Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Hello children. Halloween is officially over, the pumpkins have been thrown away the kids have thrown up and the costumes have been discreetly tossed.

So, you finished your Christmas shopping? The clock is ticking! Its down to weeks now, mere weeks. Remember last August when you were sitting around being hot and bored? You know what you should have been doing? Christmas shopping! Its even air conditioned at the mall. Sweet, sweet a/c!

Have you even started? The mall is all ready decorated its been that way for months! You know, its there and the stores are ready and everyone of them is full of stuff, stuff your friends and loved ones may very well want but don't know it yet and you can be assured that you will not find the same thing at Marshall's until next July when you can't use it and your friends and family have found other things they want more, for full retail. Good going cheap-o.
Or you could wait until December 15th and just buy the first things that look like they might be okay and while you;re there, spend $25 on it. In July you wouldn't spend $15 for the same thing but last July you weren't this desperate yet and you had lots of time. Guess what? Tick, tock.

 So give it up, you are going to spend the next two months breathlessly rushing from one climate controlled environment to another. If you're smart, you might spend the same amount of time shopping online at work, a fun if not exactly sexy experience where you can peer at endless 1x1x1 images and hope for the best.

I plan on spending lots of unsexy time shopping online at work. My goal is to not enter a mall for anything other than recreational people watching. For my part I have two gifts in the bag thus far which means my list has been whittled down to a mere three or four pages, per family member - or not, I may need to edit my list a little , but have you tried to not buy things for tiny children? Especially tiny children that could conceivably be naked or actually have no toys?

Or they have only lame toys or they only have toys that only appeal to children. How sad is that? Children need toys that also appeal to adults, like a Pixar movie or the Toy Story films, so that they can look cool and you can play with them while the children are napping.

All children need tiny leather jackets and irony drenched tee-shirts because there is no group more sensitive to ironic messages on tee shorts than tiny children.

I mean poor tiny children, what are they going to do? Naked, toy-less children! No clothes! No toys! Tiny, tiny children with no clothes and no toys! Do you have any idea how many clothes and toys are on the market?And what percentage of those toys and clothes are absolutly adorible? Almost all.

Oh, yeah and there is Thanksgiving in the middle. The opening day for shopping.

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