Do to my deep laziness, this is a reprint of a “classic” entry from September 2003.

Hooommmmmeewaaarrd Booouunnnd, I wish I wasn’t Hooommmeewaaarddd Booounnnd


I went to the beach for the first time in a long time. Just sat by the beach and read my book. And played in the water. And got sunburned. If any of you were out looking at mars over the weekend, you weren’t seeing it. You were seeing my bright red self. Mars only thinks its got a big red face. Mars was pinkish and to my left.The warm water really gives you the opportunity to flop yourself into a deep state of meditation. You don’t have to be outfitted in something yoga-ific that Madonna approved. You can wear anything you don’t mind getting salt water on. Salt water also causes buoyancy. You can float! unaided, for as long as you can stay on the right side of the water, but let a bigger then average wave pound you into the shore and you may lose your floppy state of mind and find yourself just a bigger piece of flotsam – some old guy with a metal detector will throw you into his trunk, take you back to his garage and spray paint you and cover you with reflectors until you turn into yard art. Avoid beaching yourself.Anyway, on to my Theory of Floppiness.All great theories seem to have multiple points. Floppiness does not have points. Floppiness requires, rounded, calming shapes. Points are not calming shapes, they are pointy shapes. Not Calming and not conductive to floppiness.Floppiness has suggestions, ideas, thoughts, no points.Letting yourself go mentally floppy does not preclude dealing with more concrete issues, you cannot flop yourself away from mortgage payments or credit card debt or work. You can flop away from emotional things. Old friend suddenly being a complete boor? Want to kill him? Flop, flop, flop away!, some cow flip you off for no reason whatsoever? Flop away! Feeling low self esteem forming regarding your less then tailored shrubbery? Flop away!. Your feelings can be preserved almost indefinitely. To make Flopping Away work for you, you have to decide before hand that piddly little things are piddly little things. If someone is ugly to you or you have an interpersonal issue that needs to be dealt with? And you can’t right now deal with? Get floppy. Let the waves take you where they may! Let the current take you away from the icky interpersonal issue, which, really isn’t your problem any way.You must be firm in forcing yourself to let go, and let the waves! you cannot brood about it, you have to remain floppy or end up in some hideous garden spray painted and covered with reflectors. The only way to remain calm and at ease is to remain floppy. You must let yourself over to the current. Stressing about things out of your control, say your old friends boorish new behavior is not floppy. Stress leads to spray paint and garden gnomes.If you need a mentor in your floppiness, think about the Porpoise. This is a completely floppy animal. A dolphin, while somewhat floppy, has too many expectations attached to it. Strive to be a dolphin and you’ll be expected to have answers, and untold depth and contacts in Hollywood. Porpoises do not have untold depth, or famous friends, they have floppiness.Getting dicked around? Get Sharky , bare your fangs, eat that jerks head? No. Too messy and not at all floppy, Unleash your inner porpoise and flop away, roll around in the surf and go where the current takes you.