Wednesday, June 30, 2004

A Skycap ate my Catby?

I'm still trying to come up with ways to get The Kitty through the airports with out too much work on my part. I have come up with a number of ideas:

Idea 1

Kitty as Baby - I have several varitions on this theme. Sadly they all call for a certain amount of sacrifice on the part of the kitty and I'm absolutely sure he is going to be interested in sacrifice. Sadly for Kitty, I am bigger and higher on the food chain. For Kitty this means

A - The wearing of a Onesy. And subsequent tail issues
B. The wearing of a baby bonnet
C. The wearing of baby mit--------
"If its to be, its upto ME"


# Thanks to Pranay for helping me out with the photocaptions.

# Most of ull have registered at Ofoto, however incase if you havent... pls do! It doesnt take more than 10 seconds to register :) ... Very soon Ill be posting all the links to all the parties GS has been to till date.. Watch out for that!

# In my next post - "Sunday Dhamaka @ Goin Solo"... the longest outing GS in the History of GS :D... Stay tuned! Untill then keep tappin those keyboards :D

Events in Spain, where a terrorist attack shortly before the March election possibly influenced its outcome, show the need for a process to deal with terrorists threatening or interrupting the Nov. 2 presidential election in America, he said"

for the full story go

Taken from Eschaton
And how was your morning?

If you weren't outside at 6:11 this morning scooping up dead rat, I don't want to hear about how your day is. After I cleaned up dead rat, I noticed that there was a similarly themed rat in the neighbors' driveway. I didn't clean it up because I had all ready put away my no doubt disease ridden dead rat scooping supplies and was on my way to gassing myself with my antibacterial air freshener. Ew.

So, I went to work with the idea that I would just look up in the phone book under city services and call up vector control and have them come and deal with the rat problem. No such number.

I called City hall and a pleasant man answered, actually he answered the second time I called. No one was there at 8am. Losers. I called back. I asked for the number of vector control. The nice man informed me that the "city has no such service!". "No such Service" I said? What do you mean by "No such service"? There is a plague of rrats in my neighborhood and I want them gone, who do I call, he said to call "phhhhhld whhhst" I said What? He repeated "phhhtold wahhhst", which apparently translates as "Solid Waste".

Okay, Onward to "Solid Waste". No, screw Solid Waste. I'm calling the health department - if I could find the damn number. I have a sheet of reference numbers that cover everything from Bingo to Maternity Homes but does not list the number to the health department. They're probably hiding behind some cloak of bureaucracy to shield them from exposure to actual health. Time to change course.

I went to see if any one had any better ideas. Someone relayed a story of their battle against a plague of household defiling frogs .A call was place to the Police/Fire non-emergency number with the idea that "firemen know everything", the PFNE said to call the humane society. I guess the reasoning being since the rats were dead, they may have been used for underground Rat Fights? Called Human Society, left name, rank and phone number and was told to expect call back winthin the hour. Thirty -Nine minutes into hour still no call back. Okay. Minute 51, some guy from the SPCA calls me on his cell phone, he give me a number to the Streets Department.

Good. Okay. Call Streets Department. They can poison in my house or under my house if I am the owner and the resident of my house but the can not poison outside due to liability issues that might occur if children or pets eat the poison. I'm thinking the gene pool would thank me.

I have a rat plague on my hands! Rats are dancing the dirty rat lambabda in My! Front! Yard! Dead rats means sick rats means rat fleas with out a home. Homeless rat fleas spread disease. A healthy cat eats a previously sick rat, healthy cat becomes dead cat, dead cat gets eaten by, whatever eats dead cats and the sickness and deadness spreads through out the local ecosystem. I want something done about the rat population. The woman tells me to call Solid Waste and they will pick up dead rats, not grasping that I have all ready picked up and disposed of the rat, I don't want the rat disposed of, I want the rats gone. I want a rat Pied Piper to lambada the dirty things out of my neighborhood..

I see a city council meeting in my future. I see me and possibly with a bag full of dead rats. Now the rats are going to be numbered. So far we are up to six rats, three dead, two living, one monster rat still out there, untold number still lurking.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Just When you thought it was safe to go back into the water

Army to Recall Troops
It's hot in herrrrrrre

BURN, BABY, BURN: Michael Moore's incendiary Fahrenheit 9/11 becoming the first documentary to win the weekend box office, raking in $23.9 million between Friday and Sunday in final tallies. The film averaged more than $27,000 per its 868 theaters.

DUMBO'S IN CHARGE? Meanwhile, Variety reporting that Disney may be in hot water from shareholders for passing up millions by distributing Fahrenheit in favor of screening a patriotic documentary, America's Heart and Soul, backed by Move America Forward, a right-wing group that tried to censor Moore's film. The filmmaker criticized the timing of the screening.

snagged from E!online


New Harry Potter Title Revealed!!
Weather or not

For those of you keeping track, its pouring rain in the Dianaverse. Again . To quote a woman in the hall, telling us to put our car windows up "it's raining like a son of a bitch outside". I suppose it is nessary to make it clear the rain is outside as opposed to inside, it is an old building and we do have a sizable hole in the hallway ceiling though which we can see the sky, but… it is raining like a son of a bitch and if you listen carefully you can hear my basement flooding.

It's raining because when I got back from lunch I had to park in the boonies. I didn't have to park out there really, I ended up out there because I'm not entirely comfortable backing the vans bulk up. I'm not sure where the back of the van is yet and every time I back it out of a parking space where there are cars behind me, I have a stress reaction. So, I parked where I couldn't hurt anybody. And I wore a white shirt today and I didn't bring an umbrella or raincoat, so together with the parking situation I could all but end the western drought.

I let Dogger visit the wetlands yesterday for the first time since the nephdogs went home. She had a great time, such a great time that she didn't even take it upon herself to eat the hose that I stupidly left out where she could get it. I think it started to rain again and she was looking to get back in the house and less on what she could destroy while she was out there. The nephdogs took it upon themselves while they were here to separate my iris plants, which really needed to be done, now there are significantly fewer iris plants then I was seeing before. I hadn't really noticed that before, I try not to notice anything out there. As long as what I'm not really looking at is tinged green; I'm not going to look at it too closely.

Speaking of wetlands and marshes. I saw wild life! It wasn't in the wetlands, but I did find a gutted dead rat in my front yard last week, so I know something is out there eating rats. Which is good. The other three rats I saw where not dead or gutted and that was a problem. Two of the rats I saw were little rats, just souped up mice and they were the right size to get eaten by the feral cats, so that was gross but all right. I mean, there is a market for smallish rats. Then there was the huge, nasty gross ghetto rat I saw did was also not really in my neighborhood but it was gross and not at all right. Ew. It was bigger then the feral cats and I am pretty sure it was dancing. A huge nasty, dancing ghetto rat! This rat was so big I think it was featured in the opening credits of an early Eddie Murphy movie. It was all Woo-Hoo! nananaboo boo! You don't even want to go there! Not gonna catch me! I'm going to jump around and be all nasty, I'm going to do the rat lambada with this rotten sneaker, I'm so nasty! I hope the wretched thing drowned in the downpour.

I also saw a very confused Fox, I was like "Fox, do you know where you are? Do you have any idea?" and he was all "Dear God! I'm in the ghetto! " and I was all "No honey! The ghetto is a couple of blocks that way, this area is just redlined".

Oh, look it's raining again. It must be time to walk out to my car.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Oh, for sure, he totally came up with that by himself. Totally art directed. Posted by Hello
Iraq handover of sovereignty completed


EDITED TO ADD Really,reigning freely

link taken from who found it in The Washington Post.

Long Weekend for the GOP

Greens red light Nader

F911 breaks, makes records


From ."Atrios

Dale Earnhardt., Jr. tells his pit crew to go see Michael Moore's movie. From the


Verbatim from Chris Myers (Fox Sports announcer) on today's race at Pomona pre-race program..

"You think you know Dale Earnhardt Jr.? He advised his crew to go see the Michael Moore movie Farenheit 911. He said hey, it'll be a good bonding experience no matter what your political belief. It's a good thing as an American to go see... and it just shows you that Dale Earnhardt Jr. can reach far beyond the steering wheel."

( sent in by Alert Reader Tony)

Dogger wakes up Dogger and stays that way. Sometimes she is a bad Dogger and sometimes she’s a good Dogger, but she is always Dogger. Its’ very comforting. On a day to day basis, she pretty much always acts the same way. She doesn’t like being used a pillow, which I think would be a very good use of her enormous bulk. I’m trying to make her believe that all dogs like helping their people out that way. That by being a supportive Dogger that she is just joining a long line of Doggers that have served their people. She doesn’t like it, She is very consistent on this.

Kitty. Kitty on the other hand. Sometimes he will be all about letting me exploit his pillow-y like attributes. He will let me make myself right at home and he has no problems. He’s very soft and has no bones at all. He’s like some sort of bewitched down pillow. I have actually fallen asleep on kittlow - not for very long, but I did dose off for a minute there.

This is why I keep trying. Sometimes Kitty is all about making me happy. He does, really. He seems to want me to be happy. This is the Kitty I call Baby Kitty. Baby Kitty lurves me. Baby Kitty wants to curl up on my lap and watch TV with me, Baby Kitty wants to sleep on the end of the bed and keep my feet warm. Baby Kitty wakes me up at about 8:30 in the morning tapping me with a tiny paw. If that doesn’t do it, Baby Kitty will curl up on my pillow and pur in my ear. This is the Kitty who plays with the Cat Dancer and acts like a real Kitten. Baby Kitty is the sweetest kitty ever. Pretty much, I only see Baby Kitty on the weekends. Sometimes he shows up during the week, to lay across my newspaper and be all kitty like, but for the most part, Baby Kitty only works weekends and evenings, Baby Kitty meets me at the door in the evening, purring.

The other Kitty, I call Mean Kitty knocks stuff of shelves and tears up things because he thinks it’s time to eat. Mean Kitty will stop at nothing to get his kibble. Kitty keeps track of what things make the most noise when they fall to the floor. He sits there with a little stop watch to see what noise makes me step to the fastest. He doesn’t even bother with the paper towels or sponges. He really likes the knife rack, that’s his very favorite. He doesn’t even have to bother getting it to the edge of the counter, it makes a huge amount of noise just tipping it over and letting the knives scatter on the counter top. He also discovered that I go to investigate the sound of dishes hitting the floor. Mean Kitty may have thumbs.

Mean Kitty is not the same as Hungry Kitty . Mean Kitty most of the time Is hungry, but sometimes we just wants his box cleaned. Hungry wants his Food and he wants it now. He’ll sit in the kitchen and yowl until there is food in his bowl. Hungry wakes me up a night to give him more food. Hungry kitty is picky about his kibble. Hungry knows that dinner kibble just isn’t at its freshest and that by 4:20 am, the kibble needs to be refreshed. He comes into my room and begins to shred whatever paper he can find. I think he brings it in during the day while I’m at work. Thanks to Hungry, I have dressers drawers full of check stubs and receipts I’ve pulled away from him so I could go back to sleep. Hungry Kitty doesn’t sleep, ever. And if I want to sleep, ever , I have to feed Hungry, who immediately upon getting his kibble, morphs into Baby Kitty. Bastard Kitty.

Sunday, June 27, 2004


Saturday, June 26, 2004


Friday, June 25, 2004

Fahrenheit 911

I went to go see it. You should go see it. Really, go now. Go see it.

I figured I was going to this movie to sit there and be angry. I did not figure I was going to this movie to sit there and be crying.

I knew the current administration was greedy deceitful mean spirited low life scum. I did not fully grasp that they are Evil, greedy deceitful mean spirited low life scum.

I hate them.
Hating Blogger

test! Publish Damn it! !@#$%^&!!!!!

Big Car, Little mind

I called my friend Worker to tell him my car news

Me - Hey! Guess what?

Worker - You're moving back! That's so great!

Me - Nooooooo. Not moving back. I got a new car!

Worker - New?

Me - No! Let's say I took custody of a new to me vehicle.

W - Yay! What Kind? How used?

Me - Not eleven years old! it's a baby car, A bigger kind of car.

W - Ohhhhhh, (defensive) Did you get a SUV? I hate you people. I should hang up on you now!

Me - No! I didn't get an SUV. I hate SUVs! I spit on SUVs!

W - Oh. My. God.

Me - What?!

W - You got a minivan. This I have got to see.

Me - It's the same me, only in a minivan.

W - Ewwww. No, really, what did you get?

Me - A Minivan.

W - Noooo.

Me - Yes! I did. It's purple and its great and you should see it.

W - You have turned into a Soccer Mom! Oh, My God you've turned into a Republican! Don't tell me! You also hooked up with a NASCAR dad! Get Thee behind me Satan!

Me - Have I ever been that kind of political mercenary? Screw you. Soccer Moms don't drive minivans, they drive Explorers. I am not a Soccer Mom. Do I seem to you like that kind of person? Minivans are cool and screw you again

W - No, wrong team. Minivans are not cool.

M - Well, the animals are growing up and have activities…

W - Activities? Kitty has play dates?

Me - Kitty doesn't have friends. Dogger has activities, Dog School and whatnot.

W - Responsible pet ownership, but not cool.

Me - and I see thug looking guys in minivans all over my neighborhood.

W - Yeah. loser Thuggy guys, not cool. Real thugs don't drive minivans. They don't even steal minivans.

Me -They put fancy rims on them and…

W - Loser Thugs may drive their Baby Mama's minivans and maybe she puts rims on it, but they are still not cool.

Me - (deep sigh) You're right, I am too punk rock for this minivan!

W - Pfft. You are not "too Punk Rock" for anything.

Me - (whispers) am so! The minivan becomes cool by its' proximity to me.

W - The minivan gets covered in dog hair because of its proximity to you. It does not get cool.

Me - Spoken like a person with a back seat. Do you know how long it's been since I could do a proper shopping? I'm like some old fashioned person who has to go to the market everyday for food. Doing the geometry to get everything into the front seat every time I go to Sams is getting old.

W - You still had that truck?

Me - Of course. I said Eleven years.

W - I thought you were kidding. Shit. Were you waiting for it to become a collectable?

Me - It was fine. It was falling apart, but it still had another 30, 000 miles in it at least. It was an opportunity and I grabbed it.

W - let me tell you about the "opportunity" I grabbed the other day! I…

At this point it got into the realm of TMI and even I didn't want to know.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

My Eyes!!!! Posted by Hello

A couple of weeks back Dogger and I were taking our morning constitutional and I decided to head to the post office to mail some things. It was around 10 am on a Saturday morning, what? I have no curtains; I wake with the dawn.

Dogger and I were checking out the reconstruction work on one of the crack dens/handy man specials that dot the area when I noticed that there was a helicopter circling over head. A Black helicopter. I watched it for a while and went to the post office. I think we had just had a crazy person run away from the mental Hospital and I thought maybe he was even more crazy and dangerous then they had said, if they had said, they didn't tell us employees on campus with the run away madman. God Forbid.


Walk continues. I go home and do whatever it was I was doing. I think I still had the nephdogs. Later, I took the nephdogs out for their walk and I went back to the post office to walk in the historical area. The black helicopter was still over head. This was hours later and it was still circling. I'm starting to wonder what this is about. These weren't the Hughies that the National Guard uses, not that there were any Nation Guard still around to use them, these were different and black and scary. I'm a card-carrying member of the X-Files fan club and I know from scary black helicopters. I know they are bad.

I went home and didn't take the dogs out for any other walks. I stopped thinking about it. Then I went to church Sunday morning and they had barricades around the capital. Hmm. I thought. Wow. Did somebody throw a protest and not tell me?! Were the runners in the Susan Komen thing getting their Grrrl!Power on? WTF?

A couple of days later I remembered the scary black helicopters and I did a google search. I really shouldn't have done that. It was more disturbing then the black helicopters themselves. The only people writing about "black helicopters, Raleigh", were folks who truly belived in the Black Helicopters and had paid up their X-Files Fan club membership for life.

Knowing that there were people out their scanning the sky for Grays every night while getting jiggy with their Scully action figures; was not helping me find out why my black helicopter was out there. I found nothing and it bothered me. I mean, Black Helicopter! over head! for hours! why? All that for one escaped crazy guy? dayum. It had to be more.

I really stopped thinking about it. I picked up a copy of my local indy, cleverly called "The Indy" and found this Escape from Raleigh

It was A Black Helicopter!

and it was genuinely being all black helicoptery! All for a Garage Sale? My gawd.

I went to work and complained to one of my co-workers who said, "Well, you know after 9/11 that really can't be too careful…" at that point my head exploded. A Garage Sale! even a politically themed garage sale should not warrant Black Helicopter treatment. What is happening to us?

Children, vote these bastards out in November vote like it’s the most important ballet in your lifetime, vote like you care about other people, vote like you care about yourself. Vote like you value your privacy, vote like you think maintaining human rights is a good thing, vote like you care about the Geneva Convention, Vote because you care about our international reputation, vote because you care about our armed forces, vote because you worry about your kids, vote because you worry about the kids you might think of having one day, vote because you worry for the kids who live down the street. Vote for Black Helicopter Free Garage Sales!

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Wall Street favors blue suits?

Stocks point to Bush loss?
Fahrenheit 911

Are ya'll going? you should. I'm going IF BROSKEY REMEMBERS TO GO BUY TICKETS.
Laughing out loud!

The 3rd Harry Potter movie, for those with short attention spans from this very funny person.


And even more!

of her very funny work. It's serious LOL stuff people, go forth and guffaw!
And we're doing so well by the mentally ill already...

President Bush plans to unveil next month a sweeping mental health initiative that recommends screening for every citizen and promotes the use of expensive antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs favored by supporters of the administration

Read More, from Daily what is really scary is, do you want GOP brownshirts dictating who is mentally ill?

Lifted from CoppyGodd
Cutting off your leash to spite your collar

The good news is, if Dogger suddenly finds herself off leash and free to run as she pleases, she will come back to see what your hold up is. She seemed to be having a good time. It's good one of us was.

I took Dogger for her walk and before I left the house I said, "Why not use the 25 foot extendo leash? It makes Dogger feel so free; she can really do her thing! And why the hell not?"

Why The Hell Not.

The extendo leash relies on a very thin little thread. A very thin, easily breakable thread. Dogger likes the thread. Dogger must have been a cat in an earlier life. Yesterday, right after we started on our walk she thought a game of Ring Around The Mommy would be wholesome family entertainment, kind of like the wholesome family entertainment provided by Fear Factor. We only almost got hit by two cars and I came close to severing a finger, but still, she was having fun. When she does this on her non-extendo leash, it makes it look like we're playing a rigorous game of tug of war. It's hard to make her stop and the leash will eventually cut off blood circulation to whatever hand she's attached to. So. So I started to just take her on the extendo leashes. That way I can just let her run out the leash and it doesn't pull on me and since there is no tug of war to take part in, she gets bored and moves on. This works when I can get to the little widget that releases the leash. Yesterday, I couldn't get to it and I was turning into a maypole and I was not enjoying it.

The leash snapped. Dogger took off like a bullet and I was standing there trying to unscrew my feet out of the ground. Damn.

I called Dogger name and ran in the direction she disappeared in. It didn't take her long to figure out I wasn't right behind her and she came back to gloat. It's no fun when I'm not there for her to gloat at.

So she came back and looked at me like I was doing something weird, just standing there with my mouth open trying to think of how many people she had just scared the crap out of. She's huge, she's yellow and she's coming at you. It can't be pretty.

She ambles over with a tennis ball in her mouth and drops it at my feet. I resolve not to start screaming at the animal in public. I grab her collar and try to see how I can make the leash work until I can get us home. Luckily, when the leash snapped it was locked open just enough that the thread didn't pop back into the plastic handle part. Yay. I took the thread and tied to it to the solid part of the leash and picked up to go home. So far, so good. The leash is in one piece and Dogger isn't out terrorizing the neighborhood, I am not locked in a panel van on the way to some 72-hour lock up and it is not raining. What a great day! What a terrific walk!

I get us almost home and the leash un knots itself. I gathered up the pieces of what remains of Doggers freedom and get Dogger home. think I can fix the leash in such a way that she can still use it, it's going to include a trip to the hardware store and I don't know when I'm going to make it there. Sucks for Dogger though, we're going to have to use her other extendo leash, the leash I gave to the cat. I hope she feels really bad about it.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Protect yourself from Voter Fraud

From Common Cause

Call your Representative in Congress and let him or her know you support a voter-verified paper ballot so that we can make sure every vote is counted as cast this November. Tell them to support (HR 2239), the Voter Confidence and Increased Accessibility Act of 2003, and allow this bill to come up for a vote!

Voter Confidence and Increased Accessibility Act of 2003
Read em' while they are still out there

The Rumsfeild/CNN memos

link grabbed from Eschaton
And Once Again

Our leaders dishonor our war dead

Honor Role
Through Thick and Thin

Once a upon a time when I was feeling very judgmental and disappointed that one of my friends had settled down with someone I didn't approve of, thus rendering him totally unable to do anything with his life, or more specifically anything I wanted him to do with his life. I said I was judgmental, I made this little list for him. I wish I still had it, there where very good suggestions. I think they all had something to do with learning and self improvement. I should have made one for me, as it was, I carried his damn list for years. I never gave it to him.

I think I remember that most of the suggestions had to do more with being like me and less like her, but I could be wrong. I didn't like her and I did like him. If he could have been more like me and less like her I would have liked him even more. Sadly, he liked her even better then he liked me and to this day when I have a phone number for them, I always want to talk to him but always end up talking to her.

I don't know what came of that list. To this day I can find the box of crap I carried around in my wallet in highschool, yes, a whole box of crap. It was a day of heavy keychains and wallets full of pictures. It was the 80s.

My wallet is much thinner now. No more obnoxious list. Sadly, it's gone. I lost it and I don't know where it is. It was a good list, I should have taken more of it to heart. Today I went through my wallet. Its 04 and the big wallet thing is passe and heavy and makes it a pain to find things.

What I found in my wallet

1 Jiffy Lube valued customer card. Bastards. They always charge too much and Minnie Van doesn't need an oil change yet.Trash

I call the Van, Minnie because calling it The Four Wheeled Uterus is kind of time consuming.

1 $2 off haircut thing from the Red Cross, “Great Deeds deserve Great Clips, expired October 03. Trash

1 scrap of paper with my former real-estate agents email addys on it. Trash

Membership has its rewards

1 X-Files fan club card, circa 1995. Keep.

1 Democratic National Committee card. They paid more to send me this then I sent them. It also works as a magic decoder ring. Keep.

1 Sams Club card. Now With Credit Card skilz. Keep

Mastercard, VISA, Blockbuster, CVS. Keep, Keep, Keep, find another home for.

My dentists card. I had an appointment last June 25. I hope I showed up.

My voter registration card. Are you registered? You need to be. Remember. This Is The Most Important Election Of Our Lives. Think of the puppies!

And last but not least, The Worst Horoscope Ever, so bad I had it laminated.

Virgo (August 23-Sept. 22) - Social Gatherings are worth attending. Tend to your health you could be ill and not know it. Learning about life on the streets will be useful. Worrying might be constructive right now

Dated August 1, 1989.

I mean, how much worse can it get? I carry it to remind myself.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Adventures in Democracy part 3 - Revenge of the wonks

I knew this was going to be different when instead of folks in lefty tee-shirts and dockers wandering outside the building with bottled water in their hands I saw determined people in conservative dress striding purposefully down the street with clip boards in their hands. These folks were serious and they had on their power suits.

As I approached the building there was a little crowd in front and as I got closer they started to cheer. Wow. I thought, that’s really nice. Making the delegates feel special. What are they holding? Campaign signs. Gee. Then I looked around and noticed I was walking just behind Erskine Bowles and his handlers and the little crowd was cheering for him. Still kind of cool though. He’s the guy who got bitch slapped by Liddy Dole in the last elections. I was walking behind a guy that got run over by the GOP! You could still faintly see the tire tracks.

The first thing I find inside is the media sign in table.

Wow. Lines and many people waiting in those lines. Throngs of people. I had to wait in a line to find out I was in the wrong line, then I had to wait in another line a get my Official Delegate credentials, that turned out to be a slip of paper that said “Official Delegate” on it. I did score a very kewl toe bag though.

Before I went to go find the space. I wandered the lobby area. Of course they wait until I have no cash and have run out of checks before they roll out the buttons. They had hundreds of them and they were all really cool.

This is the big time. We’re in the Big Room this time. No glorified closet in the basement for this convention. Wow. Carpet and everything! They even opened the snack bar for us. Man, when they treat you as well as they treated the Boat Show, you are going places. I maybe should not have worn shorts.

This must be a big deal, when I get into the space I find my preci chairman and the other delegates from my precinct! I haven’t seen any of them since January when we all got this gig, or actually, I got this gig and they got postcards.. Long time no see. I have so enjoyed going to these things completely alone and knowing no one. I don’t know themeither but by this time we should be buddies.

The space has a real podium and dias. I’m impressed and this time we scored a flag! Two flags! The larger one would make a car dealership proud. Go us! No having to salute a lady in a Uncle Sam costume this time!

The benediction - Thank You God for the Democrats and deliver us from the Republicans, Amen.

Opening speaker - This. Is. The. Most. Important. Election. Of. Our. Life. Times. Mess this up and you are damning your children to hell, and baby ducks, and puppies. To Hell.

Second Speaker - Democrats are people who love other people. Republicans are people who hate other people. The place roars with delight when he invokes Clinton’s name. He may have lied but no one died. I see many buttons with that on them. Sure, he got a blow job but our troops didn’t get blown up. I didn’t see any buttons with that on it.

Erskine Bowles - Vote for me! And all the democrats running! I know their names! Votevotevote! Vote for us! Yay Us!

The we get to the meat of the matter. The endless and mind numbing voting for delegates. Time slows. Mountains rise and fall. The rules of order where written by fascists. Votes are taking, counted, argued over and retaken. One male and one female for each position . The winners get to go to Boston and wear funny hats for a week. PC Controversy - Is it fair to have two minorities run against each other, guaranteeing one will not win? Send them both?! Shouldn’t all communities be represented? Whose minority group is the most minorityesque? Should they line up and compare skin tone? Levels of persecution? Whip out their check books and compare balances? Does wheel chair trump ethnicity?

There is nothing like local politics, simultaneously endearing and enraging.

Sunday, June 20, 2004


Saturday, June 19, 2004


The drug dealer has gotten so good at keeping everything on the down low, there hasn't been a soul at his yard sale all day. Maybe he should have gone heavier on the drug paraphernalia, No one wants his used pots and pan. He should stick to selling pot, he's better at it and the market for it is stronger.

The drug dealers are having a garage sale. No obvious drug paraphernalia, lots of kitchen goods.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Bye, Bye, Trucky

I am officially a driver of a mini-van. Me. My mini-van. A mini-van is parked in my driveway and it lives there.

I needed a new car. I mean really needed. If truck had been a horse it would have been put out to pasture years ago. Poor truck. My first car, my last new car. It was all shiny and chrome-y and pretty. It has a very sporty swoop on the side. Sigh. My first car. My baby truck.

I worked really hard to find my truck. I must have looked at every light truck manufactured in 1993. There were a lot of light trucks manufactured in 1993. Most of them well out of my price range. The salesmen kept showing me all these fabulous trucks with padded seats and dark windows and automatic door locks. Bastards.

Then I found my truck. Weep. Such a pretty little truck! It was even a "girl" truck. No stick "boy" truck for me. This was to be a Ladies Truck. I did my damnedest to fem it up too. I always have had flowered car mats and pink steering wheel cozies just to make it clear what kind of person drove this truck. No tacky naked babe mudflaps for my baby.

This truck took me to my first job and then to my first "real" job. It helped me move into my first apartment, drove me across country and helped me move into my first house. It was a four-wheeled extension of me. My truck.

And now. My poor truck is going away. I drove to work this morning in a minivan.

I mean, truck was falling apart. I haven't had a functioning radio in three years, the tape player wore out before I even left Dallas. The breaks are getting squishy and the windshield cleaner jobbie hasn't worked in years. There was a hole in the windshield or unknown origin, the sunvisers were warped and the plastic around the airvents shattered in my hands. I was careful and the exterior was still pock marked with touch ups. Some asshole took out my rear passenger lights, and right after I brought it home I got re-ended.


Today going to lunch I had to make a 37 point turn to get out of my parking place. I don't know how long the van is and I was afraid of hitting the car behind me.

I haven’t figured out how to radio off with out turning it down all the way, the parking break thingy is in the wrong place and the clock isn't where it's supposed to be. When I hit the gas, the van goes forward! What is that about? It doesn't even stop to think about whether that is a good idea or not! It just goes. No backbone! When I hit the breaks? The van stops! What if it was a mistake? What if I really meant to hit the gas? Again, no backbone! When I get the radio on, it turns on! The nerve.

And the volume control? another backboneless feature, and the option of multiple pre-sets! One person doesn't need 10 available stations. A person should sit in silence and think about stuff. And if a person doesn't want to think about stuff? A person only needs three choices of stations. Really.

The A/C works very well. A person should be hot, it makes you drive less far and causes you to evaluate each trip before hand. If it's too hot, you might not go. Saves gas and promotes a healthy environment!

I'm having to learn all these things. The truck was me. I always knew where "we" were. I shouldn't be frustrated. I did have eleven years to learn the truck. I'll need more then 11 hours to learn the van.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

it doesn't make it better

Telling yourself you are being lied to and believing you are being lied to is one thing. Actually being lied to is quite another. Sitting around saying "Those lying bastards!" because it seemed so obvious and so out there. It couldn't be true. I got all upset I went to protest marches I carried signs. I was right! And the people on the Internet were right and Al Franken was right! And Michael Moore (* when not in screed mode) was right! We were all so right

I wanted to be wrong. I was hoping that somewhere there was a Very Good Reason for all of this, that we had all hyped ourselves up into a lather of indignation because we needed the exercise. The Pundits gleefully, yet solemnly told us the worst case scenario's of a Bush Presidency and what kind of evil the GOP is and what it was capable of and what it was going to do to our country, but since the only place to hear this was on Weekend Update and The Daily Show, we chuckled and asked about the cost of living in Canada.

And those damn pundits were right.

Then we watched the conservatives and their neocon brownshirts rise to power and watched them cloak themselves in our flag and dishonor it.

While they were Dressed in Our Flag they tried to do their best to destroy anyone who disagreed with their version of the American Way by trampling them under the wheels of the Support our Troops! We Must Support The Troops and If You Don't Support The War you Are Not Supporting the Troops! Power of Pride Y'all!!!" bandwagon. And what they were really doing was rolling that bandwagon right over our flag.

And we were still right, 'cause they were wrong! wrong! wrong!

While the bandwagon was going past we stopped hearing The Dixie Chicks on the radio and started to hear Toby Keith because Clear Channel wanted to grease the wheels with the FCC and the best grease was rhetoric and propaganda and encouragement of the war! And the wheels kept turning...

And we were still right and they were still wrong. And then, and then and then .

Those people lied to us! They lied and lied and lied about everything. They lied to us. We elected them, they represent us they are supposed to protect us and they lied to us. They lied to us. It's not a figment of some left wing ideologues fevered anti-Bush agenda. Millions of People believed The Administration because they wanted to believed that our leadership wouldn't take us to war for no reason, that they wouldn't put our soldiers in the line of fire for no reason. No one would do that. They wouldn't do that. They are supposed to protect us. And they certainly wouldn't lie to us about it. Why would they? How Could They!

We got lucky, we were only lied to in order to suit and agenda. These people were killed.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

And it never ends

two more killed in action

more names to add to the Honor Role
No Shit.

Commission reports "no credible evidence" that al Qaeda and Iraq cooperated in 9/11 attacks on United States.

Watch CNN or log on to for the latest news.
More Americans watch CNN. More Americans trust CNN.

read full story here

There are days I just love my job. These are: Veterans Day, The day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, the day after Christmas and the bonus days I get instead of raises.

There are so many other days though. So many days when I just do not feel the love. My boss ignores me until she's ready to shout at me, and everyone wonders why I am so mush happier when she's not here. She is a lovely woman. Warm, kind, funny all those really good things. Her head also spins around and turns beet red on very little provocation.

I try not to provoke her.

The folks here say "Oh, you have to talk to her the way she talks to you, that'll show her. Make her respect you, that's just Boss! Don't worry about it!" and then they go into all the times they've told her to shut up and go away and I sit there and think that they must be cats to have that many lives to spare.


What else? I was the only person siting at the Wendys laughing to myself. Which is good, for the most part I try to not sit next to people who are chuckling over their lunch, but, but I have a book and it’s a good book and people shouldn't move to the main dinning room to get away from me. I feel like I need to have a little place card set up with some explanation as to why I am chuckling over my lunch Custumer is reading funny book, NOT a psychotic! and for the psychotics that may be in the dinning room Custumer is laughing at her book, not you!. You know, maybe they could have a little book readers section where you could laugh or tear up or pound the table and not make people wonder where you wandered away from. "oh, that's okay, she's at a Book table, she 's just reading something!". That would be nice.

I think I over did it Monday. I have given myself a new fitness challenge. I will walk the dog twice a day at least three times a week. I will! And Monday I did! I also mowed the lawn and that might have been the too much. It made me tired, and then I had to take a shower and by that time I was really beat and it was only 9:30. Dogger had even fallen asleep early. She liked the extra walk but as we were heading home she was like "This is it right? We're not going out again, right? It's hot, I'm tired. Why don't we just lie down here for a minute? You know, if you want to do this twice? Why don't you go by yourself! Wouldn't that be fun? You could have some alone time! And I could have some not outdoors in the heat time! I think that sounds great! Don't you?" Poor baby.

It's good for us though. Walking is good for you. Walking more is even better for you. I should also take to going up stairs and to the basement more often. Like during commercial breaks! But that kind of make me tired when I think about it. My stairs are very steep. More walking and added stair climbing, I don't know, I'll have to think about adding that to the mix.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Chortle, Chortle

The laughs just keep coming and some of them on purpose funny. Alert Reader Cat is sharing this link with the class.
Oh, this could be very fun

Dear Friend of The National Republican Senatorial Committee:

Because you have been a valued supporter of The Republican Party, we are committed to keeping you informed about the 2004 election. You may have received communications from us in the past by regular mail. To reduce costs, we are seeking your permission to communicate with you via email. Doing so will enable us to stay in touch for substantially less (no paper, no printing, no postage costs) and pass along important information.

We hope you will permit us to communicate with you via email. We promise not to overstep our welcome in your in-box! If you do not wish to receive email communications from The NRSC, please remove yourself as instructed below by 6/21/04.

If you wish to stop receiving our emails at any time in the future, an Opt-Out option will always be available to you at the bottom of each email.

Thank you for your continued support

With warm regards, I am

ViAgRa(((( must be a huge with The GOP

U.S. declines to create do-not-spam list
Bits and Pieces

I'm sitting here eyeing my Official Happy Secretaries Day violet and wondering how it all went wrong. It's dying. I killed the green plant that was my last year's OHSD gift but it waited until I left for vacation in July to finally commit suicide. I don't know anything about violets, it may be dying or it may just be pouting. Its little plant feelings may have been hurt. Maybe one of my Happy Meal toys said something, maybe one of the Sponge Bob toys looked at it funny, maybe it felt slighted by one of the tiny Madame Alexander Dolls. We'll never know. Or perhaps I over watered it. I assumed that a wet plant is a happy plant… at least no one can say I ignored it to death.

My head is pounding, pounding, pounding. I didn't do anything to it and yet it punishes me. I think my hair squishy might be too tight or the sudden appearance of Mr. Sun after a long absents is throwing me off. Ow, bright light. I like Mr. Sun, but the more time Mr. Rain spends here the less time my one replanted hydrangea plant spends its' time shooting plant daggers at me and whispering to anyone who will listen that it's not growing on purpose just to make me feel bad, asif I had feelings, otherwise its just very depressed about being behind the azalea plant and not in it's own bed with it's own flock of impatiens acting as ladies in waiting, like the other hydrangea.

The impatiens are doing all right, I'm going to go pick up more of them - "picking up" plants makes it sound like I'm going to go cruise some sort of fern bar where all the cool single flowers hang out in a little disco dresses and itty little silk shirts. Regardless, my last years left over flowers that looked all right a couple of weeks ago when I put the impatiens in are suddenly looking all leggy and sickly and they are going to have to go. I am not running a plant hospice after all and it's looking like they are up for some plant eutheniza. The impatiens on the other hand are looking quite lovely. I am pleased. My other replanted hydrangea is also all thriving and happy - which means it’s going to get devoured by bugs or come down with hydrangea plague or something soon.

My boss and my other boss came in and had a long conversation about the placement of my new cabinets as though I was not standing right there and as though I was not standing there doing coast guard signal signs trying to get there attention. I hate that. They did that before the cabinets were delivered and then since I was never included in the discussion and the cabinets finally did arrive, boss and other boss weren't in the office I didn't know what to do with them. I ended up doing what I wanted to do with them. Ha. Boss wants to shift them a little so that she won't feel left out of the cabinet placement. Whatever. Move it thee inches to the right if that will make it better. Get the hell out of my office so I can move it three inches to the left.

Monday, June 14, 2004

So very comforting

"As you know we are entering the Hurricane & Tornado Season and I have been asked to update our "Emergency Contact List"
Nooooooooooo. I am shocked. Shocked I tell you

Here a lie There a lie. Everything a lie-lie.
As if people with Barbie "Issues" didn't have enough to pout about

Mattel offers Barbie Line for "real" women
Signed First Addition, early retirement here I come!

In last weeks Sunday paper was a big story about David Sedaris. Funny guy, talented guy, a hometown guy. Homie was going to be in town over the weekend to flog his new book at Charming Local Independent Bookstore I'm pissed at them, but not enough to bust on them in print for it).

I've read all his books. He is so funny and so talented he makes it almost not entirely embarrassing live here. He rocks hard. I own several of his books, I had more but I sent one to SSG Cuz while he was getting shot at in the desert so I'm down one, but still. It was for a good cause and war time requires sacrifice from us all. I wasn't getting shot at, the least I could do was send my book off to war instead. I'm altruistic that way. Books not Bombs, yo.

Anyhoo. I went off to Brosky and Alphagals to pick up their books to get signed and away I went. Signing started at three. I left early enough, I thought. Little did I know. Early enough would have been 5 pm Friday.

So I'm on the road. CLIB wasn't where I left it. They hadn't moved the damn street wasn't where it was supposed to be. I finally found the place but not before I had to run around Robin Hoods barn to find it.

After much driving and cursing and hating, I finally find the street. I'm not even at not at all charming parking lot of CLIB when I see a lot of cars. A lot of cars. Like outdoor festival lots of cars. All along the street, up and down there are cars, cars in lawns, cars everywhere; And I'm looking around for the signs saying that Dale Jr. was around somewhere - that would be drawing this throng of people. It couldn't possibly be for a writer. Even a good writer, even a home grown writer, even a internationally recognized writer. I mean come on this is Raleigh for Gawds sake!

And then. And then I saw a guy carrying a book. Damn.
I drove into the lot. And I drove around

And Around
And Around
And Around
And Around.

And around some more and I am still trying to figure out why all these people are here. You know the parking lot of a mall the day after Thanksgiving? The thing is supposed to start at three and my clock is saying a quarter till. I'm thinking if I can find somewhere to leave the car, because at this point, I'm open to just leaving it somewhere. There are no spaces left. I finally find a place, the last unoccupied illegal parking place in the lot. Good. It's not three yet and despite the getting lost and the no parking place thing, I'm here and I'm okay.

Me and every NPR listener on the eastern seaboard.

I go up to CLIBS and stand around. I'm thinking we're standing around because there is a line to get in. No, we're standing outside because the fire marshall will close them down if anybody else goes inside. CILB has under planned for the event. CILB owner hasn't seen anything like this in "20 years". I don't know what kind of plan they had for this but whatever kind of plan it was, it was a bad plan. There are people out side who drove all the way from New York City! God Damned NYC to see this guy!

They got in.I ended up buying my book from a big chain, 30% off.

Sunday, June 13, 2004


Saturday, June 12, 2004

Adventures in Visiting Authorland

Check back Monday to see how much fun I had at the book signing!
Out and About

I'm about to go hear David Sedaris speak.

Friday, June 11, 2004

The Hell??!!!

Jury deadlocks in Oklahoma City bombing conspirator Terry Nichols' trial, taking death penalty off the table.

Watch CNN or log on to for the latest news.

Now we're going to have to pay to keep this son of a bitch alive for the next 40 years? SHIT

I iz a kollage gradute

I stole this from Tiffanys' site. I got a 144. I'm going to have to watch less HGTV and more PBS.
Finders keepers pt. 2

I finally got tired of worrying about fessing up to the library that I lost their book. So I fessed up that I lost their book.

I went in their armed with my checkbook and a penitent attitude. I walked up the desk and prepared my tale of woe. I greeted the Library Lady and took out my checkbook, she checked her computer and told me I had a .10 fine and I could put away the checkbook. I smiled and told her that I did actually need the checkbook and I owe then more then .10.

Me - I lost your book.
Library Lady - Oh no! Have you looked for it?
Me - Yes. That's why I'm here. It's gone (deep breath) and I want to pay for it.
LL - You know you can have fines up to $15 and still check out books from us?
Me - No, I didn't but…
LL - Why don't you keep looking.
Me. I've been looking for three weeks and I can't find it. It ain't there to find. Lemme write you a check. I'm tired of looking! I want to stop looking! Put me out of my misery damn it.
LL - It's really hard to get your money back if…
Me - It's not in my house.
LL-(garbled) - list as lost?
Me - Okay.
LL - I don't want to do that because… hard to get your money back. Before I worked for the library… hard
Me - Okay. Can I pay my fine?
LL - Keep your money.
Me - Okay. I just wanted to let y'all know. I feel I should explain or something? I had it and then it disappeared. Magic or something, you know? I've thought of everything and I think it has to do with over head power lines…I had a whole story about evil wizards and literate drug dealers plotting together?
LL - You've thought about this!
Me - I've had three weeks.

So. $15 plus whatever the book costs.

The Dogger new clothes

I still haven't received her new stuff and I know that Mourn'n Ronnie Day isn't going to speed up delivery either. I want her new stuff!! She's fixing to get a new ride and I want her to be stylin' when she's in it. Girlfriend Dog wants to be able to represent when she's out and about and she can't do that in what she has now, a woman needs nice things, for Dogger, nice things mean things that say Hi, I'm A Girl! . I like it to be clear to passers by that she is not a boy dog. I would think that if she was a boy dog it would be obvious. She has taken on a boy dog habit of peeing every three feet when we walk though. So I could see how someone might think… She doesn't even use the grass, or find a shrub; she just drops trou where ever. Concrete? No problem! bricks no problem! No shame at all. So that pink collar can't get here to fast enough. She's tacky, but she's a she, damn it.

Little Red Mini-Van

Doggers new ride. I am now a mini-van driver. I'm going to need to make it less mini-vanny and more … something, I don't know. I'm thinking of getting one of those stick on soccer balls on the rear door with Doggers name on it and maybe something to represent Kitty. Do they make little stick on pentagrams? I don't want to get to into denial though. I don't want to be one of those sad people trying to pretend they don't drive a mini-van. I don't want to tart it up too much but I will need to do something. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thursday, June 10, 2004


Popular music icon Ray Charles has died.

Watch CNN or log on to for the latest news.

Fido is listening

Your Dog wants a thesaurus
The Thumb Also Rises

I slammed my thumb in a cabinet drawer yesterday. It hurt then and it hurts now. I now have one Goth digit. I fell like I should dye some of my hair black and be kinda depressed for about ten minutes a day, or listen to two cuts from a 90s issue Morrissey CD.

The pain is less today. Yesterday I kept myself occupied keeping track of my pulse by the pain in my thumb. I also realize that I use that thumb a lot. Like right now? Used it to hit the space key. Ow.

I noticed that I use that thumb for a lot of things, holding on to the phone, maneuvering a mouse, using the TV remote! Putting Doggers leash on, turning the house alarm on and off, unlocking the front door. That was a big Ow.

Since yesterday I have not lost track of where my thumb is. I always know where it is because I am always doing something to remind me where it is, "where is that thumb? Oh, right here! On my pen. It feels that I am holding the pen to tight. I never knew that about my thumb you don't really pay attention to your parts until one of them hurts. Your ankle for instance, if it isn't hurt do you even notices it? of course not! its one of the most under appreciated body parts. Sprain your wrist and its kind of a drag, sprain your ankle and you might as well be bedfast. Or, your back. How often do you even think about your back? Stay out in the sun tool long and you will think of little else. Bend over the wrong way and you will become down right obsessed with it. Same with your neck, as long as it is doing its job, a very mellow body part, keeps your head in the same place you left it, houses the often painful throat another easily forgotten about body part, ya know until you are conscience of swallowing and then… you can't stop swallowing. Just try. It's not going to work. And if you annoy your neck in anyway, you might as well not even get out of bed.

But anyway. Back to my thumb or more specifically my thumbnail or as it prefers to be called "The Black Opal".

The Black Opal also has serious issues with my toothbrush. It let me know earlier that it would appreciate it if I could work more with my left hand until it felt more like itself again. This would be fine but I have included my left hand in very few things, it doesn't know how to do anything. It hardly knows the rest of me is here. My whole left side feels "left out" at times. Occasionally it demands my attention by hurting itself. Then I am all about whatever it is. As a child I pissed off my left arm so badly it felt that the only way to get my attention was to break itself twice. There is nothing like wearing a cast to really bring you closer to your body part. My left ankle is also the ankle more likely to twist itself when it wants to dialogue with me. Right talkative it is too. Loud mouthed bastard.

But this time, this time it is the right thumb that wanted my attention. Thus far it hasn't shared with me why. I wonder if it really wants me to stop chewing my nails? Or it saw a nail polish color it thought looked good. Whatever it was, thumb, I'm here and I'm listening.

Wednesday, June 9, 2004


This was sent in by Alert Reader Tony. The headline is his.

Visit for more about Bush Administration distortion.



President Bush has claimed that the prison abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib was "disgraceful conduct by a few American troops,"[1] and had nothing to do with broader administration policy. But according to a March 2003 Pentagon memo, Bush administration lawyers issued legal justifications for torture, specifically claiming, "President Bush was not bound by either an international treaty prohibiting torture or by a federal anti-torture law". [2], the revelations have now forced the President to backtrack from his previous denials of culpability, with the White House yesterday admitting for the first time that Bush did, in fact, "set broad guidelines"[3] for interrogation in Iraq - a tacit admission that Bush himself "opened the door"[4] to the torture tactics in the first place.

Now, the U.S. Senate is demanding the full Pentagon memo from the Bush administration. But the President has refused, instead dispatching Attorney General John Ashcroft to tell "lawmakers he won't release or discuss"[5] the memo, even if he is cited for contempt of Congress. This is the same Ashcroft who "conveniently declassified"[6] internal Justice Department memos in an effort to slander 9/11 commissioner Jamie Gorelick. It is also the same Bush administration that leaked the classified name of a CIA officer[7] in an effort to intimidate a former ambassador who had debunked their false WMD claims.[8]


1. Presidential Speech, White House Website, 5/24/04,
2. "Lawyers Decided Bans on Torture Didn't Bind Bush", The New York Times,
3. "Memo on Torture Draws Focus to Bush", The Washington Post, 6/09/04,
4. "The Roots of Torture", Newsweek, 5/24/04,
5. "U.S.'s Ashcroft Won't Release or Discuss Torture Memo (Update 2)",, 6/08/04,
6. "Mr. Ashcroft's Smear", The Washington Post, 4/20/04,
7. "Mission to Niger",, 7/14/03,
8. "White House "warned over Iraq claim", BBC News, 7/09/03,

Least Comic Standing

If you watched Last Comic Standing last night, and you should've cause LCS rocks, you saw that they went to "Dallas", they did not go to Dallas, they went to Addison and the Addison Improv. I performed on that stage once upon a time. The show dissed the folks in the fly over states yet again but at least they got out of their planes to check them out. Last Comic Standing airs again tonight on NBC, unless they choke and air Raygun instead.
Neo-cons your fate is calling...

Thank Gawd for TV
Yup, He's Dead.

Since I don't actually watch television news I have missed out on the mass public mourning. Or as it really is, the mass public mourning of FAUX news. The democrats are saying nice things about the man too. But folks said nice things about Nixon too, after he was safely dead.

I do want every one to notice, it has been more then three days and he hasn't risen. I think the GOP's dream of a Risen Reagan isn't going to happen.

The Reagan cultists are out in force. Some loon out in California is beating the drum to get Ron on the dime or the $5 or the $10, really anything he can put in his pocket and fondle.

They do add, however it would only be half of the dimes, FDR being allowed to stay on the other half. A nation divided. Blue and red dimes. Who would have thought it?

There is also talk of adding Ron to Mount Rushmore. The Reagan cultist are just completely out of their minds, despite the recent body blow of Nancy refusing to let them start up a Ronald Reagan University. That must have been a bummer. After all the successes of Reagan this and Reagan that, all the streets, the Airport, the parks. All of a sudden a refusal. Their desire to paint the world Ronny hit a snag. Nancy said No! , preferring to keep the educational focus on the Ronald Reagan Library.

And he surrounded himself with such good people as well. James Watt, Ollie North, such fine upstanding men. And his administration did such good work in Afghanistan! Keeping those oil fields safe from the commies and making friends with such wonderful future leaders. Bin laden! Ron just loved handing him weapons and money. Good Times! If it wasn't for freedom fighters such as him and his fun bunch gosh, 3000 Americans would still be alive, the police state under which we live wouldn't exist and our solders wouldn't be dying in a hostile land.

Thanks Ronnie for feeding, training and arming what would become the Talaban! With friends like those who needs enemies to murder your own people.
I'm sure that will come up in his eulogy, right around the spiraling debt and rape of our public lands.

Or exploding homelessness or the administrations refusal to recognize AIDS or GRID as it was referred to then - it didn't become AIDS until it started to kill non-gays, you couldn't call it Gay Related Immune Disorder when it was killing heterosexual four year olds.

Of course, to Ron it was still, somehow, their fault.

I remember when he was shot. I was in the sixth grade and the teachers were herding us out to the playground for recess when over the loud speaker the school secretary announced The President has Been Shot! , of course everyone over the age of twelve breathed a whisper of thanks he did not get shot here. Not in Dallas, not again. One of the little boys raised his arms and said "YEAH! he was quickly hustled into a classroom. That is all I remember about that.

I just checked, he's still dead.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004


Ashcroft Says Bush Rejects Use of Torture
How many more days until the election?

I am hopeful this this is a joke, just a little giggle some one came up with. A bit of creative writing.

Have I mentioned how much I love cable?

COMMANDING AN AUDIENCE: The big three networks planning live coverage of Ronald Reagan's funeral procession to the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday evening and the state funeral that follows, along with the national funeral service at the Washington National Cathedral on Friday.

from E!online
The Banana Republican?

"Bush has broad authority on torture, lawyers concluded"

The Wall Street Journal says this page down.

A U.S president should never under any circumstance have reason to have his name used in that sentence. The president has authority to order torture? What has become of us? Any minute now he's going to show up wearing epaulet's and an admirals hat.

Word to The Wise

When people who call themselves "your friends" provide you with the opportunity to slam your thumb in a cabinet drawer, say NO! Don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you that "all the cool people" are doing it.

Ignore them when they say Cam Diaz has been sporting a blue thumb since Memorial Day or that Paris Hilton slammed both hands in a cabinet drawer right before she had sex with it and now has 10 blue nails!!! as well as an exciting new venerial disease.

Don't listen! they are trying to pull you in to their sick, sad world of pain. Having a blue nail does not make you "cool", it is not a quick route to social acceptance! you now have a nail that will eventually fall off. Yum.
Alumna Foil

Dear Alumni Association,

Hi. Remember me? I'm the one who told you that you don't offer a giving level low enough to match my level of desire to give you money? Yeah. You remember. I think I also noted that my major was a little light on the Real World aspects of my field? Suggesting that all of us would spend every minute of our professional lives not only working solely in our field but working in our field as Actors! Directors! and Designers! And while raising us to work in the non-profit fields on the entertainment plantation, not offering even one class on grant writing?! But preparing most of us to work primarily in the service industry? I might have also alleged that they did this on purpose to make sure that restaurant industry would not run low on over educated, under motivated employees t who just don't care enough to spit in customers drinks... And that my degree prepared me the most for was standing on street corners with a "Will Deconstruct Mamet For Food" sign?


I got a MasterCard™ in the mail. It has a picture of Old Main on it. This tells me that I got it through you, alumni society. Which reminds me that I got the card because I wanted an alumni tee -shirt. I never got my alumni tee shirt, and now they hauled off and renamed the school and any tee shirt I would get now would have the dumb new name on it. I am annoyed and not working in my degree field.

And when I checked the date on the card it seemed to reflect that I had had this card for some time. That means that you tricky bastards talked me into the card several years ago and then kept me, some how from paying too close attention to the lack of shirt by renaming the school. I know that you yourselves didn't rename the school. I see that. I also see you didn't work very hard to block the change, but it wasn't your fault. I could also further get your butt out of the fire with me by suggesting that the name change was so hard on you that you just couldn't deal with sending me my shirt. I was bummed out too. I still want my shirt.

I think that you could send me one. Or two, or whatever you feel I would be the most comfortable with. I do believe that I am the only alumna east of The Mississippi and I would make your only inroads into this part of the country.

I also want to know if while you are sending me a tee shirt or two or whatever you think I would be the most comfortable with, that you also send me a chrome license plate frame. My plastic one I got with my diploma is almost ready to go to the great License Plate Framery in the sky and I would like a new one.

I would be totally willing to be the Point person for a whole new wave of Alumni Groups west of the Mississippi. I and the rest of your lost sheep would sit around in our official Alumni Tee Shirts and talk about how much we (love!) to hate you.


Monday, June 7, 2004

This administration is all about the compassion

The ruling was a defeat for the Bush administration, which argued America's relationships with other countries were on the line in the case...

The administration objected to letting Holocaust survivors go to court to get their property back. When the administration wanted to go to war with Iraq and our relationships with other countries were actually on the line it didn't matter. Now the administion is worried about irking former nazis? Read the whole story
Oh. My. Gawd

Thousands expected? To look at a Casket? and a closed one at that? how do they know it's even him? it could be anyone, who do you think the GOP wants to bury this week?

Bushit has proclaimed Friday a National Day of Mourning, true, this is SOP with a dead president, but Ronald Reagan??? (and the link is from FAUX news, so ya know, you never really know.). We're lucky he didn't call it Ronald Reagan Day, as he did with Jesus Day back when he fancied himself The Grand Executioner of Texas.

The CREP has taken down their site to show what big fans they are as well.

While our letter carriers are remembering The Big R by keeping it real hanging out by the pool and not delivering our mail, the rest of us can remember Ronnie Raygun this way.
Finders Keepers Losers Weepers

I’m finally going to go back to the library and let them know I’ve lost their book. It’s gone and I can’t find it. I had it and then it disappeared.

I will explain to them that I have been reading a lot of Harry Potter lately and I can only assume that some Dark Wizard has cast some sort of Hiding Charm or Losing Spell on it and leave it at that. I think the library will accept that and move on.

Of Course they will. I think it should work. Maybe if I dress up like Dorothy and click my heels together three times and wish the book was in my hands... probably not.

If I can get worked up enough. I mean, I’ve read four of the five books over the past week and I just saw the movie and, ya know, I could be really freaked out and seeing brooms and enchanted rats and all make and model of magic folk all over the place. I think I might be able to convince them that I am A) Completely out of my mind, and as such not at all responsible for the status of said missing book and B) so damn clever to come up with such a cute excuse for misplacing their book that we all share a laugh about it . I am hoping for the “I’m so clever” instead of the “I’m so crazy”, but I do want them to not want to talk about it with me. Maybe if I just write a check and slip it under the door with a note,

Dear Library,

I lost your book. It was at my house and then it wasn’t. I have no clue where it went off to. I had suspected that it went to France as a stow away but it turned out that it hadn’t. I think some bad person stole it. My dogs soccer ball was stolen and I think your book suffered the same fate. Sorry, please find enclosed a check for X amount.


I did do something to make sure that if something else disappears that I might be able to get it back. It being Kitty. I went and got him chipped. Now if the little monster tries to run away and ever ( God Forbid) stays away if he gets picked up by the pound they will be able to find out where he really belongs. I haven’t seen a truck from the pound in my neighborhood and from the number of stray cats there are just on my street, I doubt the pound has ever been here. It doesn’t matter. Kitty can run be can’t hide. And ya know , if he ever gets stolen or something and he ends up in some black market Kitty adoption ring, when he gets scanned at the hoodwinked adoptive parents vet, they will discover the cats secret identify and we’ll all end up in a Hallmark Network Made For TV Movie.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I think what would be really nice would be instead of making vague references to something that happened in the past, they could say something along the lines of, Hey, Potter, remember in Book 2 when we were doing blah, blah, blah and.... it would make it much easier to follow. Maybe if the books came with footnotes - that would be nice.

Sunday, June 6, 2004


Saturday, June 5, 2004


Friday, June 4, 2004


it's frightening, truly frightening
Democratic Picnic Animal

At the last convention I saw a flyer for some Democratic Picnic sometime in June. I took the flier and thought that if this picnic thing was on a Saturday or something I might go. I brought the flyer home and Kitty ate it.

Before I could go to this soiree I had to get money. I decided on the bank near my house. When I got to the bank I decided on the drive through. Why Not?

Why. Not.

I know it’s a cliche. I know everyone who has ever been through a drive through bank has said the exact same thing. I’m going to say it anyway. WHY must the people in front, why must they do think that getting their boat refinanced is something they need to do at the drive through? and why is it the car in front of me is there to close on their house? Why! I just wanted to cash a check. It would have hardly been faster going in the bank since my neighborhood bank is Fort Apache The Bank and I end up standing in isolation booths while some computer checks me out against known bank robbers for twenty minutes before I am set lose on the interior of the bank where I get the same treatment . In My bank there is no waiting. Waiting in groups breeds bank robbers, so there is never more then one customer in the bank at a time. You will stand there and wait when you are the only person in line. They need one teller to keep an eye on you, one to run you through BCIS, another to keep an eye on the one keeping an eye on you and the fourth to pretend you aren’t there at all. This is the only teller with out a Next Window Please card .. I feel the love every time.

Anyway. I finally get my money. Three days and two gallons later.

On The Road To Find Out

I get Dogger up and throw her outside. I decided that feeding her before our little trip might be the wrong idea. People might not really dig her squatting while they are trying to eat their pulled pork. It can be kind of an appetite suppressant. So we leave.

Dogger loves this idea. This is the maiden voyage of her fancy collapsible bowl and I want to see if she will drink from it. It’s awfully convenient. The only non-convenient part is that I have to cart the water as well and I don’t have a hands free water bottle. Juggling is good for you.

We get to the fair grounds where the picnic is being held. Lot’s of cars. That is a good sign. Its always good to see a nice turn out at things like this. I find a place to park and maneuver Dogger, her bowl and the water out of the car. So far so good. No squirrels, gross things in the grass or anything Doggger needs to investigate right now.

I am not seeing a lot of people hauling blankets and chairs. Maybe we all forgot to bring them. I am also not seeing other dogs. There are always dogs at these things. Always. Every time I go to a group activity there are dogs. This is why I brought my dog.

There were a hell of a lot of Yellow Dogs there. Dogger was the only one with out an ACLU card.. Dinner was also an inside event. Dogger had to go back to the car. I woofed down my dinner and went and rescued her.

Many Pols. Many speeches, many reminders that the soul of our very country depends on this election. We and we alone can save this country. Another GOP term and we are all going to hell. Then I ate a brownie and we went home.

Thursday, June 3, 2004

Unfull House

I'm getting used to the nephdogs being gone. I was taking Dogger out this morning and when I looked up at the clock I realized that for the last two weeks by this time I had fed all three dogs and was finally sitting down to read my paper. Wow.

It's so nice to sleep past 6am! I had no idea how very early it was and how much I wasn't loving getting up early. I didn't really know what time it was because I keep all the clocks in the house fast and when I set the clock for the extra dogs I just kind of let it go ahead what looked like a reasonable amount of time, keeping in mind it's all ready ten minutes fast or so.

The paperboy also picked that period of time to start experimenting with his delivery times, getting my paper to me whenever he got around to it. I hate that. I want my paper at the same time everyday. I don't like having to keep my self occupied at that hour, it leads to napping.

Weighter Topic

Mr. Kitty is much happier. When I came home yesterday after work, when I picked him up, instead of biting me or trying to get away, he snuggled up to my shoulder and purred. It had been a while since he has purred at me. He has been a tense kitty.

He's been lying on the carpet in front of the TV the last couple of weeks looking like some sort of beached orca. I thought I would use him as a back rest for watching TV and then I tried him out as a footrest when he didn't like being a back rest, he did not appreciate being a footrest either. If you are going to lie about like a footrest you shouldn't be surprised when you are used as a footrest. Fat Kitty.


They love sending out emails here at work, enlightening us to little known or archaic rules and regs, I think they need to send out an email about children. Today for instance, I am working at a Kindercare, there are three different kids wandering the building and none of them need to be here. This is a place of business, if I wanted to work at a daycare I would, actually if I wanted to work at a daycare I would shoot myself - but that's irrelevant. The kids shouldn't be here. I doubt seriously if I brought my dog up here to hang out all day and pretty much left other people to look after her, I would get called to the carpet. These people bring their kids up here and its okay. The only difference between my dog being here and these people's children being here, is that my dog makes less noise. And weighs less, but that's just me being catty. Right, but catty. If the child can tie up one of our, and in one case, two of our computers all day playing games, why can't that same child be at home playing computer games?

I also want an email about listening to religious radio stations while at work. This can't be right. It bugs me and I want it to not be allowed. I have half a mind to call personal and see if we can listen to inflammatory religious programming while at work. I bet we can't. It could be worse though, it could be Rush.

Wednesday, June 2, 2004

'Cause the seperation of church and state just isn't Khristian...

Vote like your soul depends on it.

Ummmmm, no, it's not even kinda like that
insert title here

So how was your long weekend? Do anything fun? Need another day off to recover from your day off?

I did nothing. Okay, I did slightly more then nothing because until late Sunday afternoon I still had a herd of dogs in my house, but for the most part nothing. Well, I did laundry. A lot of laundry. And I planted dwarf impatients, I had to go out and buy the flowers, so that was something.

Let's see what I accomplished


Fed, watered took in and out Dogs

Drove the nephdogs over to campus for a walk. That was kind of fun. I also brought them into my office to pick up something I forgot. I was right, two dogs is too many for the front seat of my car.

Went to Wal-Mart to get some film developed.

Returned to Wal-Mart to pick up film.

Went home, watched HDTV.

Took Dogs in and out

Read Harry Potter


Moron woke me up at a quarter to eight in the morning to borrow a spoon. Had to kill him.

Fed, watered, took Dogs in and out

Bathed all three dogs in front yard

Caught the Kitty after he took advantage of the door being open while I was bringing one dog or another into the house post bath.

Read Harry Potter book

Went to Broskey and Alphagals to pick up mail, was not struck by lightening or set upon by ticks!

Took Dogs in and out

Went to K-Mart for some bedding plants found they were using the garden center to store polyester pants. I know where all the polyester pants got to after 1979. They did not have any bedding plants although they did have plastic plants. Martha is falling down on the job.

Finally found bedding plants at Farmers Market.

Took Dogs in and out

Finished Harry Potter book prior to movie opening this week. Yay Me.

Started fourth Harry Potter book. AKA the first one she was paid by the word.

Decided to ignore the trash in the closet. Too much like work.

Took Dogs in and out

Watched HDTV

Read Harry Potter book.

Did Laundry
Did Laundry
Did laundry

Read Harry Potter book.

Took dogs in and out


Called To see if Brosky and Alphagal were home yet

Fed, watered took dogs in and out

Planted impatients. Discovered that a whole flat is a lot of impatients. Many, many, many little plants. Wondered if dogs would like to eat them.

Took Nephdogs for a walk.

Called to see if Broskey and Alphagal were home yet
Called to see if Broskey and Alphagal were home yet
Called to see if Broskey and Alphagal were home yet
Called to see if Broskey and Alphagal were home yet

Read Harry Potter

Took Dogs in and out

Filled dishwasher

Watched HDTV

Called to see if Broskey and Alphagal were home yet

Took Dogs in and out

Broskey and Alphagal Are Home!!!

Read Harry Potter book

Watched HDTV

Took Dogger out


Watched Law and Order marathon.

Read Harry Potter book

Closed Camp Knotty-Pina for the season

Did laundry
Did laundry

Read Harry Potter book

Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon
Watched Law and Order Marathon

Took Dogger out.

Went to Brosky and Alphagals.

Watched a Harry Potter movie.

Put Dogger out.

Yeah. I went to work today because it just sounded so much more exciting then what I had been doing.

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Grrrrrrrrr AArrgghh

Dear Drug Dealers next door,

I am not deaf. Speaking louder does not make what you are saying less easy to hear. I can read my book and over hear you talking. Stop Talking! There are so many things I do not want to know. If I wanted to take an extension course from the University of The Street, I would take something in Jump Rope or How To Avoid Pot Holes. Stop Talking!


The Material Witness next door.

edited to add, this is what they were talking about! OMG!
I have a word for Koby Bryant...

if you don't like the word "victim" how about

RAPIST! you low life SOB!
Do to my deep laziness, this is a reprint of a “classic” entry from September 2003.

Hooommmmmeewaaarrd Booouunnnd, I wish I wasn’t Hooommmeewaaarddd Booounnnd

I went to the beach for the first time in a long time. Just sat by the beach and read my book. And played in the water. And got sunburned. If any of you were out looking at mars over the weekend, you weren’t seeing it. You were seeing my bright red self. Mars only thinks its got a big red face. Mars was pinkish and to my left.The warm water really gives you the opportunity to flop yourself into a deep state of meditation. You don’t have to be outfitted in something yoga-ific that Madonna approved. You can wear anything you don’t mind getting salt water on. Salt water also causes buoyancy. You can float! unaided, for as long as you can stay on the right side of the water, but let a bigger then average wave pound you into the shore and you may lose your floppy state of mind and find yourself just a bigger piece of flotsam – some old guy with a metal detector will throw you into his trunk, take you back to his garage and spray paint you and cover you with reflectors until you turn into yard art. Avoid beaching yourself.Anyway, on to my Theory of Floppiness.All great theories seem to have multiple points. Floppiness does not have points. Floppiness requires, rounded, calming shapes. Points are not calming shapes, they are pointy shapes. Not Calming and not conductive to floppiness.Floppiness has suggestions, ideas, thoughts, no points.Letting yourself go mentally floppy does not preclude dealing with more concrete issues, you cannot flop yourself away from mortgage payments or credit card debt or work. You can flop away from emotional things. Old friend suddenly being a complete boor? Want to kill him? Flop, flop, flop away!, some cow flip you off for no reason whatsoever? Flop away! Feeling low self esteem forming regarding your less then tailored shrubbery? Flop away!. Your feelings can be preserved almost indefinitely. To make Flopping Away work for you, you have to decide before hand that piddly little things are piddly little things. If someone is ugly to you or you have an interpersonal issue that needs to be dealt with? And you can’t right now deal with? Get floppy. Let the waves take you where they may! Let the current take you away from the icky interpersonal issue, which, really isn’t your problem any way.You must be firm in forcing yourself to let go, and let the waves! you cannot brood about it, you have to remain floppy or end up in some hideous garden spray painted and covered with reflectors. The only way to remain calm and at ease is to remain floppy. You must let yourself over to the current. Stressing about things out of your control, say your old friends boorish new behavior is not floppy. Stress leads to spray paint and garden gnomes.If you need a mentor in your floppiness, think about the Porpoise. This is a completely floppy animal. A dolphin, while somewhat floppy, has too many expectations attached to it. Strive to be a dolphin and you’ll be expected to have answers, and untold depth and contacts in Hollywood. Porpoises do not have untold depth, or famous friends, they have floppiness.Getting dicked around? Get Sharky , bare your fangs, eat that jerks head? No. Too messy and not at all floppy, Unleash your inner porpoise and flop away, roll around in the surf and go where the current takes you.