Suiting Up

Have you ever looked into your closet and saw nothing? I have approximately 3500 different vests, at least that many tops and blouses, half of them plain white. See?nothing.

I blame the lax dress code at work for this. The whole dress code is Do Not Come To Work Naked. That’s it. We must wear clothing. So. I have a wardrobe made up of clothing. Most of it either navy blue or white. I could wear a uniform and still have more variety in my wardrobe. Despite this, I’m the best dressed person in the building because I can’t bring myself to wear track suits or shorts to the office. I do have standards.

It does make it very easy to get myself dressed in the morning. My biggest issue is when my stockings grow a run between the night before and the next morning and I stick my whole foot through it. That can set me back several minutes while I hunt through my stocking drawer to find an unrun stocking that matches the existing unrun stocking. I am not at my best before seven ayem and this can really mess up my day.

There is an event this Friday and it turns out it is not something I can wear jeans to. Even new jeans. Well. So I go through my closets ( buy a house, you’ll score multiple closets) .

So I’m going though the nonwork closet and I find a number of things that I haven’t worn in a while and I don’t hate.

Contestant Number 1 -When did I get this? Was it always this short? Why did I buy it if I can’t get it closed in the back with out assistance? Have I ever worn this? Did I buy this because it was cute and on sale and I figured that one day I would wear it to something and thus make it worth whatever I paid for it? Did someone give this to me? Is it even really mine? Should I give it back?

Contestant Number 2 - I like this. Very multicultural. Very retro. This is great. Hmmmm. This is a Halloween costume. Next.

Contestant Number 3 - This is another Halloween costume. Do I never throw anything away? It isn’t even a naughty school girl outfit. It is a dorky school girl outfit. Next.

Contestant Number 4 - This is not a Halloween costume. What is this? Did I wear this to some employee recognition thing? I hope nobody recognized me in this Eww.

Contestant Number 5 - I like this. It’s the wrong colors. Too late summer. To shiny. Oh My God! Too Mother of The Bride! Next!

Contestant Number 6 - Too Job Interview. Next

Contestant Number 7 - Too Something. What is this! Why? why? do I have this? Must. Not. Go. To. Any. More. Sales. Must. Not. Try. On. Clothing. When. Feeling . Thin. Waaahh

Number 8 - No.

Number 9 - Did I buy this under duress?

Number 10 - HA! grumble, grumble,whatwasIthinking?wasIhigh?! this isn’t wishful thinking this is delusional! God! I’m not even Bridget Jones! I’ve turned into Cathy!!!

I need a dressy suit. A dressy suit to wear to this thing that does not make me look like either an administrator of some sort of nonprofit agency looking to talk grant money or a wandering televangelists wife looking to talk Jeezus. A suit that says “Hi, I’m available, but not for rent”, something cute but not pink, or black or wool, something autumnal but not orange. Or Navy. Or sailor suit – y , or clown suit - y , or civil suit – y. What I really need to know is, can I find one for less then my mortgage payment that doesn’t come with Joan Crawford’s shoulders? or a used copy of Dress For Success stuffed in the lining?


Totally Off Topic

While going through yet more paperwork I found an old missive from my friendly neighborhood Kerrs Drug store. In bold face type it says Some Pharmacies come and go. Has Your Pharmacy closed recently? Kerr Drug Is Here To Stay! Liars.

Even Further Off Topic

They played selections from the Rocky Horror sound track at my church picnic yesterday afternoon.