While the cat’s away…

The Cockroaches play!!! Arrggghh! I didn’t even think about this eventuality when I sent Kitty away for vacation for a whole month! If I had only known what was going to happen in my cat free house, I would never have allowed him to leave.

I was only out of the house for two weeks. The roaches weren’t there while I was in the house. The little bastards waited until the coast was clear to spring their assault on the Precinct. When I think about that they are trying to get away with when I’m sitting in the room, I don’t even want to imagine what they were up to when I was gone. Now I know why I left Kitty’s furry butt at home that year instead of hiding him in my carry on. It isn’t enough to set your burglar alarm; you also have to leave a hungry carnivore to wander the house too.

That might be a good at home business! The whole idea is that not only would you watch their house and mow the lawn and all that house watching stuff, you would also provide a cat to patrol the interior of the empty house and guard against 6 legged intruders. I think that would be total protection. Your cards could say “Protecting you against intruders of all kinds.”

The first night I was back I was sitting on the living room floor compulsively whittling down my 11,000 vacation shots trying to fit them all into a single photo album when one of the little monsters walked right in front of me. I couldn’t believe it! I’m sitting there, the lights are on and the TV is going and that bastard walked right in front of me like I was no more threat to him then the carpet itself! brazen cockroach scumbag! It totally ignored me. I at least showed him the courtesy of freaking out and jumping up when I saw him. I gave him his buggy props and he just walked by me. I think he may have not heard me over the tinny blare of his ipod and while I am protecting my fragile ego by rationalizing why he walked past me - possibly the glare from his bling blinded him to my higher on the food chainness… But I doubt it. He ignored me because he could. I still killed him and left the body as a warning to the others.

The next night Dogger and I were watching TV. Dogger is not really into prey animals. Dogger is afraid of all things smaller than herself so she really isn’t with me in my war on cockroachism, another of the little beasties fell from somewhere ( I am going with the fire place mantle because if I had to start scanning the ceiling for foreign invaders I would never sleep again) and Dogger didn’t even blink. If the beastie had touched her new designer chewy, well, that would be another story – but since it was only touching the floor, Dogger didn’t care. This monsters’ chute didn’t open in time and it was on its back trying to fool me into thinking it was a turtle in peril. I saw past his ruse and killed him too. So far the bodies have not been picked up and carted away by the buggy Red Cross – although I prefer to see it as they are cold blooded heartless monsters who just don’t care about others and are just leaving them there out of meanness. I mean, if they aren’t around to pick them up pretty soon, I’m going to have to do it and I am not going to give them a Christian burial or anything and I won’t be alerting their kin either. I might leave them out as bait and kill who ever comes and gets them. It doesn’t matter, Saturday, Kitty is back and it’s going to be cockroach Armageddon.