Waking up on the wrong side of me

I’m SO tired. I feel like I’ve been awake forever. Because I have.

My day started at 1:40 AM. Why was I awake at 1:40 AM? Because three stupid people decided to perform a little street theatre outside my house, they were performing selections from a show I like to call “Kill Me Now”.

The three dill holes woke me up, or really, I was asleep and Dogger woke me up when she went from deeply asleep to Def Con 4 when they woke her up. She was really, really going to make sure those three ass wipes knew they woke up a very large and unhappy dog and they needed to keep moving before the large and unhappy dog came out from where it was and ate their stupid selves. I had to call Dogger off before she woke up anyone who wasn’t woken up by that dip shit, the asshole and their whore . I’m projecting, I don’t know if she was a whore. I know the men were a dip shit and an asshole and I would have no problem calling any woman who had the nerve to be shrieking obscenities at 1:40 AM in front of my house (who did not appear to be in jeopardy), a whore. Actually, I called her a lot worse, she just couldn’t hear me because she was down the street, still screaming and I was pretending I was still asleep.

And then. And then they came back.

It was a this point that I began to fantasize about what I could do to these three interlopers, if I was stupid enough to go outside and confront them. Which at that hour, at the height of my anger, sounded really, really good to me. If I was going to be awake, I was going to kill someone. My idea was to go out there, attack them, I think from some height, maybe I would gain the ability to fly... Or I would just come at them from the carport, I would zero in on whoever was too stupid or slow to get away from me - which would be all of them. I’d grab whatever asshole I had chosen around the neck, take him to the ground and then pound his stupid head into the pavement until I forgave him for waking me up. Maybe I would have gained great speed and strength somehow. And lost my conscience about killing people. I would move on to the others and throw them to the ground and bounce their stupid heads off the pavement until I forgave them too. Then I would throw their bodies into my recycling and go back to bed. I would be very tired by then.

Don’t ever walk down my street shrieking at your stupid friends or your stupid whore and wake me because I wake up cranky. And apparently homicidal.

I did not magically develop super powers. I called 911 and reported their stupid selves. This involved turning on lights, putting on my glasses, going to the phone and dialing the cops. This woke me up the rest of the way and made me hate those loud fuckers even more . I can get up any number of times to feed The Kitty because that doesn’t involve a lot of lights or phone calls or having to remember my name and address and phone number at 1:40 AM. I haven’t heard about any stupid people being found stuffed into any recycling, so I’m guessing the cops either didn’t find them or they did but they didn’t opt for pounding their stupid heads into the pavement until they understood the laws concerning public intox and disturbing my peace.