September, brought to you by Homeland Security

Yes ladies and gentlemen Homeland Security and the Committee to Reelect the President has kindly stepped up and offered to underwrite the entire month of September and in honor, September will be known as Scaretember

They are offering this generous gift to the people of America out of the goodness of their hearts! not at all! so they can take deplorable advantage of the anniversary of 9/11! They are not generously bringing us Scaretember in an attempt to aid in getting the incumbant president reelected! - No! September was picked because it just is a pretty month! It's all about our Preparedness!

“National Preparedness Month brings together an amazing coalition of partners to make citizen preparedness a priority for every city, every neighborhood and every home across America,” said Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. “Homeland security is a shared responsibility and I am pleased that so many organizations and so many national leaders are working together to help get this information out into communities across the nation.”

The Department of Homeland Security generously offered to do this and will in no way cause wide spread alarm and panic among the populous. It is not an underhanded way to raise the presidents numbers in public confidence and is in no way a prequal to The October Surprise that is not planned in any way (advance tickets available from Clear Channel Entertainment!).

If you chose to not celebrate Scaretember, it will in no way paint you as a dangerous terrorist abetting probable homo commie and no one will put you on a list that will cause you to not be able to fly commercial airlines.

National Preparedness Month will provide Americans with a variety of opportunities to learn more about ways they can prepare for an emergency, get an emergency supply kit, establish a family communications plan, and become better aware of threats that may impact communities. It will also provide them with several opportunities to volunteer or get first aid or CPR training. State and local governments, individual communities, private businesses and nonprofit organizations will host events or promote preparedness steps around the country during September to encourage all Americans to prepare for emergencies in their homes, businesses and schools.

Scaretember will give everyone the opportunity to fine tune their all ready raze sharp terrorism prevention and terrorist spotting skills! The public will be able to participate in exciting exercises such as:

Help Spot the Terrorist", - This very informative and entertaining exercise will help answer questions such as

"My neighbor is not blonde, should I worry?"

"My office mate has a postcard of the St. Louis Arch, should I inform the authorities?

"My kid studied the Bill of Rights in school. Should I turn his teacher in?

Among the face painting, forming human flags and patriotic concerts will be serious panel discussions such as:

How to tell if a person hates America" -

The public will be able to ask representatives from Homeland Security questions such as:

"Why do Kerry/Edwards supporters hate America?"

"If I see some one watching CNN does that mean that that person hates America?"

"Does being pro-choice mean you are pro-terra"?

"If someone in Birkenstocks wants me to register to vote, should I shot them?"

"Are fast food places being unpatriotic by still serving "French" fries?"

We can't wait to see you all there! Happy Scaretember America!

with thaks to This Modern World and Coppygodd