Sock it To Me

My cousin had her baby. I sent a card. I did my thing. But. A card is so card-y and disposable. I wanted to get her something else. Something less flammable, something more cute.

Sadly, cute is a synonym for “expensive” and “cute baby thing” is a nice way of saying “Horribly expensive” and I don’t do expensive. I needed cute and cheap and if possible, useful – which means “deeply marked down”, because useful baby things are expensive. And would be a bitch to ship and I like things that can be mailed flat, preferably for the price of a first class letter - so my original card idea was starting to look pretty damn good to me, come on its not like it’s her first born.

Before you look at me like that, this is her forth baby. She even all ready has a young child of the same gender and I don’t think she was stupid enough to unload all her baby girl crap after she lad the last one, four or was it five years ago? – or maybe she did and she is just that dumb. In any case, baby number four is not the big event that baby number one or even baby number three if it was a different gender then baby one and baby two. It was neat the first time, now, it’s just kind of “again”.

I think what Mom Cuz really needs is a better cable package or twin beds in separate rooms in different houses for her and the hubster, or really they could explore the whole “family bed” thing. I can’t think of a better form of birth control then sharing your bed with the results of sharing your bed. I think it gives a really clear object lessen to a couple or they could both get fixed and let the kids stay in their own beds. Baby number five is not even going to warrant a card from me unless Planned Parenthood makes “Get Fixed Now” cards.

Anyway. I wanted to get a something for the baby. A small something. A small, cheap something. A small, cheap something that waves and says “Hi! North Carolina! Woo”. There is a college book store close to where I work and I thought I would just pop in there and find something. I remember my college book store. It was full of cheap, cute crap that waved and said “Hi! Texas! Woo!”. It stocked oneses and baby booties and that became my goal. I wanted baby booties and I wanted them to say North Carolina.

I went into the store and was blinded by the redness of it all. It looked like the Republican National Convention at high tide. I was briefly turned way off and entertained idle thoughts about going to Chapel Hill and buying blue things instead. Chapel Hill is not close to where I work and so that wasn’t going to happen. I could buy the red thing and donate a few bucks to a nice liberal cause. Okay. Anguish extinguished, rationalization on. Red Booties.

Nothing. The only baby related crap was crap and expensive crap that that. This is not what I wanted. I wanted cute, cheap baby related, NC State branded stuff. If South West Texas State University, not a school known for its sports or academics or really, anything other then throwing keggers - could pull that off adequately, why can’t this place? Where they do have an actual, nationally rated basketball program and I guess some sort of academic reputation. I could be wrong, but where are the damn baby booties?

So I asked. They “did have them but that was before The Decathlon and they should be getting more in presently”. I don’t know what The Decathlon was and why it meant they didn’t have any baby booties.

I went home and decided that I didn’t actually attend NC State and I could just go online and buy baby booties from a school I did attend. Humph. After a fruitless and annoying Google search I learned that after “They” changed the damn name of the damn school they got out of the baby booties business. Damn it. Good thing babies stay babies long enough for the NC State store to get in its post Decathlon baby booties shipment.