Workers Comp



Dear Fellow State Employees:

As a public servant, I understand and appreciate the work you do and the sacrifices you make.
( we can’t pay you or let you order office supplies. Have you seen the posters about getting a second job?

I also know the importance of recognizing your hard work and special devotion to serving the residents of North Carolina. You have an incredible work ethic and care deeply for the people you serve.
( we appreciate you not working for the citizens of South Carolina, that you bother to show up most of the time, even when its raining or hot or Friday or Monday or the day after or day before a holiday. Thank you for your continued efforts to not use profanity when talking to or about the people you serve unless you put your hand over the phone or lay it on your desk or are pretty sure you know how “hold” works. )

For these reasons, I have proclaimed May 5-9, 2003, as "State Employee Recognition Week," and May 7, 2003, as "State Employee Recognition Day." This is a time to celebrate your continued commitment to the people of the state.
( because the new budget doesn’t cover any kind of raise for you folks not working in my office or actually, those of you not sitting in my ergonomic chair right now

On behalf of our citizens, I thank you for a job well done. I celebrate your dedication, and I urge you to continue your unwavering commitment to excellence.
( blah, blah, blah, don’t even think about getting a raise this year.



With kindest regards, I remain
( please vote for me again, the budget shortfall was here when I took office. It is not my fault. Honest. Really. Vote For Me and I promise more paper clips in 2005!!

Very truly yours,
The Gov.

In honor of our honor, they had a “Wellness Fair”. I thought that I would go; actually I thought one of my friends would go with me, but someone didn’t want to be told she was fat. In the fairs defense you had to stand in line to be told you were fat, they didn’t just run around and grab people randomly for guerrilla style Body Mass Indicating.

I also thought there would be food. Like fried chicken pieces or ice cream bars. No, and as it was pointed out to me after I got back to work, it was a Health Fair; I was going from the Food Is Healthy For Us position. There was food there, but it was food in the eye of the beholder type food. Lots of vegetarian cake and soy based food stuff. I got a soy-based sponge. It is not edible.

I primarily went for the free stuff. If they aren’t going to feed me they willbe handing over magnates and stickers. I got a very large bumper sticker that reads “I Like Cotton”. Very passive message for a honking big sticker. I only like cotton? I don’t Love cotton? If you’re going to advertise a product I would go with a strong statement “Cotton! – Shock and Awe!” or “Go NC Cotton!”, “Cotton! Loves NASCAR”, “Cotton Supports The Troops!” I mean, ya know?

I got pamphlets: The Ozone, The Good and The Bad, The Six Ways to Treat, Promote and Improve Human Health, The Importance of Spinal Maintenance, Acupuncture and Allergies, Household Hazardous Waste Disposal, Use Local Transportation and several that promise that the right chiropractor will make me taller, better looking, more athletic and allergy free.

I got recipes from both the Vegetarians and the Beef Board.

It wasn’t all dull pamphlets. I got Stuff too, I have a neat measuring thing, two pencils, a seven day drug separator and a five inch plastic ruler that wants me to “Rinse NOW and Recycle!” a pad of sticky notes from Prudential, a bag clip, a paper fan and two magnets.

I also got a bag of soybeans. I think I’ll plant them and grow another sponge.