Big Dogger on Campus

Dominate Bitch and we’re not talking Martha “If I was Man This Wouldn’t Be An Issue” Stewart. Shut Up Martha, once you have achieved OmniMedia status your gender is irrelevant.

Today at class The Dog Whisperer called Dogger, my cute and fluffy bunny a Dominate Bitch.

I am shocked!, shocked! I tell you! She does follow commands, provided those commands are things she wants to do and she’s on the leash For example:

Me – Dogger Sit.
Dogger – I’m all over it.

Dogger not on leash

Me – Dogger, Sit.
Dogger. No.
Me – Dogger! Sit!
Dogger – Nah.
Me – SIT SIT SIT!

Dogger goes to other room and finds an envelope, returns to room and lays down at my feet, to chew it.

Me – ARRRGGGHHHHHH. Give it back! What are you chewing on? Put that down! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Dogger – Are we playing chase! I love this game! This is the best game ever! Round and round! Try and catch me! Woo-Hoo! I love this game!
Me – Go. To. Your. Box.
Dogger – Box?
Me – GO!
Dogger – I’ll go to my box.
Me –head explodes. Grumble, grumble. The Kitty doesn’t do shit like this. The Kitty only tears things up when he wants something… grumble, grumble.

She has her ways to force me to do things her way, her weight, the muscle structure of a bull, the biggest brown eyes, but Dominate? the Dog Whisperer has never witnessed the 20 lb Kitty take down the 95 + lb Dogger or had that same 95 + lb Dogger attempt to crawl up his pants leg to escape from the 20 lb. Kitty.

Watching or even worse, being attached to, and thus hostage to a 95 + lb. Dogger getting frightened by something? is a memorable experience. Startle Dogger and she can jump back and run over you, like a shot. A huge shot, a missile, an unguided, furry missile. At her size the only thing she should be afraid of is a tanker truck. In her mind she belongs to a tea cup breed. She’s a tea cup breed, maybe a tea cup at Disney World… its like “look, Large Marge, it’s a trash bag! An empty trash bag! (or a dry leaf or a small child on an even smaller bike or a discarded shoe) Gawd, move on”.

But anyway. We finally made it back to Dog School. We have moved up in the world, no more mere Puppy school for Miss Dogger. She is in a class all to herself. For real, there are only two dogs in class this time and the other one is a puppy – no where near Doggers weight division. So, Dogger gets a class all to herself! School starts earlier this time too, which I like. It will suck a little coming home from work and walking Dogger in fast forward, but I think we’ll manage. The Dog Whisperer also suggested not feeding Dogger until after class. A hungry dog being a more pliable dog. Riiiiiiiiiight. We’ll see.

Happy St. Patricks Day!!