It’s the Home Shopping Networks Fault

I was at yesterday at my favorite Chinese place. They have two TVs there, which is not the sole reason I love them, but it helps. This day they were both tuned to CNN as opposed to other days when one is set to FAUX and the other CNN.

This time we had two CNNs to choice from. One was talking about the guy who killed the judges’ husband and mother and the other (the one not muted) was going on and on and on and on and on and on some more about Michael Jackson. He’s on trial for being a pedophile, if you have been under a rock or spend your TV watching time camped out in front of HGTV – which to its credit, is not giving us daily tours of NeverLand Ranch, but, if all goes badly for him, I bet it shows up on Sell This House. Which would be funny.

Anyway. I waited for my food the CNN people were telling us that Jackson was in trouble with the Judge. He was late. The Judge issued a bench warrant and said he would lock Jackson up if he didn’t show in an hour. Okay. So. I was there for about 45 minutes, it was 45 minutes of wall to wall Where!Is!Michael!Jackson!Oh!My!God!11111Its!Teh!Bad! . In CNNs defense they were not playing Bad in the back ground and we were spared hearing Smooth Criminal as well. CNN probably couldn’t get the rights or I’m sure we would have heard it over and over and over and over and over.

By the time I got back to work I think one of the talking heads exploded. This was in my email when I got back; it was time stamped 11:52am was

Michael Jackson trial judge says he'll issue arrest warrant if star doesn't appear in 1 hour. Attorney says Jackson hospitalized.

Watch CNN or log on to http://CNN.com for the latest news.

Earlier in the day I got this, time stamped 11:16am

At least 26 killed in a suicide bombing at a funeral for a university professor
in Mosul, Iraq.

Watch CNN or log on to http://CNN.com for the latest news

At a quarter after eleven, a bombing in the nation we at war with was the Breaking News, less than half an hour later E! took over the world and it was all about a has been pop star pedophile with a pulled muscle.

I went to CNN.com to see what else was going on in our world.

- Dead school children in the Philippines
- Fatel fire kills 11 family members
- Man try’s to identify images in tsunami photos
- Pakistan blames rogue scientist for nuke sales
- Hong Kong Leader resigns


And this is the top story. If it takes more then actual changes to international leadership, Iran’s nuke capabilities or trying to bring some solace to survivors to be news I’m surprised that Behind the scenes footage of the SI swim suit issue didn’t make the cut – they seem to be all about our more prurient interests, you would think they would have wanted to alert us to those girls tits with the same fever they needed to share Jackson’s dick.

And why is it HSNs fault? It’s their fault we have 24 hour news stations in the first place. They proved that there is an audience for 24 hour coverage of crap. HSN proved that The People will watch 24 hour coverage of the differences in the facial expressions of baby dolls, and if The People will watch 24 hours of slavish devotion to that "Look! this one here is smiling! and that one looks sad!" they will certainly sit still for 24 hours of Where in San Bernardino County is Michael Jackson?.