Big Car, Little mind


I called my friend Worker to tell him my car news


Me - Hey! Guess what?

Worker - You're moving back! That's so great!

Me - Nooooooo. Not moving back. I got a new car!

Worker - New?

Me - No! Let's say I took custody of a new to me vehicle.

W - Yay! What Kind? How used?

Me - Not eleven years old! it's a baby car, A bigger kind of car.

W - Ohhhhhh, (defensive) Did you get a SUV? I hate you people. I should hang up on you now!

Me - No! I didn't get an SUV. I hate SUVs! I spit on SUVs!

W - Oh. My. God.

Me - What?!

W - You got a minivan. This I have got to see.

Me - It's the same me, only in a minivan.

W - Ewwww. No, really, what did you get?

Me - A Minivan.

W - Noooo.

Me - Yes! I did. It's purple and its great and you should see it.

W - You have turned into a Soccer Mom! Oh, My God you've turned into a Republican! Don't tell me! You also hooked up with a NASCAR dad! Get Thee behind me Satan!

Me - Have I ever been that kind of political mercenary? Screw you. Soccer Moms don't drive minivans, they drive Explorers. I am not a Soccer Mom. Do I seem to you like that kind of person? Minivans are cool and screw you again

W - No, wrong team. Minivans are not cool.

M - Well, the animals are growing up and have activities…

W - Activities? Kitty has play dates?

Me - Kitty doesn't have friends. Dogger has activities, Dog School and whatnot.

W - Responsible pet ownership, but not cool.

Me - and I see thug looking guys in minivans all over my neighborhood.

W - Yeah. loser Thuggy guys, not cool. Real thugs don't drive minivans. They don't even steal minivans.

Me -They put fancy rims on them and…

W - Loser Thugs may drive their Baby Mama's minivans and maybe she puts rims on it, but they are still not cool.

Me - (deep sigh) You're right, I am too punk rock for this minivan!

W - Pfft. You are not "too Punk Rock" for anything.

Me - (whispers) am so! The minivan becomes cool by its' proximity to me.

W - The minivan gets covered in dog hair because of its proximity to you. It does not get cool.

Me - Spoken like a person with a back seat. Do you know how long it's been since I could do a proper shopping? I'm like some old fashioned person who has to go to the market everyday for food. Doing the geometry to get everything into the front seat every time I go to Sams is getting old.

W - You still had that truck?

Me - Of course. I said Eleven years.

W - I thought you were kidding. Shit. Were you waiting for it to become a collectable?

Me - It was fine. It was falling apart, but it still had another 30, 000 miles in it at least. It was an opportunity and I grabbed it.

W - let me tell you about the "opportunity" I grabbed the other day! I…


At this point it got into the realm of TMI and even I didn't want to know.