Doggerize

Dogger wanted us to walk very fast on our walk yesterday. She wanted us to get where we were going twenty minutes before we left. My dog has her own schedule and mostly likely some kind of doggy agenda to manintain to keep and damn it, she is going to keep to it.

I had no idea she was so interested in her target heart rate. She had little pedometers attached to her paws and was stretching and taking her pulse and everything. I asked her where she got the toys and she said something about sending in box tops or coupons or something, she was kind of holding back. I think she got them online. I am hiding my credit cards from now on. I should have never told her she was on a diet.

I think she was all excited because I took another route for our walk, well kind of another route. Same route different left turn. We passed the giant radio tower and I think it was emitting sound. Dogger spent the whole walk looking behind us and skywards to see if whatever she was listening to was following us. It was weird. Normally on our walks she just kind of ambles along next to me. She does pull from time to time but no all the time and she will usually stop that if I pull back hard enough, she can and will and does know about "heal", she just has to be reminded. She was fleeing from something and all I could pin it to was the tower or the over head wires, both seemed to be stressing her out. I know she has seen both of those things before but this time they were telling her to run. She was just freaking out, not jumping around or making an ass of herself, she was trying to get away, or she's really serious about her new diet and exercise regime and she was just making sure she achieved her target heart rate; she knows to lose weight it takes more then just a diet; she's trying to get in shape with exercise as well.

Mother Nature

The weather was sucking too. On Monday I wore shorts and a tee shirt for our walk. It was a perfect day. By Tuesday I was back to jeans and a sweater. And today it's raining. I hate that.

The tree branch in the back yard is holding steady for the time being, I went to go visit it yesterday and discovered that part of it is low enough for me to grab. I shook it a little but it wasn't going anywhere. I have no interest in shaking it more as I don't want to end up being on some EMS web site in the "Stupid People Tricks" forum. I think my homeowners insurance wouldn't like it either

Insurance Adjuster - Tell me how the limb came to crush the shed?

Me - It was an act of Gawd.

IA - How did Gawd get the limb out of the canopy?

Me - Fickle Finger of Fate?

IA - Why was there a kitchen chair in your yard?

Me - It was on an Outward Bound trip?

IA - Where were you when it fell?

Me - I was in Toronto.

IA - What? You put in a claim for a broken collar bone.

Me - Just joking! That was a Big Chill reference, remember the scene where the lawyer one is talking about how guilty her guilty clients were and how they always lied about how innocent they were? They had tied up and robbed these people and got caught all but red handed but told her they didn?t do it because they were in Toronto? I was in the yard with the chair and the limb fell. Act. Of. Gawd.

IA - The chair?

Me - Outward Bound trip!, I was giving the limb last rights-

IA - Last Rights?

Me - Yeah? The Pope died, everyone is more religious now. Keep up.


IA - You were up with the tree?

Me - and I had to climb up there to do it and I needed the chair.

IA - Right.

Me -... and while I was doing that, I bumped it.

IA - It wasn't bumped out of the air.

Me - It had a conversion experience and leapt out of the tree into my arms! I fell, it fell, we fell together. I broke my collar bone and the tree broke the shed. It was a trust exercise! It was a beautiful moment.


I have a feeling they would not end up paying for my shed.