State Fair

Yea! Ipod finally discovered Springsteen! I went to the fair over the weekend, twice. I think that IQ tests need to include a question about parking. If you are going to walk a quarter of a mile to get to the fair grounds, don’t for Gawds sake pay $8 for the privilege of parking 50 feet closer to the park than I did for free.

It’s a still a quarter mile walk. I noticed the pay lots were full but the free lots went begging. I found parking places both times immediately. And in real parking places too, not street parking. When I went in the evening, I parked under a light and when I went in the afternoon I pulled in and scored a spot under a tree.

People are just stupid.

Another thing I noticed. Young men, and you know who I am talking to, Young Men, if you are going to travel in groups, here’s a hint. Step away from the hoodie. Just say no. They don’t make you look cool, they make you look guilty And if they were shooting for the shifty and guilty look, they went with the sunglasses-hoodie combo. At Night. So guilty. It didn’t read as “ I am a cool guy, respect me”, it read as “I am one guilty mo-fo. I’m probably going to steal your bag. I should be thrown against the fence and frisked as a precautionary measure”. I don’t think that was what they were going for. I don’t care if they were college students out for a fun time at the fair, they looked like trouble. Scary trouble.

And yet , nothing happened. My bag did not get stolen, We all walked in completely unmolested. No metal detectors, no random searches, no nothing. According to the paper the fair is crawling with cops, it’s a good thing too, because it’s no doubt also crawling with bad guys.

Two of which stabbed each other later Saturday night.

And bad girls as well, Sunday afternoon, I think I saw a whore. Or she may have been part of a dance troupe. It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes. Do you remember those wide elastic belts we wore back in the eighties? She was wearing one of those as a skirt. A skirt so short I could see where the girl who did her Brazilian signed her work. I’m not guessing she was there for the olde timye crafts demonstrations, unless she was there to pick up a hand knitted cooch cozi. I’m pretty sure she was there as a whore.

This year the big Ferris wheel was painted Carolina blue. Not Red, white and blue, just Carolina blue. I thought that was interesting. Same Ferris wheel, new message.

I was very disappointed by the Petting Zoo. There was no petting at the petting zoo. In years past, there were racks of caged rabbits for us to poke, this year? A handful of sleeping rabbits and two chickens! ,That we couldn’t poke! A couple of years ago a poorly supervised and ill-raised child no doubt ate some poo and ended up with some illness and now the rest of us aren’t allowed to poke the rabbits! You used to be able to poke rabbits and fondle the baby chicks and now you can’t do either. And they can’t just put up a sign reading Attention Parents, Do Not Let Your Child Eat Poo!, because that makes it sound like the poorly supervised, ill-raised offspring would eat poo and that’s just “insulting” and also, the parents of the ill raised, poorly supervised little poo eaters would have to take a break from their endless cell phone conversations and actually be responsible their kids for a moment and we can’t have that, The Fair should be responsible for supervising the little poo eaters! It’s the Fairs fault the little poo eaters ate poo! And now I can’t poke the rabbits or fondle the baby chicks.

Everyone I saw was on phone and the conversations I over heard didn’t seem to be of the “Can You Hear Me Now?” Category. Either. It was impossibly loud everywhere I went. Sunday afternoon I had to give up on Ipod because I just couldn’t hear it over the roar of the Tractor Pull that seemed to go on all afternoon.

I think I over heard one guy trying to sell another guy a copy machine maintenance contract. But for every guy trying to do business there were forty shouting into their phones variations on :WE’RE IN FRONT OF THE TURKEY LEG PLACE, NO THE TURKEY LEG PLACE NEXT TO THE CROCODILE NOT THE ONE NEXT TO THE SPINNING CROCODILES. NO, THE REAL CROCODILE. THE REAL ONE. CROCIDILE! TURKEY LEG!!

There were also a lot of conversations about which sucker bet game was handing out the seven and a half foot long, thirty pound lavender snakes, that they just absolutely needed. I have never “needed” a seven and a half foot, thirty pound lavender snake, but maybe I’ve led a sheltered life.