Finders Keepers Losers Weepers


I’m finally going to go back to the library and let them know I’ve lost their book. It’s gone and I can’t find it. I had it and then it disappeared.

I will explain to them that I have been reading a lot of Harry Potter lately and I can only assume that some Dark Wizard has cast some sort of Hiding Charm or Losing Spell on it and leave it at that. I think the library will accept that and move on.

Of Course they will. I think it should work. Maybe if I dress up like Dorothy and click my heels together three times and wish the book was in my hands... probably not.

If I can get worked up enough. I mean, I’ve read four of the five books over the past week and I just saw the movie and, ya know, I could be really freaked out and seeing brooms and enchanted rats and all make and model of magic folk all over the place. I think I might be able to convince them that I am A) Completely out of my mind, and as such not at all responsible for the status of said missing book and B) so damn clever to come up with such a cute excuse for misplacing their book that we all share a laugh about it . I am hoping for the “I’m so clever” instead of the “I’m so crazy”, but I do want them to not want to talk about it with me. Maybe if I just write a check and slip it under the door with a note,

Dear Library,

I lost your book. It was at my house and then it wasn’t. I have no clue where it went off to. I had suspected that it went to France as a stow away but it turned out that it hadn’t. I think some bad person stole it. My dogs soccer ball was stolen and I think your book suffered the same fate. Sorry, please find enclosed a check for X amount.


Signed,



I did do something to make sure that if something else disappears that I might be able to get it back. It being Kitty. I went and got him chipped. Now if the little monster tries to run away and ever ( God Forbid) stays away if he gets picked up by the pound they will be able to find out where he really belongs. I haven’t seen a truck from the pound in my neighborhood and from the number of stray cats there are just on my street, I doubt the pound has ever been here. It doesn’t matter. Kitty can run be can’t hide. And ya know , if he ever gets stolen or something and he ends up in some black market Kitty adoption ring, when he gets scanned at the hoodwinked adoptive parents vet, they will discover the cats secret identify and we’ll all end up in a Hallmark Network Made For TV Movie.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I think what would be really nice would be instead of making vague references to something that happened in the past, they could say something along the lines of, Hey, Potter, remember in Book 2 when we were doing blah, blah, blah and.... it would make it much easier to follow. Maybe if the books came with footnotes - that would be nice.