Thursday, December 31, 2009

The return of Mr. Woodchuck


Happy New Year!!
Happy New Years Eve!

I'm still sick and now I'm noticing that speaking is requiring effort and I know where that leads, right to laryngitis city!  And of course its a nice long weekend to be sick too. The last time I had a long weekend down at my parents  I was sick  then too. Its not fair.

I suppose that it will be a much better NYE than last year though no matter the state of my health. It couldn't possibly be worse than  last NYE when I spent the first part of the evening force feeding a dieing animal and then going downtown and watching chubby girls try to go-go dance in  a bar window. They were more go away girls. Sad. Not as sad as watching the Acorn drop but almost.

I've tried  the last few years to do something different every NYE, its a challenge but a worthy one.This year I'm going to New Bern to watch whatever drops in New Bern. I was going to go to Oriental, which I have done in the past, and watch the Croakier fall but plans changed. Its New Berns 300th Anniversary and  they are planning a big party downtown to usher it in. Maybe we'll watch the tri-corner hat fall or shoot a bear or something.  I'm feeling bad about Tex now, I ran across some of his syringes the other day and the package of pills he was on. Poor kitty! I miss him.

I think this is because I'm sick. I fell asleep waiting for the computer to boot and now I'm all maudlin and weepy about  my late cat. Today at work I came thisclose to telling the woman across the hall if she did not stop her constant shuffling shuffling shuffling up and down the hall I was going to fetch a rehab aid from the hospital with a gate belt and walker and get her into her very own gate training program to force her to walk like a normal person because I was coming really close to shouting at her. I need to nap more.

 I'm going to have a good time, I am going to enjoy myself and it is going to be fun and I am not going to mourn my cat, or whine or be a bitch. Damn it.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The 12 Days of Christmas

You better still have your decorations up. Christmas is not over.

Today is the Forth Day. This year I did not hear the song even once. although I did hear a  "We hate the holidays" version over and over and over - Thank you lamo Raleigh radio! Not once did I hear a straight version.

 I don't know if the general population finally gotten through their collective thick skull that the song is about the  twelve days after Christmas or if there just isn't a pop version of it that gets any radio play in this market. I also didn't hear We Three Kings , another song about after the holiday that usually gets played a lot. I did hear Little Drummer Boy a lot and it essentially covers the same time frame but it has a lot of pop covers. A lot and they all showed up on the collection of Christmas CDs we had at the office. I want to kill the drummer boy now, I think I would just shove his drum sticks right down his throat.

Can you see Mary there? Oh. Thank you. I really need you to play your drum in the same desert as my NEWBORN. Sure. Bang away. He's been a sleep for ten whole minutes.

For all your 12 Days questions and related conspiracy theories, 12 Days. I am still ill and  I have ingested enough cough drops to now consider them a food group as well as a miracle drug. Oh, Nyquil? is the bomb! I took it and felt nothing all night! I didn't even have anxiety about maybe feeling anything. I literally was feeling no pain. I didn't even feel the need to wake up until I rolled over to casually look at the clock and discover I should have woken up twenty minutes earlier. Oops.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Merry Happy!

Hello Children! I'm back! Kind of. I was planning to be back on Monday but I woke up Sunday with some version of the creeping crude and very quickly decided that my schedule was going to have to change.

Sunday night I kept myself awake because I dread accidentally swallowing in my sleep and waking up with a screamingly painful throat - Really, I was awake a lot and I was anxious about  my throat spray and if I could get to it "in time" and I have bad memories from my last run in with Mr. Throat Spray - He's a bad, bad man Mr. Throat spray. He makes you feel numbed, he smooths off the sharp edges of your pain and the next thing you know YOU ARE DRINKING THROAT SPRAY and then he turns you into an addict. With a sore throat.

Bastard.

This time however I took charge of my pain. True, it started off badly. I did fish under my oven for an escaped lozenge much longer than the picky dietitians at work would approve off - Ultimately, leaving the lozenge to evolve into a cat toy. Sigh, but I had others standing by and I have a new supply of very good hot chocolate to ease my pain. And honey! I have honey. I don't need no stinking throat spray! I am woman! Here me suck it up hot tea with honey style!

Which worked for me so well,  I discovered I had two bottles of throat spray in my bed side table. Clearly Mr. Throat Spray plays hard ball and Ms. Honey and Tea is a lying, self hating bitch who proscribes to the ridiculous supposition that a woman in pain should stay in pain  because its both "good" for her and "natural".

...And then I went to bed.  I was awake for a very long time or I just woke up every forty-five minutes or so all night just to look at the clock to make sure it was still there and that I hadn't made any unscheduled swallows. I finally did have to "wake up" and I was so out of it I took three separate rest breaks before I left for the office.

 It did not help that  once there, the woman in the office across the hall from me fell asleep on her desk and snored for most of the morning. Not helpful and  I bet she spent the week end with Ms. Tea and Honey. I  then spent the day starved and dehydrated and awake damn it because office food hurts and even room temperature drinks are sting like hell on the way down and even I have work place behavior standards.

I ended up at Subway for soup at lunch - Learn from my mistake though, the coffee at Subway is not your friend! Ew. It had the consistency of motor oil, it ate my coffee stirrer and there was no cream provided! The nerve. After work I hit the store for some supplies and left armed with Nyquil, Aleve and two bags of Hall's sore throat drops. HA. I'll wake up tomorrow with no sore throat at all but I'll be well armed for the next time.

Monday, December 28, 2009

HAPPY    SUNDAY    !!!!!!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

HAPPY    SATURDAY  !!!!!!!

Friday, December 25, 2009

MERRY  CHRISTMAS  !!!!!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Hey Kids!

Guess what? Its the day before the day before Christmas! Woo! This pretty much means I'm not going to be posting again until, say, after Christmas. I'll be around but there won't be formal entries in the traditional sense until the 28th.  It'll be okay. I'll still post stuff but it most likely won't be the hard hitting  content  you've gotten used to from this site.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Same bat infection, new bat  antibiotic.

After spending a weekend with a  completely pathetic and practically bed fast Dogger I did what I said I was going to and called the vet first thing. They let me drop her off at lunch and pick her up later. Dogger was in such bad shape when I came home I almost had to carry her out to the car.

She did cheer up when she realized she was going in the car but she didn't have the energy to do her Doggy Dance of Joy and accompanying Doggy Song of Joy while we drove there. I had to pick her up to get her out of the car.

Once in the office she cheered up again but discovered the slick floor was not her friend. She had to be picked up and carried into the back. It was awful. I came back after work and she was a much happier dog. She danced and sang and carried one - I think its a ploy to go home. Its her way of saying Clearly, I am in good health! There is nothing wrong with me! You don't have to leave me here any longer! I am cured! I am in Perfect Dog Health! Here let me do the dance of health for you!

The vet and I agreed that the bacterial infection in her knee has become resistant to the ABT that she's been on more on that off since last March. It was inevitable and I will now how to remember for ever more that she shouldn't be on cephalexin because it doesn't work on her anymore. I guess I should call her other vet and let them know so they can chart it Sigh

She danced and sang in the vet office but she still had to be lifted in and out of the car. When we got home I gave her the new ABT and fed her and then she went and fell asleep in her crate. She was exhausted by all the singing and dancing, she hasn't as much as hummed in a week and she barely walks much less trips the light fantastic. She was worn out.

Lets all hope the new med works. I'm supposed to call the vet on Thursday to let him know how she is and to chart our course if it isn't.

Yesterday was Dogger and mines seventh anniversary. I adopted her December 21, 2002 curtesy of the Alamance County Animal Rescue. From a vets office. It should have been a sign...

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Return of the World Peace Puppy!



Monday

Dogger is not doing better after three days of ABT therapy so first thing I'm going to call the vet and see what he can do for us. I'm going to see how we ll he responds to "FIX IT" .

In that vein, I bring you the transcript to the Dysfunctional Family Christmas that SNL did a few years ago. Love it.


How to Ruin Christmas for everyone.


On a completely different note...

HAPPY  BIRTHDAY   BROSKEY !!!!!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

HAPPY     SUNDAY   !!!!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

HAPPY     SATURDAY   !!!!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Friday Cat Blogging



News Flash

Its snowing.
Infectious Diseasogger

Damn it!

Again.

Dogger woke up lame Thursday morning. Limping, leg drawn up, gate stiff. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I'm now channeling Florida from Good Times, thank you no Applause, please just throw money. My first thought was Well. It is kind of cold. Maybe she's just cold.. This was of course bull shit. its been cold and its never been cold enough inside to warrant fits of indiscriminate limping on her part.

We did not go for our walk. We wandered around the front yard while I chanted Foot Down Dogger, Foot Down, because in the past this has actually worked. However, it does not work when she has an infectious process going on, she's had enough of these now that I can tell from the get go that we need to go back to the vet and get her back on her good friend Mr. Antibiotic.  Mama's know when their babies are sick and it doesn't take  many ear infections before Mama knows when one is in the house.

I went to work and spoke with another dog person who suggested that maybe Dogger just "slept on it wrong", I said this might be it but I was thinking Dog Person please! Then I called my vet and told him about the limping and the sudden lameness and the swollen, bumpy nature of her knee - Thinking that he would just say Okay, its too swollen to properly  tell whats going on, lets try two weeks of  antibiotics and make an appointment for a week from now. I know it by heart.

Bastard told me to "apply heat to the knee and see how that goes". Dick! Its not going to do anything! She has an infection and Dogger is an antibiotic junkie, she "needs" her "medicine" to feel "well" again. Literally. The whole knee saga as turned my dog into a antibiotic addict. He messed up her knee and now in his words "Has some sort of bacterial thing going on" for like the fifth time in since last April. You do not heal up a "bacterial thing" by applying heat to the area. GAWD.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tell President Obama Merry Christmas!

Send a Christmas card to the president!
After spending two days in a row at work grazing on sugary snacks for eight hours, I am tired and have no attention span. So,  Real Simple offered a very good solution. A real simple solution, if I may.

Site Addys! Neat places to go and do presumably neat things! Yay! Lets hear it for neat sites!

Site the First :

Inumbr.com - This site lets you use a  automatically expiring temporary number that will forward calls to your real number.  It allows you to keep your real number private and out of hands and phone lists you don't want it in. The magazine suggested questionable sellers on Craigslist, but I can think of a lot of reasons to have  a disposable number at hand. FREE

Site the Second:

Netflixorigami.com - If you have Netflix you have thousands of sheets of Netflixian scrap paper. This site lets  do things with that paper other than wadding it up and using it as cheap entertainment for your cat. FREE

Site the Third:

Site the third caused my computer to freeze and me to go to be early.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dear Santa...




Dear Santa,

I have been a very good dog these last few quarters.  I hardly pulled anything off the top of the tables at all this fiscal year!  I didn't mistakenly kill that many things that I reasonably thought might conceivably  be dog toys  but weren't. I want it noted that during the first and second quarters I did a very good job differentiating between things that looked like dog toys and things that were not dog toys at all -  but, sadly,  when I was unable to make that distinction, most regrettably during the third quarter, I want it noted that I gave them back almost as soon as I realized there was a problem.  I didn't make Mama shout hardly ever and I only made her cry once or twice.

I was very nice to the new not dog thing that came to live with us. I'm not sure what happened to the other not dog thing but it went away and hasn't come back. The new not dog walks past me every day and doesn't swat at me or hiss at me or say nasty things to me.  I like the new not dog thing. Please bring the new not dog thing a kong toy. A very small kong toy for a very small not dog thing. If this is not what the not dog thing wants, I'm sorry but I'm not sure what not dog things ask for from Santa but please bring it its own futon and its own water dish. It must not have its own because it uses mine. its not that I mind sharing because I love to share, but perhaps it might like its own very small futon and very small water dish. Its just a suggestion.

I've been very good this year because I haven't had much of a chance to be bad.  But if I had had the chance to be bad I most certainly would not have been bad because I am a good dog.

Santa please bring me the following:

1. More rugs. I love rugs. Rugs are my friends. I hate bare floors and they are slippy and make me scared. I can't walk on bare floors. Please bring more rugs! Carpet the world.

2. I lay on my futon and look out my window all the time. I want a bigger window.

3. I also want a padded window seat so I can have a better view.

4. Bones. Please go to the grocery store and get me more bones! I like the medium sized ones and not the fake bones. Fake bones make me vomit.

5. Squeaky toys! I love squeaky toys!

6. Kong Toys! Kong Toys! Kong Toys!

7. Baby leg warmers. My knees get sore when its cold. I want warmer knees.

8. Fancy dog shampoo! Mama's  shampoo is nice but it smells like petrochemicals and I am sensitive.



  Love,

Dogger



PS. Forget all of the above. Please bring me strong knees. All I really want for Christmas is to run again.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It's kind of sad Charlie Brown

Merry Irony Charlie Brown!
-- Evangelist Oral Roberts has died of pneumonia complications, his spokesman said. He was 91.


CNN.com
Wrap Star

The History of Gift Wrapping

How To Wrap Gifts

Wikipedia on The History of Gift Wrapping

Monday, December 14, 2009

Garden Update 15

I would say this is the last last Garden 2009 update. I took out the two remaining pepper plants and the much-more-hardy than I had expected pansies. I'm so proud of them, they were beautiful right up until the freeze. I was beginning to think I wasn't going to have to replant in the spring. These were super pansies.

A walk through gardens' memory lane. Sigh. They grow up so fast. They went in back in April and I took them out in December. I think that was a pretty good run.







Those were the days. Another sigh.

And then there were none. I pulled the most dead of the stranglers and left the strongest of the peppers but even the peppers finally gave up the ghost. We put a lot of leaves down and some dirt to get the process started and hopefully I can produce some of my own mulch so enrich the soil a little/ I put more dirt down when I unpotted the pansies. Pro Tip ? Don't wait until after the soil has frozen to try to get the plants out.



The baby brocs are still out there working - not very hard, but they're still in the ground and still green and they seem to be growing. The bugs got at them pretty good when they were really young and two of the plants didn't make it, but the rest are doing well.



In the midst of all this horticultural destruction, there is some life. My raspberry plants are still working. Don't they look sweet and delicious? They are. They really, really are.



I can't wait for my 2010  seed catalogs!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

HAPPY    SUNDAY   !!!!!!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

HAPPY     SATURDAY    !!!!!!!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

HAPPY   HANUKKAH   !!!!!
Friday Cat Blogging



Dona nobis pacem, pacem,



dona nobis pacem.


 Dona nobis pacem.


Dona nobis pacem.


Dona nobis pacem, pacem,


dona nobis pacem.


Agnus dei

Agnus dei

Qui tollis peccata mundi

Agnus dei

Agnus dei

Qui tollis peccata mundi

Dona nobis pacem

Dona nobis pacem

pacem

Dona nobis pacem



[Translation:]

Lamb of God

You who take away the sins of the world

Lamb of God

You who take away the sins of the world


*The source material, although here lyrics  were oddly credited to Rufas Wainwright.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

To-Do List:

Box up remaining dog cookies to be mailed
- run to store to buy more packing tape
retrieve Santa's from attic
- remove wall of empty boxes blocking attic door
put out door lights up
- see above
retrieve gift wrapping from attic
see above
buy gifts
-go to mall
empty dishwasher
see above

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I was going to go fetch my Santas and maybe do some dishes and then write an entry, but then I decided what I really wanted to do was admire my Christmas lights.




(I do not suggest seeing image full size)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Online, In Line

I learned something today. The US Postal service is a giant whore. We pay it a lot of money to make us happy and it does and then we go away until the next time we need it and then it charges us more for the same thing and  there isn't anything we can do about it because they know how we like it.If the Tea-Party  whack jobs wanted to look less like whack jobs they would turn their rummy, unfocused eyes towards the issue of postage.

I heard the guy  working the window I was waiting for tell the custumer he was working with that he had a girl come through his line all excited about the Madonna stamps and then get very unexcited when he had to break it to her that the stamps weren't of that Madonna.

You know what you do when you finish up your holiday shopping early? Other peoples holiday shopping!

So I have a list and I went out on  a preliminary trip, hoping that maybe I could kill all my birds with one stone - And you can imagine how that turned out. I found some things that I wanted while most of my list birds lived to fly another day. Feathered bastards.

I also decided that I'm going to shop online for my Secret Santa, I've tried in the real world but its not a whale year and I think I'm going with a whale theme for my person this year. I drew the same person I got last year which could be kind of a drag but she's a theme-y person so it's going to be okay. I only wish we could have drew our names earlier because when I was at the mall after Thanksgiving I saw lots of whaley things. I don't want to go back to the mall but I'm not sure I have a choice now that I am a foster shopper.

Well. I just tried my shopping online idea out and it didn't work the way I wanted. I decided to go trolling for whale DVDs. No Pun. And  wasn't successful. I mean, there are whale DVDs out there, I just wasn't turned on by them. What would be a giant turn on would be the whale chapter of the Blue Planet series... Now that would be a big winner. I loved that series and I think my Santa-ee would be very excited by it. I choose not to think about whether or not she owns a DVD player. My other idea with her is to find her a desk calender/365 days of whales and a nice Whale-a-Month calender for her wall. I know she uses both, so it would fit into my self imposed "no knick-knacks" rule, thus far my Santa-ee has a lovely whale can opener so I'm not completely empty handed but I would be happier if I was juggling.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Ho, Ho, HA!

I don't know what kind of self hating cow I was last year or what I did to deserve to be punished, but I want to know why I decided to hid so  much stuff from myself? What I did that so pissed me off that I felt it was necessary to punish myself by not letting me have the widget that allows me to turn on and off the tree without having to physically turn on and off the tree! all I had to do is touch a button and the tree turns on. I love that widget and now I can't find it and I'm having to get down on my knees and find cords and plug them in and so far, I am not enjoying it. At all.

But even with that complication I am making progress. The Christmasification  of the living room is pretty much done - The tree is fully decorated, the  fireplace mantle is all pretty, the creche' is up, the moose is decorated, the coffee table is seasonal and I have my Christmas-centric pillows deployed. Speaking of deployment, Where are the Santa's Diana?, the Santa's are still upstairs. I haven't gotten that far yet. I'm going to, I just having felt them yet. I don't know, ultimately, I'll bring them down whether I feel them or not, but I would rather it not be a loveless arrangement.

I also don't have my outdoor decorations taken care of either. I have time.

I also have all these boxes stacking up downstairs and I hate them and I don't want to bring more boxes down to join them and then there is the matter of Doggers crate. I hate the crate and I want it out of my living room until the end of the season but to do so would mean more work I don't want to do and then I have to put it away and that is even less fin to think about so for the time being its sitting there with the boxes reminding me how lazy I am. Sigh. Other than the ugly crate and stack of boxes, the rest of the downstairs looks lovely though. I started on the dining room and even the kitchen is a little tarted up. When I tarted the office up I made Dogger sad. I "had" to put a tree in the window and now I've blocked her view. Dogger spends a lot of time looking out that window and now there is a tree in her way. I tried to explain it to her But its so pretty from the outside!, she doesn't care because its not so pretty from the inside during the day and I'm blocking her view. She has so little.

Speaking of Dogger. I got her  official picture with Santa this weekend. We're going back the week before Christmas because my friends animal rescue group is sponsoring the pictures that day and supplying the Santa and I promised Dogger would put in an appearance but this weekend  was for her Christmas card and it turned out really well - She's so cute and photogenic and also very co-operative with people who aren't me. I'll post the shot when I get is scanned.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

HAPPY      SUNDAY    !!!!!!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

HAPPY    SATURDAY    !!!!!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Friday

I woke up this morning and it wasn't winter anymore. It was and then it wasn't, the rain washed it all a way, like it wasn't winter as much as it was a heavy coating of  pollen.

I haven't got a real chance to see what the tree looks like with the sexy red garland on it.  It looks okayish in  artificial light but until I see the effect in natural light I won't know for sure. I can say that it doesn't stand out the same way as the gold garland did and I'm not sure that's all that good but I wanted different and I got different. I just don't know if its better yet or not.

It does look nice with my Santa though.

I finally got all my dog cookie address labels printed out  ( thanks to the judicious mis-use of state property)so I'll be able to get them all mailed out next week but that means I;m going to have to put the boxes together and deal with packing peanuts and a tape dispenser thing, which I will absolutely break about half way through the process and then spend the rest of the time fighting a pitched battle with the tape insisting on sticking to itself.  It's not the expense of mailing I object to, its the process.

It would be great if all we had to do was toss the item and the address to them and say Yo. Here it is. Asta!. That would be awesome. I also kind of wish I had my Christmas cards on hand so I could mail them out on my schedule, but they are at Alphagal and Broskeys and I'm not sure how cool it would be to go over there and  take them while they are out of town. I don't want all of them, I just want to liberate a few of them so I can mail them with the cookies and save some postage. I think I'm going to get over my resistance to going over to their house and I'm just going to get them because its time and I want them. I am also assuming they are out where I can find them. My plan is not perfect. I don't know where they are.

Maybe I won't go get them, or I'll just make a security pass through there house... You know, make sure that there hasn't been a break in or any water damage or to check in the very least to make sure  the house was not eaten by vines. That would be very disconcerting, to come home and fine your house covered by vines. 

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Getting my  holiday on

I have been feeling decidedly ennui-tastic about getting the tree decorated. I want to do it but to do it I have to bring approximately  sixty tons of stuff down from the attic and that means the out door lights need to be put up and all the Santa's brought down and it just seems like so much work... I just don't have the energy

But then when I do deal with it, its just going to look exactly like it did last year and the year before that and why bother? I like the way my tree looks but I could also just look at pictures and get the same effect without all the work. And I would do that. I would sit there and look at a picture.Clearly, I needed to do something.

So the tree stands there. Dark. Its upright, pre-lit and in the right place but its just standing there and it makes me sad. I think I'm lonely for my old tree, the unlit, greatly shedding, mess making, eleven year old tree. My first tree for my first apartment!. The tree I hefted up three flights of stairs and  then carted across the country.I got it and Tex at the same time and lost them at the same time. Sigh.

I needed help. I decided that what I need is for the tree to look different. I want to cheat on my decorations. I want a younger, hotter, blonder version of what I have now. And I figured out how: I would buy new garland! Sexy, sexy garland! This would change everything! It would put the magic back in our relationship! So I went to Wal-Mart. Do you have any idea how much Wal-Mart charges for tree garland! I was shocked. They wanted $5 for 15 feet! I was like What do you mean? $5!? Screw that! Do you have any idea how sad it is to go to Wally World and  see something you want and have to say to yourself I can't afford that?

It sucks.

I went on to Poverty Barn and found nicer garland $7 for 35 feet. And then I had to over think what color of garland I wanted. There was neat green garland with  shiny little paper lights but it was green and so is my tree and I looked at some red garland with little candy canes and then there was blue garland with snow flakes.This posed a dilemma. I'm a Blue person; Red makes me uncomfortable, it comes with so much baggage and issues... But. I didn't like the blue garland and I did like the red garland and then I had an epiphany : Are you  trying to inject partisan politics into my Christmas tree? Are you making my Christmas tree about red state v. blue state bile? Are you Sarah Palening my holiday? Oh No! You will not politicize my tree!

I bought the pretty red garland and put it on the tree and it looks fab, and it will set off my  awesome talking Obama ornament very nicely.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bake, Bake, Bake

I finished Operation Barn Yard and the pigs were not my friends. The last time I made bacon cookies I experimented with grinding the bacon  up in the blender and while I was not thrilled with the results, I should have repeated the experiment. I had a hell of a time trying to roll the dough out thin enough to make it worth my while but not so thin it sprung holes. The other doughs do not spring holes damn it.

The dough just sucked all around,  first it was too dry and then it was too wet and then it wouldn't get doughy and it stayed kind of crumbly and it was just not fun. it was too nasty even for the Kitchen Aid to whip into shape and the Kitchen Aid can be a real fascist when it comes to getting its job done. Kitchen Aid wears pointy boots and enjoys your pain. I am very nice to Kitchen Aid.

And then I tried to turn that badly behaved dough into pigs. The pig cutter looks like a pig, it's very cute, very piggy. Sadly, when the cutter hit the dough what it cut out was less cute, the little ear was hard to get right and the pig tail was a nightmare and kept getting nipped off no matter how carefully I pressed down the cutter and pulled away the dough. I did not have this problem with the cows! Subsequently, to my eye, very few  of my pigs came out looking like pigs, they looked like bears, bears with very poor posture.

I was very worried about my herd as I put them into the oven, I was seeing a lot of bacon flavored bears and only a few piggies and that that was not working with my theme. Beef flavored cows, chicken flavored chicks, parsley/mint flavored bunnies and pork flavored pigs! I don't know what bear taste like or if its is available in the baking aisle at the grocery and  I don't want to have to  have an addendum stuffed into every bag explain what those weird bear-pig things are supposed to be. Porky the Bear! Nooooo!

 There are no barn yard bears! My cows looked like cows the bunnies looked like bunnies and even the chicks look  pretty much avian. They do not look like bears. Thankfully when the pig-bears came out of the oven they came out looking shockingly pig-like, well, a vast majority looked piggy, a few still looked like very pig-like bears. But pig-like. More oinking than whatever noise bears make.

And really, I do know that the dogs care only that the bacon flavored cookies taste like bacon and they could care less about the fact that they look like bears with bad posture. I know that, but the people  who hopefully will buy them will know that my some of my pigs look like bears with bad posture and that I do worry about.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A Day in Greeting Cards

This morning I bought a birthday card for the shrew at work

This afternoon I bought a Congratulations on Your New Baby card for my cousin

This evening I bought a Sorry Your Dad Died card for my best friend.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday

Is it time to go back to work already? I'm not ready yet. I want to go shopping some more! I also like living in an environment where if I want something to eat all I have to do is open the refrigerator and take a brief multiple choice quiz - Actually, its  more like an essay question! There is all kinds of food in there! It's amazing, its like a grocery store in my house. Imagine, using a refrigerator for something other than a place to put magnets!

I broke from tradition this year by putting my tree up the day after Thanksgiving. It is "up" but not up, it  isn't decorated and the only reason it has lights on it is because it came that way. It is not plugged in! I do have my pride. And by next weekend, I will have my outside lights up and my air blown tied down. I hope the hipsters next door have a sense of humor.

With the Christmas cookies set for launch next week, I set to work on my latest batch, Operation Church Cookie  Sale. I had  decided I wasn't going to do it  and it was BS and they wouldn't really want dog treats  any way and the next thing I knew, I had several dozen chicken broth flavored chicks cavorting on my table and then the beef bouillon cows appeared and now I'm planning my bacon pigs, and that doesn't count the parsley/mint bunnies I have all ready finished.

And then I remembered my laundry. Yay laundry....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

HAPPY   SUNDAY   !!!!!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

HAPPY   SATURDAY  !!!!!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY $$$$$$$

Thursday, November 26, 2009

HAPPY  THANKSGIVING  !!!!


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Garden Update 15

 Well. There isn't much of the garden left, but there is still a garden and it is a happy garden.

On Saturday while I was running around like a crazy person doing all the work in the world, I took a break and went to check out how the garden was doing. I haven't spent a lot of time with the garden lately, I pulled a couple of tomatoes off a few weeks ago and a pepper, but there hasn't been a lot going on there. I also had to take out a couple of baby brocs but that was a while ago. The remaining brocs don't look too chewed yet.

But on Saturday I pulled a lot. I took out all the tomatoes and a couple of the peppers. It was time and the plants were dead or clearly on the way there. I felt bad but not as bad as I thought I would. I think they and I were ready to let go.


Sad isn't  it?

The peppers are allowed to stay because they are still making peppers







They are little peppers, granted but they are peppers and I'm not going to pull them out if they are still productive.  Unlike the tomato plants the peppers are still green and pretty and healthy.

Speaking of green


Aren't they cute? So little and bug chewed, I'm still keeping the hope alive.  I'm not unplugging frankenhose and removing the rubber mulch blanket that's presumably keeping them warm at night. My flowers in front are still blooming, but I think its because they have a nice blanket of dead leaves to cuddle up with at night.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Work, work, work

Saturday I worked, I raked the yard again, went to the Raleigh Christmas Parade 2009 - Austin thinks its weird, Raleigh is weird. Then I raked the yard again and then I went to the library book sale where I exhibited a total lack of self control,  and then I did some laundry and then I went Christmas shopping, successfully. I worked like a puppy all day. And that doesn't even bring into account the 1413 dog treats I counted Friday night.

Sunday I finished up the laundry, got depressed because the yard was covered in leaves again,  and made more dog cookies.  Yes, more dog treats.  These cookies are for the Church cookie sale so don't look at me like that, like I have a dog treat making "problem". These cookies are completly different from the other cookies, these cookies are shaped like barn yard animals! There will be beef bullion cows, chicken broth  Chicks, bacon  Pigs and parsley/mint flavored Bunnies. Thus far its just the bunnies but I have great plans. To make room for these plans I bagged up all the Christmas cookies as well as the Thanksgiving cookies. Work, work, work!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

HAPPY    SUNDAY    !!!!!!!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

HAPPY    SATURDAY   !!!!!!!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Cat Blogging



Friday

I Love Community*. If you liked the first few seasons of My Name is Earl, you will love Community. Its like MNiE but without the list and the creeping pathos.  Also? Joel McHale is really hot. And everyone else in the cast is really, really good and they are a true ensemble, even that asshat Chevy Chase! Chevy Frickin Chase is acting as part of an ensemble,
for this alone you should watch the show. I mean, who knew Chevy Frickin Chase could share a stage?

You should just start watching and then make your friends watch it. You could blog about it! And I would be blogging about it and it would be blogging synergy! And more people would start watching it and they would be happy and the world would have happier people in it and that would be a good thing. Watch the show, save the world.

Okay.

Oh, before we talk about Dogger, we have to talk about these new aps they have for the I-Phone*. My phone is wonderful and I love it, but as rawking and dead sexy as I find my phone, my phone doesn't have the very interesting Epicurious recipe ap or something called  the Smart Chief ap that lets you find substitutions for recipe items you forgot to go buy. I want this! My phone lets me keep up with football scores and Facebook but I want even cooler aps!

Okay. Now onto the dog.

Dogger had her follow up appointment, this would be her 274th post surgical follow up appointment since last April. Her infection is gone and  the vet, drum roll please... Wants her to go for more walks! That is his solution. I see it maybe a little differently: I think she needs fewer walks. It happens the same way every time, she's infected or lame and we stop walking, she goes back onto crate rest and antibiotics and she gets better, in fact she is doing really well, she's bouncy and happy and full of energy and the vet says "Take her for more walks!" and I take her for more walks and everything is fine and the vet says "Take her for longer walks!" and I take her for longer walks and lo and behold she gets another infection or she pulls up lame AGAIN.

It's a vicious circle. The better she's doing the better the chance something is going to go wrong.  Someday she's going to be doing phenomenally well.  She'll have gotten her muscle mass back, she'll  be running on her walks and jumping  into cars and being a real dog for the first time in years. I'm going to be very excited about all of this and I am going to let her off her leash in the back yard  for  two seconds and  she'll go instantly  septic  and die.

Dogger has another appointment in two weeks and I'm going to tell the vet that if this happens again,  she's going back on his table and he's going to open her up and remove the cat gut. No crate rest, no ABT, no anti-inflammatories. Surgery. Done, I'm done with this. We're done with this.

*I'm not getting paid

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Santa Me

Yay! I got  two more Christmas presents! and these two came with free! gift! wrapping! So score one or two  for me! and my best girlfriends at home who will get gifts that do not look like they were wrapped by a poorly coordinated toddler! Whoo-Hoo! I'm very excited by this.

I am making progress on Christmas! Yay! I think this is very exciting news. So far I have some of my list taken care of, but not all my list. Some people are doing really well and are going to have a great Christmas and love me some are going to watch other people have a great Christmas and hate me. I need to even it out a little. A lot. I need to even it out a lot.

I thought I was going to get this one thing for some one but now I don't think I'll be able to get what I want for what I want. There are a lot of choices and after reading too many reviews  of too many variations of the same thing, I don't think any of them are going to be "right". I may have stop shopping for it online. I'm going to have to go old school and hit old fashioned brick-and-mortar retailers - Which is a turn off, I hate the public and I loath paying retail, but actually having fewer choices to over think might be a better in the long run.

Merry Christmas! I hope you love it! I had to go to the mall to get it. I had to drive my car and find parking and then go inside with all those people and sales tax. The receipt? I burned it. Merry Christmas.

If you are a dog in my life you are going to have a very, very good holiday season. You might even have a good New Years Eve if I can figure out what cookie shapes would be appropriate. I am all about matching the cookie to the holiday. It's important and it totally matters to the dogs. Totally...

I believe that Dogger likes her turkey gravy cookies even more because they are shaped like turkeys, it lets her know that I respect her intellect and that all your dog really wants - And steak your dog also wants steak! And if you give your dog steak (and some appropriately seasonal shaped dog cookies) your dog won't bicker about their IQ verses your IQ or which one of you is better trained or if you really love them for their brain or if its just about their capacity to play fetch with you for hours when they would really rather be at home reading The New York Times . Do you really want to know how fast Fluffy breezes through the Sunday puzzle?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dogger

Why isn't there anything on TV?! I'm beginning to think its a plot by NBC, Netflix and the cable industry. I think this also explains the Jay Leno fiasco. I believe that NBC secretly owns Netflix and is using it as a shield during this bad economy. They are going to write off the whole Leon thing  as a loss. Its a tax thing. I also think NBC owns the entire basic cable industry as well . They are forcing us to watch basic cable and rent from Netflix because they have arranged for there to be nothing to watch on TV. NBC whiffed with Leno and that gave the other networks a chance to roll out bad programing because there was no competition. Do you actually believe that anyone would be watching NCIS if there was anything else on TV? Have you ever watched White Collar? or any of the other scripted dramas on basic cable No, you don't any of them because they all look stupid? They are, but they are still better than Leno.

For instance, thanks to the dearth of broadcast television I want to see, I am watching a lot of HGTV. A Lot. I've started to watch Designers Challenge.  I never thought I had any opinion design but I since I have started to watch too much Challenge, I have developed  a deep hate for bourgeois design and the creative, yet expensive use of beige. I must stop T-Fauxing  it makes tacky drek like Color Splash seem like high art. I blame Leno.

So, how is Dogger? on Sunday she started to very tentatively put a leetle weight on the bad foot and was getting a bit of her bounce back, but Monday she was back to limping but I let her be in her room for a few hours and on Tuesday, she was a lot less tentative on her foot and she was stretching again! I like when she stretches,  it gives me the impression her leg is not going to fall off. A girl can dream.

We go back to the vet on Thursday and he'll be happy with her progress. She's really responding well to the antibiotic, she's walking and there hasn't been any more weeping from the wound - All good things, the problem being that this is the third time we've gone through this. Infection/bad gait/ABT therapy/a course of anti-inflammatories/walk,walk,walk/ABT therapy/a course of anti-inflammatories/walk,walk,walk/infection/bad gait/ABT therapy... It gets old. The vet said he might go back in to make all this stop and I think I'm going to tell him he is going to go back in - After the holidays, I'm tired of all this. I want my dog back and not just occasionally.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Fall Fun

I raked my yard this weekend. I had been putting it off but there are only three houses with trees in their yards and the other two places had been raked all ready.  Note, "my yard" not "  my leaves", because the leaves on my yard belong to the hipsters tree next door. My tree is still green and has 99 percent of it leaves while their tree is almost completely denuded and what leaves it has left are yellow. I hate that tree. I hate its fruit in the spring too.  I was always hopeing the drug dealer would neglect it to death but apparently its some sort of  vampire tree that won't die until a stake is driven through its heart or it gets root rot or its suckers slowly strangle it to death. I can only hope.

My yard was covered with brown and yellow leaves, from their tree. Their yard looks fab, a light sprinkling of seasonal color but only just a dusting. I hate them. My yard, three hours after I finished the job was  a freaking mess again - Thinking positively, its "salted" with yellow leaves but I'm not going to obsess over them because their tree is not completely bare yet and I don't want to get OCD over the other guys leaves. I could but I choose not to.

I also choose not to rake since then because I don't want to exacerbate my popped blisters on my hand. I can hear you out there saying If you wore gloves you wouldn't have blisters! , I was wearing blisters! Big, manly work gloves. Too big, too manly work gloves that rubbed  the back of my thumb raw. Owie. I need to ask Santa for  little lady-like work gloves that won't protect me into blisters.

I came home from work today and my yard was covered in leaves again.

To take my mind off of it, I, drum roll please : Made More Cookies! Because hey,  the world needs more dog treats doesn't it? I wasn't going to make more cookies but while Doggers been crate bound I've been indulging her a little. A little. Just maybe, a few more than she would usually get, a leetle more frequently...

I was running out and she needed more. I also had some left overs from the last cookiepalooza and I didn't want to waste the ingredients. I also have too much wheat flour and I hate wheat flour. Its gritty and it makes the cookies' texture weird and messes with my vision. Over all  it simply does not work with my cookie aesthetic.

The wheat flour has to go.

So. Dogger gets more turkey gravy cookies and my friends at work also get  turkey gravy cookies and pumpkin/molasses cookies. Yay. I went to Michael's and looked for appropriate Thanksgiving themed gift bags but they didn't carry any- because, if you can't over think a simple thing, why bother having the thought in the first place. I had to go with the Moose with Lights in their Racks design. They look suitably dog-like and the bags aren't all that Christmas-sy. Other than the Christmas lights.

I think my neighbors are going to get a lot of pumpkin/molasses cookies. Its Thanksgiving-y, don't you think? Its like pumpkin pie for your dog, we like that don't we? Happy people, happy dog? Is it weird to give your neighbors Thanksgiving themed dog treats? I mean,  am I going to be that crazy lady?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Happy Birthday Tiny!

In leu of a real entry I thought today I would celebrate Tiny's first birthday with some cat blogging - No more kitten blogging, Today He Is A Man


Shocked!



Wake him when its over


Still can't belive it!


His Mama's kitty



Happy Birthday Tiny!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

HAPPY    SUNDAY   !!!!!!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

HAPPY   SATURDAY   !!!!!

WAKE COUNTY LIBRARY BOOK SALE TODAY THROUGH THE 22ND!!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday Kitten Blogging



Thursday, November 12, 2009

I'm back

I am over Ida. In honor of Ida, the wasps are wearing tiny rain coats in clever prints.


I was supposed to spend my day off raking leaves and being useful but instead I had to go shopping . Had. To. Had to.  It was all the rain and wind, I had to go shopping. Or, I could have stayed in the house and watched TV. All Day. All Day.

I was really surprised that I was the only one. I went to Kohl's and got greeted at the door and the staff was just standing around trying to look busy. At this time of year. Trying to look busy. I was shocked, I also found some nice bargains so Santa was happy. I then went to TJ Maxx and found a few things that Santa needed and I didn't wait in line there either. I went to Poverty Barn on  the way home and there I stood in a line. Maybe if I had gone in the guise of Santa I would not have had to stand in a line but I don't think anyone has asked Santa for toilet bowl cleaner.

Dogger has to go back to the vet. Sadness. Tuesday night, I was bringing her in from her last pee  and I stepped on her foot. She didn't yip or anything so I just apologized and moved on. Well, by this morning she was full on limping. I decided that maybe I broke a toe when I mashed her foot. Years ago,  when she was a puppy one of the nephdogs (RIP) stepped on one of her feet and broke a toe so I thought maybe this is what I did. There is nothing you can do for a doggy broken toe. Nada .

When I took her out to pee  in the mornming, she was stiff and her gait was awful - awful in a familure way. An infected way. I made Dogger take a bath because she really needed one and I thought the hot water might make her feel better.  Her knees  don't like cold and damp and we are experiencing cold and damp, hence this new, aggressive form of limping she had adopted. I thought she would feel better post bath. I really did not want a new infection. Her surgery was last March. Infection time is over.

Bath completed, I used the blow dryer to dry her off, and deposited her in her room so she could eat her reward cookies and I could read the paper. I came back and noticed her surgical knee looked funny, kind of wet and I could see the leetle hole that was left from the infection and then the plastic issue. A quick wipe with a Kleenex told the truth, it was weeping pinkly. We're not dealing with a broken toe.

We're going back to the vet Thursday.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Wednesday!!!

Today is Armistice Day

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Cute and the Damned

I did get myself some real parsley. I could tell it was parsley because  they sold it in bouquets and it was cheap,  and you can tell you are buying fancy herbs because they cost more and are only available as boutonnieres. The More You Know...

I was going to maybe make the cookies tonight but then I remembered my parents arriving on Wednsday and then spending the night as they pass through on a road trip and I might want to clean my house or something and so I did "something" but it wasn't really cleaning but I did move a pile of stuff from one place to another. I decided that Tuesday  night was going to be Clean The House go-time. I'm a pressure player.

But before all that, I was driving home  through downtown watching it get grayer as I got closer  to the house and I told myself that I was going to need to be very prompt once I got home about walking Dogger because it looked like rain and neither of us like to walk in the rain and if it started raining before our walk we would not walk at all and so I really needed to get a move on.

And then I passed this thrift store and saw this really cute occasional table and I thought Hmm. That might look really cute next to the couch, in the spot the crate is in... I could flatten the crate and put it away for the first time since last March and put that cute little table in its place.Hmmmm So I drove around the corner and found a spot and went back to get a closer look at the table - Which as it turned out was much cuter at 25 miles an hour. But I had to inspect it, which I did even after deciding it wasn't coming home with me.

I spent more time with it than I would have because it annoyed the clerk smoking outside. I'm sure her second hand smoke did not improve my opinion of the table. It was kind of cute, but not that cute and it was taller than I had thought and it had a stain in the middle and the  table did not look like it could be refinished. It was only $25 bucks but it was worth about $25 and if I'm going to spend money on a crap piece of furniture I like it to be a piece of furniture that in its youth was at least well made. This one came from the factory a piece of crap.

So I went home late and stopped at the mail boxes to drop some bills and then had to walk Dogger on the double and not to the post office, which is a nice walk but not in the dark

Monday, November 9, 2009

Garden Cookies

Hi, I'm Diana and I am making more dog cookies! I was out and they kept dragging me back in! The bastards.

I had four additional dogs added to my list over the weekend and I started to worry that I wasn't going to have enough to go around. These things are gifts, I don't want to look like I'm giving them testers. I want every body on my list to get you know, "enough". I now have sixteen dogs on my list and I was a little afraid that varieties I had were not going to be "enough".

So. Now I just finished making banana/honey flavored. I was going to also make  mint/parsley breath freshening cookies and I went to the store to get bananas, mint and parsley. I was very successful with the bananas and mint and then I had to look around for my parsley and finally found a bunchie of  what I thought was parsley - because it was in a slot called "curly parsley". I did not notice the tag on the parsley that read "cilantro".

Cilantro isn't just a fancy way of saying " curly parsley" is it? I don't know from either of them and I'm not sure of the breath freshening talents of cilantro, because if if cilantro was okay, I think it would have specified "cilantro"  and not parsley. But I'm not sure. I can say that cilantro looks a lot like what I imagined parsley would look like.

They both look like things I riped with great prejudice from the ground around my real plants. Speaking of  my real plants, the garden, is still there. I had to yank two baby brocs  due to  pest damage and I tried to remove a tomato because it was dead, but it was still tied up with garden tape and I didn't have anything handy to cut it free. The other plants are still there and still making  every attempt to be productive, with the peppers just covered with blooms -  but I'm not feeling hopeful about further harvests, but to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'm not going to completely remove the non-dead plants and the plastic mulch until after the first freeze. Then I'm going to start dumping leaves on the plot and start thinking about next spring.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

HAPPY    SUNDAY    !!!!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

House Passes Healthcare Reform 220-215.

Next stop:  The Party disciplines the Blue Dogs. With extreme prejudice.
HAPPY    SATURDAY  !!!!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Friday Kitten Blogging


Stretch Cat Strong



Friday

I discovered that Dogger has a Walk Window. I was fifteen minutes late coming home from work and girl dog was done with going for a walk. She looked at her agenda and it was time for Dinner and she was going to eat dinner and she was not going for a walk, it was dinner time and she wasn't comfortable straying too far from her dish. She's okay to leave for her walk from 4:40-4:45 but past that she's really not comfortable with going for a long walk or even a short walk or leaving the house at all or being in a room that does not have her food dish in it. I think she is afraid she won't get fed or her food will taste different if she  isn't eating at the exact "right" time. My dog is Rain Man.

She also seems to have a temperature limit for walks. The warmer it is in the morning the longer a walk she wants to go on, if its cold we go around the block and she's done.I try to go straight and she's all We live that way. Where are you going? Is it the cold and dark? Can you not see? Is the cold affecting your decision making skills? I have fur! I can lead you home!. I am 1/83s scent hound and I don't need light. Follow me! It is going to suck for her when its really winter and she needs to walk a long way in the morning because its dark by a quarter to five. Its so great that its light at 6:15am! Its so totally great and useful! No one needs that hour of daylight in the evening! Such a waste! Grrrrr.

Are ya'll watching Community yet? You really should be, its great. Funny as all hell. Much, much more funny than actual Junior College.

We had our much beloved to our boss, weekly meeting today. The theme? "What Does Chronological Order Mean To You?" you would be surprised at the number of definitions we as a group were able to come up with. None of them right, but "we" tried hard.  I used the word "linear" and I was like "Start from the beginning and go to the end in order". They didn't understand. So. Sad.  I guess they are much more in medias res fans. Or they would be if they knew what that meant. And they don't. But I don't know a thing about open heart surgery or talking down suicides so we're even, for my part I had someone ask about a suicide hot line and I put them on hold. For a second! and then I thought get back on the line and asked if they were having a crisis right now and the caller said she was fine but she was concerned about her neighbors husband who was threatening to kill himself and I told her to call 911. The end. 

To prove that I am not completely insensitive, I did  skip the snarky part of my speech that I give people who call us for stupid non-our job related things where I tell them they have reached the line that takes complaints against health-care providers  and we can't help with whatever she's calling  for and I'm not going to forward her because we aren't some sort of free long distance service.  Blergh.

The Social Workers said it was the right answer, actually the SW said What the hell was she calling us for a suicide?! Gawd! "He's going to kill himself!  Call 9-1-1! Shit!. The first thing I read this morning was a death report for a lady who through herself out a third floor window.  Love. My. Job.

I didn't get any new catalouges today.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Winter Wonderland

I came home to a wonderful surprise, No, the wasps didn't catch bee AIDS. My magazines arrived! Not all of them but some interesting ones.

It turns out Whatever Works is a catalogue of machiney thing mostly. It is a whole catalogue filled  all those things you see at the store but can't decide if you really need it so you go on to another store so you can "think about it" and then tell yourself you could get it on the way out but you don't.

All kinds of "useful" things like plastic Bonsai's and a bird houses that stop dogs from barking and  a "designer" remote caddy and a  Goatee Saver so that you can shave without disturbing your goatie and lots of insect traps and several items that looked suspiciously like vibrators but were called  "contour massagers".

There was even a gizmo that would turn any pair of glasses into bifocals, called "little pieces of tape" and they were very proud of their Designer Duct tape "the duct tape makes a fashion statement!". Looking at the picture my guess the statement would not be "Fabulous!", the tape comes in  black paisley, "wood", houndstooth and wicker. Fin for the whole family. Buy a selection and Dad can repair the kitchen cupboards and the porch furniture, Mom can spruce up her  blazer and the kids can  tape Mom and Dad up and escape to places where everything in the house has not been  repaired with duct tape. They also sell the lock pick set that the kids will use to make a living once they get there.

After I had thoroughly searched Whatever Works. I moved on to The Vermont Country Store. I was a bit put out what they are now using photography instead of pen and ink drawings but I guess time does move on, even in Vermont.  First gay marriage and now fancy photography! I wish however that they would have consulted with the gays  a bit when it came to the Christmas decorations they wanted to sell me . The big ticket items were  a genuwine "tinsel tree" and a color wheel! Together they look like they would burn your house down as soon as you got them out of their boxes.  They seem to just scream Hi! I'm a fire hazard! Plug me in!. I'm guessing you need the color wheel because if you tried to put lights on the tree it would melt. I like kitsch and all but there is a line and I call it The Burn Your House Down Line. Vermont Country Store Fail!

I do in all honesty, think I really need the $19.95 replica of Charlie Browns Christmas tree, especially since I've seen it in other catalogues a whole lot more expensive than that, so I'm folding that page over. Vermont Country Store Win!

And then I came to the toys. Well. Vermont Country Store FAIL!

If the Nurse Cherry books didn't cost $39.95 per box set I know some nurses who would be getting those under the tree. Who can forget Cherry Aimes, Student Nurse, Senior Nurse, Chief Nurse, boy she moved up fast! Army Nurse. Flight Nurse, Veterans Nurse, wait wasn't Cherry a Vet? Visiting Nurse, Private Duty Nurse Cherry sure changes jobs a lot, did anyone check with the Board of Nursing about her? Clearly someone else was suspicious too because Cherry went on the road with Cruise Nurse, Boarding School Nurse, Department Store Nurse and ultimately, Camp Nurse. My how the mighty have fallen! Department Store Nurse? Cherry do you even bother keeping up your licence?

The catalogue even had genuwine recreations of toys from the  "1930s to the 1960s", toys so real you can almost taste the led paint. Toys I know I played with at my Grandmothers house. The Chatter Phone! Snoop and Sniff pull toy! The Chatter Phone! Guaranteed to choke out today's less worldly toddlers in a heart beat. And even better Music Box Teaching Clock and Music Box TV! I had these toys! Gawd I'm 5000 years old! My toys are featured in the Vermont Country Store Catalogue!

Did you know you can buy men's footie pajamas? Oddly, they choose to  use their traditional illustrations for that item, actually, all the sleepwear were drawings instead of  photos. Odd. And because this is the Vermont Country Store, there was also several pages of clothing that even the Amish would reject as too old fashioned and dowdy. I did get a little excited about their large selection of winter weight tights, right up until I noticed they were $39.95 a pair, Whatever happened to Yankee frugality? $39.95 for tights!?. I plowed on. They can't show adult  people in PJs but they can show photos of real ladies modeling bras and panties?! And OH DEAR GAWD  Men in Y-Fronts!

I got winded and had to move on to Collections to cool off - where I found they are selling an alarm clock called the Pole Dancer Alarm Clock, right next to the "Farting Santa on his porcelain sleigh"

Christmas just brings out the class doesn't it?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Joy

I went a head and made the bacon cookies. I wasn't going to, I had a lot of time to get them done but in the end I wanted them done now. I also wanted to see what happens to bacon bits when you put them in a blender - They turn into wispy, bacony feathers.  Odd.

I was hopeing  that blenderized bacon could mix in with the flour more thoroughly and that it would make for a creamier , stronger dough -  But it didn't, I was disappointed. The bacon feathers were a little more integrated into the dough but not like the cheese or the peanut butter. I also had hoped the dough would be in better shape, but it stilled lacked the elasticity of the other varieties. I got very spoiled with the other additives. Who would have thought that sticky, wet  peanut butter would end up being my friend? The bacon isn't  really hard to deal with and  Dogs love  the bacon  cookies so they aren't not leaving the menu anytime soon but I wish bacon was more tidy and made a better dough, like the cheese.


Colorful, no?  bacon, peanut butter, green stars, red stars, pumpkin/molasses, cheese


Its Santa's freezer. I was trying to think up another flavor but I decided that those were enough and I couldn't think of any other flavors that were easily accessible.  I could go to the dog bakery downtown to do a little  flavor espionage, but I'm not sure how much business they get and I don't want to get their hopes up by being in their store and looking like a customer and then feeling obligated to buy dog treats when I have several houndred  in my freezer. I did decide I would make Dogger some Turkey shaped, turkey gravy flavored cookies for Thanksgiving and I think that will take care of my desire to spend more time baking for dogs. I'm hopeing that with the holidays coming that I'll get a chance to bake or at least cook for humans for a change.

Speaking of cooking for human beings. Between my weekend marathon treat baking and wasp killing, I went shopping. Bake for hours and snuff dozens of lives - You want to go shopping, its the circle of life. Really, go and check. I'll wait.

Waiting.

Have you found it? Try Wikipedia.

I am proved right? I thought so.

I bought the worlds smallest electric frying pan! It's teeny! It's like a baby electric frying pan and its the cutest thing in the entire world! I got it Saturday, but I didn't have any pancake fixings and that made me sad. But tonight, I looked at the clock and realized that it was 5:45 and the dog had been walked and fed, I had been walked and fed, the cats box was clean and the only thing on my docket was watching HGTV until I passed out.

I went and bought fixings.



not pictured, glass lid

Isn't it cute?!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sucks being me

In between bouts of cookie making I sat in my chilly living room and killed wasps. Wasps who are now wearing tiny little parkas! You should see them, the malevolent beasties,  in their parkas they look like demonic humming birds. Disney gone wrong.

Snow White would hate them. She would use a dwarf to squish them.

I hate them. I spent countless hours sitting on my chair waiting, listening for the crinkling of their wings against their hoods of their parkas and then hunting the beasts down one by one with my now boon campaign, my vacuum tube. They are getting smarter though, I had to change where I was keeping the vacuum stationed and take it on maneuvers to the dining room and the kitchen. Here I was the best armed military at my address and I was having to run defence. I have a weapon of mass destruction and I was being smoked. Have you ever tried to run around your house with your vacuum? Do you know how many times I tripped over the cord or the tube while I was doing this? I am Shrub!  Misson Not Accomplished.

I did take cookie making breaks and I kept myself alert with Halloween candy and now have only one more variety to make before the cookies will be out of my freezer and into their new homes across the country. I'm really early this year, last year I'm pretty sure I was much more down to the wire with the cookie production and distribution. I love my Kitchen Aid, ya'll have no idea.

I still have bacon cookies to make, but there really isn't a rush. A new twist in these batches, I took the cheese for the cheese cookies and ran it through my blender and really pulverized it. It makes it much easier to get a nice, even mixture in the dough and now I'm interested to see how the bacon bits will do when blenderized. I've never been happy with the bacon cookie texture and I'm hopeing that this will smooth  the cookies out a little and make them more uniform and smooth . There is also the issue that rolling out the bacon cookie dough is not fun because it has a lumpy texture and leans toward the delicate and its hard to get a nice even distribution of bits. Distribution is key.

The dogs have never complained but I have issues with the over all appearance of the cookies and all the other varieties are smooth and pretty from the start and have well behaved, studly, non-lumpy doughs. Aunt Cookie likes a strong, pretty, cookie.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Monday

Its November, are ya'll ready? Its time to go! Have you started Christmas Shopping yet? How many gifts have you gotten so far?  Hasn't it been Halloween since July? I am so over Halloween and the color orange in general.  I went into Target this afternoon and I want all of you to know, it is officially Christmas now. Plan accordingly.

I have four gifts so far. Don't hate me because I plan ahead.

My doorbell rang twice Saturday night. The first at 8:06 the second time at 10:30. I only handed out candy the one time, the second time I told them we were closed for the night, but I should have punished them by forcing them to take the rest of the candy - You were late. For your punishment you get all the candy I did not eat over the week. I hope you like blue flavored tootsie pops and green tootsie rolls! Next time you'll go out earlier!

 Do you know how much candy I have left? I had gone out and bought a secondary bag to make up for all the snacking I did during the week! I now have all the candy in the world. If any one wants any tootsie roll branded candy, I am there for you. Totally. Ask away.

I have too much to take it all in to work with me! Hi! Here is fourteen pounds of discount candy. Have at. I don't know whats sadder, that I  have all this candy or that I'm so unpopular that kids didn't come to my door to take the candy. Maybe next year I'll give in a buy real chocolate. Could the cold shoulder I got be my punishment for handing out pretzels last year? Am I on Halloween probation?

 Isn't there a certain amount of bragging rights that come with your house being popular with the trick or treaters? My door bell rang for hours! We ran out of candy! We had a bus load! We had to turn our light off at 8:45! Everyone likes us!.  Nobody likes me. The only kids who came to my door were the children across the street and they didn't even wear costumes. Thank Gawd it was too warm for me to go Full Red Riding Hood. Then I could have been pathetic and dressed like a fairytale character. By myself. With a bowl of unwanted candy.

I blame the wasps.