Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dog Med Update

I went to the vets office thinking I would pick up the missing half of her pills. Half meaning, seven. She had been getting (had, as in the past) 0ne pill in the morning and one in the evening. 1 tab PO BID.

It was less than she had been taking when she has taking the same antibiotic a few weeks ago for the same complaint. I thought the vet changed up on the dose on purpose.

Yeah. No, another mistake!

In real life, in a mistake free zone, she was supposed to be getting 2 tabs PO BID. A total of four a day, not two.

So I went home with not seven pills but 57!, and yes, the pills are made of platinum, thanks for asking.
My Pumpkin


Getting Old

I am not having luck with my vet. I took The Kitty in for his blood work and when I picked up his script for the next three months of pred, I didn’t look at it. I didn’t have to. I took the script to Sam’s and they filled it. I took it home and looked at it. Um, pred is a steroid. It’s addictive and if you are going to go from one dose to another, you step down, gradually. You do not go from 20mgs a day to 5mgs a day.

But according to The Kitty’s new script that was exactly what we were going to do. I made a command decision and decided I wasn’t going to do it, if we were going to step down, I would have preferred to have some input. I doubled up on what they gave me and gave him his regular dose and made a note to call the vet’s office in the morning.

I was right, they were wrong. Of course they didn’t mean to step down The Kitty’s pred like that! In fact, they didn’t have any plans to step down the dosage at all. They had no clue why I got that script and were very concerned that the wrong script at Sam’s be destroyed ASAP so it wouldn’t be refilled. I said no problem. They gave me a new script for the right dose and I went on my way.

Dogger needed to go to the vet. I took the pills they gave me and went to the store to get the benydryl. I start giving Dogger her drugs and everything seems fine – until I notice her antibiotics seem to be running low. I was supposed to give her one pill twice a day for two weeks (1 tab PO BID), I should have had 28 pills, 2 pills per day for 14 days - I was given 14, which would be 1 tab qd.

So I called the vet and explained my problem and after an interminable wait, they read to me from The Kitty’s chart. I reminded them we were talking about Dogger. I waited again only to have the voice come back and tell me the docs needed to be consulted. Gah. Time passes. The office calls me back to express surprise that the script was wrong! I am not surprised. Two animals, two visits to the vet, two prescription errors.

Yesterday we received this email:

I received a request this morning to remind folks to keep the noise level down in the new building. As discussed in our staff meeting on 8/15/07, the following guidelines should be used in all parts of the building:
• Be aware of your voice volume-use well modulated tones (Be aware that your voice may be louder than it may seem to you)
• Do not talk from one office to another
• Do not have conversations in the hallway – step into an office
• Be aware of what you are saying and how a customer/co-worker may perceive your voice/comments, ie, no loud laughter, profanity, off-color jokes or sexual topics/overtones
While other staff in the building may not spend as much time on the telephone as we do, they do have to concentrate on their reports and other work. Also, be aware that the workplace is not the place for profanity or off color jokes.

There isn’t a soul in the building under the age of 30, and the great majority of us are women. So somewhere in the building, some middle aged women laughed too loud a dirty joke and we all get our knuckles rapped.

I go home and at home waiting for me are two pieces of junk mail. One from AARP trying to get me signed up for their insurance, the other from the makers of the Hover-Round, trying to get me signed up for a wheelchair. I get treated like a child and an old woman on the same day. Yay me.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

We need a new publicist

"I Blame America For This", says fisherman who caught shark in Iraqi river.
Objects in Motion

You know what I want to do? I want to go to a bookstore. I want to wander around the stacks until I find something that looks interesting, look through it, decide it’s not all that interesting and move on to the next thing. I even know what I would look for Fowl Weather.

I read his first Enslaved by Ducks, and was throughly charmed by both the man and his menagerie. I finished re-reading it the other day and said “If this guy wrote another, I would read it”. And lo and behold he did.

I would go to the bookstore and look for it and most likely buy it but for that the closest “book store” to where I live is a Target. Or I could go to Wal-Mart and peruses the 2,145 titles that make up the Left On Their Behinds series that are featured in what passes for the “Books” section at my store.

Enter Amazon.

They have my book. They also have about thirty bazillion others. Instead of browsing a store, I browsed the site. I have had luck in the past with the “Readers Who Bought This Title Also Bought : Blank” feature, but this time it unearthed more navel gazing them I have any desire to enable. Did you know that moving from the city to the country is very hard? Or that life on a farm is really different than life in midtown Manhattan? And that many people who make the move from midtown Manhattan to a farm end up writing books about it? They all do. It’s like a rule. You move an hour outside Manhattan and you must write a book about it! I mean, the joys of breathing air that is not a solid to the hell of realizing that there is no closest Duane Reade iand they'll have to Oh My God!, use the Wal-Mart pharmacy!

Yes, life in suburban Connticut is not for the faint of heart. You would think before they bought that farm they would have read one or two or fifteen of these memoirs. Or maybe just read The Egg and I, and stayed in The City.

I bought y book and as penance for buying something for myself, I did a little Christmas shopping. SPOILER WARNER - Somebody is getting a book for Christmas! p.s, don’t tell anyone.

I’m really tired. I think handling Doggers meds is beginning to effect me. It could also be that right now she is asleep at my feet with her head on my shoe. Keeping me awake is her near constant gas output. I really don’t think this happens with the same frequency when she is awake. I think my left knee just passed out and I’m pretty sure the last four inches of my right pant leg just disintegrated... My shoes may never be the same.

Speaking of shoes. The curative brown boots I bought over the weekend are absolutely devine. I wore them all day and had no problems. No blisters no rubbing none of the unpleasantness I associate with the first day with new pair of shoes. But, when I am not walking around, there is a slight problem. They boots don’t rub when in use, but at rest , there is a slight “pleat” in the ankle and it rubs - but only at rest. Walking around, nada, nothing, walking on air - But as soon as I take a seat, both ankles get irritated and if I hadn’t stolen some McDonalds napkins at lunch to act as padding, I would have developed blisters by the end of the day. It’s just the oddest thing.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Weekend Warrior

If you have created some, um imperfections, shall we say, on your hardwood floors? Do not buy a wooden furniture “repair kit” made up of various brown markers from a big box store to, um repair those “imperfections”, because no matter what the dubious promises on the package claim, the application of those pens to your floors are not going to repair the problem. They will only create new “imperfections” for you to look at obsess over. I should also suggest that if you are faced on morning with a window crawling with wasps, you should not try to use chemical weapons against them, even if those wasps are in your living room. I suggest your vacuum cleaner and one of its tube accessories to suck the little monsters out of your life. Learn from my mistakes.

If, in your panic after being faced with these stinging home invaders (and the vacuum solution has not yet occurred to you) you chose as a defensive measure , a chemical weapon, a WWD, say, a generic tile cleaner -This is a bad idea! Generic tile cleaner should not be used as your front line wasp killer no matter what manner of panic a window full of wasps in your living room may bring forth in you.

I would like to suggest to you that the bathroom cleaner is a bad idea as it was not designed as a insect repellent - no matter how poisonous it is and how strongly the makers suggest that it not be used as a refreshing beverage, you must remember that you are not asking the wasps to drink the allegedly extremely corrosive, highly poisonous chemical and the wasps know this.

You will watch the wasps ignore the allegedly extremely corrosive, highly poisonous chemical , and perhaps even bath in the allegedly extremely corrosive, highly poisonous chemical; And it may become clear to you that the only means of killing the wasps with this allegedly extremely corrosive, highly poisonous chemical, is to drown the wasps in this allegedly extremely corrosive, highly poisonous chemical because you want this bad dream over now!now!now!.

You want them dead, but this desire is tempered by your equally strong desire to make the wasps dead without actually getting within stinging distance of them. You back off to a safe distance and you give it them with both barrels! This will be messy; and should this sea of ersatz chemical weaponry happen to drip or pour from your windows onto your floors, no matter how freaked out you are by the last twenty minutes of your life, you should definitely immediately wipe up the bathroom cleaner.

And if this were to happen say, several years ago, you can no longer clean it up in a timely manor. You should find a nice carpet to cover up the imperfections or seasonally, park your Christmas tree there and stop thinking about your floor and then after holidays are over, ask others to not move the nice carpet.


I took Dogger back to the vet on Saturday and asked her when she puts her back on antibiotics that she not put her back on pred, as Dogger does not handle it well and neither do my floors, carpet, throw rugs and bedding. I hate looking at Dogger and seeing only a walking bladder. It affects our relationship in a negative manner. The vet in addition to her antibiotics, put Dogger on enough Benadryl to stop a small horse - Which is convenient because she is about the size of a small horse. In theory, I could dose her with 75 milligrams every eight hours. In practice, I’m giving her 75 milligrams about every 12 hours. She’s pretty much been unconscious since she came home from the vet... So I went shopping. Nothing helps me work though sick Dogger issues like a bracing dose of retail therapy. I found a very healing pair of brown boots and now I feel much better about Doggers long term prognosis.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


Saturday, October 27, 2007


Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging

Couch Trip

It’s been raining for two days. We haven’t had two overcast days back to back in months and now it’s rained two days in a row. To make it so I could run my sprinklers again it would have to rain like 20 days in a row. All day, every day – in which case, I wouldn’t need to run my sprinklers.

All t his cloud cover is making it hard to wake up. The over head light in my office makes it feel like I’m working on a warming table, but if I turn it off it get s so dark in here I have to fight to stay awake.

It’s a good thing I have this stash of Smarties to keep be alert. I’ve been throwing these things back all afternoon and I don’t think my IQ has moved an inch. I am very disappointed in the Smarties. I do however, believe that I could, if I wanted to, paint the entire building in less than three minutes. I could also solve world hunger and bring about world peace. And jump tall buildings in a single bound. And learn Italian.

Dogger has slept much of the last two days, she gets up every once in a while to see if the Kitty needs to be terrorized, but most of the time she seems to be sleeping. I think she may be really just pouting because I found out she had been sleeping on the couch while I’m at work and now a chair lives on the couch, the chair joined the floor fan that lives on the chair as anti-dogger comfort devises. If she wasn’t so precious about pillows I would never have found about the couch thing at all. Dogger has a real issue with throw pillows. She throws them and when I started to find them on the floor I knew where Dogger was spending her days.

I tried to explain to her that pillows belong on the couch and Dogger's belong on the floor but she wasn’t listening. She doesn’t like them and she won’t have them touching her and in her mind, pillows belong on the floor and she belongs on the couch. The fact that she has her own bed seems to be beside the point. She wants the couch, my couch.

I think I would like to take the futon downstairs and let it live in the office and maybe let Dogger sleep on it in lieu of my real furniture, but I don’t think there is enough room for it, even if I remove Doggers crate, I don’t think there is anywhere for it. It was really useful when I bought it, but now it’s been re-purposed as the world’s most expensive cat bed and I don’t like it. The Kitty likes it, but The Kitty is arrears on his part of the house payment so he doesn’t get to vote on where the futon lives and who gets to use it as an over-priced pet bed.

But it’s a moot point if there isn’t room for it anywhere else. And you can’t just out a futon anywhere. Futons look an awful lot like futons. They don’t look much like beds and they don’t look much like couches and in theory they could be used as either but do neither task well. They are a jack of all trades while being a master of none. I don’t care if a piece of furniture can also be a credenza if it can’t be a comfortable bed at the same time – no matter how much I need a credenza. A silk purse made of a pig’s ear is still a pig’s ear.

Now with bonus Dog Blogging!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

It’s not an “investment” it’s a home

Dear Home Owner (s),

I am interested in buying your property located at _________! Are you interested in selling? or at have thought about it? If so, give me a call!

Dear Mr. Home Buyer (s)

I am not interested in selling you my property at ___________! I am not interested in selling, or have I put the least thought into it. I will not be calling you!

As a property owner, I realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be interested in selling their home (family matters, inherited an unwanted property, cash flow issues, tired of ownership, life changes... the list goes on). Everyone has their own reason, so my question to you is whether you are now ready to sell? If so, I am ready to buy.

As a property owner, I realize that there are a number of non-shame based reasons someone may be interested in selling their home ( a new job out of town, a desire to live closer to family, work or school, more room for a growing family, construction of a new home... the list goes on). Many of us have our own reasons to be horrified at the proliferation of rental properties and the negative effect those properties have on our investments and neighborhoods . My question to you, is why are you are intentionally lowering the properties values in my neighborhood? I’m not buying what you are selling.

I can close quickly or delay the closing as long as you like

Be it quickly or delayed, wait for me to die, then check my will, my heirs are prohibited from using my home as a rental property or selling to anyone who would use it as such.

Please call me at you convenience so we can discuss the sale of your home. You don’t have to worry about repairs or paying any Realtor sales commissions. You have nothing to lose, so please call me now at REDACTED

Please eat shit and die, at your covenience, we won't be discussing anything. You don’t have to worry about my house. You have nothing to gain.


Jason Lenhardt.


Ms. Home Owner.

PS - Using Comic San Serif does not add to your charm.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Best. Show. Ever

Pushing Daisies just utilized Bird House In Your Soul, by They Might Be Giants! and it got picked up for a full season!
Getting my Work Out

Our printer at work broke last week and for the past few days I’ve been having to go up two flights to pick up my printing. This is really making me depressed.
I’m actually sad about this. I have to go all the way down the hall and then climb two flights of stairs and turn left and then right and then tippy toe into the cube farm and duck into the empty cube where the printer lives and then find the stuff I printed, removed from the printer, discarded by whomever else uses the printer, all the while listening to the invisible cubist and letter dis-carder, sigh about how put-out she is, it’s a distinctly feminine, passive aggressive, sigh of a predatory printer diva

(Inhale)Oh. It’s all right if you use my printer. I guess. They just put a new cartridge in it. I’m sure it was expensive. Who did you ask about using this printer? It’s not important. Do you always print so much? I use that printer to print out my travel stuff. I travel a lot. Sometimes my plans change at the last minute and then its very important I be able to print out my travel stuff. Is all your stuff work related? I mean, it’s not like I look at it but... Did you know there is another printer? At the end of the hall? Where is you office? I think it’s much closer to you. The people who use that other printer, I don’t think use it all that much. You should go look at it. I think you would like it better. (exhale)

Over and over all day.

I’ve never even seen this person but I have to listen to her sigh every time I walk into the room. She must have some sort of mirror system set up, it’s not like she can hear me come in - That cube farm shares it’s walls with a mechanical room and it’s very loud. And yet, the diva still manages to sigh above it

(Inhale)Oh. Are you back? Again? It’s really disturbing to have the printer over there printing away. It makes a lot of noise and I am trying to concentrate. It’s like I’m sitting here and getting into a groove and then the printer goes off and I have to listen to it and it’s really distracting. Who did you say gave you the okay for this? Did you know that I’m a Dietitian? What is your discipline? Oh, you’re Undisciplined! Haha! What High School did you go to? (exhale)

You have to be really good to stuff a sigh with that much asshattery. And yet she did. Over and over.

The good news is that the repair guy finally showed up today. It turns out he really didn’t need to. One of the women, casually mentioned she figured out where the jam was, took the cartridge out and removed the jam. It’s only been three days. She couldn’t have casually pop down the hall and go printer spelunking days ago? before I hiked upstairs over and over to be judged by the Invisible Printer Diva.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Waking up on the wrong side of me

I’m SO tired. I feel like I’ve been awake forever. Because I have.

My day started at 1:40 AM. Why was I awake at 1:40 AM? Because three stupid people decided to perform a little street theatre outside my house, they were performing selections from a show I like to call “Kill Me Now”.

The three dill holes woke me up, or really, I was asleep and Dogger woke me up when she went from deeply asleep to Def Con 4 when they woke her up. She was really, really going to make sure those three ass wipes knew they woke up a very large and unhappy dog and they needed to keep moving before the large and unhappy dog came out from where it was and ate their stupid selves. I had to call Dogger off before she woke up anyone who wasn’t woken up by that dip shit, the asshole and their whore . I’m projecting, I don’t know if she was a whore. I know the men were a dip shit and an asshole and I would have no problem calling any woman who had the nerve to be shrieking obscenities at 1:40 AM in front of my house (who did not appear to be in jeopardy), a whore. Actually, I called her a lot worse, she just couldn’t hear me because she was down the street, still screaming and I was pretending I was still asleep.

And then. And then they came back.

It was a this point that I began to fantasize about what I could do to these three interlopers, if I was stupid enough to go outside and confront them. Which at that hour, at the height of my anger, sounded really, really good to me. If I was going to be awake, I was going to kill someone. My idea was to go out there, attack them, I think from some height, maybe I would gain the ability to fly... Or I would just come at them from the carport, I would zero in on whoever was too stupid or slow to get away from me - which would be all of them. I’d grab whatever asshole I had chosen around the neck, take him to the ground and then pound his stupid head into the pavement until I forgave him for waking me up. Maybe I would have gained great speed and strength somehow. And lost my conscience about killing people. I would move on to the others and throw them to the ground and bounce their stupid heads off the pavement until I forgave them too. Then I would throw their bodies into my recycling and go back to bed. I would be very tired by then.

Don’t ever walk down my street shrieking at your stupid friends or your stupid whore and wake me because I wake up cranky. And apparently homicidal.

I did not magically develop super powers. I called 911 and reported their stupid selves. This involved turning on lights, putting on my glasses, going to the phone and dialing the cops. This woke me up the rest of the way and made me hate those loud fuckers even more . I can get up any number of times to feed The Kitty because that doesn’t involve a lot of lights or phone calls or having to remember my name and address and phone number at 1:40 AM. I haven’t heard about any stupid people being found stuffed into any recycling, so I’m guessing the cops either didn’t find them or they did but they didn’t opt for pounding their stupid heads into the pavement until they understood the laws concerning public intox and disturbing my peace.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Girl Powerrr

I decided what Dogger is going to be for Halloween. I know you had been very concerned, but I want you to know, I made my decision. You can all rest easy now, go back to curing cancer or whatever you do in real life. Dogger will be costumed as a Jack-o’-lantern . She is all ready orange, she just needs the right make up to complete her look.

I thought about about hair dye, the temporary variety, stage make up, the cheap stuff they sell in it’s place at the grocery store, face paint, tee shirts - both child sized and adult, pre-halloweened and DIY. I thought about buying a pumpkin costume but they don’t make cute things for big dogs. The dog costume industry is very, very anti-large breed. The whole industry is designed for the benefit of very small breeds and gay cats. There is a lot of institutionalized prejudice against large breed dogs in the dog clothing world. Sniff. Anyway. Before Dogger and I join paws with the rest of the large breeds and start singing We Shall Overcome as we chain ourselves to the front door of a Petsmart, I needed to come up with a plan.

Whatever I used on her had to be at the very least child safe and then it had to be washable and if at all possible eatable as well. It would be great if it wouldn’t come off easily, but I know there are issues if the product can’t actually be carcinogenic or permanent in nature.

I went to Petco to ask advise. They didn’t know. I find it hard to believe that no one as ever asked them what products would be advisable if you wanted to paint on your pet! Has no one ever saw the possibilities of using exploiting their dog as a walking canvas? I can not have the only big orange dog that looks like a suitable pumpkin candidate.

In the few moments this weekend that I managed to tear myself away from the more pressing matter of my dog’s Halloween costume, I went to the Junior League’s annual fund raiser, this year called The Spree! As in Shopping Spree. It was held at the RBC Center a very large, very round stadiumesque building. It is where the Hurricanes play hockey and where the second and third tier acts that come to Raleigh come to perform. First tier acts don’t come to Raleigh, but I think it would depend on how you chose to catagorize pro-wrastlin’ and third place finishers on American Idiot.

I came, I saw I bought very little. It was perhaps the most feminine group activity I have ever participated in and I once was part of “Yea! You got into the Sorority” group squeal. I believe that the estrogen was so strong in there, that if you walked into that building over the weekend, three years post- hysterectomy that you would walk out pregnant. So girly was it there, that the only available food I was able to find was salad diet water.

I was hungry for real food so I left and went into the parking lot and could not find my car. I couldn’t remember what entrance I went in, I couldn’t remember in what lot I left my car in or what direction I came in to get to the building or how long my walk from my car to the building had been. Nothing. The only thing I remembered about my parking spot was it had numbers on it. So it absolutely, positively had to be in the paved lot, right? . In addition to the RBC Center, across the street is the stadium where the college team plays and it's absolutly full lot. To add insult to injury, The State Fair is held very near by and the parking around there was free .

....and I couldn’t remember where I parked my car.

I was SOL. There were approximately 45,000 parking spots and they were all filled. 15,623 were filled by purple minivans. I walked around and around and up and down and back and forth for about a half an hour - If you are going to be walking a lot through lots, don’t wear your cute sandals. Plan for the worst, choose your footwear as if you are going to be forced to walk around and around and up and down and back and forth in a parking lot until you find your car.

I did find my car. In the unpaved lot.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Fall, at last


Friday, October 19, 2007

Is it time to go home yet?

It’s hot. It’s sooooo hot. I’m wearing a sweater and I’m soooo hot. I took off the sweater and it’s still hot. It’s still sooooo hot. I’m wearing a long sleeve shirt and I’m soooo hot.

I can’t take off my shirt. Our windows do not open. Our A/C is broken and the air smells like the tar they are fixing our roof with. They had years to fix the roof while they were remodeling the building and they wait until it is occupied to pour the tar and foul the air.

It’s soooo humid. It Thank You Baby Jesus! Rained today. For about 10 minutes then it stopped. And now it’s so humid and sunny. On the up side, the exterior of my car is clean and my outside plants are happy – provided it rained a few miles away at my house. It may not have.

Hot. Hot. Hot. Why did I wear pants? Why couldn’t I have worn a skirt? I know it was cooler this morning, but it wasn’t that much cooler. It was warmer than the paper had projected, On Sunday the forecast for the next five days always features rain and daily highs in the low 70s. It never rains (much) and highs in the 70s are a pipe dream. I could have change clothes. I could have said no to the sweater, I could have completely changed my outfit this morning, but I didn’t. I said “The building has been coltish lately, I’ll be glad for the extra layers. It’s not like I’m going to be outside all day or anything. The sweater is thin and cotton, its nothing and besides, it’s the middle of October!” I do not own a single tee-shirt I have not learned to hate.

And then it rained. And the power went out. And the A/C stopped working.

Stockings, even knee highs are contra-indicated when it’s as humid as it is now. There is no air moving. I went outside, to get some relief and there was none to be had, there isn’t any air moving out there either. I was going to take Dogger to the park, but it may be too hot and after a heavy rain it gets really muggy there and not fun. Dogger is also back to eating wood chips again and it’s a real drag to have to follow her around making her stop. And she won’t. She grazes. The wood chips are iron filings and her mouth is a magnet and she just inhales everything in her path. The last time she got like this she ended up with blood coming out of both ends and neither one of us is going through that again if I can help it. So, if the only way to prevent that from happing again is to go for walks instead, then we walk instead.

Oh, and since the power went out, it messed up the computers too. I have this work to get done, and I was so close to being finished when the power went out – The computer is reeling from the power going out. I can check email and surf, normally, this is a good thing, but normally, I don’t have unfinished work. I just want to finish my work. I can’t enjoy goofing off! It’s not right. Usually, I can work or I can goof off, this enforced goofing off is a drag. It’s almost as big a drag as working.

No Friday Cat Blogging today, the camera and the computer had some sort of tiff and would not cooperate with each other.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


The House has failed to override President Bush's veto of a bill expanding a children's health insurance program.

They run as Democrats, they self identified as Democrats, they take Democrats money, they get elected as Democrats and then they vote just like the Republicans. We voted these DINOs in, we're going to vote them out, just like the Republicans.

First they chicken out of calling a genocide a genocide and then they tell kids to get sick and die. These Repubocrats have got to go.
Dogs and Cats

Have I told ya’ll to see Hot Fuzz yet? If I haven’t, I was gonna, but then I didn’t. I suck. Go and Netflix or rent it at once! It is uproariously funny. It made my the same team that made Shawn of the Dead, which I did not see, but I heard it was funny.

Short little entry this time around, the fam is briefly in town and we are making a pilgrimage to see Tiny E before everyone else goes to NYC and I take over care of Baby Kitty. The Kitty and Dogger don’t know about this yet. It’s going to be a surprise.

Dogger needs a little unpleasantness in her life right now. She’s feeling better, which is good, but to celebrate feeling so well she’s taking to stealing things off table tops and committing grand theft cat food. She’s only be around the cat food, oh, her entire life and she has never had any interest in it. I didn’t move it, it’s not like it was hidden away in some sort of feline fortress of solitude or anything. But now, now Dogger thinks it’s some sort of cool new snack food.

I’ve blocked off the so-Eames-era-it-hurts breakfast banquette form both available sides and still Dogger is snorfing up Kitty’s food. Kitty’s very expensive food. Dogger hasn’t tried to steal the all but free food I feed the ferals, but she’s all over the good stuff. It bothers me because this is a new behavior that she didn’t have before. She’s always snatched paper off table tops, and while I don’t love that, it doesn’t cost me expensive cat food either. I blame her last round of antibiotics. Or in reality, it was probably the pred. When Dogger is on pred she becomes enormously thirsty and despite the fact I left multiple bowls full of water for her, I bet she discovered Kitties dishes when she was prowling for water. She’s off the pred now and she can feel good about not eating the food.

She can also stay off my chair. I put a large pillow Dogger has expressed a dislike for and I had hoped would act in the role doggy kryptonite (it doesn't), a padded cat bed and a mid sized scratching post on it and leave – secure in the knowledge that Dogger won’t get on the chair. Dogger moves what is the most in the way and curls up where she can. Every damn day.

I don’t help things. I have invited her up there with me and in the past she’s been happy to share, now?, now that she has tasted the freedom of the whole chair, she won’t share anymore. It’s all or nothing.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

It’s like a Ferrelly Brothers movie!

You want to know how big a geek I am? I scheduled a shower to co-inside with Fresh Air because Terri Gross was interviewing Peter Segal from Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me . My shower radio is the only one in the house that picks up our public radio station consistently and it was take a shower or spend an hour sitting in the bathroom. I did not spend an hour in the shower, more like 35 minutes, but I washed my hair while I was there. If I had thought about it I would have washed the dog and caught the first part of the interview.

They talked about sex. I really can’t imagine anyone I want to hear talk about sex less than Terri Gross and Peter Segal. I mean really. And I could have gone my whole life without hearing Terri Gross ask Peter Segal “So, how sexually confidant are you?” .

Public Radio is the only place you’re ever going to hear Peter Segal asked about sexual confidence (he doesn’t have any, but likes to talk to people who do), his first experience watching porn (in college - lesson learned, if you have never watched a porno before, do not do so in public) and what he thought about titty bars ( he worried about whether the “dancers” liked him. His friends told him that the dancers are not paid to think) .

He thought that porn was oddly not a turn on since it made him feel like he was watching a nature show. I can concur with that. The first time I watched a porno it was very much like watching Wild Kingdom “Look the male is aroused! The female is showing her interest in the male, she is positioning herself! Look a penis! It’s a vagina! I wonder what will happen next! He’s mounting her! And we have The Act” . Really, porn is just like watching a badly scored nature show. But instead of bright plumage they feature bad tats and light blue eye shadow. They both include a similar heavy emphasize on mating calls. But Wild Kingdom never featured a “money shot”. Maybe they do now though, but I have never seen Meerkat Manor so I can’t know for sure.

Moving on.

Maintenance have determined the reason the fire alarm was tripped this morning was the use of a Glade Spray Air Freshener that was sprayed in the downstairs women's bathroom. It is believed this may have also tripped the fire alarm previously. These smoke detectors are very sensitive, and the spray breaks the beam and thus trips the smoke detectors.

Can you imagine? That could leave you with a real complex, and the alarm! The alarm is so loud that it hurts my eyes when it goes off. I don’t think it was our first floor ladies room that was the guilty potty, but I did notice later on that our Glade was removed. In our old building we had a certain amount of bathroom privacy but we didn’t have air freshener on a regular basis. In the new building up until the other day, there were always air fresheners in the stalls. In the new building, the bathroom can serve two at a time. We gained a working A/C but we lost our private bathroom.
And happiness returns to the oval office

Oil prices end at record high

High demand, weak dollar and potential trouble between Turkey and Iraq push crude prices to $87.61 a barrel.
A Bush Admin probe finds Blackwater only guilty of loving too much

An Iraqi probe finds Blackwater security team committed unprovoked, random killings of civilians, Iraqi spokesman says.

Full story here: here
State Fair

Yea! Ipod finally discovered Springsteen! I went to the fair over the weekend, twice. I think that IQ tests need to include a question about parking. If you are going to walk a quarter of a mile to get to the fair grounds, don’t for Gawds sake pay $8 for the privilege of parking 50 feet closer to the park than I did for free.

It’s a still a quarter mile walk. I noticed the pay lots were full but the free lots went begging. I found parking places both times immediately. And in real parking places too, not street parking. When I went in the evening, I parked under a light and when I went in the afternoon I pulled in and scored a spot under a tree.

People are just stupid.

Another thing I noticed. Young men, and you know who I am talking to, Young Men, if you are going to travel in groups, here’s a hint. Step away from the hoodie. Just say no. They don’t make you look cool, they make you look guilty And if they were shooting for the shifty and guilty look, they went with the sunglasses-hoodie combo. At Night. So guilty. It didn’t read as “ I am a cool guy, respect me”, it read as “I am one guilty mo-fo. I’m probably going to steal your bag. I should be thrown against the fence and frisked as a precautionary measure”. I don’t think that was what they were going for. I don’t care if they were college students out for a fun time at the fair, they looked like trouble. Scary trouble.

And yet , nothing happened. My bag did not get stolen, We all walked in completely unmolested. No metal detectors, no random searches, no nothing. According to the paper the fair is crawling with cops, it’s a good thing too, because it’s no doubt also crawling with bad guys.

Two of which stabbed each other later Saturday night.

And bad girls as well, Sunday afternoon, I think I saw a whore. Or she may have been part of a dance troupe. It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes. Do you remember those wide elastic belts we wore back in the eighties? She was wearing one of those as a skirt. A skirt so short I could see where the girl who did her Brazilian signed her work. I’m not guessing she was there for the olde timye crafts demonstrations, unless she was there to pick up a hand knitted cooch cozi. I’m pretty sure she was there as a whore.

This year the big Ferris wheel was painted Carolina blue. Not Red, white and blue, just Carolina blue. I thought that was interesting. Same Ferris wheel, new message.

I was very disappointed by the Petting Zoo. There was no petting at the petting zoo. In years past, there were racks of caged rabbits for us to poke, this year? A handful of sleeping rabbits and two chickens! ,That we couldn’t poke! A couple of years ago a poorly supervised and ill-raised child no doubt ate some poo and ended up with some illness and now the rest of us aren’t allowed to poke the rabbits! You used to be able to poke rabbits and fondle the baby chicks and now you can’t do either. And they can’t just put up a sign reading Attention Parents, Do Not Let Your Child Eat Poo!, because that makes it sound like the poorly supervised, ill-raised offspring would eat poo and that’s just “insulting” and also, the parents of the ill raised, poorly supervised little poo eaters would have to take a break from their endless cell phone conversations and actually be responsible their kids for a moment and we can’t have that, The Fair should be responsible for supervising the little poo eaters! It’s the Fairs fault the little poo eaters ate poo! And now I can’t poke the rabbits or fondle the baby chicks.

Everyone I saw was on phone and the conversations I over heard didn’t seem to be of the “Can You Hear Me Now?” Category. Either. It was impossibly loud everywhere I went. Sunday afternoon I had to give up on Ipod because I just couldn’t hear it over the roar of the Tractor Pull that seemed to go on all afternoon.

I think I over heard one guy trying to sell another guy a copy machine maintenance contract. But for every guy trying to do business there were forty shouting into their phones variations on :WE’RE IN FRONT OF THE TURKEY LEG PLACE, NO THE TURKEY LEG PLACE NEXT TO THE CROCODILE NOT THE ONE NEXT TO THE SPINNING CROCODILES. NO, THE REAL CROCODILE. THE REAL ONE. CROCIDILE! TURKEY LEG!!

There were also a lot of conversations about which sucker bet game was handing out the seven and a half foot long, thirty pound lavender snakes, that they just absolutely needed. I have never “needed” a seven and a half foot, thirty pound lavender snake, but maybe I’ve led a sheltered life.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Light'em if ya got'em

Candlelight Vigil for Children’s Health Care - help us overturn Bush's Veto!
Wake Co. GOP Headquarters, 1506 Hillsborough St., Raleigh, NC 27605
Tuesday, 16 Oct 2007, 6:00 PM.

This time we are going to meet in front of the Wake County GOP headquarters building at 1506 Hillsborough St., Raleigh, NC 27605.

A little bit more ballsy than usual.
Monday Photo Blogging

North Carolina State Fair 2007 . I really prefer the fair by night when it's all magic, during the day it's so clearly mechanical.

Sunday, October 14, 2007


Saturday, October 13, 2007


Friday, October 12, 2007

If it bleeds it leads

Now I know how to judge the newsworthiness of incidents I run across in my neighborhood, to be real news, somebody has to die.
Friday Cat Blogging

Totally explains why there are Republican women, its the lead poisoning that makes them that dumb!

Popular lipsticks test positive for lead

NEW YORK ( -- A significant proportion of lipstick manufactured in the United States and used by millions of American women contains surprisingly high levels of lead, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics said Thursday. The top brands testing positive for lead included L'Oreal Colour Riche "True Red," L'Oreal Colour Riche "Classic Wine," Cover Girl Incredifull Lipcolor "Maximum Red" and Dior Addict "Positive Red."

What brand does Anna Coulter wear?

Today Ipod has a thing for Bonnie Raitt. I like Bonnie Raitt, but every other song? I only have the one Bonnie Raitt CD on there it shouldn't come up that often.

Alos? I have no food in the house. I want something bad for me and all there is in the house is bags of boneless skinless chicken breasts. I think what I want is pie and there are no pie fixings in my cupboard. I think at this point I would eat pie dough, if I had pie dough, which I do not. If Cook Out Loved me? they would serve pies in addition to their milk shakes.

Oh and also remind me this year TO NOT BUY ANY MORE CHRISTMAS CARDS . Or Ever. Just in general, no more Christmas cards for me even if they are very cute and interesting and reeeaallllyyy on sale. Right. I'll see a box of something glittery and festive and 10% off and I'll bring it home. And that doesn't even take into account the cards I'll make myself. I brought a box of Christmas decorations on vacation and I didn't stand there in public on the side of the road in August and decorate trees for nothing. I'll get on top of this Christmas card mania after the holidays.

I decided while I was waiting for My Name is Earl to come on and as a way of distracting myself from my sudden pie compulsion , I went to see how things were on the top shelf of my linen closet or as I call it "Santa's Workshop" and I was crushed under the weight of approximately 256 boxes of Christmas cards dating back to 2002. I have a lot of people who get cards but all those people don't get the same card. I have tiers. I have family I know, family I don't really know as well, old family, young family, family who "get it", family who do not, friends from home, friends from school, good friends from school and that doesn't even count the people at work, which I have simularly tiered.

I also learned that I am done with Broskey for the holidays. Damn it. He's covered. I can stop looking for things for him. The fact that Christmas is coming soon and I have a grand total of almost nothing for the rest of my family is making me sad because by this time last year I had been very proactive gift buying-wise and I was feeling pretty good about my chances of not having to go to the mall at all between early fall and late January. Sadly, this year I am going to hear mall Christmas carols. In fact, I have heard them all ready. If I had to listen to carols all day every day starting weeks ago? I would get mean. I got mean just hearing a few seconds of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and prior to that I had rainbows coming out my ears.

Have you ever wondered why you don't eat lunch at IHOP more often? I mean, who doesn't love pancakes and who hasn't craved them at lunch? And how often do you have an IHOP near enough to you so that you can take advantage of its pancake-y goodness? Well. I have an IHOP very near me and I had a craving and I said Why Not?

You and I don't eat lunch at IHOP more often because it's expensive.

Four pancakes, four sausages links and a coke. Guess. Just guess how much that set me back. Okay, plus $2 for a tip. Doing the math? maybe went to Give up? $11.47! For pancakes! And these weren't fancy pancakes either. No add ins, no designer ingredients. Plain old pancakes. And plain old sausage links. $11. 47. The next time I need pancakes? I'm going to make them myself. From scratch, or from a box. But no matter how I make them? Won't cost me $11.47.

We totally have to figure out a way to get this guy a Tony

The Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to former Vice President Al Gore and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

85 years ago you try to kill a race of people and hope nobody notices, eventually it's going to leak out

In 1993 I worked on show, that included as a D Plot, the murder of a Turkish car dealer by two Armenian thugs. The two thugs murdered the car dealer as revenge for the Armenian Genocide. At the time, the actors, crew and most of the audience had never heard of it. Well, the Turks are really annoyed that now everyone has heard about it and they are ashamed of their behavior pissed about it .The Turkish Embassy hung up on the the Germans when they called up to see if they wanted to carpool to the Genocidal Madness Anonymous meetings.
Watch Pushing Daisies

Ipod isn’t at all as offended by The Partridge Family as I thought it would be. In fact, Ipod seems to be very fond of The Partridge Family. A bit too fond. I’m thinking of staging an intervention before it gets out of hand.

Ipod is still not speaking to I-tunes so everything on Ipod is anonymous . I looked at the play list and it has two track sevens back to back. But I don’t know which tract sevens. It could be Book of Days from Shepard Moon and Morning Rider on the Road from Up To Date or Have a Heart from Nick Of Time and Lucky from The Buffy soundtrack or even maybe Let’s Be Friends from The Rising or something else I loaded on to it.

I was going to keep very close accounts of what I loaded on and I was kind of - I had stacks. I was making stacks, but then I got mad at the scanner for being in the way and so I moved some things and now my stacks got stacked and I’ve lost track. I do know that I have 5 hours of music on the Ipod.

I did find the button to push in order to get the tracks identified but the I-Tunes claimed they were unidentifiable. I am aware that most of the titles were titles well before there was an I-Tunes and that might be an issues, I but I am not asking it to identify LPs, I wouldn’t expect it to speak analogue, I’m asking it to tell me what the little 1's and 0's it does read, say.

There is a TV show you should watch before it disappears. Pushing Daisies is really, really original. It doesn’t have a single cop or doctor or lawyer. It is not made by or produced with cooperation from Jerry Bruckheimer. It features bright light and bold colors. There is voice over. Did you see Toys? I think Pushing Daisy’s would fit well into its hyper color saturated, highly stylized, world. How can you not like a show that features one of it’s characters belting out Hopelessly Devoted To You? It helps that they belt-er out was Kristine Chenowith . PD is so high concept, repeated viewing may give you a contact high. But it’s really sweet and when ABC cancels it after say, six or three showings, I’m going to be sad.

I think it may be supposed to look like a comic book (or for the virginal over-forties living you in your parents basement "Graphic Novels") now that I think about it. The women all have great racks and their clothing is designed to give them hour-glass shapes. The show is not drawn, but the individual scenes look like story boards.

It is about this guy who has a gift. He can bring back dead things. All he has to do it touch them and they are alive and then he touches them again and they are dead again, forever. He makes money by alive-in-ing the recently dead and asking who made them that way. He tells the police and scores the reward. He also is a pie maker and owns a pie shop.

But he then went and made his childhood love alive again and he can’t bare to make her dead again and even though he loves her, and she’s staying with him because she was dead and all but now she isn’t and being dead complicates being alive, so they have to keep her on the DL - And he can never, ever touch her , ever, or she is dead again, forever.

And it’s not at all schmoopy.

I missed the first episode because it airs at 8pm on ABC and I’m pretty much trained not to watch ABC or network TV in general at that hour. It took me a while to learn to watch My Name is Earl too but I kept at it. Pushing Daisies is an hour show, so that helps, and it fills an hour when I would normally be watching HGTV or prowling around Poverty Barn.

I know you looked at all that and saw only “voice over" and said “Yeah. No.”, but I have to tell you that the VO isn’t at all annoying because the VO guy sounds very, very much like he may also read a lot of Dr. Seuss and in fact the VO keeps you up on what is happening and who is thinking what as to what has just happened. Which, as I read that I think it mean that it is hard to follow or they don’t bother writing adequate dialogue or action to show not tell what is happening. It’s not like that. It’s not like Sex In The City voice overs because the narrator is omniscient, not at all Sarah Jessica Parker, and as yet, not on screen. Although, it may be a dog. It also gives you the feeling that you are watching a book. If that makes sense.

Or a really interesting play. The sets and wardrobe and even make up and hair are fabulous without being too fabulous. I love the sets! They are most awesome and, again, I read that and say to myself “Noticing the sets and costumes is a bad thing, staged readings, black box theaters, blah, blah style over substance” and then I rethink that about sets and costumes and hair and make up and decide how they really add to the atmosphere and feeling of the show and I tell myself to shut up. Think of them as a visual soundtrack.

But, really, According to IMDB it has a total of six episodes and there are only four left. It’s really interesting and different and not like anything else on TV.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Music Theory

I think I offended the Ipod.

I uploaded Up To Date, a totally innocuous Partridge Family CD and I was about to follow it up with Nick Of Time, a far superior Bonnie Raitt album and the system suddenly won't speak to me. I know that the Partridge Family is hardly high art but I don’t think it was necessary to give me the silent treatment. And on top of that, it's doing the Kick-The-Dog thing to me as well, I-Tunes isn't speaking to it and so it won't speaking to me.

The little bastard has been speaking to the other programs, now they are ignoring me too. I let the machine upgrade and now everyone hates me. This is what I get. Bill Gates is unhappy with me for the Ipod. He doesn’t like the Apple business on his machine. You know he knows. He can tell. I’m lucky I’m still alive.

I need Ipod to know that I’m going to put more than just seventies corporate pop on it. If it had given me a chance it would have found out that Bonnie Raitt was next and after that was going to be selections Terrence Trent Darby and then a few tracks off the Jesus Christ Superstar and Cabaret soundtracks and honestly, I do have music from the 21 century. I was working my way up to Bruce Springsteens’ The Seeger Sessions! And I was going to download some Rhianna! ... Which I was going to follow up with a cut from Captain and Tennilles Greatest Hits from my own collection. Why does the Ipod hate me?

And I can’t tell if the Bonnie Raitt got on because it won’t let me access the program. Won’t let me access anything!

Is this because I’m being punished for watching FAUX for two consecutive hours tonight? But after that I’m going to watch Boston Legal and it’s allegedly supposed to be the most liberal show on Television.

I really don’t think the Ipod should be judging me, at some point I’m going to put a considerable amount of Aaron Copeland on it and probably some Gershwin too. I did get a chance to listen to the little bastard though, and that was really cool. And the ear buds? Are different from the earbuds I have used in the past. They have a little tail thing on them and that seems to make a difference stability and comfort-wise. Who knew?

Do you think the Ipod has issues with show tunes? I understand being ambivalent about Andrew Lloyd Webber, I understand that, but it’s not like I’m trying to violate it with that roller skating show. JCS and JATATDC are clearly, “of their time” as they say, but they aren’t bad and besides, the machine doesn’t really get a vote here and for what I paid, I shouldn’t get a music critic in the bargain.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Local Raleigh Area Readers! Today is an election day!

You need to hit your polling place some time today. If you can vote for Helen Tart for city council at large, please do. I know her and she's a nice lady who was pivotal at getting the dog park together.


The I-pod Has Landed

Not only do they deliver on holidays, it arrived a day early. I had it sent to work as they require a signature and I don’t really want it coming to my house and forcing the FedEx guy to make conversation with the passers-by. I know where the FedEx building is but it doesn’t mean I’m in a hurry to drive all the way down there for a 8oz box.

So. It sat on a corner of my desk all day and I pretended I wasn’t looking at it.

We arrived home. And I very carefully opened the box.

It’s so tiny! It’s like a newborn It’s just bitty. It’s an Itty-Pod! The engraving I had put on it can only be read with a very powerful microscope. I think the typeface must be in the negatives. I’m glad what I had put on there isn’t really important or meaningful because it would hurt my feelings to have to carry around a microscope with me so others could be also deeply touched. Also? I should have gotten it in safety orange . Dogger has tags on her collar that are heavier than this thing is. They have every color known to man and they don’t include safety orange. I-mistake!

I took my tiny toy to the computer and plugged it in. It’s so cute when it blinks! Another couple of days, and it should be fully charged! Another thing that could really actually take days? Downloading Itunes. Damn. I know that my dial up is lame, but when I started the download it said it was going to take 13 hours and 50 minutes 13 hours! And 50 minutes! I know that excess packaging is wrong and wasfull, but they couldn’t just send along a CD? Because I think having to spend 13 hours and 50 minutes downloading something is also a waste. Of time. Of my time. The good news being that after the first hour it was down to 6 hours and 25 minutes. As we speak, it has downloaded 26% and the next 74% should only take, 5 hours and 20 minutes.


It has given me plenty of time to go around the house and dig up CDs . You would think that I would keep them in the same place, safely stored in some easily accessible location, close to my CD player - but that would be wrong. There are some here, some there, a couple without CD cases in that drawer, another couple hiding under assumed names in that box... I’m pretty sure I have some at work and still others boxed up with stuff from the move. I can only fine one of my Partridge Family CDs! You would think that a person wouldn’t need three Partridge Family CDs, but you would be wrong again. One is not enough and say, four, would be too many.

I am going to have to set an alarm to finish up this endless download - and that is only if it can download for hours without getting corrupted..

Do you think that if Dogger is left outside for say, a couple of hours, that she would use that time productively, say to completely empty her bladder? so that she would not feel any obligation to pee small lakes while she is inside? Did I mention that now that she is allowed to wander at will through out the house that she is turning my home into The Land of A Thousand Lakes? That someday, after she is gone I am going to use her bladder as an artificial island?

WooHoo! 32% with 4 hours and 45 minutes remaining! Even bigger Woo-Hoo, by 10:15 PM it was I-Ready.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Happy Columbus Day!

Yeah, right. I'm at work and so are you. Anyway, you know the butterfly effect theory? Not the movie with Ashton Kutcher, the real Butterfly Effect? A butterfly flaps his wings in Africa and a hurricane destroys Ft. Walton Beach? that one. In my world the BE works this way: On Friday my parents call and say they are coming by on Sunday, on Monday there is no entry. Spooky.

Sunday, October 7, 2007


Saturday, October 6, 2007


Friday, October 5, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging


I just realized that Dogger and I haven't been to the park since last Friday. Wow. I’m doing this Crop walk thing through downtown on Saturday and I want to bring Dogger but I’m now afraid after spending a few days laying around that she might not have the stamina to do the three miles. And her collar is no longer cute. She’s very vain about it. It may be a problem.

I didn’t know that the Crop walk thing was a sponsored thing. I thought I would just show up and represent. In real life its like a dance off or something. I supposed to get sponsors! They gave me this sign up sheet thing and an envelope to put the cash in. I looked at that said There is no way. I’m going to write my self a check. I thought about making up some names and then putting some fives in the thing and turning the whole mess in, but then I thought that, maybe, people who are not me, may think that was weird. Or fraudulent, because it would have to be more than just their names. I would have to come up with addresses and phone numbers and it would just totally snowball and I would end up on a stage wearing a tiara and covered with pigs blood.

I’m just going to write a modest check and seal the envelope and keep moving.

The last time I was at the park I was talking to this woman with three Great Danes and a standard poodle and I was asking her all these questions about the Danes. Like do they like hiking and where do they stand on swimming? She told me it depends, one of her Danes hates the water, but one of the other ones, loves it and she even has pictures of it cavorting in the ocean with dolphins! Dogger has never been to the ocean and I’m pretty sure that dolphins would scare her. I just feel really drawn to the breed. And even better? They invented one that looks just like a super sized Weimaraner! The Dane downside would be that they go from neonate to geriatric in less time than it takes other breeds to get potty trained.

I really want one. I mean of course, not now, Dogger is all the dog I need or even want, right now, I mean can you imagine big, giant Dogger and an even larger dog? Doggest! I would have both Dogger and Doggest!... I’m such a completest though I would have to go out and get a mid-sized breed so I could have the whole set Dog, Dogger and Doggest. I think that might be more than I could handle. But then I think about the lady at the park and her pack of dogs and she seems okay, she seems retired as well, so maybe it’s a mitigating factor.

If Dogger engenders out right fear in people we meet on our walks, can you imagine the terror-stricken reaction a full grown Dane would get? My God. It would be the biggest pit bull they ever saw. Around here all dogs are either pits or rots or rot-pits or pit-rots. There is one guy who has like four chiwawa, but he’s new to the area.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about this. I’m pretty sure that Dogger knows about it and I think she got sick as a way of drawing us together or as a way to exert her dominance over me and reminding me who the big dog in our relationship is. I have to be honest, one of us is pretty much a 14 inch beagle and one of us could pull a truck. But at the same time, only one of us could drive that truck and I am still taller than she is. I also have a much higher limit on my Visa than she has on hers. I could totally buy a Viking stove on credit and she could probably get a hot plate. So I win. And I love her, so she kind of wins too.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Activist Judges strike again

...How dare they uphold the law.

A Minnesota judge has rejected Sen. Larry Craig's bid to withdraw his guilty plea stemming from a men's room sex sting arrest.
One of us, one of us

"One of us. One of us" I have given in. I have given into the constant drumbeat, their heartless, tireless, demand for assimilation. I was brainwashed by their endless cycle of ads, the music. Friest man, it was Friests fault!

1,2,3,4 . I have become one with the Borg, they have stuff. I want it. I want more Microsoft branded stuff. It's the best stuff, it's the stuff. 1,2,3,4 It's the really expensive stuff. So you know its the good stuff. it also opens up an whole wide world of gift giving opportunities for my friends and loved ones. Can't figure out to get me? Itunes! True, my stuff is just the entry level shuffle Ipod. There are very few things to buy for it. I

It's also very small, they don't even sell bling for it. They figure you won't use it long enough to need to artificially enhance it. There is no need to buy it fake tits or lie to it about its ass looks in those jeans.

Tell me that you love me more

It just makes you want the better stuff, the $149 stuff. The model that comes with with big tits and calf implants. The stuff that has it's own stuff, the really good accessories for you to buy. The good bling. 1,2,3,4 The stuff that makes you think you need to be able to have 400 songs at your finger tips and those songs need a crocheted cozy. And that the sad little 240 songs you have now is not adequate or worthy of a cozy. The little one I just got is essentially the electronic version of candy cigarettes Oh no! it's not! My old non-Borg made MP3 was the candy cigarettes that got me into what I'm into now, freshman dorm level weed. 1,2,3,4 .

Who decided we like ear buds? I don't like ear buds. I am assuming my $78 includes ear buds. My ears aren't ear bud ready. Do they make I- Ears? or do such anachronisms not fit in to the New I-World Order? If I forgo the ear-buds and insist on using my old-fashioned earphones, will it mark me as old? will my Ipod morph into an AM radio? Will it play only Paul Harvey!

My ears aren't made for ear-buds. I was made before ear-buds, they fall out of my ears! they hurt my ears before they fall out. My ears do not want "buds". My ears are loners.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


My plan at lunch today was :

1.Go to Sam’s and feed Minnie
2.Go to Subway and feed me.

I also kind of thought about maybe stopping by the house to check up on Dogger but I thought better of that because I almost never go home for lunch except for when Dogger is really sick and I didn’t want either of us to get the idea she was really sick.

It was a good idea, but I really did want to go make sure she was all right. Who knows what else could have swollen up? I wanted to be strong though. I didn’t want to go home. Which was good because I never been able to do Gas/Food/Home the way it turned out. I left work and went to Sam’s, one exit from where I work. There was no traffic and I made good time. I pulled up to a lovely, empty, bay and got ready to fill the tank. I pulled out a card and got ready to put more money in Shrubs pocket. But then. But then I remembered that if you are buying Sam’s gas you have to flash Sam’s card. I didn’t have my Sam’s card . I changed course and went across the street.

$2.64 a gallon! I didn’t even check what Sam’s was charging. Of course across the street there were lines. I pulled around looking for an empty pump and didn’t find any. I did find a line and another car waiting,. But she was pulled way too far back to be in line. I pulled a little a head of her and it turned out she was in line. I was shocked.

And we’re watching the cars ahead of us and a guy comes out of the station with a couple of 12 packs of soda. We both start our cars. He must be done and be ready to go - Kind of rude though, he should have pulled away from the pump and parked. He wasn’t done. He had been inside for damn near ever and he hadn’t even filled his tank yet. Asshole!

He finally finished about the same time as the car in front of him was finishing up. Yay. The other car started her engine and started to pull in, but wait, her tank is on the other side. Girlfriend does some clumsy vehicular gymnastics to get her tank on the “right” side and it seemed like she was not going to pull all the way up. And I’m thinking do not make me cut a bitch, because first she can’t wait in line properly, she can’t remember what side her tank was on and then she can’t pull up? Does she have a death wish? Does she want to mess up my day like this? I mean, murder would totally make me late back to work and I would not get my lunch and that would piss me off.

Lady Backup finally got her shit together and Minnie got her lunch. I finally got mine but there was no time left to go check on Dogger - which was good, as it turned out she wasn’t all that sick. She’s sick, the vet started her on a course of heavy antibiotics and prednisone, but not sick, sick. as I thought she could be, I mean, her ear flaps were swollen!

Anyway. I have to go take care of my dog.

Here are the pictures from yesturday that Blogger Bloggered.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Sick Puppy Pt. What, again!?

A while ago I noticed that Dogger seemed itchy and I said I need to give her a bath and then I didn’t because I think I might bath her too frequently and too many baths can be as bad as too few. I had a roommate in college that started to take four or five showers a day and she got herself so clean she ended up on antibiotics because if you kill all the fauna on your body, it allows room for the bad fauna to take over and then you end up on antibiotics. In retrospect, she really could have benefited from psychotropics.

So I decided to just let Dogger itch it out. She has a lot of fur and with a lot of fur comes many reasons to be itchy, most of them transient. Dogger tends toward suffering from dry skin, so I thought a little greasy build up would be good for her. It would act as a conditioner.

Well. The itching didn’t stop. And the she started with the panting. All day I would hear this thump, thump, thump and I would say “Stop itching Dogger!” and then along with the ever-present thump, thump, thump came the panting. She pants all the damn time! And it’s not hot in here either.


So I said, Ya know. She’s on Frontline and Heartworm Preventive and I bet this is just Ear Mites again. I’ll clean her ears out and this will got away... and I did, and it didn’t... Last night I went to pet Doggers ears, because she likes getting her ears pet even when she’s feeling down, and I noticed that one of her ear flaps is swollen, do floppy ears swell? . I finally got proactive, we have a vet appointment today at four

But back to the weekend, Sunday afternoon was so gorgeous that I started to feel really bad about sitting inside all day watching my 30 Rock DVDs, even if they are really, really good and Alec Baldwin as Jack is so very, very hot... I sat there and kept saying Liz Lemon! Jump Him! Come on, do it! I’m living vicariously through you and you must jump him NOW, come on! Be a friend. Sacrifice if you must, but jump him! Don’t you know he’s Alec Baldwin for Gawds Sake? Have you never watched “The Hunt For Red October”? Are you daft? You’re a straight woman, girlfriend, just do it! Do it for the rest of us! and the weird thing is, Alec Baldwin has gotten really pudgy and the character is supposed to be a right winger and so he’s all wrong for me and I’m not really into pudgy - I do quite obviously live in a glass house... But still, dayum, he’s hot! .

Sadly Liz wouldn’t jump him, that hag, and I realized I really, really, really needed to get out. I finished watching the out takes and told Dogger we were going for a walk and she just lay there. While I thought to myself We should have gone to the vet last week.

I repeated myself and got her leash. Nothing. She just looked at me. And not her patented You-Made-Me-Stay-In-The-Basement-You-Hate-Me face that she makes every time she feels slighted, she was pulling the saddest You-Don’t-Love-Me dog face ever and I said “Do want to keep watching 30 Rock instead? How about we watch the one about the hooker again, that one is really funny. You like Rachel Dratch, right?” . Nothing. Yup. Should have gone to the vet last week. She loves Rachel Dratch!

I got her harness out and that cheered her up a little, at least she stood up and we went for our walk and she was really not into it. I cut through a lot so I could go check out a new house they’re putting up and I stepped in a chuck hole and twisted my ankle and Dogger looked at me like Great. Now she’s lame. We’re going to die here. And then I looked up and saw that instead of just cutting another hole in the plastic tarp, they had cut out a heart shape. If I could have actually stood at this point I would have given them a standing ovation.

(If Blogger didn't Suck as much as it does, there would be a picture of said heart but again, Blogger Sucks)

Monday, October 1, 2007

Lights Up!

“Have you ever wondered how you would take care of accumulated dirty dishes?” and you would say “Sure, I would put them into the dishwasher!” And I would say “The Dishwasher is Broken!” and then you would say “I’ll just wash them by hand!” and I would say “Where?” and you would say “In the Kitchen Sink of course!” And I would say “No! No you can not! For the reasons of this exercise, you can not use the kitchen sink!”

And you would say “ I would just leave them to soak in a dish tub!” and I would say “Okay, fine, For how long? Dirty dishes draw bugs and what about the used water post-soak?” and you would say “Until I would dump it down the drain!” and I would say “Why don’t you just pour it directly onto the floor and save some time!

"I told you, or the purposes of this exercise you can not use the sink!” and you would say “I can't use it in what capacity? Is the sink broken or the drain, is it a problem with a stubborn clog? Then it is not a sink issue, the sink is in working order!” and then I would say “Stop it! The sink is nothing without a drain! If the drain is not operational the sink is nothing more than a very large bowl with a hole in it! Without an operating drain it is nothing!" and you would say "Stop making up new rules!" and then I would say, "Do you know how much water a sink full of water is?” and you would say “A lot?” and I would say “Yes, a lot!”.

Again, I would ask “How do you wash your accumulated dishes without using the kitchen sink or the dishwasher?” and you would say “I would refrain from using things that need to be washed. I would buy paper plates and only drink bottled water!” and I would say “ When did you become psychic? The day before the sink broke?” and you would say “After! After! I would not add to the problem!” and then I would say “You really mean Styrofoam plates? Have you ever tried to microwave a paper plate! They burst into flames” And you would say “Styrofoam melts! And lets off poison gasses when heated!”

And you would get really upset and your voice would start getting really high and you would start talking really fast and you would say “I would take my dirty dishes outside and wash them with the sprayer!” and I would say “Water Restrictions! You can not be seen outside using water for any reason! And you will look pathetic and the neighbors will know your shame!” and you would say, “In the back yard!” and I would say “In the dogs toilet? Why not put the dishes to soak in the cats litter box?”, and you would say “What is this? Am I working for a non-profit here? is this a refugee camp? Did I wake up in a Colonia?”

And I would say “Where would you wash your dirty dishes if you could not use the kitchen sink or the dishwasher? And you would say “ I would wait for a heavy rain and then stack them in the driveway!!” and then I would hit you “Because it is never going to rain again” and then you would say “In the bathtub! I would utilize the shower massage sprayer and very hot water and that will get the job done!” and I would say “I’m sure that there is a reason why we do not commonly utilize the bathtub for this purpose”, and you would say “I didn’t make the rules!” and I would I would mention that "The Accidental Tourist was never meant to be used as a self-help book". And you would say “Suck it up. It was the bathtub or driving to a car wash putting them in the middle of a bay and letting rip with the sprayer! Screw You, Martha Stewart!”.

Okay and Scene!