Back On The Chain gang

Man, take 90 wholes minutes off on a Friday and just imagine what is waiting for you on your desk.

In my case, nothing. Not even a voice mail. I asked my supervisor if I missed anything in the big hour and a half I was gone and she said she didn’t really remember anything past three o’clock. She said she kind of zoned out. It’s nice to know I was missed. I came in this morning and expected to find a pile of stuff waiting to be out away. I was actually looking forward to a pile of stuff to put away and nada. Nothing. The stuff I picked up at 2:30 Friday afternoon was it for Friday and that was all ready put away. Wow.

I always live in fear of what is waiting for me after I take off, I have visions of the people in the office to not be able to find a very important whatever and they end up taking my office apart to find it. I also fear sticky note messages left on my door – is there anything that will put you off ever leaving your desk much less the office then the specter of coming back to the office to be greeted by a sticky note with the words “See Me” affixed to your door? Brrr.

Yard Dawg

I really should have sucked it up and mowed my yard on Thursday. I came home and the nice neighbor had all their kids over and my yard looked like crap. All the other neighbors including the rent house had their lawns mowed, in fact, every house in a two block radius had their lawns mowed. My house looked like all it was missing was the dead car up on blocks in the driveway to go with the over grown lawn. I still haven’t tackled the back yard but I’m waiting for a high self esteem day before I inflict that on myself. I noticed the other day that there is a dead limb hanging over my back yard by a thread from the huge tree in the vacant houses’ back yard. It is sizable and when it comes down its going to either A) crash into my yard, B)crash into the drug dealers yard, or C) crash into my fence separating the drug dealer and my yards thus destroying my fence and pissing off the privacy loving drug dealer or D) I am really misjudging its trajectory and its really going to crush my car port I which case I need to find out if my homeowners insurance covers crushed car ports and mangled mini vans.

Whatever happens, I need to get that monster down before it falls on its own or Mother Nature takes it for herself. Mother Nature thinks everyone loves playing pick up sticks with limbs torn from 200 year old oak trees as she does. It’s not going to be pretty. I’m temped go all piñata on its ass, but I think that might not be a great idea. It would be like that ad where those two guys are trying to get the wasp nest out of the tree and their solution is just wack it off and hope it falls into the garbage can. True, a good solution isn’t always the most complicated but anything you can explained in flip book form should be suspect. I really don’t want to end up a Darwin Award winner. But then I think “It’s just hanging on! I could haul one of the kitchen chairs out there and hit it with the broom until it comes down! Sure, it would fall hard, and it might fall on me, which would suck - but its better then the wind catching it and turning it into a four hounded pound, rocket propelled battering ram. I wonder if the Darwin Awards are suitable for framing?