New Years Resolutions


I decided I should at least think about making some resolutions. I all ready have stated that I will at some point score a tool chest for my tools to live in. I’m pretty sure that they sell them at Poverty Barn but I’m also pretty sure they’ll make me buy one all ready stocked with tools, that’s kind of a Poverty Barn thing, to only let you buy the cheap thing if it is all ready filled with even cheaper things. I don’t need more cheap things cluttering up the place.

I will also refrain paying extra to get a pink tool chest. I’m secure enough in my femininity to not be threatened by gray. That is something else that annoys me, why is it that they sell pink hammers and decoupache socket sets in the first place? I mean, if I or any other woman needs to fix something or hang a something or just posses the tools to do so, why do they need to be decorative? I’m not going to leave the tool chest out on the coffee table and my hammer isn’t something I leave laying about for its decorative qualities. I mean, kill me if I ever buy such a thing and then gush about how pretty it is. And, a pink hammer? Have you ever looked at a hammer? Totally phallic. I’m pretty sure that selling pinks hammers is probably illegal in Alabama. Why do we insist on buying things that look like toys? Are we embarrassed about not being helpless? Do we think that the big strong man who sees our gray wrench will think less of us for having a wrench if it is not flowered and concealed by a wrench cozy?

Pink or Gray? 


Kind of off topic but, have you noticed that “feminine hygiene” boxes are now every color but pink? those are navy blue. If something is meant for girls it is almost always pink ( pink TVs, pink DVD players, Pink jam boxes) but Kotex boxes need to look nongender specific?

If we want to be taking seriously, we need to stop spending extra money to buy “cute” tools. As I say that I think “Hmm. If I saw a pink weed whacker I would so buy it just because it’s pink and pretty”. So as to not make myself a tool hypocrite. I now change my No Pink Tool Diatribe to No Pink Tools With The Exception Of The Higher Ticket Items. If the Lawn Care PTB would market a pink lawn mower, or a Hello Kitty ™ weed whacker, that would be cool. I would totally shell out extra for a pink chain saw – if I am all ready being all butch and useful cutting down a tree or turning downed limbs into fire wood, I might kind of like to look like a life sized “Storm Damage Clean Up Barbie”, while I’m doing it. And garundamntee that no man would be caught dead stealing it. No chain saw thief would ever live down such a thing being in his possession.

Thiefy Buddy – Dude.
Thief – What?
TB – Is that a pink chain saw?
T – I found it.
TB – Is it yours?
T – It is now.
TB – Fag.
So in conclusion – pink hammer? Bad, Hello Kitty™ weed whacker? Good.

I have months to mull over my tool issues. The yard won’t be doing anything interesting for months yet. My outside flowers either handle the cold better than I do or are in hibernation. I came home yesterday to find that the city had finally come and taken away the piles of dead leaves. I had thought while spending the last month or so looking at the leaf piles that the lawn would look better with out the piles of dead leaves, but it doesn’t; instead of semi decorative seasonal leaf piles outside I now have two scars from said seasonal decorative leaf piles. Oh, and moldy grass. Yuck. Moldy grass. Blech.