Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell


I never learn. When you see a co-worker first thing in the morning and they reply to your “Good Morning!” with a deep sigh, do not go on to ask them how their weekend was; nod and smile and pretend you didn’t hear and just keep moving! because they will tell you about their awful weekend and they will assume that because you asked about their awful weekend ( even if you really only said it in passing and out of habit and were just trying to be polite and did not expect or desire to hear anything past “Good, it was good!” even if it wasn’t, or even a quick, “I’m so glad to be back at work!” if it was really bad, or a rushed “It Was Busy!” if it really blew ) that you must be actually curious about their awful weekend and they will tell you in painful detail just exactly how many ways and for what reasons their weekend was awful. Sharing the news that your suspect that your dog as PTSD really becomes rather anti-climatic and they won’t care! and will open you to their derision because you dared to have a weekend that didn’t suck as much as theirs did and you risk them getting mad at you because you didn’t also spend the weekend under the bed in a fetal position whimpering. And P.S? no one cares about your dogs emotional state and might actually start laughing when you tell them. I hate people.

In closing, keep the morning greetings to co-workers to curt nods – these tend to keep your co-workers from giving you too much exposition about their lives outside work.


Do Ask, Do Tell

This tells me that once you drink the GOP kool aid that the brain damage is sure to follow. We all know that Kim Jong-Il is a crazy person, but now he’s an armed crazy person. What to do, what to do? The crazy person has his very own WoMD and he’s mad at us! He is, not to beat a dead horse here, crazy! And he has Nukes! True, Shrub is also crazy and armed, but so far the only Nuklure option he’s raised lately is about nuking the filibuster. What to do, what to do. We don’t have the troops to go an invade another country right now or to go to the aid of one of our allies or even to protect the mothership and the Pentagon has even admitted it that we don’t have the forces on hand that we would need if something really bad happened, like a crazy person nuking one of his neighbors for playing their music too loud or for being South Korea - and the armed forces recruiters are not making their monthly enlistment goals…

Dear Diana,

I appreciate your interest in becoming Local Board Member with the United States Selective Service System (SSS). In order to proceed with this process please complete the SSS Potential Board Member Information Form. On the Oath of Office and Waiver of Pay page please complete just the top half.

Upon receipt of the completed forms, I will contact you by telephone to conduct and informal interview… I appreciate your patriotism and interest in serving your community and your nation by serving with the Selective Service System.

Gratefully,

The SSS for us folks, whose gender precluded them from having to register on our 18th birthday, is the government acronym for The Draft Board. I filled out something online months ago and then forgot about it. It arrived in the mail last Thursday and I looked at the envelope and said “Selective Service?! The Hell? I’m too old ! and I’m skill-less and too old! WTF is this about”. Then I remembered. I mailed my application back today. That breeze you feel? is the draft.