Insert Title Here


So, how was your Thanksgiving? Get enough to eat?

How are you supposed top answer that questions? I mean unless you’re homeless or poverty stricken or an Olsin twin? I mean, and then isn’t that a really rude question to ask in the first place? No, I chewed an old shoe and then I got mugged. I’ve always wanted to answer that with , “No, actually, I woke up at dawn and had a cup of luke warm broth and then I went to Church and kneeled on concrete for five hours to pray for the starving in the world. After that I went to a homeless shelter and served dinner”.

Yeah. But then I would actually have to get up at dawn and drink broth and kneel for hours and then be all selfless and stuff and frankly, I would rather eat myself into a coma and watch football.

So. I did.

I had well past the recommended daily allowance of turkey, ham, stuffing, broccoli, dinner rolls, blueberry pie and key lime pie. Frankly, I ate like a pig.

Then I went shopping.

I shopped like a pig too. I saw something I wanted and I bought it. I didn’t need whatever it was I saw, I’m sure the eventual owners don’t need the stuff I saw but damn it I was going to take whatever I saw home. I saw it first and it was going to be mine. I hope everybody I know really wants a their own individual tube of glow in the dark chapstick and radio controlled underwater flashlights with G.P.S., because everyone is getting one. It was me or a lady in a hand painted RUDOLPH LIVES sweatshirt, I and everybody I know needed those flashlights! I don’t care how many of her nephews are SEALS or how many of her kids are part of under water rescue teams, those radio controlled under water flashlights with G.P.S. were going to me mine.


In honor of Thanksgiving, I actually made food for real live people. It was a shock to my kitchen. I stood there and worked on food I could eat and enjoy. I haven’t put effort into people food in so long I had to control the urge to slather the mess onto the table and cut it into dog cookies. I don’t think Dogger would like Key Lime flavored dog cookies, but it would be worth a shot. Fortunately though, I changed my mind and made pies. Good pies. I haven’t made home made people food in a long time. My stove didn’t know what to think. My refrigerator was in shock.

I took an inventory of all the food I ate over the long weekend and did not see a single mention of sand paper. Which is odd, since when I woke up this morning, it was clear that I had done a great job sanding down the interior of my throat . I kept checking through out the predawn hours and drank hot tea to make it go away, but like my annual holiday weight gain, its still there.

Yay.