The Kitty’s Diary


Dear Diary,

There was another cat in my house. I use the word “cat” loosely as it was very small and immature – in all ways! All it wanted to do was hide under my other bed and make whimpery little meows, complete nonsense! It also made some very rude comments about my weight! In my house! It smelled recently female and possibly she may have had a litter. I believe she spent too much time with her kittens because she could hardly speak in complete sentences and relied on kitten talk when conversing with me when I pointed that out to her and suggested she should spend more time with adults she told me to go lick myself! The Nerve! I hope I never see her again!


Dear Diary,

The dog is a moron.


Dear Diary,

If I am in full lotus and in a deep meditative state, why am I suddenly so interesting? Why can’t I just have some Kitty time? Is it too much to ask? Do I grow a sign that says “Please Pick Me Up”, I seriously doubt it. I hate the feeder. I think I will shred her TV Guide tonight.


Dear Diary,

The feeder has changed my food. What does it mean? The new food tastes different. What is she up to? The old food was fine, I liked it. Is she making some comment on my weight? Was this stuff on sale? I can always tell! She bought me cheap food! The nerve. I think I’ll yak it up on her clothes.


Dear Diary,

The door to the dogs’ room is open again! I haven’t been able to properly visit with the dog in weeks! Torment, visit – it’s all the same to me. If it wouldn’t shout at me, I wouldn’t have to tease it.

Dear Diary,

On one hand I got to ride in the car. On the other hand I had to spend time with the dog. Even worse, that other cat was there! I thought I would never have to see it again and there it was – in my other house! I thought perhaps it was just passing through on to where ever it was going but to my shock, it lives there! It was making itself comfortable on my bed! Looking out my windows! Playing with my people! Fortunately, it doesn’t like the outside and hasn’t gotten its fur all over my lounge chair and the feeder wised up and I wasn’t asked to entertain it much out there – I told it was little as it is that a big bird was coming to take it away. I also told it the fountain was hungry. I did this because it called me names, it also ate my food! I hope I don’t have to spend any more time with it. To get even with the feeder for allowing that cat to call me names and eat my food, I threw up on the bed. Ha.