Wasting away again in Samwaltonville

I went back to Sam’s Club for a record third time this week. One time is okay, twice calls your time management skills into questions, a third time makes you look like a homeless person.

I did have a good excuse, all three times. The first time I needed dog food, the second time I was doing a favor for a friend and the third time I was there for the cheap hour processing. It is holiday stroll time again at Dogster and Catster and my little animals really, really want to participate in those strolls. Okay, they really, really want me to find a hobby that does not include making them dress up in little costumes, but sadly for them, I am bigger then they are and if I want them to wear reindeer ears or pose in front of valentine themed fabric - there is not a whole lot they can do about it – especially if I remember to wear my work gloves and leather jacket and confine them to a small space when I start feeling festive.

Anyway. Back to Sam’s Club. I was in the store before I remembered that I didn’t bring anything with me to read. This is a terrible blow to my all ready pathetic Eating at Sam’s For Lunch On Purpose plan, if I’m going to be seen there I like to at least look like I have better things to do and I’m just on accident there and I was hungry and they have food and, and… They do have paperbacks there so I turned my film in and headed over to the paper backs.

I would think it would not be too much to ask that at least one of the authors I read to have something out in paper back, I read a lot, and I’ll read almost anything. This should be a no brainer, check out the books, grab the first one that looks interesting and move on. It was too much to ask. No one I read has anything out in paperback! Not one of the available titles held any interest to me. There was a slew of pulpy romance novels and their dot com doppelganger, chick lit – Jaz and Jordan talking about Dudes V. Margaret and Lillian talking about Men. The only difference between the two genres is the verbiage, the plots are the same. In Chick Lit, Jaz and Jordan pursue their ideal hotty, talk about their orgasms and confess to their one night stands with hot, but no good, guys, while in Pulpy Romance Novels, Margaret and Lillian pursue the ideal husband while discuss their orchids and confess their luncheons with hot, but inappropriate gentlemen. There were also a couple of Real Life crime titles, a handful of sci-fi garbage and one or two army stories… of course if I was in the market for Khristan self help books, I’d have been in hog heaven – short version of all of them “Are you a Khristian? Get that way!”.

I didn’t find anything to read but I did kill time. I visited My One true Shed – a building larger then any dorm room and better lit then my last apartment, its also larger then my current yard, so we will never consummate our love. There is also a pretender shed at the store, that if I had $700 dollars sitting around to spend on a big plastic box, would be fine; It would fit in my yard and protect the lawn mower, but it’s not My One True Shed so I find things wrong with it, for example, it looks dumpy, the color is all wrong and the poky little sky light will leak… the One True Shed has a gorgeous figure, is the perfect color, has a lovely leak proof solarium and is completely with out fault. I love My One True Shed.