How I spent my weekend.

I watched Not Another Teen Movie, but only got about half the references since I haven’t seen a “teen movie” since the early nineties, so most of the references fell flat for me. I also fail to see how American Beauty could be classified as a “teen movie” , I mean true, it had some teenagers in the cast but it was really more about midlife ennui so I think it takes it out of the running. Teen angst from a 35 year old pretending to be 17 good, middle aged ennui from 50 year old actors pretending to be 44? Not good. and Also, most of the actors in NATMseem to have been young enough to remember their own teen years so they lost points for that. A real teen move is a move about teens for teens made by people in their mid to late thirties. It’s rule. James Spader and Jud Nelson were playing teenagers when they had their own teenagers. Everyone in Not Another Teen Movie looked about 12. Where is the veracity in that? I mean, if you are not prepared to cast the 43-year- old Courtney Cox as a 17-year-old high school junior -you don’t deserve to get your film green lit.

I was also really confused because I couldn’t tell if the lead male was supposed to an analogous to John Cusack characters or Andrew McCarthy characters.

While I was watching the movie I saw a lot of commercials. I used to really like those Master Card commercials where they give the price of each thing and then say “Blah, Blah, blah? priceless” - but then they started running one that goes “Blah, Blah Peep-toe shoes - Priceless” about some girl out shopping and they end up using the term “peep- toe” about 176 times. They are called Open Toed Pumps, the only people who call them “peep - toe” are foot fetishists. “Peep-toe” is right up there with “toe cleavage”. Yuck. And to add insult to injury, the shoes they put her in have ankle straps and they gave her cankles. And also, speaking of commercials - David Duchovney STOP SQUINTING! Stop it! I really kind of would go see your new movie but the squinting is really distracting. You are starting to look like the Mad Magazine version of Faux Dulder. If you can’t see the cue cards, they have made huge improvements in contact lens technology since the last time you had to read cue cards. Oh, and the beard idea doesn’t work for you. It makes you look like an ex-husband.

Another thing I did this weekend, along with all the watching TV, dog walking x2! Oh yeah! I walked her twice over the weekend. I rock so hard. I also had to go buy new clothes so that I can work for the next month in a convection oven. If I was smarter, I would have saved the receipt and counted it as a business expense on my taxes. Too bad I’m not smarter.

Oh, and :

Dear New Cross the Street Neighbors,

Hi, I’m Diana, but my street name is “the white girl”. I’m real glad your friend can afford a $40 thousand SUV. I’m glad she has her children's college educations all ready taken care of. It must be a weight off her mind.

You must tell your girl that she can not block my driveway with her $40 thousand SUV, ever. When I want to leave my house, I want to leave my house now. Because that is how I roll. If I back down my driveway and begin to back out and then change my mind and drive back into my driveway - this is your cue to move whatever it is that is in my way. If y'all want to talk, she can pull that big ass SUV into your driveway and come in your house. Parking outside and talking - well, that’s ghetto and we don’t live in the ghetto. We live in the 'hood. The ghetto starts one block down.

When I want to pull out of my drive way, you let me pull out of my driveway. I do not want to hit your car! When the I huff out of my car and go back inside the house, it’s a sign. This time I just went inside to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash. I have a phone and your landlords number. Don’t block my driveway.


Love,
Diana