric design because it is a nice, warm fabric and puppy will surely use it for years and it isn't necessary or even appropriate long term  for it to say "baby" all over it.What I really wanted  was the fabric decorated with paw prints, but they wanted twice what they were asking for the remnants and I wouldn't do it.

 And when I came home I made watermelon ice cream.

Customer Unservice

Everyone at Earthlink feels really bad about being such monumental fuck ups. Really, from Bombay to Georgia everyone totally feels bad that I still don't have a router.

Monday I got a call that told me the reason I didn't have a router was that somewhere in the mists of time I was not charged for a month of service. I believe that this was about the time I told them where to stick their $24.95 a month for dial up fee and get real with me, a customer since 1999. They got the picture and dropped my rate to $9.95.

Apparently, taking care of their long term clients  pissed them off and so they created a mystery balance on my account that not one of the many operators I spoke with could see on their monitors. I asked the operator "A Balance?! You don't have my credit card number? no one thought to just charge it or even better, forgive it because of your mistake?" I allowed them to charge to just get this train moving. But, we're going to talk about this, because at this point, its not about what I owe them its about what they owe me.

I spoke with Rasheesh or "Jason" about this and he didn't seem to understand what I was talking about, which is a shock because I thought their schools were better than that. In addition to all the phone calls, I also emailed the company with my issue, and in due course I got a reply and they are very apologetic and promise my router in two business days - On Monday "Jason" promised me Wednesday, email guy says Thursday.

I wrote back.

Thank you for your reply, I spoke with a representative Monday evening and he told me that the reason that my router was not delivered was that here was a balance on my account, an old balance that was never mentioned by any of the many, many representatives I spoke with over the last month and for some reason never showed up on my monthly invoice and was never billed despite the fact that my credit card has been on file there for years! I allowed him to charge this to my card to get this arduous process moving.

 I also spoke with the representative about some sort of upgrade to my account because this interminable wait, the representative seemed to agree with me on this point but suddenly developed an acute problem with English and we were not able to speak about this at any length, I feared a stroke. He put me on hold (again), perhaps to seek medical attention. I've been a customer for thirteen years and I think this request for an upgrade to my service is not out of line given the circumstances.

I have been  a very loyal Earthlink client for years and would very much like to continue our relationship into the future, reguardless of the outcome, I will be writing about my experience on my blog, Twitter and Facebook.

Sincerely,
Diana


Doing what I said I would.


Edited to add:

In responce to my email I recieved this from Earthlink this morning.

Thank you for your prompt reply. As per your request the account has been upgraded from Dial up to Cable service and we also see a one-time payment of $24.95 on your account. Please be rest assure that the router will reach you in two business days. Please contact me directly if you have any issues with regards to the shipment of the router.



I answered with:



I upgraded my account myself when I upgraded from dial up to cable and am now paying for that upgrade. I want something from Earthlink in response to my having to wait and wait and wait for service. For example, I am paying for the lowest speed cable service and after all this time and patience on my part and the fact I am staying with Earthlink despite its increasingly shameful customer service, I think an upgrade to the speed of cable I am receiving - at no extra charge would be acceptable. I also now feel as though I was charged for being kept waiting.

From Sarah...

Dear Supporter,

Dear Sarah,

 I'm not your supporter and you should be addressing  me as  Ma'm or Miz. We aren't all as casual and "folksy" as you are.  Oh and by the way, the Obama campaign sends me personalized emails. I'm not just a nameless "supporter", I'm Diana to them.

We're entering the final days of the campaign and our get-out-the-vote efforts are in full swing. Volunteers across the country are making calls and knocking on doors to get every voter to the polls in important races across the country.

Your volunteers have not knocked on my door but I have received a lot of robo-calls from your party they make me not want to vote for you.

I am constantly energized by the crowds of supporters who show up at our Victory rallies. Their energy is incredible and I wish you could be there to experience all the excitement on the campaign trail.

Yes, there are a lot of people in the lower forty-eight. And as for calling your speeches "victory rallies", it sounds Orwellian  and it really smacks of 1984. It's a book, by George Orwell, so you may not have read it, short answer: You don't want to remind people of 1984.

We're working day and night to win, and in the final days of the campaign we need the resources to reach every voter through mail, calls, advertisements and personal contact.

I bet it really sucks missing out on all that family time. Thus far I have had no personal contact from your party, or impersonal mail. I have seen your TV ads and to tell you the truth, your TV ads suck and they don't make me love you. They are supposed to be like little love notes to the electorate, every ad should give me a new reason to fall in love with you. So far I've seen about 278, 5721 of your ads and I still think you're a bitch.

McCain-Palin Victory 2008 helps fund ad buys and get-out-the-vote activities in important races across the country and we need your support during our final push to Election Day.

I'm booked. I'm volunteering for the Obama/Biden campaign next Saturday.

Will you help our efforts by making a generous contribution today?

Too late. I'm kind of tapped right now, I've been donating all I can to the Obama/Biden campaign.I bought a magnet from Obama last week. $10 well spent I think.

Consider what your contribution can help fund in the final days of the campaign; bumper stickers and yard signs for supporters, television and radio ads to get our message out to undecided voters, flyer's and mail pieces for door knocking, and food for hungry volunteers.

Sorry. I everything I own has an Obama sticker on it. I'm about stickered out, and I'm on my second Obama sign for my yard. I have an Ipod so I don't really listen to the radio and I'm at work during the day so I'm not around to answer the door. I am concerned though, if you can't take care of your volunteers, how are you going to take care of the nation?

These might seem like small things, but trust me they make a big impact on the ground to our staff and volunteers who work day and night to elect our ticket from top to bottom.

They don't seem like small things. Are they small things to you?

You know what we're up against- the Democrats have raised nearly $200 million in September alone and are spending it all on the largest advertising buy in political history to defeat our team.

They have that money because I gave them some of it. Lots and lots of people gave them some of it. Lots and lots and lots people gave a little money so the campaign could have a lot of money. We see it as an investment that will pay off.

Combined, the Obama-Biden Democrats' television advertising budget is larger than McDonald's and Diet Coke.

WOOT!!!

They're flooding media markets in every state with ads attacking our team with information intended to mislead voters. We need your immediate financial support to respond. Will you make a donation of $25, $50, $100, $250, $500, $1,000 or more to support our efforts?

The Obama/Biden campaign is happy with anything I can send. I sent $5 and got a nice postcard thanking me, so I sent ten more dollars when I could. It's what lots and lots and lots of us have done.

We have a choice in this election; a choice between the Obama-Biden Democrats who want to raise your taxes to "spread the wealth around," and our team of reformers who want to spread opportunity to all Americans.

I've all ready made my choice and I think spreading the wealth around is a good thing. I'm kind of tired of the Republicans keeping all of it for themselves.

Please stand with us in the final days of the election. Thank you.

I'm going to sit down now. And write the DNC a check.

Sincerely,

Whatever,

Governor Sarah Palin

Caraboo Barbie

It’s not an “investment” it’s a home

Dear Home Owner (s),

I am interested in buying your property located at _________! Are you interested in selling? or at have thought about it? If so, give me a call!

Dear Mr. Home Buyer (s)

I am not interested in selling you my property at ___________! I am not interested in selling, or have I put the least thought into it. I will not be calling you!

As a property owner, I realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be interested in selling their home (family matters, inherited an unwanted property, cash flow issues, tired of ownership, life changes... the list goes on). Everyone has their own reason, so my question to you is whether you are now ready to sell? If so, I am ready to buy.

As a property owner, I realize that there are a number of non-shame based reasons someone may be interested in selling their home ( a new job out of town, a desire to live closer to family, work or school, more room for a growing family, construction of a new home... the list goes on). Many of us have our own reasons to be horrified at the proliferation of rental properties and the negative effect those properties have on our investments and neighborhoods . My question to you, is why are you are intentionally lowering the properties values in my neighborhood? I’m not buying what you are selling.

I can close quickly or delay the closing as long as you like

Be it quickly or delayed, wait for me to die, then check my will, my heirs are prohibited from using my home as a rental property or selling to anyone who would use it as such.

Please call me at you convenience so we can discuss the sale of your home. You don’t have to worry about repairs or paying any Realtor sales commissions. You have nothing to lose, so please call me now at REDACTED


Please eat shit and die, at your covenience, we won't be discussing anything. You don’t have to worry about my house. You have nothing to gain.

Sincerely,

Jason Lenhardt.

Sincerely,

Ms. Home Owner.


PS - Using Comic San Serif does not add to your charm.

How I spent my weekend.

I watched Not Another Teen Movie, but only got about half the references since I haven’t seen a “teen movie” since the early nineties, so most of the references fell flat for me. I also fail to see how American Beauty could be classified as a “teen movie” , I mean true, it had some teenagers in the cast but it was really more about midlife ennui so I think it takes it out of the running. Teen angst from a 35 year old pretending to be 17 good, middle aged ennui from 50 year old actors pretending to be 44? Not good. and Also, most of the actors in NATMseem to have been young enough to remember their own teen years so they lost points for that. A real teen move is a move about teens for teens made by people in their mid to late thirties. It’s rule. James Spader and Jud Nelson were playing teenagers when they had their own teenagers. Everyone in Not Another Teen Movie looked about 12. Where is the veracity in that? I mean, if you are not prepared to cast the 43-year- old Courtney Cox as a 17-year-old high school junior -you don’t deserve to get your film green lit.

I was also really confused because I couldn’t tell if the lead male was supposed to an analogous to John Cusack characters or Andrew McCarthy characters.

While I was watching the movie I saw a lot of commercials. I used to really like those Master Card commercials where they give the price of each thing and then say “Blah, Blah, blah? priceless” - but then they started running one that goes “Blah, Blah Peep-toe shoes - Priceless” about some girl out shopping and they end up using the term “peep- toe” about 176 times. They are called Open Toed Pumps, the only people who call them “peep - toe” are foot fetishists. “Peep-toe” is right up there with “toe cleavage”. Yuck. And to add insult to injury, the shoes they put her in have ankle straps and they gave her cankles. And also, speaking of commercials - David Duchovney STOP SQUINTING! Stop it! I really kind of would go see your new movie but the squinting is really distracting. You are starting to look like the Mad Magazine version of Faux Dulder. If you can’t see the cue cards, they have made huge improvements in contact lens technology since the last time you had to read cue cards. Oh, and the beard idea doesn’t work for you. It makes you look like an ex-husband.

Another thing I did this weekend, along with all the watching TV, dog walking x2! Oh yeah! I walked her twice over the weekend. I rock so hard. I also had to go buy new clothes so that I can work for the next month in a convection oven. If I was smarter, I would have saved the receipt and counted it as a business expense on my taxes. Too bad I’m not smarter.

Oh, and :

Dear New Cross the Street Neighbors,

Hi, I’m Diana, but my street name is “the white girl”. I’m real glad your friend can afford a $40 thousand SUV. I’m glad she has her children's college educations all ready taken care of. It must be a weight off her mind.

You must tell your girl that she can not block my driveway with her $40 thousand SUV, ever. When I want to leave my house, I want to leave my house now. Because that is how I roll. If I back down my driveway and begin to back out and then change my mind and drive back into my driveway - this is your cue to move whatever it is that is in my way. If y'all want to talk, she can pull that big ass SUV into your driveway and come in your house. Parking outside and talking - well, that’s ghetto and we don’t live in the ghetto. We live in the 'hood. The ghetto starts one block down.

When I want to pull out of my drive way, you let me pull out of my driveway. I do not want to hit your car! When the I huff out of my car and go back inside the house, it’s a sign. This time I just went inside to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash. I have a phone and your landlords number. Don’t block my driveway.


Love,
Diana

Dear Sam’s Club,

If that’s your real name… See, the suspicion? It burns.

I went to your store today, I mean I am assuming it was your store, but that with Identity theft being such a problem these day, it could have been almost anyone's. I blame the internets. I chose your establishment because I could both buy gas for my car and pizza for my lunch at the same place!, I thought How Neat!

Well, I dutifully flashed my membership card to the young lady at the door. I could have flashed my library card at her as much as she cared, but that is beside the point. She didn’t even notice that I walked past a display of plasma screen TVs and didn’t steal any of them.

And then I walked past a huge display of valentines candy and while no one was looking, I didn’t steal any.

I decided to eat lunch first so as to not have gasoline on my hands while I was eating. I’m really into the science of scentology and I know it’s not a scent that facilitates digestion. So, I went to your Bistro and bought a slice of pizza and a soft drink, I paid for it with my Sam’s Club credit card. The counter help gave me my recipt and I found a seat, I mean not everyone lives to ponder the circle of life where you can have cheese pizza and tires sold in the same building. What came first the tire or the cheese, they are both made from the same petroleum based products... Boy were there a lot of empty seats! I had to get up and get a napkin because the pizza was a little greasy – have you thought about selling your excess grease? Does your store do lube jobs? or would the public have to buy those in bulk too? Perhaps marketing towards fleets? Just a suggestion!

I finished my meal and prepared to leave the store. I walked past a huge display of deodorant and while no one was watching, I didn’t steal any.

I was at the door when it struck me that my receipt at become adhered to my napkin and was accidentally thrown away! I felt just awful about it and told the gal at the door right off.

She contacted her manager and the manager took my Sam’s Card.

And I stood there.
And I stood there.
And I stood there.
And I stood there.

I was begin to feel a little bit like I had done something very wrong. They were assuming I would steal from them.

The manager had my card and he had been gone a very long time. I began to wonder what he was doing tapping away at his computer.

And I stood there.
And I stood there.
And I stood there.
And I stood there

And I finally went to his computer and while no one was looking I did not steal their credit card machine

I went to remind him that like Old Glory, I was still there.

He smirked at me. At Me! Old Glory!

He said he was printing out a new receipt for me. I told him I didn’t want my receipt, I wanted to go back to work. He said the gal would ask for it.

I walked back to the door and while no one was looking, did not steal their suggestion box.

The gal looked embarrassed. The only one demanding to see my receipt was him. Anyway, I just wanted to write and share with you a new marketing slogan:

Sam’s Club - Where making you feel small is our business.

Yours Truly,

Dear Fellow Employees,

I understand how it can throw off the family schedule to have school canceled at the drop of a hat, or as the case may be, a drop of a snow flake. It’s really a pain. These last minute cancellations are really hard . Hard on all of us. Thank you for sharing your parenting struggles.

How do I know it was a pain? Because you shared the pain. You shared with everyone how big a wrench was thrown into your system. All of a sudden your kid had no where to be while you still had to go to work.

They gave us that bonus time for a reason - so that you did not have to turn our work place into a drop in daycare. You had the option to stay home with your kids and take the opportunely to make cookies or play board games or dress up you could go outside tie that hyperactive little twerp to a tree and make snow angles or other fun family togetherness activities. At your house.

How does your child sit at a desk all day at school if your s/he needs to spend the entire day pounding up and down the hallway? Is perhaps his/her schools’ curriculum entirely cross country running based? That is very progressive. I especially like the part where they get so tired they drop and take a nap in the middle of the hallway. I guess they would have been really in the way if that were to happen on the floor of your office.

I thought held againts my will spending time with your kids was a blast. I think you should try it sometimes, in a small space. Have you thought introducing your kids to four point hard restraints pilotes?

Instead of sugary soft drinks, how about chemical restraints chamomile tea as an afternoon refresher? I know after their seventeenth lap down the hallway, I certainly could have used some.

I’m sorry I couldn’t entertain your child for you, I would have had more time if I wasn’t all ready doing two other jobs in addition to my own My job, that other girls job and that other girl too. You know the two other people who work in that office that you didn’t seem to notice were not there despite the fact that I was doing their jobs? You know how I normally don’t usually send calls to you but then today I was on the phone with you all morning? Just me, not one of the other girls? The ones who didn’t come to work - unlike me and you and your kids. We all made it in. Did anyone call those other girls if they might try again to come in, you know, after about 9am when it had stopped pretend snowing and had settled into just being really damp? I mean, the roads were passable and clear for hours. Will anyone talk to them about that? Do they even have a supervisor?

I would have alerted you sooner about them not being there but with all the childcare I was providing added responsibility, time just got away from me.

Love,

Diana

I write Letters

November 15, 2006


Dear Mayor,
(you spineless worm)

My name is Diana. I lived in Farmers Branch for over thirty years. I attended My Elementary School, My Junior High and My High School. I grew up there and have countless happy memories about the city and the people. It was a wonderful place to grow up. I miss living there. When I went away to college I always told people I was from Farmers Branch and then explained where it was, it would have been easier to just say I was from Dallas, but I always made the distinction. I was proud of my home town and where I was from.

( I had to explain every damn time I wrote a check. "No, There are no farms!, it's near Dallas, no I don't live in Dallas. Near Dallas, not Dallas. Okay, Dallas. Happy now?")

Eventuality, I had to leave the area and I settled in North Carolina – I don’t love it, it’s not home. It is however, growing on me. In the time since I moved here I searched online for news of Farmers Branch. I even joined a yahoo group because it was about Farmers Branch, and I read the DMN daily to keep up with the old home place.

It was there I learned what has become to my old school mate at My High School, Councilman REDACTED . Initially when I learned he had been elected to the city council I was very proud, I was thrilled to see “one of us” in such a position of authority. I was sad I couldn’t vote for him. Imagine my shock upon reading what he has been up to! I don’t remember him being a racist back at school, perhaps he was then too, he didn’t brag about it as he seems to now.

( I was shocked to see how this issue had been raised. Yes, immigration must be addressed and changes must be made on a federal level, it is in no way up to Farmers Branch to do this! I thought at first the Councilman in question was someone else. It wasn't.)

Not only has REDACTED become a bigot he is taking my town with him. The yahoo group was thrilled about his plan. I was horrified. I was a minority – a bad thing to be, it seems in Farmers Branch these days .It is not wise to be not like everyone else .I am very worried the direction the city is taking. What group will REDACTED and his followers pick on next? Who will be forced out the next time?

( You give those people and inch and they'll take a mile. I'm waiting for the first Klan March through town and who will be next on the hate parade? How about the homosexuals? or the Catholics? Who will be the next group they turn on? Hate is Hate.)

The rules that passed on Election Day spell a very sad end to my love affair with the City of Farmers Branch. It is one thing to stage a sober and reflective discussion about federal immigration reform and quite another to disenfranchise and entire class of people. Those rules are going to make Farmers Branch a very attractive place for the type of people who hate. I fear that Farmers branch will rid its borders of one group of “undesirables” only to replace them with another, a much more dangerous and threatening group, I see marches and speeches, offensive literature left around, new groups tabling at events.. I would say the racists are coming, but they are all ready there. When the Klan or any of the White Pride groups asks for a permit to march, what will Farmers Branch say? And what are they (you) going to do with the crowds that come out to cheer them on? And they will, because they can and because they have been made to feel very comfortable doing so.

( It's crap like this that lets everyone think that southerners and Texans in particular are all racist crackers. It is why we are portrayed as backward and stupid. Thanks REDACTED! you !@#$%)

This isn’t about citizenship, this is about racism. REDACTED started it, others will finish it and any reputation that Farmers Branch ever had as a nice place to live. Its reputation as a hateful, backward, redneck burg is spreading. I would not choose to raise children in a place like that.

I am boycotting Farmers Branch, I will do no business there or with any business that is there. I lived there for a long time and I have a lot of business there still. REDACTED and my 20th High school Reunion is coming up, be sure I will not be visiting/eating in/shopping in Farmers Branch while I am there. Thank God My High School is in Carrollton.

Rein in Councilman REDACTED before he ruins your city.

(Rein in, stifle, tape his damn mouth shut, anything, keep that idiot out of the press and consult a PR flack ASAP. The whole world is watching.)

Sincerely,
Diana

Well?

Dear DeNiece,

I know you are busy with last minute things, getting your eye lashes in , making sure your eye brows are straight, getting your nails right... I know, it’s a lot of work. I’ve been there, We’ve all been there. Do you remember when your spleen formed! Wasn’t that cool?

I know, I know “it’s a fetus thing” and I wouldn’t understand, Hey, I was a fetus. It was a long time ago but I know how you feel. It’s getting crowded, your legs are getting a little squished. It is getting really hard to properly do your yoga and totally forget about doing 15 laps a day anymore... But you have all these other things to do! Last minute meetings with your hair people, the guy who does your make up... Your schedule is totally booked.

Here’s the deal. If you were waiting around for me to get my house cleaned up, its done. The house it clean. I knew you didn’t want me to be running around at the last minute trying to get it all done at once, and that’s really nice of you. I got the message and the house is clean. From gleaming bathroom tiles ( I scrubbed it! On. My. Hands. And. Knees. It's an inside joke, ask your folks) To shiny kitchen linoleum, also Scrubbed On Hands And Knees! Did you know that Formula 409 is a bang up floor cleaner? They don’t market it as that but in a pinch it does a good job. My hands are a little worse for wear but don't worry, I have some nice lotion that clear that right up I promise. But any last minute “poor Aunt Diana has a really dirty house and I don’t want her to be embarrassed about how it looks when Grandma and Grandpa get here, so I’ll wait around for her to get it taken care of”, issues you might have let them go. The house is ready. I may even invite the neighbors over.

But if you were waiting around for me to get my shit together, consider it boxed up and thrown away. I vacuumed, I polished, I laundered and I deodorized. You don’t have to worry about Aunt Diana being embarrassed about the state of her house. It’s fine.

Well, it will be fine for the next 24 - 48 hours, after that, it’s really going to be pushing it. I’m not sure I can stay in the house and maintain this level of cleanliness for much longer with out having to live in Minnie Van. You don’t want me to have to live in my car do you? Would you do that to your fur cousins? Think of others. Think of The Kitty and Dogger. So cute, so furry, so not designed in live in a van.

I didn’t do anything about the sorry state of my back yard but I don’t think that should have any bearing on your move out schedule. I think you should just go a head and not mind me - except to note that my house is not going to stay this clean for long. I may not ever scrub the floors on my hands and knees again in my life much less yours, so I really think you should take advantage of this while you can.

A cousin third or fourth removed was born last Tuesday and the longer she has a chance to be older than you the longer she is going to lord it over you. She all ready shares a birthday with Brittiny Spears baby and that must be a real feather in her belly band. She is going to be impossible to live with. You don’t want to be bossed around by some one who is a week or so older than you who’s only claim to fame thus far is that she shares a birthday with a member of the new Beverly Hillbillies’s do you? You have to represent here, you know?

I know you're busy with getting your stuff together, deciding what to keep, what to give away what to throw away, but you can totally feel free to leave, you have much better stuff waiting for you. Like your Mom and Dad.

Love,

Aunt Diana