”Baby, its cold inside”

As I sit here writing this, it’s almost 2pm. I am still wearing my coat. INSIDE. It’s always cold in my office, but it’s usually always warmer by the afternoon. I would be wearing gloves now but they are hard to type in.

And, it’s raining. A lot. Hard. There goes my plan to hang my lights this evening. I was going to just bite the bullet and do it in the dark. My neighbor did that they other day and I didn’t see the world coming to an end. But, I am not going to hang lights in the rain. I am not that dedicated to the cause and hanging lights in the rain could very well cause the world to end, I would check, but I’m pretty sure that there is a rule about that, somewhere like in Revelations. I say a little prayer for my timer that allows me to not have to go and plug and unplug my lights in the rain. Thank you Gawd for the little timer!.

What else can I do? I could start to wrap presents – yuck. I hate wrapping presents. I suck at it, everything I wrap looks like something a four year old did and everybody applauds because “What a good job Johnny did wrapping that all by himself!”, and then everybody laughs because Johnny can’t wrap for shit. I am Johnny, or actually, I am Joannie and by this time no one applauds my attempts at wrapping. They just skip right to the laughing because I can’t wrap for shit. But, it’s going to have to get done. Monday is the lunch and that means its gift exchange day, I will be out of town over the weekend and unless I really want to be up late Sunday wrapping, it’s going to need to be done sooner rather than later. Oh, and don’t suggest the bags. I know the bags. I like the bags but sadly, you can not buy a roll of bags and tear them off in the size you need. Bags are things you have to be one by one for each specific gift and I am too cheap for that.

Dog is really going to need a walk tonight. She won’t be thrilled about the rain but she didn’t get a walk last night and she made my life miserable all evening. I thought that a nice ride in the car would be sufficient to get her tired out but it doesn’t work like that. What I should have done is tied her to the car and let her jog along side. That would be very dangerous and all but I think in the moments before she either fell over from exhaustion, slipped under the wheels of the van or got clipped by another vehicle, she would have been happy about the exercise. Sitting in the car watching me drive is not really the same as an actual walk; Although I would think that any departure for her usual routine would be credit towards a walk, even if she didn’t actually walk anywhere except to and from the car – she did jump over the seat at one point and I think that counts, kind of. Anyway, she should have been tired-er then she was.

The Rain. To quote Seinfeld “have you ever noticed”, that when it’s raining the distance between two fixed points increases exponentially the harder it is raining? The harder the rain in coming down the further your car will become from where you are. A trip from the car to the restaurant could make you rethink your whole stance on eating in general On a Sunny day? You can whip back and forth no problem, have something in your hands and don’t want to carry it into the store? Drop it off in the car! Takes only a moment, Rainy Day? You’ll never make it back in time. Oh, and when you or as it is I finally get back to work after being rained on, and now having a wet coat? The office will still be freezing and now you, or I, as it is, am not only cold, I am now damp. Cold and damp. What fun!