Garden Gnope


The 2004 Lawn Mowing season officially started off on March 27 at approximately 12:30 pm and the yard went from looking really shitty to just merely crappy. Go Me.

Weeds do not lie down obediently in front of the lawn mower the same way grass does. I think it may be because it’s called “Lawn Mowing” and not “Weed Wacking”. Weeds fear the Wacker. I don’t have a Wacker and they know it

I was a little disappointed by the lawn post mowing. It looks the same. The drug dealers yard is covered with lovely green weeds, which when mowed as they are now, look just like grass. Bastard. My lawn actually has real grass on it and it looks like ass. Where is the justice? Why does he get the pretty lawn? Until recently his lawn was also covered with dead cars. Is there some previously unreported benefit to having dead cars in your yard that The Man has wanted to cover up? I would park my truck in the front if that would improve my chances of even green cover.

The back yard looked a little better post mow, but again, the weeds have no respect for the mower. I probably need to put the level down, but at the same time I thought I remember putting it down to scalp the yard last t fall? I know the mower didn’t grow over the winter. The back yard where I put all the seed as shown no changes and in fact, looks worse as it now appears to have dandruff.

I am not happy. I went back to the farmers market to see if they had gotten their delivery of hydrangeas that they promised they were going to get this week when I was in the last week. Nope. No hydrangeas. I went to the flea market and found where I’m probably going to get the honeysuckle for the back yard. I didn’t mention that before. I want to make the yard prettier for the neighbors by making the yard invisible to the neighbors. I really like the smell of honeysuckle and I think it will, in time, make a nice curtain between our yards. They have a lovely yard and a pretty vegetable garden and I don’t want to spoil their pretty view with my crappy yard.

I need to get the honeysuckle into the yard before I let Dogger back there. I think they faucet out there is almost safe from her and her band of merry faucet bra vandals – I worry though. I think she can sense weakness in plants and may try to dig up anything I put back there. She killed a perfectly nice azalea shrub back there and after what she did to the potted plants I had in front, she has the taste of plant blood now. She has shown no interest so far in the irises I inherited from the past owner, but you never now. She may just have gotten used to them. Anything new might be fair game.

I am really trying not to be Ms. Greenjeans this year. I spent a lot of time and cash last year to get my hopes dashed by just about everything I planted. Nothing lived long and those that did, ended up with fertility problems. Carrots should not have been that hard to grow, what do you have to do to make them look like they do in the store? My biggest carrot wouldn’t have passed for even regulation Baby Carrots. They all looked like severely premature carrots. The potatoes did nothing and they don’t even really need to be in dirt to grow. I did remember this year to cut back my rose bush, so maybe that will do better this year, but, last year I ignored it and it still produced. This year I paid some attention to it so I’m betting it’s going to die.