(eating) Alone again, naturally

Three days in a row I had to eat by myself. Well, actually, two days if you don’t count Monday as Monday was the Employee Holiday Luncheon – but since I do count eating with the office newbie “eating by myself”, it does count. This befell me because Lunch Buddy thought getting her December haircut was more important than saving me from this conversation:

Office Newby - How long have you worked here?
Me - ( chewing, chewing. Go away now, bye-bye!) Three years.
ON- How old are you?
Me - Sorry? (Nah, she didn’t. Chewing, chewing. If I don’t answer will you figure out that your question is rude? ask my name, ask what I get paid, ask me what kind of “feminine hygiene products” I favor, but honey, really, if you’re going to get that personal with me, kiss me first or something.) What?
ON– How old are you?


I should have told her I don’t keep track , or I’ve forgotten, or I was born on leap year or I’m 45 or used to be a man, something to make her decide maybe she doesn’t really want to talk to me any more. I’m sure I could strike up a conversation with the octogenarian who retired during the Carter administration and who seems to like discussing her husbands’ prostate problems. I gave in and gave Newby an approximate age while she peered at me as she was though she was looking for cracks in my veneer or my sell by date.

ON - You look younger than that. (still peering) No one would guess.
Me - Thanks. So far so good. ( stop staring at me newbie! Didn’t anyone tell you the story of Medusa? Look away! Damn it.)

Me - So, how old are you?
ON - 21, but people are always telling me I look years older.
Me - 21! I would have guessed at least 32! Well, good for you! You probably don’t get carded often. When I was 21 I was still getting carded for R rated movies. I couldn’t buy beer without a copy of my birth certificate and a note from my Mother. I bet you’ve been buying beer since like, 8th grade. Oh! Could you “do me the favor” get me some beer? I totally still get carded and my drivers’ license is a little fake looking.

End of conversation.

Tuesday went better. I read my book and got a new Sponge Bob toy. I ate alone but I did get a good toy and nobody asked me questions I didn’t want to answer. So, score.

Today, I froze all morning in my office. According to the Official DFS thermeter, it was 58 degrees this morning. I work inside. 58 degrees is cold. I was cold all morning, went outside to my car and was cold, went to lunch, was cold and got no toy and shivered for an hour, inside. No score. I’m still cold, later, I’m going to go home and be cold.

I learned last year that I can either – Have the Light Show or Turn the Heat Up. I can not do both and pay my mortgage. So as to keep my rep as the Lighty-iest house on the block I spend the month of December watching the little TV in the dark, in three layers of clothing, two blankets and a cat. Cold, Cold, Cold!

Last Friday night I finally decorated the tree. Lights, balls, little figurine things, the shiny garland, the whole thing. I have not seen the tree during the day. I’ve only been around after dark and I haven’t had a chance to see what it looks like in the daylight. The no doubt, cold light of day.