Here We Go Again


I called up Dell. I had my handy dandy magic numbers and I had Dell Support. How bad could it be?

It was Bombay. To think I actually miss those snarky, unhelpful tech support assholes from days gone by. I hated them, so superior, so over qualified and so pissed I pulled them away from their Doom game. Damn.

I called up. The first time. I called early in the morning so my hold time was under an hour. Super. I got three different phone numbers from three different people and no help.

The conversations started out the same way all three of the times I got a human being on the phone.

Them - What is your customer number?
Me - I don't have a customer number. I have a service tag and an express service number.
Them - No customer number?
Me - No.
Them - Could you read me what you have?
Me - Read, Read, Read.
Them - Is this for a business?
Me - No, it's for my house.
Them - This number is a business computer number?
Me - I know. It is a home computer though.
Them - But this number corresponds to a business machine…
Me - But it's not.
Them - How May I help you
Me - I took delivery of my computer on the 21st or 22nd and now it doesn't work. I stopped working over the weekend and I want to know where I can take it to get it fixed.
Them - We don't do that. If you have a service question, you need to call service.
Me - I am calling service. (You are service! ) I called service all weekend and they were not answering.
Them - Sorry
Me - I need to know where I can take my machine to be fixed.
Them - You need to call service and have them talk you through fixing the problem.
Me - I don't know anything about computers. I don't want to mess it up more then it is now. Where can I take it to have someone else fix it? And my computer does not work. I can't go online. (ImayalsohavetheSasservirus)
Them - Unclean!!!!! I will transfer you to service.
Me - YOU ARE SERVICE!!!
Them - tech Support will help talk you through the problem, I will transfer you…
Me - I'm not with my computer. I don't want to touch my computer. It is broken and I can not fix it. It's not here anyway; it's at home.
Them - This is not a business computer?
Me - No.
Them - You need to be with the computer.
Me - Much Like you, I work during business hours. And when I get home it is no longer business hours and you won't be at work either! And the line will just ring and ring and ring like it did over the weekend! (I am not going to call into work saying my computer doesn't feel well so I won't be in!) Fix it! Fix it NOW!
Them - Have a nice day!