Taxing Holiday

It’s my states annual pre-back to school tax holiday. I need a new pair of black twill slacks to wear to work. My old pair has a huge rip in the cuff and I keep putting my foot through it when I’m trying to get ready in the morning, it’s a hassle and I’m starting to look like the little match girl. So it’s off to Kohls I go.

If this was NPR there would be brief musical interlude here

Shopping Music, Happy, Tax Free Bustling Shopping Music,Shoppin-ing Mus-ic

We would start my report with the sounds of shopping. Hangers being moved back and forth on racks, children whining, the sounds of cash registers, people talking to themselves about how the clothes look as they hold them up against themselves.

Shopper Should I go to really try it on? Do they look all right? How long are the lines to the try on rooms? Is it worth it? Do these look like they will make me look fat? wait, tell me the truth, do I look fat with these pants in front of me? do they make me look less fat then the other pair of pants I held in front of me?

Shoppers Friend - They look nice. Those look nice. Do they have them in a different size maybe? That would be nice.

There would probably be a discussion on shopping hypnosis and image altering store mirrors and quotes from somebodies graduate thesis.

I am on a mission. I am here for black twill slacks to wear to work. I need only thing and it should be easy to find. It is not. There are black pants - Shiny fake silk really polyester pants, stretch pants, wide legged pants, pants with no waistband... but most of the pants are capri pants. I need pants I can wear to work day in and day out . Plain regulation length black twill slacks.

I am lost in tax free hell. All I want is the slacks department. I am lost in the shorts and capri department. I do not need shorts and capris. I want long pants. And not pants to go clubbing in or to wear to the gym, or to look like I’m going to or am returning from the gym. I do not want stretch pants or sweat pants. I am not looking for pants to wear for yoga. I am looking for pants to wear to work. Surely, I am not the only person who wears slacks to work. There are waitresses out there in need of new uniform pants. I need new pants. Are we that small a population? Does no one want to clothe the working woman?


Shopping Music, Happy, Tax Free Bustling Shopping Music,Shoppin-ing Mus-ic


Finally, I find what I’m looking for. Plain, black twill slacks, $34.99. I walk around the rest of the store. I like Kohls. I look at the sheets and towels, I look at shirts for Brosky for Christmas. I finish looking around. I go to the check out. I realize I can not pay $34.99 for twill pants.

Where are the pants I buy every time the old pair gets faded or grows a hole or shrinks? Where are the White Stag racks?

They are at Target! I put the pants back and I go to Target.


Shopping Music, Happy, Tax Free Bustling Shopping Music,Shoppin-ing Mus-ic

At the Target. It’s busy here too. I go to where my pants have always been.

I am alone. My pants are not here. They have been replaced by Isaac Mizrais’ fake looking suede skirts! What is this?

I just want my pants. I walk around and around the department. Capris! Capris! Shorts!, shiny fake silk really polyester pants, Isaac Mizrai fake looking suede! Waaaahhhhhh.

My kingdom for plain black twill slacks!

I will not find them today. I end up buying pig themed slipper socks for my boss for Christmas and a cheapish frame for my replacement diploma with my schools stupid New and Improved name on it.

I didn’t end up getting anything tax free.