Looking At the World Through New Colored Glasses

Wow. Everything looks so new and shiny. It doesn’t matter how careful I am with my glasses, how anal I am about using only the “right” things to wash them - only clear water, no soap, no windex no questionable towels - they always end up scratched, dinged, and cloudy. New glasses are a revelation.

The new frames are smaller then the older ones that were larger then the ones before them and considerably larger then the frames I got during the big Tiny, Tiny Frame Revolution of the late nineties where in the glasses frame industry attempted make all of us buy contacts whether we wanted them or not, they just stuck ear peices on them and called them "glasses". Mine looked a lot like the tiny specs that Teacher wore in that Helen Keller movie. I saw the style as they started coming into stores as reading glasses and I thought they were some new collectable miniatures or glasses for preemies. Then, I wanted them. Badly.

So, I got some. Paid way too much. I’ve been over this here before. Paid too much, got too little. Blah, Blah Stand Up For Yourselfcakes.

But, I looked so cool (after I could finally see through them) I could swallow the price. It's hard enough wearing glasses in this Lasix crazy world - you aren’t going to get cool - you know what they say about girls who wear glasses and boys? That’s bull shit, by the way, but still coolness with coke bottle lenses is difficult to achieve. You really have to work on your attitude,cool maybe, "cute", the most you may be able to achieve some sort of ironic cuteness when you’re wearing glasses. Frame styles change so infrequently in frame fashin world, that unless you need new glasses , if you are lucky enough you can catch a change in frames so you can at least look like you’ve being paying attention to what is in. This from a woman who once wore bright red frames. They worked for Sally Jesse... Now, I’m aiming higher - Tiny Fey!

Anyway.

New glasses. I put them on and the tech told me they looked very nice. She asked

Tech - What do for a living?
Me - I file
Tech - I mean, do you work with other people?
Me - Yeah.
Tech - They’re going to notice a difference.
Me - Okay...

I looked at myself in the mirror and admired myself. Then I noticed that I had some how ended up with Groucho glasses. I looked a lot like Brook Shields circa 1999. I was taken aback. Brookie circa 1999 is not a look I wanted. I needed to do something about this. I went looking for a map of the mall. I thought there had been some sort of Ye Olde Eyebrow Waxery wagon thing one other time when I had been there. I lucked out they were on the map and they had achieve storehood.

They were open and still taking reservations. I was a little worried, I mean if I had been comfortable being Brooke Shields circa 1999 , I most likley would not be comfortable being Nicole Kidman circa 2005. I worried but I signed in, and they called my name; By the time the woman finished (my brows were so out of control, I was a “reconstruction”) I looked cute even at a distance! I don’t look as though you suddenly grew another head or anything! I looked great. Go Me.