What to my wondering eyes did appear?

Today was “D” Day. Decoration Day in the Dianaverse. The lights went up and the gloves came off – mostly because it was warmer today and its really hard to untangle lights while wearing gloves.

I bought new net lights this year because my old set was looking really faded and spent the year before last , so I got new nets. They say before you decorate your tree you should set it up and then let it just kind of hang out for a day or so before you decorate it, they should also say the same thing about net lights. Those puppies were bound up tighter then the inside of a golf ball and they were not easy to get up. I think if I had got them untangles and laid out flat oh, say three or four days ago, it may have been easier to get them up. I also had to remove approximately 11 blinky lights per net. Why does Blinky have to be the default? Why can’t they come Glowy and then if you want Blinky you can put on the Blinker bulbs and have your Blinky. And why if you have 11 Blinker bulbs installed on the net why do not also have 11 Glowy lights as back up bulbs? So that Me, the consumer doesn’t have to get all electrician and figure out how to make lights from other strands of lights both fit and glow? It’s tough cannibalizing light strands because not all light strands are created equally. Some have more pointyness to their little whatsits that the bulbs go into and some whatsits are more rounded and the Christmas Light industry does not want them to intermarry or for you to be able to not go buy new lights every year. Running Dog Capitalist Light Bigots.

But. You can make the relationship and get those Running Dogs to heel.

You have to pull the individual substitute lamp out of the whatsit on the strand you’re cannibalizing, and make the little metallic hangy things are straight. Do not pull them too hard! they break off and render the lamp useless. Carefully make the metallic hangy things straight, now take the substitute lamp and again, carefully thread the hangy things into the existing whatsit and plug it into the strand. It should work. The substitute lamp may not light, but it will complete the circuit and allow the strand to light and thus not forcing yourself to go out to the grocery store and buy yet another batch of lights.

As always, don’t do electrical surgery on a live piece of electrical anything. Unplug it. And if your lights still don’t work, but new ones, they’re cheap.


Of course after I put all these lights up I decided that I need more, I also need a light up Santa and maybe a Snowman. But tasteful. Nothing garish or blinky. I need Martha Stewart for K-Mart seasonal outdoor decorations ( on sale).

I have at least a couple of more strands of lights still to unpack and I think they are more interesting or at least bigger lights. I can’t remember if I used them last year so I should look for a plastic bag full of wadded up lights or I bought them last year and just need to look for a box. I want a display that won’t require carpentry grade tools ( I have plastic stapler shaped like a shark) or skills ( I can’t even call a plumber with out help) or time ( I have none!)

I’m going to pin my hopes on a band of traveling Christmas Decorating Elves coming to my neighborhood, perhaps to burn some Community Service hours or as a charity thing, Christmas In The ‘Hood, Santa in the Barrio I don’t care. Maybe Winona Ryder could help out, she’s been described as “elfin”.