Lights Up!

“Have you ever wondered how you would take care of accumulated dirty dishes?” and you would say “Sure, I would put them into the dishwasher!” And I would say “The Dishwasher is Broken!” and then you would say “I’ll just wash them by hand!” and I would say “Where?” and you would say “In the Kitchen Sink of course!” And I would say “No! No you can not! For the reasons of this exercise, you can not use the kitchen sink!”

And you would say “ I would just leave them to soak in a dish tub!” and I would say “Okay, fine, For how long? Dirty dishes draw bugs and what about the used water post-soak?” and you would say “Until I would dump it down the drain!” and I would say “Why don’t you just pour it directly onto the floor and save some time!

"I told you, or the purposes of this exercise you can not use the sink!” and you would say “I can't use it in what capacity? Is the sink broken or the drain, is it a problem with a stubborn clog? Then it is not a sink issue, the sink is in working order!” and then I would say “Stop it! The sink is nothing without a drain! If the drain is not operational the sink is nothing more than a very large bowl with a hole in it! Without an operating drain it is nothing!" and you would say "Stop making up new rules!" and then I would say, "Do you know how much water a sink full of water is?” and you would say “A lot?” and I would say “Yes, a lot!”.

Again, I would ask “How do you wash your accumulated dishes without using the kitchen sink or the dishwasher?” and you would say “I would refrain from using things that need to be washed. I would buy paper plates and only drink bottled water!” and I would say “ When did you become psychic? The day before the sink broke?” and you would say “After! After! I would not add to the problem!” and then I would say “You really mean Styrofoam plates? Have you ever tried to microwave a paper plate! They burst into flames” And you would say “Styrofoam melts! And lets off poison gasses when heated!”

And you would get really upset and your voice would start getting really high and you would start talking really fast and you would say “I would take my dirty dishes outside and wash them with the sprayer!” and I would say “Water Restrictions! You can not be seen outside using water for any reason! And you will look pathetic and the neighbors will know your shame!” and you would say, “In the back yard!” and I would say “In the dogs toilet? Why not put the dishes to soak in the cats litter box?”, and you would say “What is this? Am I working for a non-profit here? is this a refugee camp? Did I wake up in a Colonia?”

And I would say “Where would you wash your dirty dishes if you could not use the kitchen sink or the dishwasher? And you would say “ I would wait for a heavy rain and then stack them in the driveway!!” and then I would hit you “Because it is never going to rain again” and then you would say “In the bathtub! I would utilize the shower massage sprayer and very hot water and that will get the job done!” and I would say “I’m sure that there is a reason why we do not commonly utilize the bathtub for this purpose”, and you would say “I didn’t make the rules!” and I would I would mention that "The Accidental Tourist was never meant to be used as a self-help book". And you would say “Suck it up. It was the bathtub or driving to a car wash putting them in the middle of a bay and letting rip with the sprayer! Screw You, Martha Stewart!”.


Okay and Scene!