Long Days weekend into Monday


I watch Weekend Warriers. I watch them complete little home improvement tasks and I laugh at them. Who is their right mind thinks they are going to rip out their back patio, replace the awning and re-floor the whole thing and add a built in grill in a single weekend? Almost all of them! “Hmmm. I think I’m going to rip out the kitchen cabinets, lay new tiles, replace the counter tops and paint the walls... in three days! all for about $800!! Woo-Hoo! Cost savings! It doesn’t take a “professional” to remodel a kitchen!”, They’re not going to pay someone to do this!.

It takes them about a day and sixteen thousand extra trips to the home improvement store, an additional $1400 and a trip to the marriage counselor for it to sink in why there are people who do this for a living and why they maybe should have paid them to do this in the first place.

Every single one of them is sure their whole project regardless of how involved it is, is going to take them less time to complete then it takes them to finish a crossword puzzle. These people are so stoked by their idea and are sure that the fact they could think of it means they can do it - which is nice in a Climb Every Mountain River Deep Mountain High I Am Super Competent kind of way, but lets face it. If you can dream it, you can mess it up.

I watched one couple replace the linoleum their kitchen. They could have laid their new peel and stick over the linoleum, but no, not CEMRDMHIASC. There is this neat product I saw at the store today that removes the nasty stickum your flooring leaves behind, it also helps you when you are removing the flooring by easing the bond between the bad nasty must-go-now flooring and whatever lies beneath.. The people on TV felt that was not CEMRDMHIASC enough for them and they were going to use their very own CEMRDMHIASC finger nails to do the job. It turned into a mess. It always turns into a mess. Nothing goes the way is supposed to, and after watching as many Home Improvement shows as they must have, they should know it’s all going to go to hell, yet they all think that somehow a six hour task is going to morph into a four minute task because that’s how long is takes on TV. What the world needs is a real time home improvement show.

What has really surprised me is how well adjusted the couples seem, “It’s not “Reality”, I can hear the producers whispering its Do It Yourself”.I’m waiting for them to premier Do It Yourself Trial Seperation for the couples that require more editing. These couples are the fun part of watching this show, who cares about their troubles with the Pergo! how long will it take The Bickersons to kill each other? how many times will he measure a piece incorrectly before she throws an exacto at his head? How many unplaned trips back to the home improvement store before he abandons her there? Some of the couples don’t seem capable of making a joint decision regarding dinner plans much less a joint decision involving power tools.

Long story short, I’m going to tackle my back entry way. I have a three day weekend coming up,I have the paint, the fake bead board, the edging, the liquid nails and the time...and what I don’t have, I have a Broskey... Hey! Ya wanna cut some fake bead board into many little pieces for me?

Call me Weekend Warriorette. Oh, and my new weed wacker is gray.