Just Another Manic Tuesday?

Beached Blanket

Can I go back to the beach? Not for ever, cause I would run out of SPF 100 eventually and might end up with a tan, but really, I think I should get another couple of days off. I could tela-commute. I could tell other people how to alphabetize instead of showing them the wonder of the alphabet! I could also tell them what they could do with their files once they were finished with them - From the beach! I think the crashing surf in the back ground would really be a nice touch as well as a relaxation device.

I think that more time at the beach could also cure my body image problems, because compared to most of the other women I saw there, I am a super model. This, from a woman who couldn’t find any style of bathing suit flattering to my, um, "figure", I have to wear shorts to the beach and compared to 9 out of 10 women who walked past me, I am a super model.

When I cavort in the water, I do not have to use a buoy as a floatation device, if I am wearing horizontal stripes I do not get confused with a beach ball, if I am out doing the back stroke the shore patrol does not attempt to come aboard. There are some big girls out there and men aren’t the only gender group that needs to step away from the Speedo. I mean, Good God! Ladies it’s called a cover up! They say I care about others! They say I have some modesty . True, they also say I have leg jowls, but they say it they don’t show it.

Sitting in the rain for hours

I love fire works! Love them, love them, love them. I sat in the rain to watch them. I really love fireworks. While I was sitting in the rain and waiting to get my fireworks love on, I saw many things, many scary things. Most scary of all? Tubby teenage girls in crop tops and low rise jeans.

I don’t know who told these girls they looked all right like this. I suspect their parents, as a way of making sure that there is no way their daughter is going to wind up on a teenage pregnancy statistic chart. “Sure Honey! You look great in that crop top! Your tummy is so cute in that! No! Your butt doesn’t look big in those low rise capris!.

Two year olds have “tummies”. If you have a “tummy”, what you really have is A Gut. A Beer Belly. An Extra Tire, or in some cases you are five months pregnant and you don’t need to be wearing a crop top either. Sometimes you just have to settle for playing dress up with your BriTITny Spears dolls instead. Or, of you really want to wear the cute little tops and low rise pants you need to:

1. Step away from the Live Journal. They don’t see you in real life so they really don’t know what they are saying when they tell you look cute in that top or they did see you in that top and they laughed at you for it, they want you to wear it again so they can take your picture with their camera phone and post it to the web so even more people can laugh at you, like the “Star Wars Kid”. Instead of sitting on your ass in front of Total Request Live, jog in place.

2. You are not Hillary Duff, either Olsin twin or anyone who has ever appeared on Total Request Live put down the cell phone and pick up a bar bell.

3.They are called crunches or sit ups. Do about a five hundred a day. If you want to dress like BriTITney, you have to work out like BriTITney .