Friday, December 31, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Snowgirl

I got tired of the cold and decided that being cold and wet was more my style. So I went on a walk. In the snow.  I went back to Lake Johnson, several hours later than I probably should have, but it was a challenge and I wanted to play with the light!  Sure, it was planned that way, I didn't go to the park until almost too late because I've gotten too used to proper light and dry feet and a lack of frost bite and that's just lazy and wrong.

Ta Da!

Clearly, I didn't stay long and I didn't get very far. Again, totally part of my plan .

Monday, December 27, 2010

Howdy

How was your Christmas? Good? Good.

We got snow.

The Garden in Winter. Rrrrrrrrrr.

my kingdom for a very large litter box

also wants a litter box

not excited about this

soooo pretty!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

**MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!**


FROM ALL OF US IN THE DIANAVERSE TO ALL OF YOU!!!

**MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!**

Friday, December 24, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas to me! Hazzah! I found a bunch of CDs I thought I had lost forever! Bruce Springsteen, Fat Boy Slim, Captain and Tenille! I decided that I must have taken them to Marquette and then left them there where I figured that they got eaten by over-wintering squirrels .

Thank gawd for New Car! Its the only working CD player in the house. Maybe after Christmas if I've forgiven myself my profligate ways, perhaps I'll by myself a working model.

Speaking of Christmas, Merry Christmas! And sicne we're talking about Christmas, lets chat about light posting. I'm going to be posting lightly through the new year - Not not posting, just posting less frequently than daily.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Domo Arigato, Santa!

Santa ga machini yattekuru]

 *Saa

Anatakara Merry Christmas

Watashikara Merry Christmas

Santa Claus is coming to town

Ne kikoetekuru desho

Suzuno negasugusokoni

Santa Claus is coming to town

~Machi kirenaide oyasumishitakoni

Kitto subarashii Present motte

Saa

Anatakara Merry Christmas

Watashikara Merry Christmas

Santa Claus is coming to town

*Repeat

Christmas Eve wo yubiorikazoeta

Osanai omoidemo koyoi natsukashi

Saa

Anatakara Merry Christmas

Watashikara Merry Christmas

Santa Claus is coming to town

~Repeat

 
 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I do go to church, thank you

Are ya'll ready for some football? No? Neither were any of my teams. How about Are ya'll ready for some sacrilege?  Okay! Its time for an all-dog-all- Daisy Nativity Scene!

Daisy as:
The Angel

As,

one

two

three, Wisemen

And

the Shepard


And his

sheep


Desert Polar Bear

And his
Desert Bunny Rabbit


And  finally,


Joseph


Mary

And, no I don't have a Daisy as baby Jesus - Its not Christmas yet! Get your baby Jesus out of your creche!  And Daisy may pass for many, many, many things, a new born human is not one of them.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROSKY!!! WELCOME TO YOUR EARLY 40s!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The countdown

Heads up to my readers that access the site through your phone or other mobile devise, this page can now be read much more easily. Yay.

Instead of posting lyrics, today I'm doing a link to a transcript of a Saturday Night Live piece from gawd, a long time ago, but it is about Christmas Carols so its on topic.

Christmas Hits!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Merry Christmas from....

Zan, zan, zan, zan, zan, zan, zan,



koy e van, koy e van?


Koy shte doyde v tozi chas?


Tuk pristiga dyado Mraz!




Iskam oshte shtom go zarna,


ot sartse da go pregarna,


che si znam, che si znam,


toy mi nosi dar golyam!


Zan, zan, zan, zan, zan, zan, zan,


koy e van, koy e van?


Koy shte doyde v tozi chas?


Tuk pristiga dyado Mraz!



Iskam oshte shtom go zarna,


ot sartse da go pregarna,


che si znam, che si znam,


toy mi nosi dar golyam!



Iskam oshte shtom go zarna,


ot sartse da go pregarna,


che si znam, che si znam,


toy mi nosi dar golyam!



..... Bulgaria!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It'sll be a blue and white Christmas...

Today's totally random foreign language Christmas carol is drum roll please...

Finnish!

Muistat Tuhkimon, Lumikin, Ruususen varmaan



ja Punahilkan ja sudenkin harmaan,


mutta poro tää sulta usein unhohon jää.


Petteri Punakuono oli poro nimeltään,


ollut ei loiste huono Petterimme nenänpään.


Haukkuivat toiset illoin majakaksi pilkaten.


Tuosta vain saikin silloin joulupukki aattehen:


Aattoilta pitkä on, taival valoton.


Petteri vois nenässään valon tuoda pimeään!


Petteri siitä asti pulkkaa pukin kiskoen


johtaa sen riemuisasti luokse lasten kilttien.
 
 
Deep, meaningful lyrics that go to the soul of Finnish faith or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I transcribe, you decide. I spelled checked this and Blogger reported that it seemed I was asking it to correct Finnish and would I like to change to Finnish to do the check. It can't post pictures on a regular basis but it recognizes Finnish when it sees it.
 
Oh, I had a Christmas miracle around here. My table lamps in the living room haven't worked in years. I bought new lamp shades and suddenly they stopped working. I tried to do something about it at first and then I decided that I hardly ever lit them anyway and it wasn't worth the agita. I put my Santa's out and I thought they seemed really sad sitting in the dark, so I as a lark, flipped on one of the lamps and it lit! I put a bulb in the other lamp and for yucks I turned it on and it lit too! I was genuinely amazed. Now my Santa's are happy and I have my lamps back. Ta da!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Guess the carol

Tocam Sinos
Arrojadamente através da neve
Num trenó aberto de uma baia*
Sobre os campos nós vamos
Sorridentes todo o caminho
Sinos nos cavalos tilintam**
Fazendo os espíritos rebrilharem
Que divertido é rir e cantar
Uma canção de trenó esta noite




Ah, tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho
Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia
Tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho


Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia
Um dia ou dois atrás
Eu pensei em dar um passeio
E logo Dona Fanny Bright***

Estava sentada ao meu lado
O cavalo era magro e fraco
A má de sorte parecia fazer-lhe parte
Nós entramos num banco de neve
E então nós capotamos ****


Ah, tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho
Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia
Tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho


Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia sim
Ah, tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho


Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia
Tocam sinos, tocam sinos
Tocam todo o caminho


Ah, que divertido é passear
Num trenó aberto de uma baia

Have you guessed? Do you think you know? A two part question -  what language is it in, and what popular carol is it?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
I'll give you the language, its Portugueus! I'll give you a seconmd to go to babblefish to get it translated. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Bing! Right in one!

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight


Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh


Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

Bonus lyrics!
A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot






Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way




Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh yeah






















Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way


Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

From: http://lyricstranslate.com From: http://lyricstranslate.com

Tuesday, December 14, 2010



Baby weims! Squuuueeeeeee!!!
Winning

I either did my first or my last gardening this weekend. Last, in that I emptied out and brought it my front porch flower pots, and first, in that I disposed of the dirt by covering my  Halloween pumpkins and hopeing for sprouts.

This year I disposed of my pumpkins in a much more sprout friendly location with much better light instead of just dumping them over the side and forgetting about them. Last year they voluntarily sprouted under much more difficult conditions but did not produce any pumpkins, this year I am hopeing that under much better circumstances I might have volunteer pumpkins instead of just volunteer vines, lovely and welcome as they were.

My question would be, is it better to leave the pumpkins whole and let them break down naturally or should I break them up and hurry the process along? The fact that its veryverycold right now might render the question moot. According to the map all the bitter cold, stadium destroying weather is falling on us. I hate gravity. On the upside to all this cold, my raspberry bushes are in heaven. They love being cold.

My Christmas decorations have suffered their first casualty. Pengy the outdoor penguin had to come in from the cold. He did one beak plant too many and I decided to pull him from the line. Also his wing kept falling off and his hat needs to be tacked down. Pengy was sad and needed some  down time in the penguin ICU.

I've had problems with my other penguins too. I was bringing Dogger back from our Thank-You-Jesus-Last-Walk-of-The-Night and I noticed that there was too much snow collecting on the face of the globe, so I did my usual pat down to clear it and return  the "snow" to the atmosphere. The  globe deflated under my hands. Damn it.

I  hurried put Dogger back in the house and found a flashlight. I then went back outside in the cold to root around in the dirt around my snow globe. I've never had to do that, I plug it in and it blows itself up. There is no on/off switch. Its either plugged in or its not. I checked the cord and it was fine, I checked the extension cords and it was fine, I checked the timer and it was fine. My snow globe was not fine, it is called an "air-blown" and the air was not blowing.

I sat there in the dirt and tried to focus What makes these things stop? What do I know about sudden, non-cord related, non-electricity related stoppage? Fuses. Somewhere there is a fuse and it is bad. The problem now is to find the fuse. In the dark. In the cold. In the wet.

Fortunately, the air-blown practices good customer service. The fuse was indeed blown (patted self on back for figuring that out, in the dark/cold/wet)  but sitting quietly next to the blown fuse was a replacement, unblown.  Bright, warm, bright, dry Victory.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Spirit

Well. It was rainy and cold and generally gross on Saturday. God smiled on the Edwards family because the weather kept most of the crazies of all persuasions at bay. It turned out the cult only sent five people and the nice people sent only enough to make the cult look small and pathetic by comparison, not that  it took a greater number of people to do that. There were pictures in the paper of a few signs reminding us that God is Love and no pictures of any signs suggesting otherwise.

I went, but too late to gawk at the cult members. I parked, I walked a long way in the rain and then nothing, the freaks had all ready left. A little rain and cold and and they left before there permit expired!  but I suppose that the shopping in whatever piss ant town in Kansas they hail from pales comparison to  the shopping opportunities at Crabtree Valley Mall. Greed always trumps bile spewing.  In any case I was forced to experience the heartbreak of Gawkus interrptus. I did however manage to get some good gawking in at the huge amount of press and  cops that pretty much made up crowd when I got there. I think I saw more cops there maintaining order in a sea of order then I did when someone was murdered on my street. The funeral went on unmolested.

Before I went and gawked, I went to get touch up paint - unsuccessfully, I ordered the paint but couldn't bring it with me then, a kind of a pain in the neck because the dealership is hardly next door and a return trip was not on my to-do list. It is now. On the upside a friendly tech person taught me how to set the trip odometer. I tried to read the book but it wasn't clear, but now I know how I can see if my oil needs to be changed without having to mess with the hood and interact with the actual oil,  so that's nice.

Later, Dogger and I went to get her picture taken. Successfully, the first fruitful thing I did all day. It took three tries, the first time she moved, the second time the elf forgot to put the memory card back into the camera and finally, the third time was the charm. We spent  a lot of wandering around the store waiting to hear if we could finally go home. Dogger was a total champ and charmed everyone she saw and actually did as she was asked! She was asked to sit for a treat and she actually sat! I had to check her ID tags to make sure I had the right dog!

For someone who was aggressively ambivalent about decorating, my house now looks like Santa's Workshop. The halls are well and truly decked,  the tree is resplendent and my Santa's are everywhere . Speaking of my halls,  I think the hall is the one place I failed to consider... This calls for a trip to Poverty Barn!


Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

The secret to your pets' lithe cat-like physique exposed!
Fun!

I had a very simple plan for the weekend. It included decorating the tree, the mantel and distributing the Santai and then going to the Honda dealership to pick up touch up paint so I'll never need it - fail to get touch up paint and you are doomed to a life of door dings. and after that, getting Doggers picture with Santa taken.

This would be doable. Busy, but doable. And then, and then the freaks from Kansas decided to crash Elizabeth Edwards funeral. In Raleigh, on Saturday, downtown. And now I have something else to add to the list - decorating the tree, the mantel and distributing the Santai and then going to the Honda dealership  to pick up touch up paint so I'll never need it - fail to get touch up paint and you are doomed to a life of door dings, and after that, getting Doggers picture with Santa taken,  do whatever I can to make life difficult for interfere with and disturb freaks either downtown or at the cemetary, they are both close to my house.

Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wheee!

I came home and walked Dogger and got her fed and then started my dinner and got me fed and got the dishes cleaned up and watched some TV and then I took my book in Doggers room and read in there with her for a while and it occurred to me that I had received a call from the framing place earlier in the day that my order was ready.

And I said Hmm. I would like to go pick that up but I don't know, it feels pretty late. I don't want to go out if its late . It was 6:34pm. It gets dark early here. It looks the same at 6:34 as it does at 10:45. I think there should be a difference, that there should be some way other than looking at the clock, to tell how late it is. Maybe  like until say, 8pm the sky could be a nice royal purple  and as it got later the sky could get less purple and more black. Someone can work on that.

I remember the first year I lived here, right after the time changed in the winter I was watching TV and I realized it was dark and had been for a while and  was just a few days ago it was light until about 9pm and so if it was really dark  it must be really late  and so I got ready for bed and put on my Pj's and washed my face and made sure my purse and keys were were I could find them in the morning and then I turned on the TV and it was, you know, 8:30 and I was ready for bed.

This time I didn't go quite that into it so I was still  wearing street clothes and was able to pack up Dogger and we went to Knightdale and I picked up my matting and while I was in the middle of Retailand, I thought it might be a good idea to look around... you never know, I might see something that I or someone I know needs.

Nobody I know "needs" anything right now. Santa is going to come to all of our houses and leave us a lot of stuff that we want, this is not a time of year for buying things because of need. March is a good time for need - things like socks and pajamas or new dress shoes or khakis. Boring things. Right now its all about want.

I all ready got everything anyone told me they wanted. To that end I bought  in bulk. Everyone I know is getting bedazzled Pj's and mirrored sneakers and fishing-rods you can also use as a pen. And this year everyone is getting slim jims and glorified burglar tools. I will never be locked out again.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Happiness

In honor of my getting my boxed up cookies mailed and my Christmas cards  addressed, stamped  and mailed  and scoring a flood light for my front door (Whoop!) and mindful of all the time I spent this summer and am spending now in Sweden with my new friends Elizabeth Salander and Kalle Freaking Blomkvist I bring you a Swedish Christmas carol about...  Gnomes!

Tomtarnas Julnatt  - The Gnomes' Christmas Night
Midnatt råder,

tyst det är i husen,

tyst i husen.

Alla sover,

släckta äro ljusen,

äro ljusen.



Se, då krypa

tomtar upp ur vrårna

upp ur vrårna,

lyssna, speja,

trippa fram på tårna,

fram på tårna.



Snälla folket

låtit maten rara,

maten rara,

stå på bordet

åt en tomteskara,

tomteskara.



Hur de mysa,

hoppa upp bland faten,

upp bland faten,

tissla, tassla¹,

"God är julematen,

julematen!"



Gröt och skinka,

lilla äppelbiten,

äppelbiten,

tänk så rart

det smakar Nisse² liten,

Nisse² liten.

Nu till lekar!³

Glada skratten klingar,

skratten klingar,

runt om granen³

skaran muntert svingar,

muntert svingar.



Natten lider.

Snart de tomtar snälla,

tomtar snälla,

kvick och näpet

allt i ordning ställa,

ordning ställa.



Sedan åter

in i tysta vrårna,

tysta vrårna,

tomteskaran

tassar lätt på tårna,

lätt på tårna

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Joy

Tired. Tired now. Tired  and my knees hurt but I did get all my to-be-mailed dog cookies packed up and ready to go. I even remembered to put Christmas cards for the people tucked inside the boxes.  I'm pretty sure that I'm going to mail them in two trips because I don't really think anyone is going to want to wait for me to get seven boxes processed to seven different cities. Its not going to be pretty, The USPS is going to totally have to be on their Christmas list after this.

Speaking of Christmas, I still have the other non-dog cookie cards to deal with. I could have sucked it up and done the whole sign/address/stamp project tonight but I think its better just to do one job at a time and not make myself too crazy. Because I can make myself too, too crazy. I'm good at that.

I also made a decision about the decorations. The big tree is up and pre-let. It looks nice from the outside and pretty from the inside. I'm thinking that I'm not going to put ornaments on it, I have conservatively speaking, thirty-five million ornaments and while I lurve me some ornaments and I buy about sixteen thousand new ones every year - I really do not feel like putting them on the tree. In theory they're great, I mean so pretty... but  jeezus its a lot of work and then you have to take them down and thats about the most depressing thing to do ever.

I'm not turning into a Franciscan though, never fear. I am still bringing out the Santa's, albeit in an edited form and I'm still lighting and decorating the mantel so its going to be almost like it is every other year just less labor intensive. Less pretty, less shiny, less sparkly, fewer memories.

Maybe if someone would decorate it for me.

Again speaking on Christmas. Its cold! Very cold. Last night after we got back to the house, I puttered and Dogger slept. Time passed and I decided it was time to take Dogger out to relieve herself.

Me - Dogger do you need to potty?
Dogger - No. Go away now. Blanky and I need our alone time.
Me - Its been a while. Go outside and go wee-wee?!
Dogger - YOU DON'T KNOW ME
Me - Go side?
Dogger - Do I look like a husky? Do husky have to wear sweaters inside? No where in my background does it suggest that I enjoy bitter cold.
Me - Its not good for you to hold it.
Dogger - Mind your business. If you need to go wee, go wee. Leave me and my blanket alone.

I poked my nose outside and it froze.  Dogger was more than happy to go out in the morning.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Yay!!

How was your weekend? Let see, I:

- Got some darling new micro-fiber pajamas
-Visited with my parents
-Updated my Amazon list
- Raked and leaf blew my front yard
-Finished up my Christmas Shopping
-Did about 90% of my outdoor decorating
-Got both trees up inside
-Unearthed my Christmas clothes
-Got a new car!

Remember Minnie Van? I don't! Completely wiped from my mind. Did you know that cars come with CD players and adjustable mirrors, and smoked glass and steering wheels that do more than steer? and  automatic locks and automatic windows? and fancy things like a search function for the radio and built in XM radio and keys called "smart keys"? and that some cars have places to plug in your Ipod? I didn't! It turns out over the last several years I have been driving a covered wagon. it was just painted purple and so I didn't recognize that it was actually a Conestoga wagon and it belonged in a museum


Meet Ellie the Element!
Isn't she the most beeytiful car you ever saw?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Its 3am do you know what's in my food dish?
Checking her list

Well. While I didn't actually sit down and power through my Christmas card list, I did get three of them prepped to mail and got three bags of cookies boxed up. I counted and that's three down, seven to go. One was a late addition that didn't make it onto the Official List, so in fact, I did extra credit.

I also went through The List and separated the cards into  piles 1) Send with Cookies and 2) Just send, and 3) Work people - with and without cookies. There is also the list of who gets the "good" cards and who gets the "other" cards.  Point of order, the "other" cards are quite lovely in their own right.This took a lot longer than you would think  but now I am certain that while I ordered the right amount of  "good" cards, that I need to be very careful  with them because there are no extras. I gave myself a firm pat on the back for saving envelopes from last year from a few newbies so this year I will properly add them to my permanent list of "good" card getter's. Of course I will.

While I was sitting there feeling all organized and getting things together and separating my cards into little piles and I decided I could really get started trying to get started until I was able to mail the cookies, because it doesn't matter how many tidy piles I create if they have nowhere to go. A trip to Wallyworld ensued. I didn't need to buy more decorations but I did anyway. If I don't buy up the sparkly Moravian stars because I know they're Moravian stars then they are going to be bought by people who think they are merely "star-bursts" and that would be wrong and disrespectful. It was a public service really.

So what I will do it to put together my boxes and add a card with an ingredient list included to each - which I will remember to sign and  then plop in the bags of cookies, secure the whole mess and seal. I'm not planning on doing anything to personalize them because I am all ready personalizing them by remembering they have dogs.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Ya wanna see what I did instead of writing an entry?

I took all of those, I'm not sure its clear, that's ten, ten bags of dog treats



and turned them into


Nineteen bags of dog treats. I know its not clear from that picture but trust me, nineteen bags of dog treats. I think I have dog treat baggers elbow now.

I would posted these last night but Blogger was bloggered and wouldn't co-operate.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Cold Front

Monday night I  was tired so I went to bed early. And then woke up every ninety minutes until my alarm went off. No good deed goes unpunished.

I woke up the first time at the same time I would have normally been turning in, a creature of habit I guess I needed to make sure I wasn't missing out of anything, after that I work up because I was hot - not surprising as I sleep under about a foot of blankets and comforters, I removed a few layers and went back to sleep only to wake up again because I was cold. After that the kitty woke me up to let me know he lurved me, which I let go on way too long because it was just so sweet, until I looked at the clock and it had to end. Then I was just kind of awake.

It wasn't until after I was officially awake and dressed that I realized that kitty's bowl was completely empty, which totally made me rethink that middle of the night sweetness. He didn't want to remind me how much he wufed me, he wanted to force me to feed him. Sadly for him this isn't my first time on this ride and I do not feed on demand. Kitty does get points for resisting the urge to destroy my things to get my attention. Good luck with that though, everything I own now is plastic, thank you Tex.

I looked out the window first thing and it looked cold. I grumbled and pulled out a winter coat. I stepped outside to feed the ferals and it was hot. I found this really annoying. It looked cold,  and it was hot and I had been awake all night, I did not need this frustration.

You know what's also frustrating? The mentally ill do not put a lot of priority on customer service. I went to the Dix Grill for a tuna salad sandwich , they make an outstanding tuna salad and they are usually quite prompt, more so now that the place is all but empty. I was the line. The guys making my lunch, all killed someone to earn the privilege serving me but were to crazy to stand trial. I'm real polite to them and I try hard to not let the pod people wear my skin . I'm real strict about that with the pod people - No Wearing My Skin!

Anyway, I'm waiting and the guys in the kitchen bing the little bell.  My food is ready. The guy at the counter is filling the drink tower with ice. He was really serious about filling that drink tower. The kitchen binged the little bell again and the guy went on filling the tower. Bing!Bing!Bing!Bing! The guy just kept on with the ice. The guys in the kitchen were lined up watching him and taking turns binging the bell and looking well, like pissed off crazy people and this jack ass was  concentrating on filling the damn drink tower like the binging is not going on and the crazy guys aren't getting tense and that putting ice in the drink tower was the more important task ever in the entire world.

 I'm standing there thinking these are murderers! they chopped people up! These are the ax murderers our mothers warned us about and this lunatic is pissing them off! We are all going to d i e! I am going to die over a tuna sandwich! Oh gawd,  I am going to end up in the tuna salad!  Finally someone came and rescued me re-directed the guy , chilled out the other guys and gave me my lunch. It was still hot out.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Happiness is...

House is not on tonight. I'm going to be forced to put together cookie bags or go shopping. Choices, choices. I could also do neither and watch the sixth Harry Potter movie.

I'm feeling pretty relaxed because I did a census of gifts and came out as all but done, I have a couple more to get but if I don't end up getting them it won't be a major loss. Also, I love Amazon and their lists! They should just call themselves "Solutions.Com", now if you do not have a working list, I am thinking about gift cards. I like a good gift card, so I think it might be a viable option. You can make my life easy or I can assign you a trip to the store of my choice. Now, if Amazon would come over to my house and put up and decorate my tree, arrange my Santa's, create a winter wonderland in my yard and wrap my gifts, I might just end up a share holder.

I did get my tree up at work, not the tree tree but my office tree. Its  a little early for the tree, tree. I can't face that just yet- and besides my boss brought in a week old cheese plate and its taking up the space the tree would be.  I think if I had an orphan cheese plate in my refrigerator over the holiday I would have fed it to my family and not brought it to work so it could sit on a table in the hallway all day next to the printer and not get eaten. No one really wants to eat a cheese tray, its like bringing in a can of nuts and saying Look! I brought a can of nuts! Yummm! and not opening it. The can-of-nuts woman has brought the same can of nuts to every function for nine years and no one has yet to open the nuts. She brought it from her last job.

I;'m not entirely sure, but I think the cheese plate may have actually attacked our new printer.  People kept appearing in our hallway and exclaiming over the cheese plate You have cheese! Can we have some cheese!? What kind dof cheese is it! and we were all "Take the cheese! Its special toner flavored cheese, very chic! Take the platter! Move your own cheese brother!" No one asked who brought it, no one asked how long it had been sitting out in the hall way - they were just fascinated by this magic cheese tray. This gummy, toner be-speckled, two week old , left in the sun all day cheese tray. I think some people didn't have a very good Thanksgiving.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Buy one for the team

Again? Its over again?  I don't want to go back to work! On the upside, people complain less when they are shopping. There is something about greed that makes people less pissy about the poor treatment their aged family members are receiving. Last week they claimed a little less because they were cooking but Monday is going to suck because they all went to look on Granny for the first time since Mothers Day - they will be shocked!shocked! to discover that she has deteriorated in the past months and this must be abuse and neglect! They have all ready spoken with their attorney and he suggested that they call us.

It never fails. Granny doesn't have much of an estate but her lawyer promises them that she'll make them rich when she dies. They love a good dead granny.  Mean people suck. - Care givers, care non-givers, ignorant, greed family members, pissed off staff. I'm planning ahead though, I bought a new While You Were Out message book so I'm ready for the flood. Bring it on assholes, I'm not going to run out slips.

 I am not looking forward to Monday but to make myself feel better I am bringing in my Christmas CDs and lights and  my tiny tree - Tiny black tree, thank you very much! I can't be as hip as the magazines, but three years after they declared black the new green, I have a black tree. In another year I'll have my own upside down tree.

Speaking of Christmas, I have made a lot of progress towards my Santa badge and to add to my glitter, I didn't buy that many things for myself. On that note, did you know that Michael's will sell you a custom mat without making you go for the full framing? I was shocked. I got what I wanted for what I was willing to pay. I was afraid that they were going to spank me with a big framing charge when all I really needed was a better mat then I could buy OTC. It takes just about as long to get to product returned but for 3/4ths   of what I could have paid for framing? I can wait.

 Shopping for others is just about done, but I'm sure I'm going to suffer from shopping seizures for a while. I know really understand squirrels. There is always something else that would be perfect and that something is just right over the next aisle or at the mall over the hill. The desire to be a Super Consumer is all well and good for the economy but  but I need to be working on my cards and then after that, the dog cookies need to be bagged and mailed. I don't want to mail off the cookies without the cards and nothing can be mailed if nothing is prepared. I wasted time today with laundry and  dishes and of course, more shopping. I did find time to put gas in my car so I did get something checked off my list.

Right now, Dogger is making a list and apparently she has plans for me.

Friday, November 26, 2010

HAPPY FRIDAY $$$$$$$

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Foggy Morning

Sunday night I was woken up twice by sirens. The second set sounded like it was coming right through the middle of the house, I thought Is my house burning down? How do they know if I don't, should I be very worried right now? I should get up. but it wasn't my house, eventually I realized the sirens weren't coming through the middle of the house and my own fire alarms wasn't going off. I have yet to find whose house was burning down.

Monday morning I looked out the window and there was nothing. It wasn't dark, it was nothing., I went outside and found the nothing was warm. I left with Dogger for our walk and as we were walking through the lot at the end of the street I looked up into the nothing and didn't see the DMV building. I thought Oh my Gawd! The DMV building is gone! This isn't fog, its smoke! No wonder the sirens were so loud and they kept up for so long. Damn. Its just gone. I pulled out my phone to to post to Facebook, because that's what you do when a building disappears over night. Dogger and got closer to the street I saw the outlines of the buildings and a light on upstairs. I didn't post about the building but I did mention the fog but  my status was much less interesting than it would have been had the DMV really been gone.

I should have known though, if it was smoke, the nothing would have smelled and the nothing had no odor.

Dogger and I wandered around in the nothing and  went home but on the way I kept checking to make sure the whole DMV complex was actually there,  as the sirens went on for days, and whatever it was must have been a really big structure or the firemen were just being assholes and playing with their toys. I cn't imagine there was a lot of traffic clogging up the road or being slow away from the light.  The last sirens were so loud and close I sat up in bed, that was when I thought maybe my house was burning or the neighbors or the whole street, maybe we were all burning.

I wish there was a a way to make the sirens less loud if they aren't coming for you. I would understand if they were coming for you that it would be very comforting to hear them on their way, and whatever it was that prompted sirens in the first place would be almost over,  but I wish there was a way to mute the sound if it wasn't for you. Its worrying.

It would also be nice if they could make it less shrill at 2am.

I drove to work looking to see if anything look like it had burned down, I walked the dog and looked for something  that evening but I didn't find anything. There was nothing in the paper on Tuesday.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dog tired.

So, who's fault is it if my dough keeps coming out uneven when I roll it out? I blame my rolling pin. I think its developed a flat or something  Also, the dough, I think they are both conspiring against me. My upper body is getting a great work out though so I guess there is an upside to all this work. I wonder how many calories you burn making cookies? I wonder if I get bonus points for then not eating what I'm making. I deserve extra credit.

My turkeys look a little swan-like but I think they will read as turkeys because this time of year we really see turkeys and not swans. They don't offer Tips for Cooking your Holiday Swan in the women's mags I would also not want to feed my dog a swan, or ask others to do that either it helps my argument that these-are-not-swans because that you can't buy swan gravy off the shelf. I don't think I have ever seen a swan cookie cutter

On the up-side,  the relative evenness of my dough is a moot point now because I;m not making any more! I am done! Done I tell you! I did all the Christmas cookies plus Doggers' pizza cookies plus the turkey gravy cookies for the people at work and Dogger - Dogger is getting the vast majority of those so its not an entirely selfless act. My arms hurt.

Despite my sore arms I got Dogger bathed and her teeth brushed and her laundry laundered. I still need to vacuum her room but I'm not going to stress over it. Speaking of stress, I was all concerned about getting my yard raked? Well, I did that an obediently pushed the leaves to curb to wait for the city, and they shockingly, came and took them away. Super. I came home from work and the lawn was covered with leaves again. You can't even tell I raked.

Oh well. I know.

I even found time to eat dinner between dog bathing and dog cookie baking.  Its been a very dog-centric evening. Dogger is still looking at me like I'm completely ignoring her. Oh and I forgot, I also walked the dog, fed the dog and made the dogs bed. So, clearly, I'm ignoring the dog completly.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday, Monday


How did I do? I made three kinds of dog cookies, did the laundry, seeded the garden, raked the lawn and saw the Harry Potter movie on schedule. I am a rock star. I also think I have some sort of adult on-set ADD, but I'm concentrating on making lemonade.

That was Saturday.

On Sunday I was completely self involved and spent the day with family and did some Christmas shopping and then I came home and made another variety of cookies - for Dogger, I think she's suffered enough through ten other batches that are not for her. Poor baby. She, however got, I'm hopeing really nice cookies out of and I'm sure she'll be very grateful to Santa when he delivers them. If she will eat them, that is always a problem. She may not like them, in which case, my friends dogs are going to have a very merry Christmas and I will be able to mark off a possible cookie variety from the board of possibilities. Which, I guess is a good thing.

The only thing on my list that I did not get accomplished was the bathing of the Dog. I decided that I could also do this during the week Also, after rolling out and then cutting out a total of 580 individual cookies and raking the yard and seeding the garden, my arms hurt!

Do you know how much nothing I did not get done this weekend? Its shameful.

I should have skipped the sexy Christmas pizza cookies and concentrated on making the less attractive but more seasonally appropriate not to mention time sensitive Thanksgiving turkey gravy cookies that I'm going to hand out (some) at work this week. I'm still debating whether they should be turkey shaped or bone shaped, I would get more with the bone shaped but the turkey is more festive and besides, any dog getting the cookies will be getting a butt load of cookies in the very near future so its not about quantity so I should just make them turkey shaped and be done with it. I should have just made them all ready.

Surpisingly, the rock star has problems prioritizing.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Its Harry Potter Day!

Yay! I have my ticket in my hot little hand and have had it since last week! No sell out worries for me! and no I'm not going to a midnight show - I have a job and I'm old and I don't have a proper costume and why would you go to a midnight showing if you didn't wear a costume? I'm also not a rabid fan, I'm a fan but I don't froth at the mouth or anything.  I was a bad fan though, I didn't reread the book and I'm sure at some point I planned to and I bet I would have liked to, I really loved reading the first time but I just haven't felt like sitting down and dedicating that much time to power reading. I  know I should have but at the same time the movies and the book exist in different universes, at least that's what they say online at least, so I think I'll be all right.

Failing to read the book my next plan was to watch the old movies the week before I went to go see the new movie. Great idea but if I can't sit still to read a single book I really can't see myself sitting still for six movies -   I'm pretty sure I was able to do that around the time the last move came out and it wasn't that long ago and as old as I am I still have a good memory - Sometimes I can sit down for hours at a stretch and sometimes I can not. I would however really appreciate a Cliff Notes version of the book though, that would be cool.

But yea! I get to start out my weekend at the movies! With a full house! Yay! The crowd goes a long way to establishing the mood of the whole thing, an empty house is dull and you might as well have stayed home and watched in on DVD. A big movie really needs a big house. You want to hear cheers and intakes of breath and just the group vibe and the thrill of experiencing it with like minded strangers.

The move is going to take me into the weekend where I have a list of stuff to do. 1) Dog Cookies, I have three varieties to make and I really want this done. I did seven the last time I did this, three should be a cake walk. 2) Laundry, laundry, laundry! 3) The dog needs a bath 4) The yard needs to be raked, 5) I want to get the garden seeded with the green fertilizer I bought earlier in the fall. It needs to get in the ground.

That looks like a long list now that its all together. The laundry and the cookies can be done simultaneously so those tasks at the very least I should be able to get done. After those probably comes the raking, a drag but the sivty is going to start coming by to collect leaves and I want to get the first batch taken care of ASAP. I have one of  the four trees on my block and I hate to pollute this whole end of the street with my leaves.

The garden seeding should be next, I need to take up the top soil and then add the soil I have in reserve to cover the seeds. I would have a lot more dirt but my flowers are still going strong and I don't feel right pulling them out yet. I could probably sacrifice one of the flowers and that  give me a lot of dirt to work with. I don't know what I'll do with the other dirt from the  still healthy plants. That is another problem for another day.

The dog can be done late Sunday. I would love to get all this done but unless I really buckle down it won't happen. Its the weekend, I'm not sure how I feel about buckling.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The taste of cotton

Dogger is barking at me for no reason. She does not need to pee, I tried that first, she doesn't need to eat because I did that all ready, she had dinner. She does not want to play with her toys. She wants to bark at me.

She stopped.

Prior to getting rudely barked at, I made the cake and the frosting. Made. Myself. By hand. The gluten free cake had an odd texture. A bit like grits. Grits. Not much like cake batter, not like the cake batter I'm used to, you know creamy and batter-like you know, like cake batter. Grits aren't like cake batter, I don't have much experience with grits because I was raised in civilization. With cake batter.

Cake batter with gluten.

Cake batter with gluten makes a larger cake, like a full sized one! I had no idea. The gluten free cake makes a little cake. Its almost a cup cake but a cup cake would be fun and this cake is depressing. And weird. And gluten free. Glutenus minimus.


Nummy right?

It looks cakey, like a  real cake? Like a cake with gluten right? It acted more or less like a regular cake in the oven, kinda but not and when I took it out of the oven it looked a lot like a cake - it doesn't have much cake smell though. It kind of gives off an odor but its not like cake, more like food? It is clearly edible maybe? It smells like my oven I guess. Hot and kind of metallic but with a light vanilla under tones. Kinda.

And while it was baking  or whatever, I made the frosting. Do you know what sugar free cream cheese frosting tastes like? Cream cheese! Do you know what cream cheese tastes like?  Like  white air, thick, sticky air. But with a little bit of apple juice and some vanilla. But mostly cream cheese. Nummy.



Numby.

But earnest . Gluten free cake with sugar free cream cheese icing is the soul of earnestness. This is what political correctness tastes like. Earnestness. I didn't even put those little decorative thingies on it in case those were some how objectionable, I also forwent food coloring less it could be actually liquid gluten - because I don't know what food coloring is made of, maybe sugar and gluten. I bet it is just to be mean. Not in my cake no sugar or gluten . Numby somethingness.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Two days until Harry Potter!

The 15th was baby kitty's second birthday and I forgot to announce it. In honor of his birthday I fed him a tiny can of cat food I picked up free somewhere and presented it  to him on a nice plate and let him eat the whole thing. On the table. It took him a couple of hours to clean the plate but clean the plate he did. I also sang him Happy Birthday twice.

I think he was touched. I think he should also be grateful I didn't try to make him wear a hat like I did last year, so we've both grown. I do think I need to find a new nom de blog for him though, he really isn't a baby kitty any more and at two years I think he's reached maturity as a cat.

Man Cat? Sexy Kitty? Mr. Fuzzy Butt?

What really sad is I didn't even remember it until I got an email from Catster wishing him a happy birthday! Bad, bad cat Mommy! The first person to wish your cat a happy birthday is a web site? You suck!  Cat Person  FAIL.

Tiny Guy?  Tweety? Fluffy Bunny?

This makes me dislike the woman at work even more. I was all about her birthday and I didn't properly celebrate my own cats big day! I am a bad cat mother. And speaking of that cow at work I was out shopping for her again, I decided that I should get some nice seasonally appropriate napkins for the party and I knew that Poverty Barn would not let me down.

Baby Rabbit? Tiny? Angel Kitty?

And they didn't! I scored some very nice, very taste napkins that I'm going to keep for myself and some cheaper and slightly less tasteful napkins for her. I also was able to pick up some almost kind of matching plates and some el cheapo plastic utensils. This far we  at her party we are going to have a vegetable plate, a nugget platter and a gluton free birthday cake plus a couple of bottles of soda and whatever else the people I haven't heard from yet are going to bring. One of the girls bitchily scheduled a vet appointment for her dog so she could miss out on the birthday fun. I both hate and admire her for this.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Non-Passive Aggression

At work we have parties in the months that team members have birthdays. Its lame. What we should do is buy a Happy-Birthday-From-All-Of-Us card, get it signed and leave it at that. It would be tidy, nice and mostly trouble free. That would be great.

But we can't have that. We have to plan  a party. We don't really like each other and we don't really want to spend our free time together. We drew last winter and I got November - which at the time made me very happy because November seemed very far away  and I was happy I wouldn't have to deal with this for a long time. Time flies when you are not having fun too.

Its not far away now. Far away has turned into Thursday and I had also thought that it was going to be at the end of the month, its not, its this week. Super. The birthday girl this time around is my very least favorite co-worker. Of course it is! I couldn't get a month with someone I actually like, that would be too easy and I might actually enjoy doing this. We can't have that.

I dutifully presented myself at my co-workers door and asked her what she would like for her party. She replied that because she's on Atkins and can't have gluten any way,  that she would just watch us eat, because she can't have chips ort salsa or any of those things. Sigh . So I said Okay! and asked her if she can eat chicken, she can by the way and I made a note to get to Chik Fil A  ASAP and order her a tiny platter . I decided that that cow will eat at her own party and made another note to investigate my cake options. I then went to ask what everyone else wanted to bring.

I do have cake options. They make gluten free cake mixes available at your local market and I looked up sugar free frosting to frost the cake with. By  the way, if you were curious, Vanilla Extract is gluten free - Score! So I can include it in my sugar free frosting as well as the cake! So that it will not taste entirely like cardboard.

 I was so excited about this because because the cake mix called for gluten free vanilla which I looked that up and learned that it is very expensive and while I am all about making a point  a point  which incidentally  involves  making a home made birthday cake my bitchy co-worker. Which is kind of cutting off my nose to spite my face. I dislike her so I am going out of my way for her? I hope Santa is watching, I want credit for this. But do I get credit for spiteful do-gooding? I'm only doing this to cut her passive aggressive bitchiness off at the pass. No, I still want credit.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Home Again

I had such a good time in Asheville! Who knew it was like that? Gallery after gallery after gallery, terrific food, entertainment on every corner and fab people watching. If you haven't been, you must go.

On the downside, I feel very poor and untalented . They market "crafts" that are really museum quality art and they charge accordingly. Its all worth it though. Everything is beautiful and I can't afford any of it and I certainly can't produce anything like it myself. I suggest if you go there that you bring a u haul with you because even with the prices on the art, there are still plenty of  wonderful stores and galleries selling one-of-a-kind finds to loosen the purse strings of even the smallest purse.

And? MOUNTAINS! Lots and lots of mountains!

And?  the storied Blue Ridge Parkway!

And? No Wallyworld!

What I took pictures of.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today is Armistice Day,  The eleventh day of the eleventh month at eleven  in the morning marking the official end of World War 1, the war that did not end all wars.

Today is Veterans Day.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

ADDiana

I sat down two hours ago to start this but then I said Hmm.The dog needs a bath... and if the dog  needs a bath her bedding needs to be laundered and before I can bath the dog I need to strip the bathroom and I should change clothes

And post bath I decided that  the dogs room needed to be vacuumed and  post dog bath the the bathroom was now going to need to be cleaned and then I took a look at the kitchen and it looked a little a little ragged and then I had to look for these keys that lived once upon a time in one of the kitchen cabinets - the Tex Cat Memorial cabinet because that was where I stashed all the things that he used to get my attention when he decided his food wasn't fresh enough or later on, he forgot was there and he needed me know his pain so he tore up or pitched to the floor or put down the disposal  all these little things that needed a new home now so it got a little cluttered.

I needed to clean out that cabinet. The keys weren't there but I did find my old cell phone and a couple of good Happy Meal Toys and  for some reason a collection of Holy Cards and the key to my screen door.

So.

Two hours later here I am and I'm thinking I should walk Dogger and I should be packed for the road trip I'm taking with my Mom this weekend to IKEA!! and  then Asheville, in that order, I'm sure Asheville is also ASHEVILLE!!! but I've been to Ikea and I know its an all caps kind of place while I haven't been to Asheville and so I can't comment on its all caps worthiness as yet. And I'm not packed at all, for a four day trip out of town. Nada. I also haven't put away the hoses from the garden yet either so I should also be doing something about them and I can't remember what I did with them last year so I can't just put them back so that is another thing I should be doing.

On the upside I did remember to buy Baby Kitty more food as he had completely run out, not that he would complain and I have a couple of bills I started to pay but didn't finish up with and really need to do something about them and I should take a shower to get rid of the eu de dog bath I've picked up and then maybe I could vaccum the living room...

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tuesday

Well. That was disheartening. I found something I thought was perfect for Alphagal. It practically screamed her. I got ready to get it or even maybe, two its for her, Merry Christmas! Well, then I looked at the price and said Okay. One it and then I went all the way through the process and got to the shipping part and had a stroke.

$13.74 for two oz's?! My God! and it wasn't even addictive or a felony. If I have to pay that much for that little, I want to get high. I had to step back and rethink. Sorry, Alphagal.

Then I moved my eye to Broskey. I thought this would be easy. It was allegedly available on Amazon for Gawds sake! This should have been a slam dunk - my magazine told me it was going to be there!  Lying magazine... I whiffed. I decided to move on to other things, like reading Face Book.

Where I got into an interesting discussion with a friend about if the horns of a deer get larger every year like a tree. Do they have rings? Does it matter how old the deer is or is it tied to nutrition and environment? Don't does  favor bucks with big racks? Are racks genetic? My friend is a lawyer and they didn't cover deer life cycle in torts class. My major was equally lack in deer info as well. Are deer ungulates or is that cows? I like the word though. Un Gu Lates. I also like Cachexia.  It means malnourished.

 I decided  that perhaps I might try to shop the old fashioned way, brick and mortar, perhaps even embrace buying local. Until I find the right thing cheaper online. I said "might" and "perhaps".

Monday, November 8, 2010

Yo, my dad just popped a cap into Bambi!
Aaaannnnddd I'm back.

I just needed to relax, reflect and re-home all  my incendiary devices. I am happy to report that I did not have a stoke and as an added bonus for local rethuglicans  the local GOP headquarters is still standing. The Democratic headquarters is also still standing although they probably deserved a good firebombing for being so damn stupid.

Relaxing and reflecting, relaxing and reflecting

Part of my therapy has been actively thinking about the future. I found and bought my frame cards for Christmas and while they cost a leetle more than what I have bought in the past, upside, I don't have to continue driving around shopping for them and I bought strictly what I needed as opposed to last years cards that were cheaper but I way over-bought. I also now have five Christmas gifts! Yay!

Next on my list is getting hard copies of the pictures themselves.

While I'm thinking about the future, I started on my doggy Christmas cookies. Thus far I have made : chicken and beef broth flavored, pumpkin/molasses, peanut butter, mint/parsley, banana, and turkey gravy . Hmm. That's only seven, I had thought it was eight. Damn. Well, then I have three left, cheese, bacon and  green,milk flavored trees. There are going to be a lot of those little green trees.
 Hundreds of tiny green trees. They will look nice and act as filler and the tiny dogs on my list will really feel included.

Speaking of cookies, I was paging through my dog cookie cookbook, yes, they make them. In fact. I want another one that doesn't feature as much brown rice flour, oat flour, garbanzo bean flour and amaranth flour .I have no relationship with a local artisanal flour mill  and most of these ingredients leave me in a state of acute pique. I  did however, find what I'm going to make Dogger for Christmas:

Pizza flavored dog cookies!  I can't wait! They have tomato paste,  grated mozzarella, grated parmesan cheese , dried: oregano, rosemary, basil and  more than a bit of garlic (I'll add more)! They are going to be so awesome. Dogger hopefully will like them and she no doubt won't think they are as cool as I do, but the idea is very exciting! Did you know rosemary is very good for us? Its a natural antibiotic and an antiseptic and it increases blood flow to the brain. I might add a little of it to all my cookies . A little rosemary, a little garlic - at the very least my kitchen will smell divine.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Friday Cat Blogging

Yay! A movie of The Devil in The White City!
Nope, still kind of pissed, By Monday I'll have recovered. I am supposed to be making dog cookies. Aren't. Currently troubled by the idea of using chunky soup as anything other than as a soup as when it is not used as a  soup it looks like high end canned dog food.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I'm taking the day off. I'm waiting until my vitriol cools and my rage becomes less violent. I;m also avoiding Facebook and media sites because they give me the choice of commenting and I don't think anyone really wants me to comment on anything right now. I'm deleting all emails from political groups without reading them. I don't want to feel their pain while I am wallowing in my own.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Santa


Hello children. Halloween is officially over, the pumpkins have been thrown away the kids have thrown up and the costumes have been discreetly tossed.

So, you finished your Christmas shopping? The clock is ticking! Its down to weeks now, mere weeks. Remember last August when you were sitting around being hot and bored? You know what you should have been doing? Christmas shopping! Its even air conditioned at the mall. Sweet, sweet a/c!

Have you even started? The mall is all ready decorated its been that way for months! You know, its there and the stores are ready and everyone of them is full of stuff, stuff your friends and loved ones may very well want but don't know it yet and you can be assured that you will not find the same thing at Marshall's until next July when you can't use it and your friends and family have found other things they want more, for full retail. Good going cheap-o.
Or you could wait until December 15th and just buy the first things that look like they might be okay and while you;re there, spend $25 on it. In July you wouldn't spend $15 for the same thing but last July you weren't this desperate yet and you had lots of time. Guess what? Tick, tock.

 So give it up, you are going to spend the next two months breathlessly rushing from one climate controlled environment to another. If you're smart, you might spend the same amount of time shopping online at work, a fun if not exactly sexy experience where you can peer at endless 1x1x1 images and hope for the best.

I plan on spending lots of unsexy time shopping online at work. My goal is to not enter a mall for anything other than recreational people watching. For my part I have two gifts in the bag thus far which means my list has been whittled down to a mere three or four pages, per family member - or not, I may need to edit my list a little , but have you tried to not buy things for tiny children? Especially tiny children that could conceivably be naked or actually have no toys?

Or they have only lame toys or they only have toys that only appeal to children. How sad is that? Children need toys that also appeal to adults, like a Pixar movie or the Toy Story films, so that they can look cool and you can play with them while the children are napping.

All children need tiny leather jackets and irony drenched tee-shirts because there is no group more sensitive to ironic messages on tee shorts than tiny children.

I mean poor tiny children, what are they going to do? Naked, toy-less children! No clothes! No toys! Tiny, tiny children with no clothes and no toys! Do you have any idea how many clothes and toys are on the market?And what percentage of those toys and clothes are absolutly adorible? Almost all.


Oh, yeah and there is Thanksgiving in the middle. The opening day for shopping.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

GO VOTE. DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES, VOTE A STRAIGHT TICKET FOR THE DEMOCRATS. A NATION OF COLLEGE GRADUATES IS DEPENDING ON YOU.

IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR THE DEMOCRATS ALL THE CRAZY TEA PARTY CANDIDATES ARE GOING TO WIN AND YOU AND I WILL HAVE TO MOVE TO CANADA BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO OUTLAW SMART PEOPLE AND/OR ANYONE WITH ABOVE A FOURTH GRADE EDUCATION.

LIKE THE CHINESE DID DURING THE CULTURAL REVOLUTION. BUT PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS BECAUSE IT MARKS YOU AS A SMART PERSON OR SOMEONE WITH ABOVE A FOURTH GRADE EDUCATION.

TO DISGUISE YOURSELF, LEARN TO MAKE CONVERSATION ABOUT NASCAR AND COMPETITIVE REALITY SHOWS THAT AIR ON TLC AND MTV4.

WE SPENT THE WEEKEND VOWING TO LOVE AND HONOR WHILE THEY SPENT THE WEEKEND GETTING LESSONS ON HOW TO STOMP ON OUR HEADS.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Jon  Stewart said jump and we said...

And we said, how high?  (my pictures) He promised a day of sanity and reason and he came through, big time. Cat Stevens and Ozzie?  The Peace Train, the Crazy Train and the Love Train.

 A fab time was had by all. All  215,000 of us.    Peaceably, reasonably and happily. No bad thoughts, no nasty messages and no mean words. We came, we saw, we came to an agreed we prefer to be nice.

More discussion:

Time Magazine

Salon.com

Friday, October 29, 2010

Friday Cat and Dog Blogging Halloweenie Edition


The Big Day

After getting up at 2am to get on a bus that leaves they swear-to-Gawd  no later than 3:35 am  and arrives in D.C at 9am:

*PRE-PRE SHOW -- 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.*



*Video montages/music will play on the Jumbotrons around the venue to


entertain the crowd as they gather.*


*PRESHOW -- 12 p.m. to 1 p.m.*


*12:00 - 12:40 -- THE ROOTS will play for the crowd.*


*12:40 - 12:57 -- Comedian (TBD) will warm-up the audience.*


*12:57 - 1:00 -- Video countdown & intros*


*SHOW -- 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.*


*1:00 - 1:05 SINGING OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM -- Musical guest (TBD)*


*1:05 - 1:20 JON STEWART welcomes the crowd*


*1:20 - 1:30 STEPHEN COLBERT enters*


*1:30 - 1:35 BENEDICTION by actor Don Novello*


*1:35 - 1:40 POEM read by actor Sam Waterson*


*1:40 - 1:50 JEFF TWEEDY & MAVIS STAPLES perform*


*1:50 - 2:15 JON & STEPHEN perform*


*2:15 - 2:20 SHERYL CROW performs*


*2:20 - 2:30 SPEAKERS Guests make brief statements, both LIVE and TAPE


(TBD)*


*2:30 - 2:40 MUSICAL GUEST (TBD)*


*2:40 - 2:40 SANITY & FEAR awards - PRETAPED footage.*


*2:50 - 3:00 JON AND STEPHEN'S FINAL STATEMENTS*


Sooooo Excited!!!!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Ideal Car

Sigh....


Being a grown up

On the upside - Our new, much needed, much desired office printer arrived! Yay! Happy Snoopy dancing! The other one is ancient and yucky and I hate it. In a perfect world I would be able to take it to a field and beat it to death with a bat. On top of the printer arriving - note I said "arrived" not in use. yet - There was still cake in the break room! and I voted early!

You know what would be cool?  Because didn't get raises this year or last year and we won't get raises next year either, but they could give us cake in the break room all the time Take A Break and Eat some Cake!, they won't pay us but they could keep us buzzing on sugar! True, it does have a Marie Antoinette vibe to it, they don't pay us enough to buy bread so feed us cake, but cake is good and my morale goes us as my blood sugar increases. I think it could work.

I voted early, which is always nice. I was going to wait until the day but then I decided to go with the peer pressure and just do it. I like voting on the day because I get a buzz from the crowds, but today there were crowds at early voting so I got the buzz I wanted. I did have to tell a guy to buzz the fuck off before I got into vote though but the whole thing was a little off putting.

I walked up to the building, I was going to vote on actual election day because I had a voters guide on my computer that I was going to print out and take with because I like to have a cheat sheet and there are just so many slots and so many run without a party designation and I can't remember all the names I'm supposed to remember. I hadn't printed it out yet.

Fortunately, a helpful woman outside the building did have a voters guide. Thus armed I headed into vote, just to be stopped by some asshole wanting me to vote for Sen. Randall, R.

Jackass - Vote for Randall, He's a Christian!
Me - No thank you.
Jackass - He's Pro-Life!
Me - NO THANK YOU
Jackass - He's a Pro-Life Christian!
Me - I said, NO THANK YOU!

The helpful lady who gave me the voters guide just showed me a mock up of the ballot and gave me the information I needed.  She didn't shout at me and wouldn't have said anything if I didn't approach her first. Guess who's candidate I voted for?

I went in and didn't have to wait at all. I had heard there were long lines and waits, not at my early voting location. I did my thing and went to a booth and promptly messed up my ballot. There were just too many races and I was confused by the 10,000 judges. There is an instant run off for one class of judges and I had to pick choice 1,2, and 3 and I marked my ballot wrong. When I ran it through the scan-tron it spit it out and I had to turn in my ruined  ballot and go again.  I took more time with my guild and got it right the second time.

Voted a straight ticket too. Out of spite.

As I was leaving I complained to the voting place supervisor and she said she had received other complaints about the jerk and mentioned the  story in the paper about Randall's Army of Douche Bags that are at  all the polling places. Some of them are inside the voting place challenging voters and questioning they can legally vote or not. My guy was outside. I would have busted heads if someone challenged me at the polls. Well, first I would have voted and then I would screamed for a lawyer. But fortunately for all I am too affluent appearing, white, middle aged and female to be a good target for that kind of harassment. Good thing too because I would scream like, well, a middle aged white lady being thwarted. We don't like that.

Oh and I spent the entire morning on the phone with first my insurance company and then the other woman's insurance company getting our accident ironed out. I am the victim yet it was I who spent the morning on hold. It was deeply annoying as the victim I think all I should have to do is lie there and look wain.The woman who hit me didn't have to do a thing, she hadn't even spoken with her insurance company about the incident past telling her agent it happened - She hadn't filed the claim - I had to file it! with her insurance company! Its not even my insurance and I had to do it and talk to all these people and stay on the phone and go over and over what happened. Not fair.

Any my insurance company did nothing because "it would be faster if I handled it myself" , really? Faster for whom? Whose job is this? Me the victim who didn't do anything wrong or my representatives? Who get paid for this kind of crap. Just because I wasn't at fault should mean I don't get service.

I now however have lined up a body shop, a rental car and have a claim number. Next week I take it in and let someone else deal with it all. Oddly, not the woman who hit me.