The Weather Outside is…



Let Us Shop

Oh the weather outside is delightful
But the family’s wish list is frightful
And since we've so many places to go
Let us shop, let us shop, let us shop!


It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I brought some cash for spending
The blue lights are turned up high
Let us shop, let us shop, let us shop!

When we’ve finally spent all our dough
How I'll hate to go home while the sales on
But if you promise we can come back tomorrow

All the way home I'll be warm.
The crowds are slowly dying
And my dear, we're still good-buying
But as long as you’ll loan me more,
Let us shop, let us shop, let us shop!


I’m sure I’m no doubt ripping someone off with that. It’s in the sprit of the pre-Thanksgiving sales that are flooding the air waves this week. There aren’t the real sales and the real hard core shoppers aren’t even thinking about this proto-sales. The real sales are the day after Thanksgiving. This is the super bowl of competitive shopping. This separates the girls from the women.

If you can’t suck it up and be awake by 5:30 am the morning after cooking all day and then eating your body weight in dinner and remembering to get the car to the mall parking lot the night before to make sure you have the best possible parking spot … you should just turn in your ovaries ‘cause girlfriend you are not ready for the big leagues. Stick to your catalogues and your web sites. Shopping neophyte.

I have an aunt and girl cousins who do get up in the dark the day after Thanksgiving and hit the malls. They shop all day. You can’t keep up with them. They have plans and maps and lists and exit strategies. They are machines.

That’s not my thing. I love shopping, don’t get me wrong. Shopping is good. But. I. Hate. Crowds. I. Hate. Noise. I hate people in a hurry to be in a hurry. I love Christmas Carols, I hate Christmas Carols if I have to spend any amount of time in the mall this time of year. How many versions of The Little Drummer Boy or that new Mall Christmas fav These Are A few Of My Favorite Things do I really need to be assaulted with? I can’t stand the sound of them. I don’t even want to think about the poor souls working in Christmas Stores who have been listing to Jingle Bells since last August.

I’m also cooking. It must be close to the holidays. Yesterday I made a much more complicated version of my yearly Key Lime pie. Did you know that 32 ozs. Of whipped cream is a hell of a lot of whipped cream? That, that much whipped topping can make a number of pies? My recipe calls for just one pie. My God! It would be the worlds tallest pie. Who needs a pie you can also use as a booster seat? Or to hide gifts in? I mean. Dayum. I don’t need that kind of stress. I have to put that thing in a car with Dogger and Mr. Kitty. Maybe if I tie it to the roof of the car? Or use it as an air bag? Or as a very frothy party dress? I can be the new Betsey Johnson!


Harrumph. An awful lot of egg yolks and sugar were sacrificed for lime flavored Cool Whip ™. I see some food coloring it that pies future. I didn’t do all that for a Key Lime Flavored Cool Whip ™ Pie and since I did it will at least be a Key Lime Flavored Key Lime Green Cool Whip™ Pie.