The Concrete Jungle II


I made the decision that my back yard was ugly – I was in denial for a long time: I had these delusions concerning getting a Wetlands designation for the yard but then that dried up, then I thought about calling it a wildlife sanctuary until the big rat Die-Off of 2004, and then I thought maybe I could make it into an arboretum but then I noticed all the trees in my yard belong to my neighbors.

I had to embrace the rather obvious conclusion that my yard is ugly and has no personality.

Okay.

What do you do for someone who is ugly and has the personality of a FAUX news correspondent? You teach them a few jokes and make sure they never go out until the bars are just about ready to close. I decided that if the yard wasn’t going to be pretty I could at least work on its sense of humor.

I decided that yard art or Lawn Jewelry was the way to go, nothing says “Hi! I’m fun at parties!” like a concrete alligator surfacing in the back yard. I made a mental note to go a concrete zoo to see if there was anything that would suit my vison for my back yard make over. That note instantly wound up in a ball at the bottom of my minds purse and then got thrown away when my mind got annoyed with itself for having so much trash piling up in its purse - so instead I started to try to think what I might have around the house that could double as yard art - I all ready had a very charming fence butterfly living in my shed as well as a large tree root that looked a little like a long horn skull that I rescued it from the farmers market parking lot expansion a couple of years ago. Sadly upon inspection it looks a lot like a tree root that has been sitting in a shed for two years and Dogger might eat it. It stays in the shed.

I finally visited my friendly neighborhood concrete zoo to see if I could maybe start my own concrete menagerie.

Answer?

The larger the animals I buy for the menagerie, the more slowly the menagerie will expand – which is not all that bad because the bigger the concrete animal the more likely it is to scare Dogger and Dogger all ready has enough outdoor related neurosis as it is – but, if the concrete animal is too small and non-Dogger scaring, it wouldn't read as yard it would just look like a concrete blob. Sadly, my budget only allows for concrete blobs. The less blobby the concrete animal the more expensive the concrete animal. The very awesome giraffe runs about $150, the way cool concrete hippo is $100. I saw a very cool, very small, draft horse ($125) and a tiny truck ($50) that I also really wanted.

When I was looking at a very attractive, very large, concrete dragon ($250) I started to think I should keep in mind that Dogger might not be the only person freaked out by the scope of my imagined menagerie – the neighbors might be a little startled if a 6 foot concrete cat ($180) and the cast of Snow White suddenly appeared in the yard. This gave me pause. It also gave me pause that everything I wanted cost me more then I could possibly afford and I don’t think that concrete yard art is a growth investment…

But. Yard Art does not necessarily have to be purchased new ( and if all else fails, I can Make my own! and it doesn’t have to be concrete, as long as I can nail it to my fence or attach it to the shed… and speaking of the fence, I have a trash can enclosure that the city rendered obsolete, that could to be moved to the yard and repurposed as a playpen for my heat pump and the playpen could be tarted up… The dream is not over, it’s just been re-interpreted! My yard will have a “great personality and a nice sense of humor!” yet