His appointed rounds

My mail never came on Saturday. It was too yucky outside. I had no idea that intermittent showers was an adequate reason for my mail carrier to throw in the towel. It wasn’t cold, it wasn’t icy, snowy, dark or any other reason covered in the “Nor Rain, Nor Snow, Nor Dark of Night” meme.

Dear Mail Carrier,

Where were you? I was waiting for you. The whole neighborhood was waiting for you. You’ve been getting off easy, I thought that if my mail wasn’t delivered on a Saturday it was because I had foolishly left my dog in the yard. I understand that there are some dog-mail carrier issues out there and I am trying to keep those in mind. My dog wasn’t in the yard. My dog free neighbors didn’t get their mail either. You didn’t just skip me out of some miss placed postal employee rage - you skipped us all. We were all waiting.

In fact, while I was waiting, I met a another neighbor because you skipped us on Saturday. He was wandering around looking for you so he could leave for the day. He and you have a relationship that you need to pay more attention to, I think his feelings were hurt. I think he was going to hurt you. He really wanted his mail. I wanted my mail too, so did my other neighbor but she was a little less impatient, she and I were calm, the unhappy neighbor wasn’t feeling that or making any predictions that you would be there at all. He wanted to find you. We were all pissed at you but we wern't looking to hurt you, not yet. I just wanted my Entertainment Weekly. I do think it would be in your best interest to get into the habit of bringing me my mail though, I understand that sometimes I don’t get any mail, but now, now I have to start wondering about You. I have a phone and I am going to call somebody and complain about you and your questionable work ethic - and again, if it was just me, I wouldn’t mind, I would have never noticed, I would have been sad my magazine didn’t come but I wouldn’t have thought it wasn’t there because of you, I would have blamed the magazine for it not getting here. You would have been in the clear.

Now I know. I would have assumed you have issues with my dog, even when the dog wasn’t out in the yard, the mere idea that there is a dog and that the dog might be somewhere , maybe hiding in the tree or behind the screen door or under the welcome mat - you have a dog problem . That’s fine. Get a new job. Your boss is going to get a phone call. I am going to get my mail.


Love,

A House On Your Route.