Saturday, April 30, 2005

You know that the 24 hour news channels are all kinds of pissed off

The whole idea of a bride kidnapped before her wedding! how romantic! the joy! the heartbreak! The massive ratings!!!

...The wedding was to be a huge event, with 600 guests invited and a wedding party including 14 bridesmaids and 14 groomsmen...

I'd have run away too


Friday, April 29, 2005

Friday Cat Blogging

The World is His Litter Box. Posted by Hello
Bloggy Time

I was going to get all dressed up in honor of Administrative Professionals Day on Wednesday, I had a whole outfit laid out. A skirt and everything. This was big. I dug up a pair of stockings and was going to wear dress shoes. I don’t wear things like this to work. We have no dress code here above “Please Do Not Wear Your Bathrobe to work”. We do have some standards and yet, the dress code did have to be updated to speak to the wearing of bathrobes to the office. For real.

Anyway. I was going to be all dressy. Operative word being was. I didn’t. I set my alarm early to allow for the added time that all of that falderarol was going to cost me time wise. I got up did my thing and got to the dressing myself part of the morning. I put the hose on and went right through an enormous run – more then a mere stocking run, it was a Stocking Hole. A hole big enough to put an entire leg through. Needless to say this squashed right there any skirt wearing ideas I might have been entertaining.

I could have gone downstairs and dug through my dresser again to find a pair of un-run stockings, true. But. That would be too much like work at that hour of the morning and at that hour or the morning if whatever it is not laid out where I can get to it right now, I am not going to get to it. I started to think about how much I didn’t really want to spend the day having to agree that Yes, I Am Wearing A Skirt Today. That gets really tired after a while and I get tired easily anyway and I just did not need the added aggravation of a skirt all day. I did wear the dress shoes though and that wasn’t as unpleasant as I had thought it was going to be. I think this is because I brought back up shoes just in case. If I had not brought the back of shoes I would have been in pain all day and most likely would have developed blisters. Yuck.


Today I wore nice comfortable things. I was glad to have my slacks back and my regular shoes. I am so lazy. It’s not as though there is anyone at work I have any desire to dress to impress. These people wear bathrobes to work and have to be reminded to put bras on before they represent the State in public. We have received emails about the wonders of deodorant! These are not people who care about clothing, mine or theirs.

In big change of pace for me. Today I spent most of the afternoon standing in front of the copy machine making enchiladas. No, not really. I made copies. Lots and lots of copies. It’s easy and it doesn’t require me to be totally awake. Its almost as hypnotic as playing computer solitare . It’s kind of restful, after too long it makes my feet hurt but I get over it and now? standing for hours is more comfortable than sitting for hours for me . I am really tired of that. I am ready for my ass bone to heal itself and move on. Over the weekend I think I’m going to show my ass to the first available TV preacher and have them pray over it for a while. It could work – it won’t but showing my ass to a TV preacher sounds like a good use of my time.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Ladies who lunch

We would like to invite you to lunch at Mac Gregor Downs Country Club on Wednesday, April 27 to celebrate Administrative Professionals Day. Reservations have been scheduled for 11:45 am.

I feel the administrative professionalism coursing through me. The Country Club dinning room was full of female secretaries and their mostly male bosses – because we all know that men aren’t Administrative Professionals, It’s Secretaries Day! Today is the day Mr. Bossman takes the "girls" out to the Club for Lunch and then watches his watch until they finish and he can go back to the office and pretend to be working and play more online poker while their “Administrative Professionals” go back to the office and actually do the work - Administrative Professionals work at work. We never shop online or take personal calls or use the office copy machine to our run copies for personal use, that would not be Administratively Professional.

We don’t have any male APs in the office, well, we do but, he’s a temp (last years male temp did not go with us) and white boy showed up with corn rolls the other day and he has not been on a cruise. He deserves to get a coffee mug/ flower pot for looking so silly in public. What do guys normally get on Secretaries day? Do their bosses hire strippers for them and then take them to lunch at Hooters?

Everyone in the dinning room looked so comfortable and at ease and so happy to be spending even more time together! There is nothing like a forced lunch with the boss to make you feel all appreciated.

Most of the boss level people were kind enough to eat at a table together and let the rest of us rabble eat in peace. There were a couple of hold outs who insisted on eating with us “Administrative Professionals” but I think they were atoning for some Management Level sins – maybe they answered their own phone or figured out how to put paper in the fax machine or sorted their own mail one to many times and they felt like they were “down with us” or whatever.

I didn’t think the Management people really needed to be there. I wanted the surveyors to be the ones having to “appreciate “us. They are the one’s who cause all of my head aches and make me grind my teeth at night, it is them who go to my boss and cause her to cause my headaches. Right now there is one surveyor in particular I really want to come back into the office because she owns me some big appreciation. Thanks to her, one of my cabinets broke and now I can’t use it anymore. If I hadn’t been desperately trying to find the file I think now, that she has, I would not have been having to be as forceful with the cabinet and it would not have broken. She has a file and I need and it and that file is not filed back where it should be because she has it. She had better have it.

What else? What did ya’ll get for Administrative Professionals Day? I got a really nice pen and some magnetized note paper. I’m pretty happy with them. I can not kill a nice pen and I bet the note paper will last longer then the potted plants I got last year and the year before, and it won’t fall out of its pot and spill dirt all over my floor either. So Yay for the pen and paper products.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Even The Sharks and The Jets would laugh

"They actually love it," Bush replied, saying that she intended to visit a program that uses Shakespeare plays to hook children on reading and acting. "Think about Shakespeare. It's bloody. All those things that boys might like."

Gang Bangers and The Bard
Sock it To Me

My cousin had her baby. I sent a card. I did my thing. But. A card is so card-y and disposable. I wanted to get her something else. Something less flammable, something more cute.

Sadly, cute is a synonym for “expensive” and “cute baby thing” is a nice way of saying “Horribly expensive” and I don’t do expensive. I needed cute and cheap and if possible, useful – which means “deeply marked down”, because useful baby things are expensive. And would be a bitch to ship and I like things that can be mailed flat, preferably for the price of a first class letter - so my original card idea was starting to look pretty damn good to me, come on its not like it’s her first born.

Before you look at me like that, this is her forth baby. She even all ready has a young child of the same gender and I don’t think she was stupid enough to unload all her baby girl crap after she lad the last one, four or was it five years ago? – or maybe she did and she is just that dumb. In any case, baby number four is not the big event that baby number one or even baby number three if it was a different gender then baby one and baby two. It was neat the first time, now, it’s just kind of “again”.

I think what Mom Cuz really needs is a better cable package or twin beds in separate rooms in different houses for her and the hubster, or really they could explore the whole “family bed” thing. I can’t think of a better form of birth control then sharing your bed with the results of sharing your bed. I think it gives a really clear object lessen to a couple or they could both get fixed and let the kids stay in their own beds. Baby number five is not even going to warrant a card from me unless Planned Parenthood makes “Get Fixed Now” cards.

Anyway. I wanted to get a something for the baby. A small something. A small, cheap something. A small, cheap something that waves and says “Hi! North Carolina! Woo”. There is a college book store close to where I work and I thought I would just pop in there and find something. I remember my college book store. It was full of cheap, cute crap that waved and said “Hi! Texas! Woo!”. It stocked oneses and baby booties and that became my goal. I wanted baby booties and I wanted them to say North Carolina.

I went into the store and was blinded by the redness of it all. It looked like the Republican National Convention at high tide. I was briefly turned way off and entertained idle thoughts about going to Chapel Hill and buying blue things instead. Chapel Hill is not close to where I work and so that wasn’t going to happen. I could buy the red thing and donate a few bucks to a nice liberal cause. Okay. Anguish extinguished, rationalization on. Red Booties.

Nothing. The only baby related crap was crap and expensive crap that that. This is not what I wanted. I wanted cute, cheap baby related, NC State branded stuff. If South West Texas State University, not a school known for its sports or academics or really, anything other then throwing keggers - could pull that off adequately, why can’t this place? Where they do have an actual, nationally rated basketball program and I guess some sort of academic reputation. I could be wrong, but where are the damn baby booties?

So I asked. They “did have them but that was before The Decathlon and they should be getting more in presently”. I don’t know what The Decathlon was and why it meant they didn’t have any baby booties.

I went home and decided that I didn’t actually attend NC State and I could just go online and buy baby booties from a school I did attend. Humph. After a fruitless and annoying Google search I learned that after “They” changed the damn name of the damn school they got out of the baby booties business. Damn it. Good thing babies stay babies long enough for the NC State store to get in its post Decathlon baby booties shipment.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Would Holy Water short out my computer?

Many people all ready suspected this, but Microsoft really is in league with the Devil.

from America Blog
What image? We have an Image?

The Office of State Personnel is pleased to announce the 2005 State Employee Image Campaign, sponsored by the State Employees Credit Union, will be held during State Employee Appreciation Week. Radio spots featuring three 2004 State Employee for Excellence Recipients, a representative from the Community College System and a Public School Teacher will run May 2

My Gosh! I can hardly wait!

DHHS (Caswell Center)
Dept. of Corrections
Community College System, and
Public Schools

Of course, no one asked me. They stuck to people in the sexy divisions like Public Schools and Prisons. You would think that all of DHHS would be sexy enough to warrant ads trumpeting our innate awesomeness! They could fill those ads with just DHHS, not just the folks that actually have a hands approach to The Public. Yeah, they get all fuzzy wuzzy with the DHHS retarded people helpers, and the DHHS that jails them. We all deal with the public and FYI? There are is a lot of undiagnosed mentally retarded people wandering around out there and they all have access to phones and some of them? Should be jailed. But they aren’t, they are on my phone, talking to me. Where is my ad?

Why should one or two departments get all the good press? DFS goes out among the people too ya know, we’re not all that hands on but, we watch those who are and then we judge them harshly. We are four square against slapping old people around. But no, the general public sees us as tools of the devil or morons. We see the public and we pick on them! Or don’t find any substantioal reason and then don’t, but sometimes we make CNAs cry. We force nursing homes to conform to the rules and not beat on elderly people! Or steal their money or drug them into compliance. We need good press. I mean people just assume that we let facilities kill folk’s grandmas and eat the bodies for lunch but as long as they wear gloves and remember to chart it, the public thinks we’re cool with it. Ask around. We’re evil. But No. Maybe they would love us more if our nurses dressed more like TV Nurses or carried guns? ”does that man have an untreated pressure sore?! Here let me pull my 9mm out of my nurse hat”, BLAM I think it would help with the publics perception of us as well as improve health care.

I don’t think DoC needs this; everything on TV is about cops! If the DoC people want some positive attention they can watch Law and Order, The Community College and UNC people can check out Mr. Hollands Opus and feel all warm inside. There is no Law and Order - Nursing Home Abuse Unit.

I mean, if they wanted the rest of us to feel all sad and unloved, which they obviously did, why stick to the education people? Everyone all ready loves on teachers and colleges! They don’t need the reach around! It’s the folks in the less sexy parts of state government they should be showing the love for. How about Division of Insurance? I heard on the radio the other day that those winners spend so much time playing computer solitaire that the legislature is going to remove it from my computer as well! Those are some dedicated state employees. Do you have any idea how much computer solitaire you have to play to get the legislatures attention? Those are dedicated, commercial worthy, employees.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Jenna and Not Jenna have two Daddies

Bush gets his mandate.

from Atrios
Fun New Toy

Topix , go there put in your zip code and see the local news. I stole it from Blown Fuse and have been playing with it all weekend. Curious as to whats going on in your old college town? your home town? plug in the zip and see! wondering about that little town you pass through on the way to somewhere else? do you know its zip code? how about 90120? plug it in and play.
Spring Sprung

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday- Gorgeous! Spring had sprung and it was lovely. I was back in my short sleeved blouses and had forgone a coat for the last few mornings. I got tired of having to carry a coat home in the afternoon after it had gotten all warm and nice, so I was experimenting with just not wearing one at all and just toughing it out in the cool mornings. It was working.. Friday we complained at work that it was hot in the office and debated the pros and cons of having them turn the A/C on. It tried to rain Friday night but then it changed its mind.

It was so nice on Saturday! It felt springy and warm, I even went out and bought a pair of shorts and put them on once I got home. I was glad I had shorts on after the power went out and I had to go outside and read my book. I read my book for a while and the power still wasn’t back on. My tail bone still doesn’t like me to sit for too long, but now its more like the pain from a really, really bad wedgie. I went inside and it was nice enough upstairs that I took a nap with the kitty. Sigh.

I woke up and the power still was out. This was mildly upsetting. I was planning to go check Dead Poets Society out from the video store, actually, my original plan was to go and buy it from my DVD store but they didn’t have it and I had to go to Blockbuster who did have it but wanted $20 for it . I ended up renting it - but if the damn power was going to stay out I wasn’t going to be able to watch it and this was a pisser. . Finally, the power did go back on and I was able to watch my movie. Saturday night is a crummy night for TV. As I was watching DPS later, I had forgotten how young and callow the boys looked in that movie. Robert Sean Leonard today, is still awfully good looking but lately Ethan Hawk looks like he got rode hard and put up wet. He should have gone to the stage, it may have forced some discipline on him. RSL won a Tony and is still cute as a button.

I’m the same age as they are. I was young back in the day when it came out myself. I read an interview with RSL and it said he was 19 when it came out. I couldn’t have been that young but I guess I was. A baby. They were playing younger then they were but I was playing young too. I could have past for a highschool kid then too. In bad light and no make up, I still could. - Okay, it has been a while since I was asked what grade I’m in, lately they want to know what I’m studying or what school I go to. I should be grateful.

Tonight I might watch Swing Kids. What? The Pope was a Nazi Youth, I’m trying to think positive thoughts and if the Nazi Youths are played by RSL, Noah Wylie and Christian Bale, more the better. The priest said this morning that calling Benedict “Gods Rottweiler” was bigoted. I had no idea, he also said that hating Catholics is the new anti-Semitism - I guess hating Jews is so last year? Or anti-gay fervor was just a fad? I think that priest needs to calm down. I thought the wall to walk 24 hour coverage the Church got in the last weeks was kind of like a Wonders Of Catholicism Infomercial. I didn’t realize that it was 24 hours of wall to wall hate speech? I must have not been watching the right networks.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


Saturday, April 23, 2005


Friday, April 22, 2005

Friday Cat Blogging

Crouching Garbage Hidden Kitty. Posted by Hello
What A Difference a Day Makes

Once upon a time I went to a very expensive frame store in Dallas and they had a clerk help you, If you ever wondered why the frames you get from Pearl always look like ass and you look like Ass in them? And the glasses wearing celebrities always look so good and seem to have frames suit them so well? And give you the impression (wrongly) that square frames would look good on you too. They can wear those frames because they don’t actually need the glasses and also because they have their own trained frame procuring technician bringing them only the most trendy, but tasteful frames that are engineered to look good and be the most flattering to them while the visually unimpaired celebrity sits on a couch and drinks bottled water while gazing into the mirror to decide which pair of suitably tasteful yet trendy, $1000 one of a kind frames to buy to wear on Letterman so they look smarter then they are. The place I went had little drawers they kept the frames locked up in and none of those frames had prices. I just sat there and the girl brought me frames to try on, they all looked good. It was that expensive. I did learn the joys of clip on sunglasses from them and that was a beautiful thing. The store was beautiful, lots of dark wood and classical music, fresh flowers, indirect lighting and artsy, designer frames arranged tastefully in the windows – and they just couldn’t make glasses and blamed me when the prescription was wrong.

Me – Um. I can’t read the billboard outside
Clerque – These frames are so much smaller then your old, tacky frames. It’s just an adjustment you’ll have to make. Will this be cash?
Me – Wait. I can’t see out of these, stuff looks funny to me.
Clerque - Again, these frames are so stylishly tiny that things just look different for the time being. Charge?
Me – I love them, but I can’t see to write out my check.
Clerque – Put your other glasses on!

I really liked those frames. They were so definitively trendy that I wanted them to be the right scrip. I suffered through yellow and pink ghosts on my keyboard and wavery text until I started to put my old glasses with their more correct scrip in them, so I could see. Not be seen, of course, out in public I wore the new ones. Until.

Until I took them to my doctor to check the scrip. They asked me why I was bringing in some one else’s glasses, because this was not my scrip. I told them that those were my glasses and I had assumed that since my name was on them as well as Isaac Mizhari ( pre-Target) that the scrip was mine. And besides, I told the Doctor, they told that it was just me and I would adjust to them. The doctor told me that the store would adjust them and that his office would take care of it. I took my frames back and a week later my glasses were ready again and strangely, they had “adjusted” themselves to the correct prescription. Shocking.

I took Alphagal with me to Lenscrafters and set about finding my cheap fill in glasses. I took Alphagal with me because 1) she can see, and 2) she has really good taste. She was also there to keep me away from the teeny, tiny square lenses jobbers and the triangular bright orange frames that always look so good on other people. If frame stores really loved the visually impaired they wouldn’t let us pick frames by ourselves.

Any way. Lenscrafters. Not tasteful, no dark wood, no flowers, with harsh, florescent lighting and shockingly Not Cheap. Pricey and harshly lit but miracle workers none the less. My insurance is covering almost all of the frames! – which is good because she was quoting me $480 for the glasses, a lot for what I was thinking was just going to be cheapo fill in glasses until my insurance paid for my “real” glasses in October.

My trendy yet attractive, Alphagal approved, glasses will be ready in two weeks! Yay!

Thursday, April 21, 2005


Why is there someone outside mowing their yard at 9:34 PM?
Faceless Corporate hate-a-thon

I’m sitting in my office wondering why I feel weird. I’m hot. It’s hot in here. It’s never hot in here. On the weekends they rent this space out as a walk in freezer! I was feeling kind of dozy and beginning to wonder if I was sick with something and then it hit me – I’m not tired because I’m not feeling well, I’m tired because I’m feeling hot and not hot in a good way either. Normally, I’m tired at the end of the day because I have to keep moving all day to keep myself from freezing to my chair. It sucks, but I get a lot done. Now I’m thinking about napping under my desk.

I talked to my insurance. That went real well. They checked my file and announced that sure enough, that they weren’t going to pay for my glasses – that I had the bad fortune to not discipline my body to only need new glasses every 24 months and it has not been 24 months since the last time my scrip changed so they told me again that I could go and get new glasses in October; they would be cool with paying for them at that time, and suggested that I just squint until then. The customer service guy did tell me I could get a big 30% off on my frames now, but that doesn’t cover the lenses, the really expensive part of the problem. I am going to go to Sams Club to see what they have, LB suggested Wal-Mart but I don’t think I can do that. Lenscrafters is another choice and LB said she bought glasses from them years ago but she does not still buy glasses from them – but they do have these lovely coupons available to print off their web site and that is so sexy to me right now.

Mr. Kitty is doing better. I know you really do not want me to dig too deeply into the contents of his litter box but suffice to say, I am less worried about those contents then I was. I went holistic on Kitty’s lower GI and now he seems better. I mean, seems better, he could be in some sort of end stage lower GI thing now and that’s why he seems better but so far so good. He is still itching but the vet expense for the itchiness is substantially less then what the vet expense for fixing Kitty’s lower GI issues. Mr. Kitty now gets teaspoon of plan yogurt everyday. He eats it and so far he’s not throwing it back up. So I think it’s great. I haven’t told the vet what I am doing but maybe I can hope he doesn’t ask. I have to go back there to get heart worm preventive for Dogger but I don’t need to go in there and talk about Kitty’s GI problems, but at the same time I don’t want them to think that what they did worked, I mean, if they could just tell people to give their kitties a little yogurt to stem the tide, then they should tell them that instead of charging a fortune in kitty pills that don’t do a whole lot and stress everyone out.

I felt really bad about Dogger yesterday. She didn’t get her walk and I was in no mood to play when I finally got home. There is nothing like being dissed first by a faceless corporate entity and then have your own body diss you, all in the same day. It just sucks. It made me have ice cream for dinner, prior to going to the Red Cross, I did have a hamburger but it was supposed to make me all healthy and it didn’t so it didn’t count as dinner, it was more like a chewable iron pill. So, I had to come home and have a large bowl of Moose Tracks to sooth my wounded pride. Later on after enough ice cream to effect global warming I decided it may not have been entirely my traitorous body’s fault, I started to think it may also have been a bitchy tech problem too. I was the last appointment of the day and the way they were all sitting around shooting the shit with each other did not make me think any of them really were excited about opening my veins. I think she was just being a bitch because the last time I was there I wasn’t any healthier then I am now and the tech let me skate through. Humph.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

20% Dixie

15% Upper Midwestern

15% Yankee

0% Midwestern

stolen from Blown Fuse
Again, from the top.

I made an appointment with my eye doctor. I thought my prescription had changed, I?m pretty good at judging this, I've had a lot of practice over the years. I'm not in the habit of making social calls on my doctors, I go when I need to. I needed to go.

As it turns out my prescription has changed, a little there was also a little change last year - two little changes in a row mean a moderate change in my vision which is usually indicated by headaches. Splitting headaches. So. I made an appointment, got off early from work, drove to the doctors office, waited around, got drops in my eyes and performed poorly in the exam. As expected.

The doctors office was a little hurt that I wasn't planning on getting my glasses there. They have a small selection and I'm not wild about the frames anyway. True, they are cheap, but I have to wear these everyday and so I would like it if they would be ya know, nice looking. I'm vane, sue me. I'm willing to pay a bit over what the insurance takes care of - a big $100! which doesn't go far, trust me to get something that I'm going to be comfortable wearing every single day all day, to every occasion, for the next two years.

I drive myself to the frame place. This is was tricky with dilated eyes. It was kind of like lugeing. I get there, I peer blindly at the frames, I try on many, many , many pairs until I find one that I think looks all right. My eyes are pretty blearly at this point, so I guess it's really debatable whether they are the right ones.I have to trust in strangers who could quite possibly be sociopaths - at the frame store to give me an honest thoughts on them. I don't really know what a pair of frames looks like until my scrip is in them and by that time its too late for buyers remorse, if they suck, well I suck.

Okay. Frames picked out, measured, the whole thing. The girl comes back and tells me that according to my insurance I can't get these frames on their dime until October. Late in October. Its APRIL. I must have got glasses in October of 2003. I needed them. Now they tell me I can't get them now when I need them again. The girl suggests I call my insurance and talk to them about it.

So with out help from my insurance financing new frames I can take my new prescription to Sams Club or some other cheap-o place where I can afford to buy frames myself and pick through all three of their cheap outre' frames and spend the next six months seething and avoiding mirrors - when I can make another appointment with my doctor, take off work again, drive to the office again, wait around again, get drops in my eyes again, perform badly on the exam again, pay for my doctors office visit myself, take the script back to the frames place and start again.

Edited to add - I tried to give blood yesterday? got turned down there too.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Joseph Ratzinger will be Pope Benedict XVI Um. Greeeaaaaat.
Today is April 19

Where were you at 9:03am ten years ago today? this blogger was there . I was in Dallas working at the video store when my mother called to ask if I had seen the news. I was at work I told her, we don't watch the news on our TV's all day, we watch videos of Milk Money and Mask all day, it took me about five minutes to learn how to rip the coax out of the back of a video game monitor and set it up to use as a TV. We had steady business that day, customers would come in looking blank and wandered around trying to find something else to watch on their TV. They ended up standing in front of our TV. No one watched any videos that day. After eight hours in front of the TV at work I went home and cried.

A few years later I was at a friends wedding and got to talking to another guest, the only other person there who could use ya'll in a sentence with out giggling about it. The wedding was taking place during Tim McVeigh trial and the guy I was talking to was a mess. The only two subjects he could discuss were 1) the minutes and hours and days after the explosion and 2) Memories of his years with the bride at their DOD High School overseas. Lather, rinse, repeat.

He was a sports reporter for the Oklahoma City paper and had been out late covering a game, so he was still in bed at 9:03 am. I learned he lived downtown and the explosion had woken him up that morning, threw him out of bed. He lived with his brother then and his first thought after finding himself of the floor was his brother had done something to him. Then he saw is brother standing in his door way looking horrified, he then thought it was a tornado and then that maybe a truck hit the building. Then he and his brother saw the smoke. He got off the floor and went to work. He worked for 24 straight hours. He ended up writing obits. He learned later that one of his friends had died there.

He would repeat that story and then go back to High School stories and then go back to That Day. I thought about him when McVeigh was executed, I wondered if it helped him. I learned later that The guy I had spoken to had become born again by that time, I wondered if that helped him. has a feature.

The memorial fence . I was glad to see that it was still there, I was afraid when they built the official memorial that they would have taken it down. They didn't.
The tailbone’s connected to the EVERYTHING!! OW

I fell down my attic stairs Saturday morning. What a terrific way to start out the weekend. It made the whole weekend just trudge by.

Q - Do you know how often you use your tailbone?
A – More then you would guess!

For instance, your tailbone is connected to your nose! True! When you sneeze, your tailbone reacts! You just never noticed before. Take a moment and sneeze, See? Feel that tailbone! Feel it do its thing! You know when else you use your tailbone? All The Damn Time. Even if the tailbone itself is not immediately involved with the activity - Blink your eyes, the tailbone is involved! Really! It’s an amazing little body part. I wanted to know more about this body part so I went online.

Tailbone Injuries, or So, You Fell On Your Ass

What is a tailbone injury?

Your tailbone (coccyx) is actually made up of several bones that are located at the end of your lower back. Tailbones can be bruised or broken. Good to know. I would hate to think I’m in this much “discomfort” because I had mearly hurt its feelings

How does it occur?

A tailbone injury usually occurs from a direct fall onto the coccyx. Be a moron and slip and fall down a flight of stairs, it works real well.

What are the symptoms?

You fell on your ass and now its hurts!. Your tailbone is very tender. You have pain when you are sitting. You may also have pain when you walk. True that! You may have pain when you cough, sneeze, try to dress yourself or attempt to move your body in any way.

How is it diagnosed?

Did you fall on your ass? does it still hurt?. Your health care provider will review your symptoms and examine your back and tailbone. He or she may order an x-ray to see if your tailbone is broken. The pain.If suddenly, you can’t sit down or get comfortable and you think you may have fallen on your ass sometime in the near past? You might have messed up your tailbone. Don’t bother with your doctor, they can’t put a cast on it – save your cash, eat a lot of OTC pain killers, but not too much as OD-ing on Tylenol would be very embaressing as well as potentially life threatening.

How is it treated?

An injured tailbone needs time to heal. A bruised tailbone may take several days to several weeks to completely heal. A fractured tailbone takes 4 to 6 weeks to heal. In either case, people sometimes have pain for a long time. How about a bruised tailbone? Just what I wanted to hear. 4-6 weeks of sometning that felt good would get old after a while.

While your tailbone injury is healing it is very important to use a doughnut cushion when you are sitting. A doughnut cushion may be purchased at a medical supply house or you may use a child's swimming inner tube. I would as soon die

You should place an ice pack on your tailbone for 20 to 30 minutes every 3 to 4 hours for 2 to 3 days or until the pain goes away. Your health care provider may prescribe an anti-inflammatory or pain medicines. Again, sooner die. “Where are you going Diana? Oh, I’m going to ice my ass, I’ll be right back!

How can I prevent tailbone injuries?

Do Not Fall on your ass. Most tailbone injuries are caused by accidents that cannot be prevented. In some contact sports such as football or hockey, it is important to wear protective equipment. Hold on to the railings, dumb shit.

Thanks to All Refer and The University of Michigan

Monday, April 18, 2005

I'm a cousin again!

Dorothy Piper Smart roared into the world...She is 21 inches long, 8#7oz. and has a little fuzz of hair. Mother and baby are doing well.
Grocery Shopping

I went to my regular grocery store and up on the front doors where the notices about “Kids Day”, that they need night stock help and the reminders not to tip the bag boys are normally located was a sign that said “This Winn Dixie will be closing permanently on May 4, 2005".

While I was in line at the Winn Dixie I got to talking to the woman running the register. We talked about how sad it is the store closing and what a drag that was going to be, of course, a much bigger drag for her than for me but still. We talked about the other groceries in the area. We both felt that the Food Lion was trashy - she because she doesn’t like the Jamaicans that work there because she feels they are too slow and rude and the fact she waited for 25 minutes in an express lane just to buy bread - I told her I didn’t like the Food Lion because of the packs of young men hanging around outside waiting to prey on the next wounded gazelle that crossed their paths. She agreed that was a big minus. Long story short, we both think that the Food Lion is too ghetto and we won’t be shopping there, I guess she won’t be looking for a job there either.

That leaves the Kroger. The new Kroger. The really, really, nice Kroger. The Kroger that the city rolled over for when it came in. Raleigh was so grateful that Kroger put such a nice store in our crappy neighborhood! Thank you Kroger for letting poor people into to spend money at your store! I looked at all the flyers I got as it was opening and thought “Hmm. It’s a grocery store. How nice for it, my Winn Dixie is closer.”

Everything in my Winn Dixie looks old, the lighting is bad. There is a thin covering of dust on everything and almost everything in the store is store brand. Most of the stuff I see on TV or find coupons for aren't carried there - all of which I am okay with, I don't need that stuff any way and besudes, shopping at Winn Dixie is cheap... They didn’t have the bacon bits I wanted but they do carry canning supplies year round plus every eatable part of the pig (almost all of it). The only pig parts I ever wanted to think about don’t look like pig anymore much less have the eyes still in them and I never wanted to see pig intestines displayed. I have learned to avoid the meat counter.

I had to go check out the Kroger. I don’t want to find myself suddenly grocery less, like I was left with out a pharmacy when the drug store directly next door to the Winn Dixie shut its doors with out as much as a fare thee well not long after I moved in. One day? Bang, closed. No note, no notice, no nothing until I got a letter from another pharmacy further away, alerting me that they were now my pharmacy. The store front where the drug store was is still empty as I suspect the Won Dixie store front will be too. The drug store, like the Won Dixie was substandard but it was right there and I liked that about both of them..

I went to the new Kroger, to check it out, see if I was going to like it. See how far away it is ( less than a quarter mile difference).

It’s nice, it has stock on the shelves, the isles are wide, the floors are clean, its very well lit. The merchandise is attractively arranged, easy to find and in good condition and not dusty. They have a real sea food section, a deli, a good meat department - despite the presence of chitterlings. They also have fresh flowers and all the stuff you see advertised on TV.


Sunday, April 17, 2005


Saturday, April 16, 2005


Friday, April 15, 2005

Go play with your dog

After that, go here and read about The Auditor, Superfund Dog. Poor baby died, but his web site and his spirt lives on.
Friday Cat Blogging!

Peek-a-Cat Posted by Hello
bad Dog Owner

I totally owe Dogger an apology. When I came home after work, instead of changing clothes, collecting my dog walking supplies (plastic bags, dog cookies) getting Dogger and heading out for our walk – I walked in the door, put my stuff down and went to bed.

I didn’t even think about her. I thought about how far away my bed was and how fast I could get there. One I was no longer vertical, I could relax. Kitty didn’t want me to relax. Kitty wanted me to feed him. Kitty went hungry.

Kitty thought that if he walked all over me while I was waiting to die, that some how this would give me the strength to go on or at least to feed him. He was insatiable. It’s funny how cute he would have been if I wasn’t nauseas. Instead he was just really, really, really annoying. And Loud. I like the sound of him purring, it’s really very sweet until I need total silence and complete darkness and pain killers – much better pain killers then I have in my kitchen, hence the need for silence and darkness.

Today I made and appointment with my optometrist to see if the headaches are brought on by an old prescription, if nothing else I can get new glasses out of it.

Dogger was very sweet about it, she didn’t make any noise downstairs and she had to have known I was home. She didn’t get a walk and instead got to spend time in the damp, muddy back yard barking at the neighbors’ dogs. Poor baby. Today, today, she is getting a walk damn it. The credit card bills came in and those puppies aren’t going to get to the post office on their own. Dogger likes the walk to the post office and today I am fully up to doing it! Yay! I hate sleeping away all the good non work related hours of the day. It made me miss my little home improvement shows and made me too busy later to properly watch all the Law and Order reruns with my full, undiluted attention... You have to take notes, you know.

I was able to rewatch the House episode from Tuesday night and that was nice. It’s good to get your squeeing fangirl out to squee every once in a while, under carefully controlled circumstances, in private, with no witnesses – no one likes to see a full grown, college educated adult going full bore squeeing fangirl- its just not pretty. I take the time to turn my diploma to the wall so that it doesn’t have to witness the squeeing fangirl patheticness and bribe Dogger with cookies so she will leave me alone while I’m in squee-mode. I have to lock The Kitty upstairs because squeeing fangirl behavior is the sort of thing he would find away of filming to use as black mail against me. I have to go fangirl every once in a while otherwise I might be forced to add more lame fangirl sites to my all ready countless lame LJ sites I have on my list of favorites and once you have entered LJ hell, you can’t get out. Is it Tuesday yet?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

What. A. Surprise.

House GOP Kills Latest Move on Ethics Rule the party of Tom Delay would put the kaboosh on rules having to do with ethics! The GOP?, not interested in establishing rules concerning their behaiver? and yet they want nothing more then to establish rules concerning ours.

"What-ever, "The Constitution"

This is stolen from the ultra right wing controlled by Rev. Moon Washington Times . I'm not going to make you go there and wind up with the endless spam I get from them - Thank Gawd for gmail!

This is an interview with the excretable Tom "If Kerry had won, I would be in jail right now" Delay, the second most evil man from Texas in the administration, Gonzales is number three.

Mr. Hallow: Is there anything you want to change in perception about what you're asking on judges?

Mr. DeLay: Look, I'm for an independent judiciary. I don't know where they get this. When you attack the left's legislative body, they get really upset. But I'm for an independent judiciary. I'm for an independent Congress. I'm for an independent executive. But the Constitution of the United States gives us responsibility for oversight and checks and balances over the executive as well as the judiciary. And we all know that this judiciary is extremely active. I have asked the Judiciary Committee to look at it and give recommendations as to what we ought to do. Read the book Men in Black.

Mr. Dinan: You've been talking about going after activist judges since at least 1997. The [Terri] Schiavo case gives you a chance to do that, but you've recently said you blame Congress for not being zealous in oversight.

Mr. DeLay: Not zealous. I blame Congress over the last 50 to 100 years for not standing up and taking its responsibility given to it by the Constitution. The reason the judiciary has been able to impose a separation of church and state that's nowhere in the Constitution is that Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had judicial review is because Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had a right to privacy is because Congress didn't stop them.

Mr. Dinan: How can Congress stop them?

Mr. DeLay: There's all kinds of ways available to them.

Mr. Dinan: You tried two last year on the Defense of Marriage Act and the Pledge of Allegiance, and the Senate didn't go along with those.

Mr. DeLay: I'm not going to answer that. I have asked the Judiciary Committee to look at this. They're going to start holding hearings on different issues. They are more capable than me to look at this issue and take responsibility, given the, whatever, the Constitution

lifted from Atrios and Wonkette

Dogger wanted us to walk very fast on our walk yesterday. She wanted us to get where we were going twenty minutes before we left. My dog has her own schedule and mostly likely some kind of doggy agenda to manintain to keep and damn it, she is going to keep to it.

I had no idea she was so interested in her target heart rate. She had little pedometers attached to her paws and was stretching and taking her pulse and everything. I asked her where she got the toys and she said something about sending in box tops or coupons or something, she was kind of holding back. I think she got them online. I am hiding my credit cards from now on. I should have never told her she was on a diet.

I think she was all excited because I took another route for our walk, well kind of another route. Same route different left turn. We passed the giant radio tower and I think it was emitting sound. Dogger spent the whole walk looking behind us and skywards to see if whatever she was listening to was following us. It was weird. Normally on our walks she just kind of ambles along next to me. She does pull from time to time but no all the time and she will usually stop that if I pull back hard enough, she can and will and does know about "heal", she just has to be reminded. She was fleeing from something and all I could pin it to was the tower or the over head wires, both seemed to be stressing her out. I know she has seen both of those things before but this time they were telling her to run. She was just freaking out, not jumping around or making an ass of herself, she was trying to get away, or she's really serious about her new diet and exercise regime and she was just making sure she achieved her target heart rate; she knows to lose weight it takes more then just a diet; she's trying to get in shape with exercise as well.

Mother Nature

The weather was sucking too. On Monday I wore shorts and a tee shirt for our walk. It was a perfect day. By Tuesday I was back to jeans and a sweater. And today it's raining. I hate that.

The tree branch in the back yard is holding steady for the time being, I went to go visit it yesterday and discovered that part of it is low enough for me to grab. I shook it a little but it wasn't going anywhere. I have no interest in shaking it more as I don't want to end up being on some EMS web site in the "Stupid People Tricks" forum. I think my homeowners insurance wouldn't like it either

Insurance Adjuster - Tell me how the limb came to crush the shed?

Me - It was an act of Gawd.

IA - How did Gawd get the limb out of the canopy?

Me - Fickle Finger of Fate?

IA - Why was there a kitchen chair in your yard?

Me - It was on an Outward Bound trip?

IA - Where were you when it fell?

Me - I was in Toronto.

IA - What? You put in a claim for a broken collar bone.

Me - Just joking! That was a Big Chill reference, remember the scene where the lawyer one is talking about how guilty her guilty clients were and how they always lied about how innocent they were? They had tied up and robbed these people and got caught all but red handed but told her they didn?t do it because they were in Toronto? I was in the yard with the chair and the limb fell. Act. Of. Gawd.

IA - The chair?

Me - Outward Bound trip!, I was giving the limb last rights-

IA - Last Rights?

Me - Yeah? The Pope died, everyone is more religious now. Keep up.

IA - You were up with the tree?

Me - and I had to climb up there to do it and I needed the chair.

IA - Right.

Me -... and while I was doing that, I bumped it.

IA - It wasn't bumped out of the air.

Me - It had a conversion experience and leapt out of the tree into my arms! I fell, it fell, we fell together. I broke my collar bone and the tree broke the shed. It was a trust exercise! It was a beautiful moment.

I have a feeling they would not end up paying for my shed.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Insert Title Here

It was warm yesterday. I wore shorts to walk Dogger, first time this season. It was nice. Of course, today it’s supposed to rain and the paper said the high was only supposed to be in the 50s. I think they lied. It hasn’t rained yet and its not 50 degrees outside. It’s warmish. It’s not sunny though and that sucks, its still manages to be very bright but over cast. I want to tell it to make up your damned mind all ready.

And it can chill out on the rain too. It’s supposed to rain all week, more or less. April Showers Bring May Flowers. Whatever. April Showers bring sodden ground and heavy run off; they also make my basement damp.

Kitty has been celebrating the sounds of the new baby birds he’s never going to get a chance to stalk. He’s been waking up very early in the morning or late at night, depending if you are half full or half empty person – and running around with sheer joyful abandon. I would like to abandon him those mornings he wants to share his joy with me at 3:30am. I don’t understand it, it’s much darker in the morning now then it had been in months and now he sees fit to be wide awake at dawn. There are no light cues for him to obey; it’s just him being a pain in the ass all on his own. I refuse to get out of bed at twenty after four in the morning to feed him, its not so bad at 1:30 but its gets later and its too close to when I’m supposed to be awake for real. This morning he let me sleep until five! I was very excited. Now, I’m really tired. Last evening I celebrated my first official day or not having to get anything ready or other wise be doing anything important by watching my TV shows. I put Dogger outside to enjoy the lingering daylight and watched some couple on HGTV tear their porch down. Then I fell asleep. I was supposed to be watching Cash in the Attic and the first 5 minutes of The Daily Show, but thanks to Kitty’s own late night show, I fell asleep.

I did over somewhat hear some colleague of the drug deal outside making a lot of noise, but Dogger didn’t get upset about it so I didn’t get up to investigate it. Dogger lets me know if I should be concerned about the drug dealers’ colleagues. I was surprised that the raised voice didn’t get her het up, she hates when people shout. I expected her to start growling but she never did. I guess he wasn’t shouting on our side of their yard or maybe in person the shouting was less aggressive then it sounded to me in my sleep.

I didn’t get dinner until almost eight because I didn’t bother to get up after I woke up. I watched the last half hour of American Chopper and wondered why they weren’t in family counseling or why the labor board wasn’t on them yet. I guess upstate New York’s Labor Board has different rules for garages – they do keep it tidy but I don’t think it’s the health department they should be worried about. It’s a totally noxious work environment. It makes for great TV but I wouldn’t want to work there.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Webby Awards

The nominations have been announced and oddly, Reading In The Dark was not included. Hmm.
Back On The Chain gang

Man, take 90 wholes minutes off on a Friday and just imagine what is waiting for you on your desk.

In my case, nothing. Not even a voice mail. I asked my supervisor if I missed anything in the big hour and a half I was gone and she said she didn’t really remember anything past three o’clock. She said she kind of zoned out. It’s nice to know I was missed. I came in this morning and expected to find a pile of stuff waiting to be out away. I was actually looking forward to a pile of stuff to put away and nada. Nothing. The stuff I picked up at 2:30 Friday afternoon was it for Friday and that was all ready put away. Wow.

I always live in fear of what is waiting for me after I take off, I have visions of the people in the office to not be able to find a very important whatever and they end up taking my office apart to find it. I also fear sticky note messages left on my door – is there anything that will put you off ever leaving your desk much less the office then the specter of coming back to the office to be greeted by a sticky note with the words “See Me” affixed to your door? Brrr.

Yard Dawg

I really should have sucked it up and mowed my yard on Thursday. I came home and the nice neighbor had all their kids over and my yard looked like crap. All the other neighbors including the rent house had their lawns mowed, in fact, every house in a two block radius had their lawns mowed. My house looked like all it was missing was the dead car up on blocks in the driveway to go with the over grown lawn. I still haven’t tackled the back yard but I’m waiting for a high self esteem day before I inflict that on myself. I noticed the other day that there is a dead limb hanging over my back yard by a thread from the huge tree in the vacant houses’ back yard. It is sizable and when it comes down its going to either A) crash into my yard, B)crash into the drug dealers yard, or C) crash into my fence separating the drug dealer and my yards thus destroying my fence and pissing off the privacy loving drug dealer or D) I am really misjudging its trajectory and its really going to crush my car port I which case I need to find out if my homeowners insurance covers crushed car ports and mangled mini vans.

Whatever happens, I need to get that monster down before it falls on its own or Mother Nature takes it for herself. Mother Nature thinks everyone loves playing pick up sticks with limbs torn from 200 year old oak trees as she does. It’s not going to be pretty. I’m temped go all piƱata on its ass, but I think that might not be a great idea. It would be like that ad where those two guys are trying to get the wasp nest out of the tree and their solution is just wack it off and hope it falls into the garbage can. True, a good solution isn’t always the most complicated but anything you can explained in flip book form should be suspect. I really don’t want to end up a Darwin Award winner. But then I think “It’s just hanging on! I could haul one of the kitchen chairs out there and hit it with the broom until it comes down! Sure, it would fall hard, and it might fall on me, which would suck - but its better then the wind catching it and turning it into a four hounded pound, rocket propelled battering ram. I wonder if the Darwin Awards are suitable for framing?

Monday, April 11, 2005

Hail The Conquering Hero

Since walking in my door at 5:07 pm Sunday evening, I have:

Unloaded Minnie
Washed Dogger
Replaced her dirty bedding with clean
Laundered Doggers dirty bedding and the wet towels from her bath
Mowed the lawn
Edged the lawn
Washed down the lawn mower
Put away the edger/trimmer
Played with a flock of 10 week old Akita puppies
Put my stuff away
Dealt with the dirty clothes
Made a trip to the grocery to replace the benadryl I forgot at my parents house
Picked up dinner
Bathed myself

Yeah. I had five 10 week old Akita puppies all to myself. I got to suck up all that puppy loving all by myself. I had puppies to the right of me, puppies to the left of me and more coming straight at me. Puppies, puppies everywhere! floppy eared puppies, pointy eared puppies, little girl puppies, little boy puppy, black and white puppies, white and black puppies, white, black and brown puppies. All the puppies, all to myself for as long as I wanted them. Which is why you do not see on that list “Wrote Entry”.

Sunday, April 10, 2005


Saturday, April 9, 2005


Friday, April 8, 2005

Cat Blogging, early edition

Big Cat. Posted by Hello
!@#$^ Postal Service

They can't be bothered to come to my street but they still want to raise their rates. Say goodbye to .37 cent stamps, and hello to .39


Parts of U.S to see eclipse today
Pilgrims Progress

I came in the door yesterday and saw what looked like one of those huge hunting cockroaches lying on its back on the kitchen floor. First I thought “good, its dead” then I thought,"Huge!Cockroach!AAAAAGH!, then I went to “I really need to clean the kitchen.” I took my sunglasses off and the giant hunting cockroach morphed into a giant bumble bee and it wasn’t as dead on its back as I had thought.

It was kicking its legs in fury. It wasn’t quite dead but it was working on it. This bee was so big I couldn’t just squish it in a paper towel and flush it; I had to go through its pockets to find its wallet and see if it had any next of kin to notify then I had to send for a funeral home to get the nasty creature out of my house. The viewing by the way, will be tonight and Friday and the family requests pollen in lue of cards.

Kitty did it; he was sitting right by it when I walked in the door. I think, he committed bee slaughter - I mean I assume that he saw it fluttering around and brought it to ground and tormented it until I got home to step on it ( twice!) and properly dispose of it ( let it lay there in state for a couple of hours until I had the nerve to go pick it up and flush it) So I went from saying “I’ve really got to do something about this kitchen” to “How did something that big get in here?”, the windows were all closed and locked, there are no missing panes and while I do use the screen doors in the evenings, there aren’t any rips in either screen door large enough to let gigantor the bumblebee in. I mean, granted, it was large enough to knock on the door and demand to be let in , but the alarm was on and Kitty doesn’t have the pass code to let anyone in much less the worlds largest bumble bee. And so now I have to worry about the bee and how it got in and if it was just a scout and somewhere in my house is an encampment of giant bumble bee pilgrims running away from bumblebee HQ waiting to hear back from it before they take off and settle in my kitchen cabinets or in the walls or where ever it is that giant bumblebees hang out when they move into your house.

I don’t have time to play hide and seek with bugs right now. I have laundry to do, packing to accomplish and lawn mowing to keep in mind and I need to do all of the above before I leave out of here this afternoon. The laundry is going to be the priority because I can’t pack for the weekend if I don’t have any clean clothes to take with me, the lawn I could get done while the laundry is laundering and before I pack. The animals are further along in the process than I am, while I was at lunch I got more cat dust for kitty and earlier in the week I worked it out with Brosky so that I don’t have to heft Doggers crate and take it with me. Yay.
The kitchen is not going to get cleaned this weekend again and by the time I get back the gigantic bumble bees will have set up housekeeping and most likely will have changed the locks and the pass code.

Thursday, April 7, 2005


Congress threatens to harsh on OPECs mellow. OPEC raises the price again tells Congress "Whatever".

Blink Blink


I was listening to the car radio over lunch and the station was doing a “90s Nooner” the tag line was “Remember in the 90s when your 401k was still a 401k?” the idea being that your old 401k is now a 201k. I didn’t have a 401k back in the nineties. I was working for non profitable non-profits and the only reward we could expect for our service would come in heaven. We were told to bank our good deeds and hope for the best. Barney was profitable, ungawdly profitable but they didn’t pass the profits onto us. All we got was 20% off of Barney merchandise – “yeah! Hold on to that plush! It’s going to be a collectable some day! Just you watch!!” yeah. I’m sure that some day my “museum quality” Barney plush is going to be worth the really big bucks. I mean, I’m really hoping it will, it’s going to be that and my friend Art Boys (see work) to fund my retirement. Lets all hope he gets famous soon.


Yesterday I noticed that I might have to find my shorts. It’s warming up and I might not be able to wear corduroys every day to walk the dog – which means that I’m going to have to start being self conscience about my paleness. I don’t think I really need to though because in my neighborhood I’m going to look pale no matter how much time I spend laying out. Sun worshiping isn’t good for you and years ago I concluded that too much laying out cut into my TV watching time. Lunch Buddy is all ready spending time in a tanning booth to get ready for the summer, I suggested to her that she might try using the actual sun to get tan with but she said that took too long “What are you? Amish?” she said. I gather that she prefers to be able to keep her receipts for her oncologist someday to show him how she ended up in his office. I don’t understand how people get the idea they need to be the same general shade as an old penny in April? its April. It’s still coolish it’s not really swim suit weather yet.

Dribs and Drabs

You know what I’ve noticed? That skank Paris Hilton is always photographed in the same pose. It’s odd, her mouth is held funny, she gets herself twisted up with her pelvis pushed out and her legs splayed oddly. It’s in every single picture of her. I saw a very old one taken in her teens, before she was a celebrity party favor and she was using it then too but back then maybe she was just a birthday party favor. She must have taken a modeling course back in her even less attractive adolescents and that is all she remembers from it, she was probably supposed to strike that pose at the end of the run way before heading back to the dressing room. The fact that she is too short to be a model and not nearly hard enough to get, is not an issue for her.

Too short and really, really, really unattractive. After seeing her in every magazine I've looked for the last several years, she started to really reminded me of someone. It took me a while to figure out who it was, is she reminding me of a character? some piece of a script I read that got lodged in my brain like a piece of over cooked vegetable? some where along the line? A bad actor playing a worse character in a bad play? ( you have no idea how many bad one acts I've watched) Maybe some straight to video trash I watched at the video store? or caught on basic cable? UPN? and then it came to me, not who but what she was reminding me of and then it hit me: She looks like a blow up doll! Only more vacuous and probably, easier. I mean it was a relief. Do you have any idea how awful it is to have spent time, a good twenty minutes, thinking about what character in literature! Paris Hilton reminds you of? It’s Hell! Hell! I tell you.

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Hit Generator

Do you want to increase your traffic? three little words - Face Eating Tumor. It's like magic. Include those somewhere in a post and wait.
Dog Daze

I bathed Dogger last night. I wasn’t going to, it was late, I had been working on Modeans thing, and the whole dog bath rigmarole is kind of involved and messy and not something I want to face right before bed. But I did it anyway. It was Monday and that is Doggers bath day. I am a prisoner of my routine and if I don’t do it when I’m “supposed” to do it, what ever “it” is may not get done.

She wasn’t really all that dirty, I told myself as I was sitting there not getting it done. The nice neighbor commented on her high degree of doggy hygiene and the little kids always talk about how fluffy she is. She doesn’t smell doggy. I really, really, really didn’t want to start with the bath. It’s not the dog bath it’s the resultant a wet towels and wet floors and just all the wet dogness that comes as a result of bathing a large dog. A wet dog still smells like wet dog even when the wet dog smells like Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, even with the blow dryer, eu de wet dog remains eu de wet dog. Yuck.

And once Dogger is clean I have to deal with her bedding. I don’t put my newly clean dog back in to her old, dirty bedding - that has to be bathed as well. Between the dog bath and the laundry It’s becomes a huge production and by the time I’m finished about all I can deal with is the Monday night CBS line up. It helps if I’m tired but not too tired to maintain the intentional suspension of disbelieve necessary to watch the CBS Monday Night line up – I have to be able to both not nit pick on how they walk away from explosions but also not fall asleep in the middle. It can be a juggling act.

Okay. Tangent over. After I put Dogger in her bed and changed my clothes I settled in to watch my shows. Basketball! CSI-Miami wasn’t even on! Damn College Basketball to hell! I don’t watch Basketball. Dissed by CBS, I ended up watching American Chopper. Those people need tee shirts that say “Its Not Brain Surgery, its just Motorcycle fabrication!” They take themselves very seriously. They also spend a lot of time shouting. Over the shouting I could hear Dogger in her crate. She was supposed to be sleeping. She was playing with her bed. I went in there and she had bunched her bedding up in a pile and was staring at it.

Me – What?

Her – It sounds funny.

Me – What do you mean it “sounds funny”?

Her – It makes a sound.

Me – That’s the lining of the sleeping bag, its slidy, okay? Stop messing with it.

Her – But it makes sounds!

Me – The top part doesn’t. The top part is all soft and fuzzy and the other blanket is fuzzy too.

Her – Slidey Noise!

Me – If you would just stop doing whatever it is you’re doing to make it make the slidey noise, It would stop bothering you. Go to sleep.

Her – (whimpering) It’s all bunchy…

Me – Get Out.

I unbunched the bedding and tried to arrange the sleeping bag to be less “slidey” and spread out the fuzzy blanket a little more.

See, I bought that bedding. I like that bedding. It’s pink, it says princess on it. Do you know how hard it is to be pink, frilly bedding for a large dog? They don’t make pink frilly beds for big dogs. Big dogs are supposed to be all butch and into dark flannels and heavy canvases. I had to really search to find something pink and frilly yet dog friendly enough to serve as bedding for her. If I’m going to live with her genormous crate in my house, its going to be attractive. I know she really has to live with it, but I am higher on the food chain then she is as well as being the Alpha in this relationship. If I want her to sleep on really cute albeit slidey bedding, then damn it she will.

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

In Memoriam

Modean Posted by Hello

For those of you that have been following the story of my nephdog Modean, I have sad news to share, he died late Sunday night after a long and courageous battle with cancer. He was a tough little guy.


Out and About Posted by Hello

Better days Posted by Hello

Here is the link to his last blog entry , as you can tell, he was a great writer and the blogosphere will miss him.
Dogger and Kitty and I are all very sad, but Brosky, Alphagal, and Goofch are heart broken.In addition to his duties on his own blog, Modean also answered questions under the name "Bandit" in the "Ask The Answer Dogs" column and thedianaverse was a better place because of that.

Saddness Posted by Hello

Monday, April 4, 2005

His appointed rounds

My mail never came on Saturday. It was too yucky outside. I had no idea that intermittent showers was an adequate reason for my mail carrier to throw in the towel. It wasn’t cold, it wasn’t icy, snowy, dark or any other reason covered in the “Nor Rain, Nor Snow, Nor Dark of Night” meme.

Dear Mail Carrier,

Where were you? I was waiting for you. The whole neighborhood was waiting for you. You’ve been getting off easy, I thought that if my mail wasn’t delivered on a Saturday it was because I had foolishly left my dog in the yard. I understand that there are some dog-mail carrier issues out there and I am trying to keep those in mind. My dog wasn’t in the yard. My dog free neighbors didn’t get their mail either. You didn’t just skip me out of some miss placed postal employee rage - you skipped us all. We were all waiting.

In fact, while I was waiting, I met a another neighbor because you skipped us on Saturday. He was wandering around looking for you so he could leave for the day. He and you have a relationship that you need to pay more attention to, I think his feelings were hurt. I think he was going to hurt you. He really wanted his mail. I wanted my mail too, so did my other neighbor but she was a little less impatient, she and I were calm, the unhappy neighbor wasn’t feeling that or making any predictions that you would be there at all. He wanted to find you. We were all pissed at you but we wern't looking to hurt you, not yet. I just wanted my Entertainment Weekly. I do think it would be in your best interest to get into the habit of bringing me my mail though, I understand that sometimes I don’t get any mail, but now, now I have to start wondering about You. I have a phone and I am going to call somebody and complain about you and your questionable work ethic - and again, if it was just me, I wouldn’t mind, I would have never noticed, I would have been sad my magazine didn’t come but I wouldn’t have thought it wasn’t there because of you, I would have blamed the magazine for it not getting here. You would have been in the clear.

Now I know. I would have assumed you have issues with my dog, even when the dog wasn’t out in the yard, the mere idea that there is a dog and that the dog might be somewhere , maybe hiding in the tree or behind the screen door or under the welcome mat - you have a dog problem . That’s fine. Get a new job. Your boss is going to get a phone call. I am going to get my mail.


A House On Your Route.

Sunday, April 3, 2005


Saturday, April 2, 2005

Vatican says Pope John Paul II has died

Friday, April 1, 2005

Friday Cat Blogging!! Posted by Hello
Set Your Clocks

Its that time again. Set your clocks ahead one hour before going to bed Saturday night.
Be careful what you wish for

All day I’ve sat around trying to look busy. I made a list of things I wanted to get done and then did them. I was shocked too, I learned never to make those lists because it was a way of calling attention to my free time and something was always dumped on my head the minute I got started on it and I never end up being able to start much less finish my lists. I saw making plans for the day as a way of bringing on bad luck and much hassle to what could have been a good day had I not got all efficient and list making-y.

Today I got my list done. I had that list finished by twenty after nine. Okay. Now what. I filed a little bit and got ready for an office birthday.

We got into a lively discussion of the mess in Florida and that was interesting. The resident MD coming squarely down on the Right –To – Die side while the secretaries went with the crazed parents. One of the secretaries said even if a loved one had a living will she would not respect it because she would assume that the decision was made when they were healthy and so they couldn’t possibly have meant it and now that they were totally incapacitated and on deaths door they must want to live in that condition forever. Oddly? No. This is a logic I can’t work with. A healthy person can say “I don’t want to be a vegetable” but in the chance they do become a vegetable they should stay that way because even as a dust catcher they are still alive? A dust catcher with a pulse? that’s a rockin’ life style choice and even more rockin’ if it wasn’t your choice in the first place. I don’t see how forcing some one to become live like that is a loving act

.No one wants to be a dust catcher. There are those who are born dust catchers and for them, it's what they know, all they know is the dust catcher way of life they don’t get the chance to say “Hey, you know what? I think this is not the way I want to be”, but they don’t because they are dust catchers. She said Gawd would decide when her loved one died and she would leave them on life support until that happened, but what is life support but a way of telling Gawd “No”? Whatever with these people. It was nice to have a discussion at work over a birthday lunch that was more meaty then the usual American Idol banter. Lunch was real good too.

So any way. I did pretty much nothing all day. I checked my forums, read my sites and got up with the news – 2pm. Okay. Now what? Well, now the phone started to ring and ring and ring. My phone hasn’t rung in two weeks and all of a sudden I’m running my own telethon. I hate that. And even better? Every single caller wanted whatever it was RIGHT NOW – which would be fine if my phone hadn’t been ringing off the wall.

And I have more filing! All of a sudden I’m having to priorize things. I haven’t had to do that in weeks. I did everything as I got it because I didn’t have anything to do. And I was bitching about it. Moron.

What else? It’s Friday! Woo. And it’s raining. That just makes it so much more special then if was sunny and pretty. I don’t see Dogger getting a long walk in the park while it’s raining. I see Dogger getting a short walk around the front yard while it’s raining. She needs a long walk or she will make me miserable all evening but the rain makes it so wet and hard for me to get excited about going out and wandering around in it. It does have the relative warmth going for it, but wet and warm is only marginally better then wet and cold – okay, it’s a lot better but its still wet and it makes Dogger and then the whole house smell like wet dog. I don’t love that smell. Its better then puppy pee, but pretty much everything is better then dog pee.

So. Happy thoughts, happy dry thoughts. Have a Good Weekend!