Sunday, September 30, 2007


Saturday, September 29, 2007


Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


I finally decided I needed to wash my dishes. It was time that I stopped continuing to load dishes into my broken dishwasher and hope that the dishwasher elves would appear from where they appear from and that I would come skipping into the kitchen, happy birds fluttering around my head but not dropping shit on my floor - No wait, they would be cartoon birds! There are no bodily functions in cartoons! Okay, the cartoon birds would be happily fluttering around my head tweeting Aaron Copeland tunes and I would throw open the door of the dishwasher and my dirty dishes would magically be clean and streak free.

No, wait, that would mean I would have to put them away - I come skipping into the kitchen with the happy cartoon birds tweeting Aaron Copeland tunes and the elves would have done my dishes and put them away. .. Where I would put them, not where they would put them, and then make me figure out where things were because they knew better than me where my stuff should go. I would throw open my cabinets and they would be full of clean, streak free dishes . But, they would maybe still put things in weird places...

No, wait, another band of elves would appear and put away my clean dishes. Probably aided by the cartoon birds. Under my direction. Okay, that's better,

I do not love washing dishes. I don’t love doing it on special occasions. It is not fun or an adventure. I see no joy in "roughing it". The sink in my kitchen is merely a vestigial organ. It is the appendix of the house, it serves almost no purpose until it becomes inflamed and needs professional attention, as it does now.

And they don’t have Dishwashaterias or Dishmatts either. You would think by now they would have somewhere for you to take your dirty dishes. We would just load them up in dish hampers and we would take them to the Washateria and load them into over-sized industrial machines and then we would read three year old copies of Teen Beat and watch Telenovas until our loads are done. I mean, as it is now, your dishwasher breaks and suddenly it’s do-it-yourself time..

When your clothes washer breaks no on expects you to take your clothes down to the creek and beat them with rocks, you take your laundry to a public laundry and as long as you don’t make eye contact with anyone and you wash your hands immediately after you come home, everything is fine.

There is no such outlet for you if your dishwasher is broken. No, it’s dishpan ally for you bub.

You know what needs to happen? There needs to be a Telethon for the dishwasherless populous out there. They need to get a collection of celebrities together and have them pretend to answer phones for a few hours. They could get Cam Diaz to sit on stool, where she is beautifully lit, have her tearfully give her testimony about watching her Grandma wash dishes by hand, up to he elbows in hot water and how rough and raw her hands were and how little Cam promised, promised her Grandma that when she got famous she would never have to do the dishes by hand again! the But sadly, her Grandma died of acute chafing right before Cam made it big and now it is her goal in life to make sure no one suffers like her Grandma, ever again!

She will shuffle off the cry prettily into Dane Cook or Vin Diesel while Tom Hanks takes the stage to bring some gravitas to the proceedings to talk about how those of us at home can help out in this time of national need. And then Leo Dicaprio will take the stage and talk about how wasteful hand washing is and how it’s really important we do what we can to save water by using dishwashers and how dish washing detergent is poisoning the ground water...

And then Al Gore will take the stage and the celebrities will wet themselves with joy and then Al and the cast of High School Musical Goes To Broadway! will do a scene about the shame of dishpan hands and Al will be nominated for, and win a Tony and then Springsteen will take the stage and sing My Manicure In Ruin...

Yeah. Did I mention when I finished washing my dishes that I still had to plunge out the drain and that I found out where all the dirty water goes when it disappears down the drain? It goes directly to the dishwasher where it quickly over flows onto the kitchen floor.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

I am totally drunk off power. Drunk with power am I.

First I made Lowes Hardware my bitch then I called the city about the drug dealers half-assed job boarding up his windows, more on that later and then I decided I was tired of playing thread the needle every time I had to back my car out of the drive way, so I called the landlord of the renters across the street and told him to tell his tenants to get their cars out of the street and onto their perfectly serviceable and under utilized drive way. Damn it.

The landlord told me to call the city and tell them about the abandoned cars in the street. I told him I wanted them moved not towed, I mean, maybe, as a last resort, but getting their cars towed just sounds mean. I’m not mean, I’m empowered. It’s different. He said he had spoken to them about before and he would speak to them again. I hope he speaks to them soon and also reminds them their cars are parked in what is for a few hours a day, a no-parking zone because I’d rather not have to call in the city... again.

I just called them Monday afternoon about the drug dealers hulk and they called me back at 8:15 yesterday morning to tell me what they had done so far. The house has been sold and the closing is October 1. The soon-to-be owner is planing to “pull permits from all four shelves and gut the place, totally remodel it". I complained about the unboarded up front door and they said they can’t make anyone board the front door unless it gets kicked in. A lot. The first floor windows have to be boarded with at least 1/8 inch plywood in good condition. I told them the the rotted fiber board was not "in good condition". The city guy said he would talk to the new owner about that.

So. It was for sale. Who would have known. There was no sign, I never saw a realtor. I know it didn’t go for auction because they notify the neighbors when that happens. I think it was just passed to one of the drug dealers relatives. For all I know I’m trading one kind of drug dealer for another, or the new relative could turn it from a drug house to a cat house, prostitution not being unheard of in the area. I’m all about the positive thought.

I knew the drug dealer. I knew is name and his business. He knew that he was watched all day everyday from every angle and that nonsense would not be tolerated. It didn’t matter if he was in Toronto when it happened, his damn door was going to get kicked in regardless. He made sure there was no nonsense and we didn’t have his door kicked in but one or two times. We had a detente of sorts.

Who knows about this new person. The houses on our street aren’t old or charming enough to draw in the urban pioneer types and their attendant gentrification, we draw in absentee landlord types and their attendant urban blightification. As much as gentrifying the neighborhood appeals to me, I'd settle for a little renewal.

In preparation for our new neighbors, I’m teaching Dogger to get up on her hind legs and look out the windows. This allows her to be almost six feet tall and I like the idea of her looking out the window and looking people in the face. I think of it as a deterrent. I don’t know who is going to live next door but I do know I want them to be aware of who and lives here and what awaits them if they get too close - they’ll wish it was just the loud cop alerting bugler alarm. Dogger doesn’t ask for passwords.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Yay! The TV is back!

I waiting for my No Pudge! brownies to come out of the oven- because I can’t think of a better time to bake something than when my kitchen sink is constipated and my dishwasher is on strike. Who knew that dishwashers were members of the UAW?

I’m hoping to really enjoy my lovely chocolate brownies and to not taste them and decided that they are really full of shite. Just in case I’m keeping some frosting on standby.

Well, they're out of the oven. They don’t taste bad, it’s just that I’m used to tasting more. I’m sure they will taste much better after I slather them with pink frosting. Doesn’t everything taste better after it has been slathered with pink frosting?

The directions said to use yogurt but if you didn’t have yogurt you could use apple sauce instead but I’m thinking I should have used sweetened apple sauce. The brownies feel all right and really, the only way to eat a brownie is right out of the oven. Every third or fourth bite reminds me of a brownie, but I don’t know if it’s because it fleetingly tasted like a brownie or if it’s a really sense memory of a past brownie coming to the surface. They certainly look like brownies.

Maybe I should have gone with one of their flavored varieties. You know? I checked the web site and it looks like they have quite a few different varieties, the ones they sell at the nicer grocery stores. I’m actually surprised I found them on the shelf at my grocery at all and it wasn’t easy. They were as hidden as any product has ever been. I’m pretty sure they weren’t even faced forward. The only reason I even saw it was I caught a glimpse of a piggy and I thought Damn! Truth in Advertising in the dessert aisle! Most of what they sell at my grocery seems be have been made in league with the less desirable elements of the diabetic supply industry - They have done their market research they know who shops there. They want to make sure that they catch everyone they can. If being force fed sweetened ice tea all your life doesn’t do you in, they’ll find other ways : They’ll put sugar in the batter you deep fry your main course in.

Other than the faux brownies, which I think are like that fake coffee they sold during the war, chicory? They are chicory chocolate brownies. The smell of a new TV season is in the air. In my house it smells of left overs because I’m pretty sure I’m not watching anything that wasn’t on the air last year. There could be all kinds of good things out there but I don’t watch reruns (much) and since about June, if it wasn’t advertised on HGTV I wasn’t going to find out about it. Monday night I watched CSI Miami and cursed Aaron Sorkin for being such an ass the TV industry killed his how out of spite. If he were nicer I would have watched the second season premiere of Studio 60, but No, he must be some sort of enormous asshole so I had to watch CSI Miami instead.

Last night was better. I hate FAUX but I lurve Bones and House. I did not love the Boston Legal 90 minute opening though, don’t they know I do not have time to watch my 30 Rock DVDs much less to watch taped TV shows? I mean, really. They should have asked first.

Tonight is CSI-NY and I can’t wait. Thursday is even better with My Name is Earl and Without a Trace returns. I don’t want to miss E.R either but I haven’t seen when it is coming back. Saturday SNL is back for it’s 33rd season and next Thursday 30 Rock... I’m going to be busy! I wonder if I could duct tape Dogger to the exercise bike?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hey! In order to make you not think about the fact that I have no entry for today, I instead have new pictures to show you!

2007 Raleigh Street Painting Festival, in case you didn't go yourself or you live in South Africa and just couldn't make it to town.

Fun with editing software! It's real life only realer.

"Recycled" , anything, when looked at in the right light can be better than it is.

In three months it will be Christmas Day.

Monday, September 24, 2007

What a dick!

Bush to skip UN Climate change meeting

Saturday Morning I awakened to the sounds of construction. My first thought was Yea! Someone is fixing up the drug dealers house Woo-Hoo! my second thought was It better not be 6:30am, ‘cause I will kick some ones ass for hammering four feet away from my head at this hour, no matter how good the cause.

I am so naive.

They weren’t fixing up the house. They were boarding up the windows. The drug dealers house not longer a “house” it is now a hulk. Thank You Drug Dealer! It’s just what I wanted next door. If there is one thing worse than a successful drug house in the neighborhood, it’s a boarded up hulk of a drug house in the neighborhood. It’s a contagion, it spreads faster than teen pregnancy though a junior high.

Later, I went out to shoot dirty looks at it. I also checked to see if it was all the windows boarded up and not just the ones on the one side - The fascia has rotted through and the down spouts have fallen apart and I was going with the idea that perhaps they had just decided that that wing of the house was no longer habitable. Again, I am very naive. The desire to think positive thoughts sometimes gets in the way of dealing with reality. At times, this is a good thing. Other times it is just a tool to evade reality. I would love to think about the drug dealers drug house being officially abandoned and boarded up, but I would prefer to see it as some form of home improvement. edited to add, I checked more closely, the front door is not boarded up. Do you think if I called the city and alerted them to it, and asked politly, if they would burn the muffer fuffer down for me?

Speaking of home improvement. The Washer works! Broskey came over, waved his hands over the front of it and lo and behold, the washer works like it is supposed to. Shockingly, without bracing in place it doesn’t hop skip or jump during regular operation. Still though, I felt that I needed to supervise the first cycle just to make sure. Have you ever watched an otherwise healthy washing machine go through a wash cycle? I went between thinking Wow! Look at it working! It’s so cool! Go machine, Go! Spin baby! Spin! Woo-Hoo! and How long does it take to do a load of wash? Did the old machine take this long too? Is this taking too long? Should I worry?. I shouldn't have. Everything was fine. Woo-Hoo!!

I let it do the second load in privacy. I even left the house while it was running. I bought a new toothbrush.

Later on, secure with the knowledge that my washer was going to work and life was back to normal - I was emptying the dishwasher and I noticed a lot of water in the bottom of it. Dogger took that moment to ask to go out, I picked up her leash from the kitchen floor where it lives and I noticed it was damp. I put it out of my mind and took the dog out. I came back inside and studied the buttons on the front dishwasher. I pressed one marked “clear” and it made the machine very quickly go through a cycle. I imagined it draining the water, again with the naivete!. It turns out I have a vivid imagination and a problem with my dishwasher. I noticed that the water was not draining and was in fact being added to. IT was then I noticed my sink filling with water as well and there was a lake spreading across my kitchen floor.

First I grabbed a plunger and plunged the hell of the sink drain,- it is not an official sink plunger, but in an emergency it doesn’t matter what is backed up or which floor is flooding, any plunger will do. The water in the sink stopped backing up and the water in the bottom of the dishwasher found it's own level and stopped filling and the flood of water from the machine slowed to a trickle. I found something to bale out the dishwasher and used towels to sop up the rest that I could not bale out. The interior of the washer was dry but my kitchen rug was submerged. I moped it up and turned a fan on.

I went to watch TV.

The only major appliances the gals on Sex and The City had any issues with were the men in their lives. We did have one thing in common though, thanks to my new toothbrush, I think my gums reached orgasm, twice.

Read it live it learn it

When bad things happen to marginal nursing homes

3 Rules for placeing your loved one in a home:

1. If it's operated by a chain, walk away.
2. Non profits only
3. Know the difference between Assisted Livings (Adult Care Homes) and Skilled Nursing facilities. SNF's have 24 hour hot and cold running nurses and ACH's do not.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


Saturday, September 22, 2007


Friday, September 21, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


Dogger was completely out of dog food. I was reduced to using the freebie bags of puppy chow I got at the dog fair and while those little bags may represent a full meal for a puppy, the look Dogger gave me when presented with same told me that she felt that the contents of those freebie bags did not indeed represent a full meal for her.

My response was that at least she had something to eat and not only did she have something to eat it was actual dog food to eat and not my other option which was feeding her cat food and lieing about it. Or even worse, not feeding her at all. If she gave me dirty looks when her rations were cut, I bet she would have really laid it on thick if they had been absent altogether. To add insult to injury, I was running out of homemade dog treats too.

I spent my lunch hour shopping for replacement food and store bought dog treats before Dogger put any real thought into her Oliver Twist routine. While I was trying to find the dog food section, I walked past a Rice-A-Roni display.

I found where they hid the dog food and went about checking ingredients to make sure that the melamine was way, way, way down the list of ingredients. I found one where there was an acceptable distance it and the fly ash and headed to the checkout . On the way I walked past the Rice-A-Roni display.10 for $10. That’s a lot of Rice-A-Roni. You could treat all of San Francisco

When I was growing up my Mother had made it often and it had morphed into comfort food. In the early 90s the makers of RaR were experimenting with selling it by the tub and letting the consumer make their own suggestions about serving size. I guess somebody somewhere had felt tyrannized by leftovers or felt creatively stifled by too small servings the manufacturer made available.

The RaR made me think of the grocery store down the street from my college apartment and how I used to walk down there and get my little groceries and go home and make my dinner in my kitchen . For me, RaR tastes like independence...But ten boxes would taste like anarchy, so I picked up two boxes and took on a very devil-may-care attitude about hurrying back to work after lunch.

There may be light at the end of the washing machine tunnel. I called Frigidaire and told them my tale of woe. They told me that their machines do not leave the factory with epilepsy and they should not shake like mine have. They asked me to remove the kick plate in the front and check if there were two bronze colored braces in the front and if so to remove them as they being in place was what was causing the shaking. They are supposed to be removed when the machine is installed and anyone who reads the installation manual would know that. She seemed genuinely shocked that four different Lowes installers as well as the appliance department manager were not familiar with the manual.

I tried to remove the braces but they are really bolted down good and I’m not mechanical enough to get them unbolted. Broskey is going to come over to muscle them out of the way. When the machine is working, I am going to be calling the Lowes help line again and I'm going to make sure Senior Management knows why they had to bring me two machines out to me and how they broke one and almost broke a second and how exactly how it is that five separate Lowes Employees charged with installing my machines had never read the manual. “Professional Installation” my ass.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

They spin me right round baby, right round

Well. That was anti-climatic.

The new machine was supposed to be delivered "After 4pm". It was delivered "before 9pm". The delivery guys were better prepared and seemed to know more about the machine. Good.

The Bad.

It still walks - but I didn't find that out until it wouldn't spin and I became concerned. I read the book and as per directions I added to the load. That solved the not-spinning problem but it also alerted me to the walking/spinning/jumping problem. Today, I call Frigidaire. Their number by the way, not included on any of the literature that came with the machine.

I am so tired.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My Good Experience with Lowes

When they take away my broken machine this afternoon, they are bringing me a new machine! Yay!!
Happiness is a Cool Front

Update on the Lowes Situation: I called their consumer support number and had a very nice conversation with a operator who felt my pain. I told her everything, from the discovering the delivery fee to my epiphany about my price point to my declaration of love to my front loader to the two stooges who delivered the machine, to the manager who came to fix it and didn’t, to my dissatisfaction with the outcomes of my phone calls back to the mother ship and the machines ultimate sinking at sea .

She told me that it sounds like I got a raw deal and that she was going to send on the (lengthy) transcript of our conversation to the stores “senior management” and that within the next 24 hours the stores senior manager or someone who works withe the senior management will be getting with me . My lemon might get turned into lemon aid.

I’ll let you know what happens.

Shockingly, there are other things going on in my life. For instance, we had an unscheduled fire drill the other day, and while we were standing around, one by one, we noticed we were cold. Yesterday? I wore pants to work! I’ve worn skirts every day since last May as way to counter act the heat, and it worked, I was comfortable nearly all the time. The thing with pants though also raises the dreaded specter of hard shoes and stockings. I miss going barefoot all ready. But it is getting cooler, I went out Yesterday morning with the dog and it was nippy.

Daisy, for her part welcomes our new cooler weather overlords. Another sign it’s getting cooler, the parking lot at the park is full at 5pm and the place is full of dogs. I’ve seen people over the last few days that I haven’t seen since last spring. Everyone is emerging from their summer hibernation and getting back to their real lives.

For months at 5pm the lot would be all but empty and all three dogs would be panting under the picnic table or face down in a water jug. Two cooler days in a row and all of a sudden they are remembering that tennis balls have uses in addition to being gnawed on. The dogs seem really surprised to find themselves running and playing - after months of just panting .They were just, so, so pathetic. The other night they staged a little homecoming parade that snaked all the way around the park and culminated with a crowning of a King, a yellow lab named Clifford and a Queen, a young bulldog mix named Emma - followed by a catered dinner and dancing.

It hasn’t gotten cool enough for The Kitty to remember that I have uses other than as a kibble provider. In a month or so he’s going to break up with the futon and be my very best friend ever. It is a double edged sword though, I’m pretty sure I started watching CSI Miami because he was sleeping on the remote and I didn’t want to disturb him. It also makes it hard to do stuff around the house, he jumps up and suddenly I just can’t get up and empty the dishwasher or fold that laundry like I was planning. It’s like “Yep, here I go to do some chores! Oh, damn the Kitty is asleep in my lap! Guess I’ll have to watch the last few minutes of Two and a Half Men instead! and I really wanted to vacuum the hallway too!”. But it’s okay, I’m willing to make the sacrifice for my pets.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

My Bad Experience With Lowes

The washing machine and I are done . Let me start from the beginning.

Saturday morning my phone rang at 8:45 am. The voice on the other end of the phone told me the truck would be at my house anytime between now and 11:00am. Needless to say, this got my attention and I hurriedly got up and dressed and ready. I looked out the window, the truck was not in my driveway. Okay “now” obviously was a little premature. Perhaps “soon”. I tidied in anticipation. I put away, cleaned up, disposed of everything that needed to be put away, cleaned up and disposed of before my new washer arrived. I even took a picture of the old machine.

And I waited. And the truck came! And there was joy throughout the land. The washing machine had landed.

Out with the old and in with the new. Yay! For my awesome shopping prowess! I came, I saw what I wanted and I got it! I was empowered! I was so proud of me.

And the guys fumbled around with the installation and I didn’t mind because my prize had arrived. I was gleeful. And the guys were really nice. They couldn’t install a washing machine to save their damn lives, but they were really nice. They left their drill.

And I called Lowes to tell them. And I loaded my new washer. And it washed! And then it spun. It nearly spun right off the platform.Nureyev couldn’t have achieved such leaps. Dorothy Hamel didn’t spin that fast.

The guys came back for their drill. I told them they could have their drill back after they leveled my machine. They asked if I had a level. I do not deliver large appliances, I do not carry my own level.

We all watched the machine jump and bounce. They agreed it was excessive. When the cycle was finished, they put new feet on it. As it turns out, the put new feet on it incorrectly.

They left.

I did another load. And the spinning and the bouncing and the jumping were back. I tried not to cry.

I called Lowes later that day to tell them that the machine was not level and I wanted them to send me someone who actually knew something about washer installation to come to my house. The guys were swell but they didn’t know what they were doing.

The prick on the phone said - “We don’t have a maintenance department, I can send out delivery guys...What do yew want me to dew??”.

Me - I took a deep breath and swallowed my first response... I told them I wanted them to “SEND ME SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT THE MACHINE AND I WANT THEM TO CORRECTLY INSTALE IT. And they should bring their own level.”

The prick on the phone said : He would leave a message with the day appliance manager and he would get back to me.

I said : “When”

The prick on the phone said - “I don’t know, he’ll schedules some guys in the morning”

I said : “To Come When? I have plans”

The prick on the phone : That’s up to him.

Me - Fine, thankyouforyourtimeGoodbye,.

Sunday morning I called them to see when I could expect them to come. Alphagals birthday party was at 4pm and I was not going to miss it because of these yoyos. . I call back and am told that the appliance manager himself is going to come instale my machine and he will be there soon. “Soon” became one o’clock. He said the delivery guys were part timers and that they put the replacement feet on wrong. He put the original feet back on. We turned the machine on. It worked flawlessly.

He left.

I went on with my life.

Monday night I needed to launder some jeans and a pair of socks.

The machine. The machine. You know The Exorcist? Like that only without the vomit. It literally tore itself apart. I called Lowes and told them to pick up their machine.

The appliance guy said he would just send out a replacement. I said that would be great. He said he would call me back after he spoke with his managers. Time passes. He calls back and tells me that I can’t have that model replaced because I got a deal on it, but if I could come by that evening or this morning, I could pick out a different one. I told him I didn’t want a different one. I want this one. He said that would not be possible unless I wanted to pay full price. I told him that would not be possible. I asked if they wanted me to come in to choose among the machines I did not want for the one I do not want the least? He said that is what I would do. I told him to take the charge off my card. I told them If I can’t have same model for the same price then our business is done. I told them they could come and get their lemon. I would go elsewhere, that is what I will do.

I ran the machine through the cycle with nothing in it. It turns out that my washing machine works flawlessly, as long as it’s empty. I will be starting over somewhere else and I will be writing a letter to Lowes detailing all the items I have bought from them in the past and all the items I won't be buying from them in the future.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Things that make you go Hmmmmm

WRAL is parked in front of our building and nobody knows why.

edited to add - Some nursing home did something dumb.
Live Blogging the Emmy Results

I was totally going to live blog every moment of the Emmy’s but they got out of the gate really fast.

Everyone Love Raymond guy was really funny, I had no idea he was funny - I watched the show a few times and never got that from it . So far, everyone has looked like they were aware they were going to be seen on TV, although, Thomas Hayden Church didn’t and talked about taking a pee. Jamie Presley made a nice speech. I didn’t know I wanted Kevin Dillon to win for Entourage until Piven won. Anyway. I’m not sure I’m into the host, whathisname from American Idiot, I don’t feel him. The Everybody Loves Raymond guy would be a better choice. Not as weaselly.

Damn, missed a cute thing with House and Ellen Degeneres. The selection of non- sequiturs from nighttime talk shows was, um, why? I’m sure it looked good on paper. In practice, not so much.

WTF! Where is there a list of the nominations? Entertainment Weekly just kind of hit the high points and skipped all these. I went looking a minute ago, but they to have pulled them from the internets. Bastards.

I’m not sure that I think of the In The Round set design. Proscenium stages are better, I think for this kind of thing, all right, pretty much anything. I don’t like theater in the round because those seated on the wrong side only see the backsides of the people on stage. Plus, no one on stage is comfortable.

Queen Latifah remembers Roots, Queen Latifah, Really?. Queen reads us Roots "share" - very high, and its ratings, very high. She tells us that Roots is the third highest rated show ever, behind the last episodes of MASH and Seinfeld. There has to be more than just what share they got and their ratings. This is lame. Cisley Tyson comes to kick Queens ass off the stage. The overwhelming white audience stands and applauds guiltily for the surviving cast members of Roots, who then present the Emmy to a western

What did Alan Taylor say in German?

Never promise your dog dinner if you aren’t ready to give it dinner right now . Speaking of “right now”, they aren’t wasting a lot of time with this show. They are going to end on time if it kills someone. I guess it would be too much to ask that it be the host.

9:19pm - Not enough awards presented yet to really say if the gowns are bad this year or not. It might help if I was actually able to see the screen though, there could be flashes of very bad gowns and I'm missing them, but thus far nobody sounds as though they are wearing anything really tacky. I did see Hayden Pan-whatver and she could have been dressed a little more age apropriately, she’s only 18. Come on. And why was Doogie doing the presenting in character? The actor isn’t even into girls. What are all the presenters doing it in character? Why?

I watched the Tony Bennett thing, and it was good, I liked it. I guess when you are as big a star as Tony Bennett you can tell the timer guys to screw themselves.

No, I still don’t care about the accountants.

Mark Harmon has aged since St. Elsewhere. Damn. I wonder how they decide who has to not show up? I mean, they must, this year Judy Davis won and Ricky Gervace, both English? is it a plot? I mean how could they otherwise have so much extra time to fellate American Idiot? Yes, they told their impressionable, easily manipulated viewers to send them money. I guess we should be happy they donated it to a good cause. Was it one they made up or did they pick one all ready doing business? FAUX is evil. Aways think about that.

The girl from Weeds needs to act a lot less bored or is she acting as though the is high? she's on a show about weed ya know. Oddly, the other two actresses do not try to get her to confess or go about sueing her. Dumb idea.

Okay, waste of time 3. What does The Jersey Boys have to do with outstanding TV performance 2006-2007? But this isn’t the first time they have used Broadway in vain, but it has been used better. Several years ago they did a scene from The Piano Lesson or Two Trains Running and it brought the house down and the audience to its feet. Sadly, post Jersey Boys the house, it stands, the audience, it sits.

The Cast of The Sopranos is introduced. The audience loses it’s mind. Gawd! They are just actors! the audience is full of actors! Sit down!, and then to commercial. Okay, they brought them out for nothing. What a waste.

And we're back. Nice dress on Ms. Mirron.

Louis Black comes to rant about how bad TV is. Louis is mad about distracting promos, the “bugs” in the corner of the screens and the lack of credits, and he hates the crawls too. He also hates the studio suits because they have very bad ideas. Duh.

Cold Case girl has a nice dress. Red is a popular color for gowns this year. It’s about time. Black, is dignified, black is dressy, black is boring.

Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Something - Al Gore , Current TV .Al Gore is everywhere. The audience loves Al Gore. They have never heard of Current TV.

Tony Bennett has been up to the stage so often that he is now down thanking the sponsor of his show.

Elaine Striches dress is not nice. Yuck.

Ryan Seacrest dressed as Henry the 8th., he says he thinks he looks gay . Well, not going to argue. The little remember the lyrics thing is kind of entertaining. I can feel this. It’s actually funny and the audience is paying attention and seems involved. Funny and well done.

Huge crowd to accept Best Competitive Reality. Big crowd does not translate to more time for acceptance. They got dunned for taking so long to get everybody on stage. Emmy is a harsh mistress.

The audience loves Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. But this little scene kind of sucks. Get on with the presentation.

Outstanding Lead actor in a comedy series - Ricky Gervase, Extras

What! Alec Baldwin wuz robbed, he showed up he should have his trophy. Everyone knows that Extras sucked last year. Sally Field supports Mothers. Sally babbles about the war, the war is bad? She also supports the war, or she doesn't and feels bad for the mothers. What did she say?! The cut off Sally Field. FAUX strikes again. Poor Sally! No more awards for you.

Ugly Betty wins best female lead comedy, I wanted Tina Fey!

The most clinical awards show ever. The girl in the Grays Anatomy spin off wore very bad hair. James Spader!?, I like him, but over James Galdafini? Hugh Laurie? That sucks. But then, Emmy grabs it's relevancy back - 30 Rock wins for best comedy! The audience is thrilled. Very happy. So am I.

Do all shows have the Best Cast/Crew in the world? Helen Miren presenting for best drama doesn't realize that not everybody is watching at home on TV, the audience there can not read the card, she has to read it out loud for them. David Chase - "If the world was run by gangsters? Maybe it is".

Over 11:11 pm.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Emmy Results

8:01 pm start.

Best Supporting Actor Drama - Terry O’Quin, Lost
Best Supporting Actor Comedy - Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Best Supporting Actress Comedy - Jamie Pressley, My Name is Earl
Best Something, Mini-Series - Thomas Hayden Church Broken Trail
Best Supporting Actress Drama - Katherine Heigl, Grays Anatomy
Best Evening Talk Show, writing? (or whatever) - Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Directing for a Musical/Comedy/Variety Program - Bob Marshall, Tony Bennett an American Classic
Outstanding Lead Actor in Mini-Series or Movie - Robert Duval, Broken Trail
Outstanding Mini-Series - Broken Trail
Outstanding Directing in a Drama - Allen Taylor, The Sopranos
Outstanding Writing in a Drama - David Chase, The Sopranos
Outstanding Varity/ Music/ Comedy - The Daily Show
Outstanding V/M/C Special - Tony Bennett, An American Classic
Outstanding Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie - Judy Davis, The Starter Wife
Outstanding Made for TV Movie - Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie - Helen Miran Prime Suspect
Outstanding Directing Made for TV Movie - Prime Suspect
Outstanding Writing Mini-Series/Movie Drama - Prime Suspect
Outstanding Interactive Something - Al Gore, Current TV
Outstanding Individual performance in a M/V/C - Tony Bennett.
Outstanding Directing Comedy - Richard Sheppard, Ugly Betty
Outstanding Writing Comedy - Greg Daniels, The Office
Outstanding Competitive Reality - The Amazing Race
Outstanding Male Lead in Comedy Series - Ricky Gervace Extras
Outstanding Female Lead Drama - Sally Field Brothers and Sisters
Outstanding Female Lead Comedy - America Ferrera , Ugly Betty
Outstanding Lead Male Drama - James Spader, Boston Legal
Outstanding Comedy Series - 30 Rock
Outstanding Drama Series - The Sopranos

Saturday, September 15, 2007


* grrrrrrr.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


I don’t know what you’re going to be doing this weekend, but I am going to be admiring my new washing machine! And after that I’m going to do laundry! .

I think tonight I’m going to tidy the basement so the delivery guy knows that all his hard work lugging the machine through the back yard and down a flight of steps is for a good cause. I mean, I’m not going to go crazy or anything, but I’m definitely going to man up and evict the enormous spider and its web currently blocking the basement door and I’ll even get rid of the dead bug bodies on the basement floor and if I remember in time, I’ll even take down lasts week laundry. I’m pretty sure those tee shirts are dry by now.

Dogger and I had a very successful park day too. Wednesday there was a stressed out little Jack Russell mix there and it really messed with the park vibe. It just barked a lot and was given to snarling without much provocation and... And if Dogger is in a mood, she gets dissed very easily. She can be more easily offended then your average street thug and it wouldn’t even have to be the little dog, it just takes one dog with an attitude problem to make all the other dogs think that they can let their inner Jack Russell mix out too.

This was a very vicious little dog. I thought whatever it was mixed with was pure D evol but I found out that a couple years ago it had gotten into a pasture and it got kicked in the head by a horse and hadn’t been the same since. I felt bad for calling it evol. I mean, who knows what it thought was going on when it met Dogger at the gate and snarled at her through the fence. Maybe it was having a flash back, Dogger is very tall.

The nicer part of met decided that the little dog was probably really hurt when Dogger turned tail and hid behind me. The little dog probably thought he was giving a friendly greeting to the big dog and was really hoping she could be his friend. His big buddy. Sadly, all Dogger heard was snarl salad. I kept Dogger close to me while were there because the little brain damaged dog kept picking fights kind of indiscriminately and I didn’t want to have to remove the little thing from her head. Dogger would totally have worn it as a hat

Later on, after we left the park and post dinner, Dogger and I took a walk just so we could visit our kitties. It was good for both of us. They are just so damn cute.

Thursday night at the park was much more successful running and playing-wise and Dogger had a better, more active time. We left a little early so that after dinner we would still have daylight to go see our kitties. I even brought my camera, but we were there too early. The kitties were still where ever they are when they aren’t out playing. Maybe it was nap time or they could have been out front with the other cats, it was hard to tell. They’re just so teeny and easily camouflaged by other cats or leaves or tall grass.... and I feel really weird about prowling around a strangers house. Sigh. Dogger did get some nice attention from a little girl on our way to visit the kitties and that made both of them, the little girl and the great big Dogger, very happy.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Well. I had about a half way written entry, it was good it was about cats, I was pleased. But I was also lazy. I said “Hmmm. I think I had a something that would work here, I cut it from another entry and if I could find it, since I saved it, I could use it here! Yay!”. Well.

That was a mistake.

When I started to flip through various documents on my desktop, yes I keep things on my desk top, I don’t want to have look for things, I want things right in front of me. Well. Now I have a new appreciation for typewriters.

Typewriters don’t magically “forget” the page and half you just finished. Typewriters don’t eat documents because they're feeling peckish . What you see in front of you is what you get. There is no way for your typewriter to make whole documents just disappear. Once it’s there, its there. You, your very own self have to lose the document, it is totally up to you, the sentient being to lose your document. Your typewriter is not going to help you do it. You can do all kinds of stupid and it’s all up to you. The typewriter is simply being a tool. Because it can, because you can't get the internet on your typwriter.

Your computer is also a tool (see difintion #20). A tool of the devil.

Your computer thinks text documents are boring. It wants to edit home movies or download I-Tunes or send and receive viruses. It wants to be involved it wants to stay engaged and interested. Do not bore your computer. A bored computer is a mean computer is a computer that does not practice “auto save”.

My computer is very mean. I was right in the middle of a treatise on kitties, I mean, undomesticated house cats, what I really mean is an in-depth profile of a feral cat community or whatever they call large groups of feral cats living together and their social mores and strictures, system of beliefs. No. In real life?, it was pretty much about baby kitties.

Dogger and I have been walking past this house for the last couple of months, infrequently, as it’s too hot for walks and the park is more fun. But anyway, on our infrequent walks, we go past this house that seems to have evolved into some sort of home for wayward cats or the homeowners innocently started with one or two outdoor cats that they forget to get fixed and then it kind of got out of hand or it’s some sort of new kind of curb appeal thing. I know the cats have had some sort of influence on them, their carport used to be filled with boxes and now its carpeted with paper plates and plastic water bowls. I mean, at least they cleaned up the boxes - those were real eyesores.

The kitties, erm, cats are at least cute and I have noticed that there are no more rats in that houses ornamental ivy. Yay for environmentally friendly vector control! Go kitties!

Anyway. The cats have been strictly in the front yard, front walk, driveway, shrubbery, rain gutters.... They are pretty territorial that way. And despite the numbers that live there, you really have to look for them and the ones you can find don’t seem to move around much and could be just really, really good yard art. Ever changing, occasionally reproducing, yard art. I guess that one of the pieces decided to take it’s, or most likely her show on the road, or at least the side yard.

Dogger and I found some little emigres before she went all Psychic Friends and I wandered into Law and Order .In retrospect, we should have stayed with the kitties longer.

Last night, we went back. I think we bonded. The kitties aren’t even close to being cats yet. They aren’t even “small”, they are smaller than small, they are wee. And I think they may be orphans and I know they live in a storm drain. Which thus far has been fine, after all it hasn’t rained in their lifetimes but I’m really afraid that their lives are going to end with the drought.

Also, I named one.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Who knew it was water soluble.

Putin dissolves Russian government

Two powerful earthquakes reported in Indonesia with preliminary magnitudes of 7.8 and 8.0. Tsunami alert issued.
What Happens in Southeast Raleigh stays Southeast Raleigh

A few weeks ago, I took a break from my routine and walked Dogger to the post office and I ran across a crime scene. I would prefer that people limit the shooting of associates to areas that do not intersect with my dog walking routes. Of course, ideally, I would prefer that instead of shooting their associates that the gun- toting members of society would learn other means of teaching object lessons to other members of their community. Or at least less lethal lessons, does no one play the dozens anymore? Can’t we just insult each others Mama’s? Do we need to pop caps into one another? Can’t we all just not shoot one another where I might come across it?

Okay, back to now.

Monday night, Dogger and I were on our walk. I was going to go get a milkshake. “We” didn’t want to get a milkshake. I was going to make her, she’s a dog, she doesn’t get to decide our itineraries. I changed my mind. I walked back to the house and dropped her off. I went to get my milkshake. I should have stayed at home. My dog is a damn psychic.

I walked up to the window and I had to wait. I glanced behind me and see a cop car on Tarboro with it’s lights on. It was behind a black sporty looking car with some fake looking cop lights in the back window. I thought the cop car was pulling the sports car over for the blinky lights. They both turned their lights off. A black minivan pulled out of Tarboro and lit out very fast. The cop cards were still going in the other direction and hadn’t turned around yet. The girl finally came to the window to take my order, I place it and...


I screamed. The Cook Out menu sign was in the way and I couldn’t see what happened. I thought it was a gun shot, I thought the black minivan shot someone. The cops were by this time in pursuit.

The girls in the kitchen ran to the other drive through window and started to freak out. I looked around the sign and saw a crumpled SUV and a guy getting out of it. Another guy was running towards it. I smelled gas and became afraid the SUV was going to blow up. But then it didn’t. I had a phone with me and I called 911. And it rang and rang and rang. I had just called Alphagal and I thought maybe I hit redial by mistake. I didn’t. 911 finally picked up and I told them what happened.. I also told them I could hear sirens, 911 hung up.

The sirens were more cops. 911 was Not helpful. Behind the smashed SUV was a minivan on it’s side.

Cops were talking to it.

A crowd had gathered. The crowd felt that the van should be righted. The lady in passenger side needed to not be under the car like she was. Rumor had it she couldn’t breath or was having trouble breathing. The ambulance and fire trucks arrived. The cops told us to get back. And they asked for witnesses.

The crowd was really swelling by this time. It was like a ghoulish block party.

The one real witness stood out. She didn’t look interested, she looked horrified. A white woman. The people in the cars were white. I was asked if I was with them. A guy I was standing next to decided the cops were chasing the minivan and the police were to blame. I set him right. The asshole in the minivan was to blame. The guy told the cops I was a witness. They had me stand inside the police tape.

I watched the firemen hack at the vans’ roof with axes.

The cop decided I wasn’t really a witness. He then told the crowd if we didn’t leave right now he was going to start arresting us. The Drug Dealers crazy sister walked up, she was there because she had seen the unmarked chasing the minivan down our street.

I went home. Not one damn word about it anywhere. A suspect flees from the police and causes what could very well be a fatal accident and then leads the police on a high speed chase through a residential area. Not one damn word.

If it happened in lillywhite Cary? A newsbreak at the very least. My search did uncover a accident, in Cary! it took place at the exact same time. In Cary. No injuries, no police chase. Newsworthy!

I never did find out what happened to the guy that got shot. Vegas has nothing on Southeast Raleigh.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

So. Six years later.

I was trying to decided what I was going to post today and we all know what today is, The Day started with:

World trade center damaged; unconfirmed reports say a plane has crashed into tower. Details to come.

And we all know how it ended. 2996 dead, New York, Washington and the feild in Pennslvaina in flames. Then, Afghanistan, Iraq, Gitmo, the train bombings in Spain, the subway bombings in London. Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Gonzales . All gone, none forgotten.

Monday, September 10, 2007

It was the best of weekends, it was the worst of weekends...

It was the best because I got a phenomenal deal on the clothes washer of my dreams, it was the worst of weekends because Dogger lost a “Cutest Dog” contest at a dog fair to a six week old puppy . Dogger was able to excel at the one task they didn’t have a contest for “Most number of vendor tables overturned in pursuit of treats”.

We did get some good free stuff and after we got home Dogger soothed her damaged ego by destroying her freebie tennis ball.

I told her she was totally the cutest full grown dog there, and I went out to shop.

I went out in search of the lowest priced washer, A.K.A. the only washer on the market in my price range. I looked at many, many white boxes that did essentially the same thing but the pricey ones did that thing with up to 9 different settings of agitation, four different water levels and six different water temperatures . I have never been in the market for a washer before and I was shocked at how mkuch they cost, It’s one thing to idly window shop, it's quite another to go in there with your wallet in hand.

I found three models that I could live with. The cheapest, the second cheapest and the cheapest expensive model they had. I went and looked at the front loaders and cried. They use almost no energy at all and much less water and are completely out of my budget. They don’t even come in the hateful, Earth depleting white boxes either, they only come in pale green. The one I would have bought if I could was autographed by Al Gore and the literature (on recycled paper) promised it would be delivered in a prius flatbed. Sigh.

I found an appliance section guy and he told me many, many things about my three choices. I never wanted to know that much and frankly, he rattled all of it off so fast I couldn’t understand him anyway. I was really tired. I thanked him for his time and assured him I would get back with him when I made up my mind. This was when I started to read the little posters they had up. I discovered that unless I was planning on carting the machine home myself and hooking it up and had some clue as to what to do with the old machine, I was going to be charged $59 non-refundable, on top of any model under X amount but if you get a model over X amount there is no delivery charge.

And so I looked at cheapest model differently. You only cost $248 +, but then I have to add $59 onto that and if I am prepared to spend $307+, I might as well be looking at the $317+ model but then I have to add on $59 to that one to and if I am prepared to spend $376+ for a washer I should just suck it up and really look at the one that only costs $20 more and has no delivery charge, I will be getting $398 worth of machine, exactly what I paid for.. I am aware my logic is faulty. I am also aware that I did exactly what the store wanted me to do and is why they jack up the price of the cheaper models with the delivery fee in the first place. Store - 1 Me- 0 .

I also started to look at the machines energy star ratings. And I became very depressed. The cheapest model used a lot more energy, the second cheapest used even more and the most expensive model was the most efficient. But only barely. The ratings are from 113 on one end to 560 on the other. The cheapo ( see how I disparate it now?) Was around 389, the middle model was 423 and the most expensive was 336. And now I’m really freaking out.

The cheap one will cost be more in the long run, but, my bank balance is all about the short run and living in the now. My budget is finite. The machine won’t live forever but the old machine was a pretty good model in its day and it lived 15 years. El Cheapo was very well rated by consumer reports. So it could live indefinitely. It would cost me money and kill the environment for a very long time.

Obliviously, it took a long time for someone to come and assist me. I let El Cheap go and turned my back on the middle model - same story, same verses, same problems.

That left the Expensive One.

I went to go find someone to take my order. They took my order and asked when I wanted it. I said, “Um. Soon?” I was settling here, spending more than I had planed on a machine that I really wasn’t in love with... I wanted my machine now-er then later-er.

Them - So, when do you want delivery?

Me - I work, it would have to be after 5pm.

Them - We can do that! We deliver until 8pm! How would Monday be?

Me - It’s not Sunday, but I can do that.

Them - Okay! Oh. We don’t have anybody working Monday night...

And so my sales person began a very long phone discussion with some guy. It went on and on and on and they didn't have anyone Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday either. I was about to say, you know what? I’ll go to another store. And then my sales person got off the phone.

Them - The model you want is all ready sold. Let me tap furiously at my computer. I can see if we can ISP one for you from another store.

Me - That’s fine.

She called the guy back. He told her they couldn’t do it, He told her to check the next model up. I got excited thinking Upgrade City!

Them - Lets see if it’s in! $498!!

Me - No can do. Lets see what else you have. Oh, look $215.

Them - Oh.

She calls back to the guy and tells him I’m going with the $215. He is unhappy about this.

We looked around a little more. . We looked at the super efficient front loader of my dreams. $498.

Me - I like this one. You know, I would take this one for the price of my one true love over there that you don’t have in stock and that you promised me and that I need right now and that you can’t deliver right now and I’ve been standing here for days.

Them - Lets see.

She made a call. She made a sale. Them -1 Me 1.

I got a $500 front loader for the price of a standard machine. I was so overjoyed I told them they could delivery any time they wanted to! Front Loader! 113!! $398!!! Free delivery! Free Haul Away! It won’t be delivered until next Saturday. Them kinda 2 Me - 1, but still! the super efficient front loader of my dreams!!

Sunday, September 9, 2007


Saturday, September 8, 2007

Bring It On.

Gabrielle Moves Toward the Carolinas


Friday, September 7, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


Sorry, I would have been here soon but I was setting up my New TV!!. Okay, it’s not new new, but it is the only TV in the house that has no memory of the Clinton Administration . It was born and bred during the Bush Years, but it has always lived with good liberals and I can be pretty sure that FAUX News has never crossed it’s screen.

It’s very nice. It is a 2001 model! Sound old? The other TV was a 1984! The old TV couldn’t even recognize a DVD player. I’m pretty sure it could have carried on a relationship with a VCR, but I never pushed it. Old TV got and gets excellent reception with bunny ears and it has hook ups for a UHF antenna. New TV has it's own built in VCR but it doesn’t speak UHF and it doesn’t have it’s own set of antennae - it is however fluent in whatever the store brand TV top antennae I bought speaks, so it’s all good. And Yay! New TV!

But ya know what? There isn't a thing on network TV that I want to watch right now, when does the new season start?

All of that is going to be moot soon though, I think. I’m going to dump DishTV and go DirectTV or dump DirectTV and go DishTV. I can’t always remember which one I have. If HGTV was available without cable I would so dump who ever my provider is in a heart beat. However, Analogue is on the way o-u-t. The antenna are going to stop working very quickly and all TV’s are going to have to be on cable or cable substitute if you want to use them as TV’s and not very large paper weights. I really don’t want to deal with a new provider though. Time Warner has sent me mash notes for a while but I don’t return the feelings. I was with them in the past and I got hurt, they’re sneaky and they lie. I just want a new service that will be really sweet for the first couple of months and show it’s love by providing service even if it’s raining and I’ll be so touched by it’s thoughtfulness that I won’t even notice that it’s been two years and suddenly I’m paying three times what I was and then I’ll get all mad and they’ll counter by “giving” me the Sundance Channel, but then they’ll take away something like Bravo that while I don’t watch it a lot, I like knowing it’s there and replace it with nine channels of Disney crap, three “religious” stations and a few more home shopping channels.

Ideally, they would offer packages aimed at the child-free and those that prefer to get their religion the old fashioned way, by actually going to church. The people who watch those televised hustlers must feel so bad about not going to church, that they think they deserve to be screamed at . As a Catholic, I look at them and think “Damn. Ya’ll don’t even know about real evangelizing! I have two words for you: Spanish Inquisition, Ya’ll just tell people that if they don’t drink the cool-aid they are going to burn in hell after they die, We told them to drink up or burn here”. It’s always made The Church’s pro-life stance seem a little disingenuous to me, yeah, “Right to Life”, yeah, now.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Pink and Lavender hell

I needed to get some cards. Three birthdays and a funeral are looming and I need to be prepared. I’m not actually expecting to attend the funeral but I will be hitting two of the three birthdays.

My plan was to hit the conveniently located Hallmark, only I remembered they closed the conveniently located Hallmark and I would have to go to the less conveniently located Hallmark, but still not completely inconvenient Hallmark. When you aren’t going to send a gift: Send a genuine Hallmark embossed envelope.

Less conveniently located, and it was also closed. Onward to the completely inconvenient Hallmark.

On the way there I remembered that there was a Target in the same shopping center and made an executive decision : I would buy the cards at Target instead.

Poverty Barn usually takes care of my greeting card needs but I wanted to go a little further, the last time someone at work had a death in the family, I bought a card at a dollar store over lunch and I still feel bad about it. I swore I would do better the next time.

Target loves product placement. I think every card I looked at was tied to some Disney Channel or Nickelodeon show. It made me tired. I was finally successful with the birthday girls - Years ago, when my friends were having their little girls, I made a promise my self that I would never buy any pink and lavender pre-fab Princess crap for anybody- I had no idea how hard this was going to be keep! Today there is a whole pink and lavender pre-fab Princessindustrial complex! With some effort, I made it through the pink and lavender pre-fab Princess desert in one piece, cards in hand.

Then it was on the sympathy card. I really had to look. Target is not about mourning or sadness. It is all about happy birthdays, happy anniversaries, happy retirements and happy weddings. This from the first place I ever saw a wide selection of sympathy cards for owners of deceased pets! Target has changed.

This year the colors of mourning at Target are blues and browns and greens. .I didn’t know that Isaac Mizrahi had expanded his line to include sympathy cards. It was a little off -putting. Everything was so color coordinated and suitable for framing. And like a lot of Isaac Mizrai’s line, nothing really fit right. I was afraid I was going to have to go to Hallmark after all. I did finally find the right card but I shouldn’t have had to circle the card section three times to find it.

Cards selected, I went to go see what else I needed. Tiny E has her first whole birthday coming up. I need toys. Hallmark may have a better selection for sympathy cards but Target has them beat in the toy aisle. I assumed.

Pre-fab pink and lavender Princess Industrial complex hell! Tiny E came thisclose to getting a great big dump truck! And a itty bitty baby rip saw! I totally kid you not. If Rescue Me sold branded fire trucks, I would have brought one home.

Fortunately for me, for the time being, Tiny E is still in a primary colored world and I found the baby toy section - or I thought I did. Everything looked like you could put them in the dishwasher, was big and clumsy and loud and not easily swallowed, I was sure it was the baby toy aisle. I kept falling in love with a toy, seeing myself playing with it, watching Tiny E playing with it, playing with it with Tiny E, and just as I was about to take it home - For Ages 4 and Up !@#$%^&*( !!! .

I also hate toys that make noise or require batteries so why am I even trying to find a toy in 2007?! I ended up crushing on a toy that while it makes noise, does not appear to need batteries. Yay?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


The dogs at the park are still holding on the hope that another squirrel nest will miraculously fall out of a tree and onto their heads again. It is very hard to explain the laws of probability to a dog, even harder to a group of dogs where group think says that if you wait for it, it will fall out of the sky and into your laps , if you just wait long enough. They just hype each other up. I think if they let dogs buy lottery tickets they would. I mean, the whole if-dogs-could-talk, if-dogs-had-money, if-dogs-could-go-into-stores... and that’s only really the dogs that could see over the counter. The smaller dogs would have to train themselves to be circus quality performers in order to see over the counter, and then they would have to really decide if being a side show act was worth it just to play the lottery. There are a lot of if’s. It does however go with out saying that they could play those scratch off games like champs though.

The park is full of labs that have suddenly become born again bird dogs. Dogs that previously were too busy humping each other to chase tennis balls suddenly are parking themselves under trees or wandering around looking alert as though they were auditioning for a sporting goods catalogue. Step on a twig around there now and half a dozen dogs will go into flawless points The very dogs last that July wet themselves out of fear when they heard fire crackers a block away are suddenly talking about hunting season and communist inspired limits on birds.

They are going to be sorely disappointed to learn that hunting season corresponds with football season and the start of the holiday shopping season and the only reason their people are going to get up early Saturday morning is to go tailgating or shopping and that there is a better than average chance that the family dog is not going to be spending time at Nordstoms.

Dogger is even getting into the spirit and she doesn’t even know what a squirrel is. The only little furry things that frequent our yard are rats, but that doesn’t stop her from getting really excited when the real bird dogs sound the alarm that there might be a squirrel or a dead leaf or a pine cone or a really small dog, somewhere and that all must be alerted now.

Out of desperation today, a group of dogs bravely set upon a pine cone, which they discovered too late was neither nummy or tasty or squirrely. Fortunately, being dogs, some one through a tennis ball and they forgot all about the treacherous pine cone.

Someone brought new tennis balls to the park! We never have new tennis balls! We have old, damaged, dead tennis balls that the dog was playing with in the car and forgot to leave behind when they arrive at the park.. I saw a yellow ball and was shocked! Folks will bring up new chairs now and then, but no one ever brings up new tennis balls. Do you know how nice it is to pick up a tennis ball and not be faintly nauseated? I mean you look at some fo them and it’s real struggle to decided if it’s more important to be a good dog person and play fetch with your dog or if you should try to maintain some sort of infection control protocol. Universal precautions are not fun and the other dog people really don’t understand why you are washing your hands in the water bowls and why you keep power washing the picnic tables or organizing weekly dog toy disinfection parties. If you have some sort of open wound on your hands, and what dog owner doesn’t from time to time... if you were given to worrying , it would be a good thing to worry about.

Of course, I don’t, I have a nine year old cat. I am a walking petri dish and Dogger isn’t much for fetch anyway. I have a friend at work however who is a germaphobe bordering on the pathological and she’s getting a puppy in January. I have a feeling she won’t be hanging out at the dog park.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Hello Tuesday

You know summer is over when:

-The parking lot at the beach is half empty at 11:30 AM and is still half empty at when you leave hours later.

- You leave the beach not because you've had enough, but because of ennui .

- The only things that interest you at the beach-side gift stores are the Christmas decorations.

Like sand in an hour glass

Beach Fact #1- If all things are equal - A middle aged woman with a good tan looks better in a bikini than a younger woman with no tan.

Beach Fact #2 - Things that are directly proportional: The amount of fur on a man's back relative to the size of speedo he's going to think is appropriate to wear in public.

Merry, Happy , Winter Holiday!

Christmas in September: - This year while there were a handful of Santa-as-Hunter, and a single example of a Jingoism-All-The-Way Snowman, Santa was not imagined as an infantryman or as a member of any of the armed services. I did not see any military themed decorations of any sort.

The More You Know...

The faster you get the blood spatter off your shoes, the better chance you have of it not staining.

Monday, September 3, 2007


Sunday, September 2, 2007


Saturday, September 1, 2007

Okay, picture this.

My father and I are at the Dodge dealership dropping off Minnie for a physical. Behind the counter is the guy we're speaking to about the car and a younger guy with no lines. Another guy comes from in the back holding a plate.

New Guy - very excited Hey! Fried sliced Cheese! Take some!
Younger Guy - makes a face, but takes one.
New Guy - They're good!
Younger Guy - holds a sliced cheese, looks non-plussed

New Guy goes to the back still holding his plate of sliced fried cheese. Younger Guy slips cheese into desk drawer and looks nauseous. Never says a word.

I laughed so hard I choked.